Preamble: Hello Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to another fanfic. Bet some of you thought I'd vanished but no; instead I've been busily working on finishing ME2 again and making a start and drafting a plan for the ME2 part of my "expanded romance" work in which I elaborate on some of the events you don't see when playing through.

This is going to be slightly different to my previous work. Each of my ME1 fanfics were designed to be semi-independent. They were best read together but acted as independent short stories. Mass Effect 2 is a little different and provides an interesting mixture of challenges and opportunities. Of course I'm referring to the fact that Liara isn't actually a squadmate in ME2 and is divorced from a fair bit of the main part of the story until Lair of the Shadow Broker (which has been designed to be played after finishing the Suicide Mission). This has meant I've had to very carefully plan out the key milestones in advance before even starting, however it has also provided opportunities for a variety of emotions that I'd like to bring out through this series.

In light of that, for ME2 i'm writing one story in multiple chapters as opposed to several interlinked short stories. I hope you enjoy it. Quick shout-out to my wonderful editors once again, Luxure and moreeman06 on the BSN, who thought I'd given up on any more fanfic because of my silence whilst finishing ME2 and drafting the ME2 parts. Also massive credit especially to moreeman06 for giving me the idea for the overall title of this ME2 work. And once again thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoy it. Please leave feedback!

As ever this stuff is designed to fit in and around the storyline. It should not contradict or detract from it at all and if it does it means I've messed up somewhere. Any mistakes or contradictions please contact me so I can fix them up. Also a fair warning: this one can be a little sad.

Chapter One: Loss

Naomi grunted slightly in pleasure and writhed a little. She was naked and lying on her front on the bed in her cabin, head resting on her arms.

"Don't move," said Liara, imperiously, massaging Naomi's shoulders and back with sure, deft touches; her hands playing across the pale skin gently but firmly. It had been a long few days and Naomi had been constantly in and out of her armour with little sleep; she was tired and her muscles were tense.

"I can't help it…just so good…"

"If you move I can't do it properly," chided the asari. "But if you want me to stop…"

"NO! Don't stop…just…ugh."

"Then stop moving."

Naomi lay there and closed her eyes, forcing herself to remain still as Liara gently released the tension from her body. It was a month after the battle for the Citadel. She still had nightmares sometimes but thanks to Liara they were no longer as bad as they had started out. Being able to let go of everything once in a while and just let Liara take charge of her, even if it was only in private, was comforting and liberating. Without that release she may well have crumbled under the pressure.

Naomi was drifting off into a contented slumber when there was a quiet beep, an alert notifying her that someone wanted her attention despite the privacy block on her quarters. She didn't react, unwilling to break her reverie. After a few moments Liara hesitated.

"Are you going to get that?"

"No."

Liara didn't respond and eventually Naomi sighed, freed an arm and hit a button on her side table. "What?"

Joker's voice came through the communications system, an apologetic edge to it. "Sorry if I interrupted anything Commander. Thought you should know we'll be at the next location in a few minutes."

"Great. Talk later." She shut off the comms and settled down again. "Where were we?"

Liara was still just sitting there. "So aren't you going to get ready?"

"What for?"

"In case the scans pick up anything and we have to go down there?"

Naomi shook her head. "No point, we've been at this for four days now. No contacts, no geth, nothing. What will happen is we'll scan for a bit, find nothing again and then start heading to the next point. Like we have done multiple times already. I'm getting sick of putting my armour on and taking it off for no reason."

"But what if…"

"Look, I know why we're really out here. The Council is still trying to pretend it was just a Geth attack on the Citadel; they don't want to believe the truth so they send me off on this search to get me out of the way. I can't do anything about it if I'm off on a wild goose chase and there's very little chance of us actually finding out what has been causing ships to disappear. They know it and I know it, so what better way to keep me officially occupied whilst they make up their own story? Besides, if we do find any Geth I'll send someone to tell them that they can damn well wait for you to finish with me."

Liara smiled. "Even so I still think you should take this more seriously. I'm stopping for now. Come on," she patted Naomi's behind and stood up, tugging the wrinkles out of the legs of her combat bodysuit as she did so.

Naomi turned over, her face a mask of distress, hardly able to get the words out. "But I…we…you can't do that to me! I'm sure there are some rules somewhere about cruelty to Spectres…" Her voice was so full of despair and she looked so upset that Liara couldn't help laughing. With an apologetic smile she leaned over Naomi and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"If you're very good and take this seriously for a bit then I'll make it up to you later," she whispered before straightening up again. Naomi grinned wickedly.

"Fine I'll do it, but I'll hold you to that promise. And it'll need to be good to make up for being such a cruel asari." The Spectre stood up and picked up her own bodysuit, suddenly businesslike. "You'd better go get your armour on as well. If it turns out there IS something then I'll need you ready."

