not a romance
by: like firing

a man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river
but then he's still left
with the river. a man takes his sadness and throws it away
 but then he's still left with his hands.

— richard siken —

So, here's a story. You're a boy, and you fall in love, and you know you're dead. Because you're a boy and you're in love with a boy and boys who like boys don't have happy endings in these fairytales.

Here's our beginning — you sitting on his bed, staring at his face, laughing at something he said. You, sitting on your couch, five years later, the monster you've made staring up at you through inkly pages and excited script. That is how you think your story ends. You're not the villain, but you're so damn close. So damn close. You can taste his sin on your lips, but you haven't even touched him, because he's a boy who doesn't like boys, and you hate yourself for being who you are.

Maybe one day you'll talk, maybe one day it'll go wrong. Maybe history can rewrite your story. Maybe you can rewrite your story so you're the hero and he's the villain. He deserves it. Not because he's radical or wrong or because the curtains over his heart are closed. He deserves it because he loves something like power, and you don't care, but it's not you, so you do care.

You're the poster man, the good wizard, and you pulled him six feet under (maybe years too early, it doesn't matter) and you're such a good person, Albus. The world preaches your goodness like a mantra. So pure, everything anyone would ever want — anyone but him, sitting in that prison with walls that close in like your fury.

Here's our real end — you thought you were never the villain. You thought you were just really damn close. Let's sit through a lesson about souls, Professor. Maybe you'll have to leave, need to find yours. There's a void in your being where your soul was. Maybe that's why it takes so long for you to rot away. You don't need the potions, not really, but you need to pretend you are a good person. You need to keep on pretending because that's what you do, Albus. You pretend.

So, here's the end of a story. You're dead, he's not. Yeah, you were right at the beginning. Boys who like boys don't get happy endings, they get Hell.