Title: For Now
Rating: T
Genre: Romance
Character(s): Ziva David, Kate Todd
Pairing(s): Kate/Ziva
Summary: Wanting and needing are two different things, but needing is so much harder to ignore
Disclaimer: It's not mine. :(
Author's Notes: I don't know where this came from, but it's my first stroke of inspiration in a while and I'm happy with it. This is un-beta'd, so any mistakes are mine.
XXX
Kate Todd.
What can I say about you? You laugh so sweetly and your smiles seem to be made of bliss. You are gorgeous and tempting and oh my god, do I want you. (Yes, I know, Father. I know quite well that I cannot simply want something into existence. I cannot simply hope until it appears in my hands. I know.)
It is impossible to hold back the smiles that light up my face when you grin at me or say my name with that voice that sounds like silk. I want to taste the sweat on your skin and feel your touch dancing across my back and over my arms, lighting me on fire from the inside out. (Here I am, wanting again. Can you not see what you have done to me?)
I want to stop time itself and hold you for all of eternity, wrapped in your arms in your kisses and your enchanting beauty. (And yes, I know that there is no such thing as eternity, mother. But I can always pretend, yes?). More than anything, I want to kiss every one of your freckles and clutch your body against mine, feeling your breathing and allowing your skin to meld against mine.
You have my heart in your hands, and oh my god-I never want you to let go. I want you to hold on to my very being forever, as long as it keeps you here. You smile at me like you know (I realize that you do not, though), and I can feel the air escaping from my lungs. I want to reach for it and attempt to force it back into my throat, but you have me entranced with those gorgeous hazel eyes (Oh god, are your eyes beautiful) and I cannot bring myself to move.
Without realizing it (Why do you have to be so oblivious, my love?), you have pulled me under your control. I need you (Wanting and needing are two different things, but needing is so much harder to ignore), but you are unaware.
Sometimes, there are moments where you and I are the only things in existence, and I want to (need to) grab you by the collar of your fancy, designer shirt and kiss you until our lips are raw and my legs no longer hold me up. But I never do. (Dammitdammitdammit, what do I have to be such a coward?)
But maybe now, this moment, is my chance. (Maybe, maybe, maybe-I hate the word. It leaves too many questions unanswered) Both of us are giggly and relaxed because of the wine we have been drinking, and your lips are so close to mine that I can feel myself growing dizzy. (Oh my god, are you trying to torture me?)
Alcohol blurs my inhibitions and I close the distance between us, my lips fusing against yours as I push you back against your couch. For a long moment, you do not do anything but breathe against my cheek and let me kiss you. Then your lips move against mine and your hands tangle in my hair. (God, you feel amazing, and you taste like sugar and butter and fresh chocolate chip cookies).
I do not want to let you go-not now, not ever. I want an eternity that I may never get (There it is again-want). Your fingers feel like ecstasy as they tangle in my dark curls and massage my scalp. And the way you gasp my name in a breathy half-moan as I nip at your neck with reckless abandon? Oh my god.
In the back of my mind, I wonder why I had not done this before (Dammit, why the hell did I wait? This is perfect). When you kiss me again and bite down on my tongue, I feel myself growing weak. I want to collapse, to feel your body against mine for the rest of time. I want to feel your skin against my own as you press kisses to my heaving chest and place teasing touches on the insides of my thighs. What have you done to me?
There is a fire burning in my hips and in my chest, and I want to hold on to it forever so I never forget this moment of euphoria. I never want to end this embrace, so you do not have a chance to realize that both of us are drunk and this is wrong. I do not want you to leave me here.
But all great things come to an end, and soon you stop kissing me and just stare. You eyes seem to search my soul (For what, I will never know. But it is unnerving, the searching. I can feel you reading me like an open book), and I swallow thickly. Then you push yourself up and whisper huskily into my ear ('That shirt looks nice on you, but it would look better on the floor of my bedroom') and all I can manage to do is whimper ('Okay').
And, later that night, as you lie there so unabashedly naked, I feel lucky (Yes, Father. I know there is no such thing as luck, but there is no other word to describe the situation). Your (gorgeous) hazel eyes are probing, even as you smile tiredly at me, and I can hear the question that you are asking, even if you do not actually phrase it (What does this mean for us?).
I do not have an honest answer for you, so I simply lean forward and capture your lips in a soft, tender kiss. You return the gesture, and I whisper your name just for the sake of hearing it (And it tastes marvelous on my tongue and makes my lips tingle as it slides by).
The next morning, when you kiss my cheek in the elevator (Thankfully, while no one else is there), I smile and feel myself melt at your touch (As Tony would say-I am so'whipped,' and I have only had you for one night). You ask me on a date, and I agree immediately, all too eager (Yes, I am definitely 'whipped').
Maybe I will not get eternity with you, Kate, (After all, eternity does not exist, does it? Time passes, and eternity is impossible) but at least I have you for now.
And, at the moment, for now is enough.