Liara nodded. "Right away, Commander." And left the room.

Naomi was just strapping on the last of her armour when Joker came over the communication system again, this time on the override channel. "Brace for evasive manoeuvres."

She managed a "what the…" before the ship lurched to one side violently, then to the other and an explosion rocked the Normandy. Naomi regained her balance and made for the door.

"Joker! What the hell are you doing to my ship?"

Liara ran down from the CIC and through the crew deck as parts of the ship exploded all around her, her armour strapped in place. Crew members were dying all around. She sprinted past the sleeping pods to where Naomi was fiddling with a console amidst the growing fires.

"Shepard!"

Naomi finished what she was doing and they both put their helmets on as the smoke build up became too much to breath easily. She turned around, as tranquil and in control as if it was just a normal exercise.

"Distress beacon is ready for launch."

Liara was anything but calm, but Naomi's manner had a calming effect on her.

"Will the alliance get here in time?"

An explosion nearly knocked Liara off her feet but Naomi caught and steadied her before she fell.

"The alliance won't abandon us. We just need to hold on," Naomi replied, letting go and picking up a fire extinguisher and tossing it to Liara. "Get everyone onto the escape shuttles."

Liara started working on some of the fires, relieved to have something useful to concentrate on. "Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't evacuate." She paused for just a moment and, forcefully, stated. "I'm not leaving either."

Naomi's voice was still as steady as a rock. "I need you to get the crew onto the evac shuttles. I'll take care of Joker." She made her way over to check one of the circuits.

"Shepard…" pleaded Liara but Naomi interrupted and looked directly at her.

"Liara. Go. Now."

Liara gave in. "Aye, aye." She hurried off; trusting Naomi's confidence and capabilities would get them out of this. Running for the escape shuttles through the fire and the fire suppression fluid pouring from the sprinklers in the ceiling she was scared, not for herself but for Naomi. But there was nothing to be done, she had been given a job to do and would do it, for her Commander's sake.

She reached the hatch of one of the rescue shuttles and started to hurry people through it. "Everbody in. Go, go, go!" There was another explosion and she watched in horror as a junior crew member was thrown like a rag doll against a bulkhead with a scream. Liara hesitated, wondering whether to try to help but it was clear she was dead and so the asari instead turned to the shuttle and pulled herself inside, strapping in. The doors slammed shut and there was a clanking and hissing sound as the emergency systems started up to peel back the hull panel to reveal the launch tubes on the side of the Normandy and then a sudden jolt of acceleration as the engines cut in, propelling the small craft away from its dying mothership.

As soon as the acceleration of the shuttle was spent Liara immediately pushed off the crash harness and went over to the window. She watched as the beams from the attacking ship cut through the Normandy's armour like a hot knife through butter; parts sheared off and explosions wracked the length of the ship as it finally broke up.

She felt a pain inside that was nothing to do with the G-forces of launch or the vibrations resulting from the explosion. It was a sudden emptiness and she knew with a sick feeling that her instincts were right. But she had to be sure; she reached for the communications equipment and activated it.

"Joker, you there?"

He was hesitant. "…yeah, yeah I'm here…"

She tensed. "Commander Shepard?"

There was no response.

"Naomi?" she insisted.

"Liara..I…I'm sorry…"

Liara didn't hear any of what he said next, instead collapsing to the floor of the lifepod. She felt as if hell had opened up beneath her feet and swallowed her; her chest felt hollow as if someone had torn her heart out, which in a way they had.

"I promised I'd make it up to her," she murmured, her face expressionless as she stared at her hands.

It was still early in the day cycle and Liara sat alone on the Presidium, looking over the lakes. She had been doing so regularly in her free time since returning to the Citadel a week previously. The survivors had been rescued quickly and treated for injuries; some had made it but not all. Since then there had been little to do aside from a variety of debriefings and interviews which were expected to be finished within a few days. Not that any of them had been able to provide any useful information; nobody knew who the attackers were or why they had attacked.

She sighed; they had been offered whatever they needed: medical attention, counselling, accommodation. The latter was something that had proven useful. She was lost and at a loss for what to do; drifting through the days only half-awake, her nights fitful and lonely.

The waters were glistening in the artificial sunlight and a gentle breeze was playing through the branches of the trees, but Liara didn't notice either. Nor did she pay attention to the people moving to and fro. None of it mattered. She simply stared with empty eyes out across the Presidium; not crying, never crying, her heart was too broken even for tears. She was simply dead inside, everything locked away behind impenetrable barriers.

Objectively it was quite interesting, she thought to herself dispassionately, it was a fact that Naomi would die before she did and it was something that, as a rule, asari accepted culturally. However it all felt wrong, it wasn't supposed to happen that way, not to her first love. Not like that. One minute blissful happiness and the next everything gone. It felt so meaningless…an unknown attacker appearing from nowhere and just taking her away. Not for the first time she wondered if it was all just some horrific dream and she'd wake up any moment alongside her beautiful human lover.

For a moment Liara's sapphire eyes focussed with a glimmer of recognition on Joker and Dr Chakwas who were strolling along the opposite side of the lake to her. Each of the crew had been affected differently. One example was Tali, who had become more talkative and sociable, evidently wanting the company. Furthermore Ashley had lapsed back into how she had been after Virmire, sullen and irritable. They were bad enough but Joker was in a much worse state; he blamed himself, not just for the Commander but for all of it, and kept second-guessing the decisions he'd made. Perhaps the only one worse than Joker was Liara herself, though she hadn't spoken about how she felt to anybody, it was too personal.

The breakfast in front of her was untouched. She had a vague recollection of having ordered it but hadn't eaten any of it in the two hours she had been sitting. Eating had no pleasure to it; she never tasted any of the food and could only manage it when her body demanded sustenance. Someone sat in the other chair at her table but she was lost in her thoughts and paid them no mind.

After a few minutes they interrupted her daydreaming. "Liara."

She blinked and looked over. "Tali? What's wrong?"

Tali just stared at her. "Funny…I could ask you the same question. Though there's no point asking, I know the answer."

Liara narrowed her eyes. "You know what answer?"

"Keelah…do I have to spell it out?"

The asari looked away coldly. "I'm fine."

Tali spoke quietly. "No…you're not."

Liara didn't respond, instead staring at nothing.

"Talk to me."

Liara turned to her again with a sneer and an angry glint in her eye. "What do you want me to say? Something about hurting now but getting over it, because that's what asari do? Or perhaps something about treasuring the time I had?"

"Now I KNOW it's serious," replied Tali calmly. "Liara, this isn't you; you're not like this. You might not be able to talk to the alliance people, but I'm your friend…and Shepard's. At least talk to me."

Liara suddenly felt slightly ashamed of herself. What was she doing? "I…I'm sorry Tali," she said meekly.

Tali shook her head. "Don't apologise, just talk to me."

"I don't think I can, I…" Liara swallowed. "I just don't feel anything. I feel hollow, like nothing matters anymore. It seems like there's just nothing to do, I don't know where to go from here."

The quarian began speaking as if to herself. " 'When lost amidst the darkest black of the void, or amongst strange worlds far from home do not despair or doubt, for by moving forward you will find your path and each step brings you closer to where you must be and what you must do.' " She looked at Liara who was staring at her wordlessly. "A quarian wrote that many years ago after returning from his pilgrimage as advice for future pilgrims; the Rayya's Captain quoted it to me before I departed on mine."

Liara just sat, still staring. Tali continued after a few moments.

"Liara, you're lost. You need to face this down and then you will find your path again. But if you stay where you are, you'll stay lost."

The asari stood and leaned on the rail, staring down at the floor. "Are you saying I should just try to forget…?"

"No," interrupted Tali, getting up herself and standing alongside. "I'm saying that you're blocking everything and everyone out, even your own feelings."

"But I don't feel anything."

"Only because you're blocking it off." Tali reached over to rest her hand on top of Liara's and lowered her voice. "It's ok to be scared of it all, Liara…but Shepard wouldn't have wanted to see you like this."

With those simple words Liara's subconscious defences just melted away and tears streamed down from her sparkling blue eyes. Tali put her arm around Liara comfortingly. More than a week's worth of pent-up grief, anger and misery flooded through her as she sobbed uncontrollably.

After a few minutes Liara was spent. She had never felt so exhausted in all of her life, nor more unhappy or miserable. But there was also a sense of relief, the tension that had built up over the previous week and the empty feeling was gone. She felt awful, but at least she was feeling something again. She wiped the last of the tears away.

"You're right, Tali," she said with feeling. "Thank you."

Tali just patted her on the shoulder and turned to leave. "If you want to talk, you know where to find me. I should leave you with your thoughts."

Liara nodded her thanks and turned away, lost in a whirl of memories.

That night Liara was back in her room sat in front of her terminal. Despite her lack of enthusiasm she had not been completely idle since the attack. She had feelers out across the extranet trying to find out something, anything about the attack. It was difficult, there was so little to go on.

Now, however, she had more drive. This was something she could do. She would find out about the people who attacked them and then…well actually she didn't have any more of a plan than that. But Liara was sure that when she had more information she'd be able to work out the best thing to do with it. It felt good to have something to focus on.

Unfortunately, in spite of her new-found drive the search was turning out to be as fruitless as her previous attempts had been. There was nothing even approaching a lead of any description. Lots of speculation and conspiracy theories but little evidence and less actual information. She even had access to a lot of alliance communication, but that was almost as bad as the extranet speculation.

Liara sighed in frustration and leaned back to stare up at the ceiling. This felt pointless but she couldn't think of a better way of doing it. From the Citadel she was well placed to do this but it was so sparse. She wanted to DO something, not sit staring at yet another pet theory dreamed up by some crazy salarian dosed up on Hallex.

Perhaps tomorrow, she thought to herself, I'll do better after a proper night's sleep. Liara sat up and reached for her keyboard to shut down the terminal. An alert was flashing in the lower corner of the screen, a message in her inbox. She sighed and made to close the alert before shutting down the terminal, whatever it was it could wait…but then she hesitated, suddenly curious. Rather than closing the alert she opened the message instead and started scanning it.

She immediately knew this was something quite a bit more important than anything else she had come across. It was a transcript of a conversation between a Blue Suns mercenary leader and his second discussing a major and legally risky contract. That wasn't anything out of the ordinary; however a few lines in the middle were particularly interesting.

"Hmm…body of Spectre…" Liara muttered, reading parts to herself. "Not sure if alive or dead. Who cares when the pay is this good…what's special about this human…"

Of course she'd heard similar things on the extranet before and they were usually part of one of the conspiracy theories. However this wasn't some conspiracy garbage, it was clearly a classified Alliance transcript. The address had been scrubbed clean although it had an Alliance military signature attached to it; however there was a note at the bottom and she turned her attention to this.

'Doctor T'soni,

I am aware of your attachment to the Commander. My sympathies. This was provided by one of our field agents. However the Alliance cannot do anything on one piece of unclear information. Our hands are tied by the Council with red tape; but I felt you should know. I hope you understand.

Good luck,

-H'

She exhaled, slightly wide-eyed. This…this was a lead. Not much of a lead but infinitely better than anything else she had come across. And apparently classified Alliance spy information as well, this was the good stuff not the rantings of some conspiracy crazed idiot. It was the closest she was going to get to solid information given all that had happened, and was considerably more than she expected to ever find.

Liara considered the information for a moment and decided to sleep on it. Tomorrow she would gather every scrap of information possible and chase every lead opened up and the day after she would leave. It was something she knew she just had to do.

"Gah!" shouted the turian in pain as Liara slammed him against the wall with her biotics. It had taken a few weeks but she knew she was on the right trail. From that one initial message she had hit upon a comparative wealth of information and teasing out and chasing down the individual strands had been time consuming. It had been worth it, however, with each providing a small piece of the puzzle. She knew a few things for certain now; one was that Naomi had been recovered…in some form or another, the reports were confused on that. Dead or alive, however, Liara knew she had to find her.

Another thing she knew for certain was that this turian information broker had an idea of where Naomi was now. He was a petty criminal, a nobody and a sloppy worker as well; it had been child's play for her to hack his systems after finding out that he knew something. His bodyguard hadn't been up to much either and was now lying crumpled in a corner, unconscious; she hadn't even bothered to take her gun out of its holster.

"This can go two ways," she said sweetly. "You can tell me what I want to know or I can make you tell me what I want to know. I get what I want either way, the only thing that your decision changes is how fast I get it."

"Crazy bitch!"

"Wrong answer." He hit the floor, hard, and then flew back against the wall.

"Alright, alright! Fuck, just don't hurt me again."

Liara tapped her foot impatiently. "Well?"

He took a breath. "There's a guy I know. He tells me things sometimes."

"Who is he?"

"Shit, I don't know, not really. I don't like to ask more than he wants to say, the stuff he gives me is too valuable. He's an information gatherer of sorts. Well connected. His details are on my terminal."

She dropped him to the ground and pulled her gun out. "Give me his details, now."

The turian made his way meekly to the terminal and punched in a few commands, transferring his contact's details to Liara's omnitool. She studied it for a moment. "A drell?"

"Yeah."

Liara glared at him. "You better be right about this or I'm coming back for you."

"Believe me, I wouldn't dare."

Liara nodded, left the office and went looking for a public terminal. She had a meeting to arrange and then had to find some way of getting there. Space stations like the one she was on were virtually lawless and full of criminal scum, but there were always a few freelance vessels about she could hire.

It wasn't hard to find a terminal in the port and she threw together a quick message, vaguely worded but direct, and sent it to the contact she had been provided and in the meantime looked up what transports were available for hire. She was expecting some sort of questions from the Drell and was surprised when the reply that came back was only two words 'Afterlife, Omega'.

It was a fairly simple matter to arrange passage to Omega. She had plenty of credits and that was what mattered to these freelancers. In the end she decided on a fairly small, low-profile cargo vessel owned by a rough batarian; ideal for remaining unnoticed. After arranging her passage and fee she sat down to wait until they could leave.

As she sat waiting she looked down at her hands for a few moments. A tear formed in the corner of her eye as she whispered, "I WILL make it up to you, Naomi. However I can."