Disclaimer: All characters belong to some company that makes video games. I just borrow them.
Note: I am NOT a writer. I'm a much better reader. That being said, I just want to let you know that this is purely a time killer. I work a third shift job and the newspaper holds only so much appeal. I started reading these fanfic thingies and thought it would be fun to write one or two. Be gentle if you decide to review this. Remember, it's my first time.
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"Irvine! Irvine Kinneas! Where are you?"
Forks clattered to plates, food abandoned, as students pushed their chairs back to remove themselves from the path of Hurricane Trepe. Conversations stopped, eyebrows were raised, and punch lines were never heard as the jokes died on questioning tongues. Lunchtime in Balamb Garden had never been so quiet. In spite of the sudden silence, light voices could still be heard at the far end of the crowded room. Apparently a few people had not heard the weather forecast. We'll have slightly windy conditions for much of the Plains area, with a chance for scattered showers. But watch out, you folks in Balamb. Expect a sudden chill as an ice storm descends on an unfortunate few in the Garden.
"…Yeah, and here, and here. Yep, and initial here, and that's it! Thanks for showing, umm, your support for our lovely Garden. And remember ladies. We gotta keep this quiet. This ain't exactly what you want to go home to Mama in your report card." Irvine Kinneas winked as he finished the paperwork, causing the bubbly redheads in front of him to giggle and sigh. "Maybe we can get together later. My girlfriend is very open, and we sometimes…" The ginger twins never discovered what the handsome SeeD and his lucky lady did for fun, as another roar of thunder from the brewing tempest interrupted the young man.
"Where the hell are you, Kinneas?"
Turning to see what was causing all the ruckus, Irvine saw students and instructors alike falling over themselves in an effort to get out of the way of Quistis Trepe. Odd, he thought. Most of the time, people smile when she walks up the halls. Or down the halls, for that matter. The view is mighty fine either way. She's the only hot instructor at this place. Wait. What's that in her hands? Is that…oh shit! It's volume 2!
Ducking behind the confused girls, Irvine began his desperate bid for the nearest exit. Crawling through a crowd ain't dignified, but it sure as hell beats the alternative, he mused as he wound his way through a jungle of heavy boots and forgotten crumbs on the floor. Almost there, almost made it, just a few feet more…OW! LEMME GO! THAT HURTS!
A slim hand pulled a bit harder, and the rest of Irvine followed his ponytail in its swift ascension. Attached to that hand was the stiff figure of Quistis Trepe, instructor, warrior, and currently, angel of doom.
"Out. Now. Office. Go."
Startin' to sound like Fujin. But I'll be damned if I ever tell her that.
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Irvine folded his long limbs into the chair across from Quistis' desk when they arrived at her office. Eyes darting from the pacing form of Quistis to her whip on the desk to the box in her hands, Irvine nervously began to wonder when the storm would break.
"Remove your hat in my office. "
Ah, here we go. Well, it's been a good life. I hope Selphie wears that cute little black number to the funeral. I always did like the way it would cling to her…
A low voice snapped him out of his daydream. "When the headmaster appointed you to your current position, I doubt that she intended for this, this…what did you call these? I seem to remember the name of your proposal was 'Off Campus Education and Training'. Not this. Garden Girls Gone Wild?You initially proposed a system of video aids to be shipped to those soldiers who would be encamped for extended periods without access to the latest combat techniques. Now you're shipping porn to those same soldiers. And, might I add, degrading your female comrades." Quistis finally stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the desk, faced Irvine, and listened to his rebuttal.
"But Quistis, these are educational! I never knew that some of these things could even be attempted without kneepads and a hula-hoop. And it's not porn! It's a fundraiser. Those boring training DVDs actually cost us money. I reckon it was a bad idea at first, stupid combat videos, but now we're rakin' in the dough. Besides, those girls are really well trained and they sign waivers and everything!"
"Don't give me that Kinneas! Is it not bad enough that you're filming students? I recognized three of my former pupils in this trash."
"Hey now! I only film graduates. I'm not some kind of sick pervert!"
Quistis sighed and lowered her gaze to the DVD cover featuring a brunette wearing a Balamb SeeD jacket, standard issue boots, and not much else. Exasperated, she tried to explain things in a simpler manner. "Irvine, we train soldiers here. We do not exploit our female population just so a few bucks can be made. We are lucky to have you at Garden. You are a very dear friend and an extraordinarily talented soldier, but you are also the biggest pig I have ever met."
Irvine's face fell as Quistis scowled at him. "But, but…every single gil goes right back to Garden! For, you know, repairs, supplies, all that stuff. SeeD missions are starting to get fewer and fewer. You know that." Quistis said nothing as Irvine stuttered his defense. She couldn't argue that point with him. There had indeed been a significant decrease in the number of SeeD requests. "People just ain't hirin' like they used to. This is helpin'. Volume 1 made over 89 million gil, and volume 2 is already at 67 million! And we ship these all over the…" He stammered to an uncomfortable silence as he watched Quistis tilt her head and smile sweetly at him. It was the same smile he had seen before she would unleash her vicious limit break. She looks just like a cat at a mouse hole. Pretty, but that pretty kitty has very sharp claws. Hyne help me.
"Oh? Shipping them worldwide? From where, I wonder? Not from here, I hope. I don't know how I'll explain this to Xu. The thought of breaking the news to the newly instated Headmaster brought the normally stoic Quistis to near hysterics. Xu was not known for her patient disposition. Hi, Xu! Well, yes, Garden is low on funds, missions are almost non-existent, but have no fear! Irvine Kinneas has a brilliant scheme to save the day. Yes, we just need some cameras, a bad script, and girls with loose morals. We'll be the world's first military academy with its own pornographic fighting wing! Cheerio, Headmaster! "This could be a monumental embarrassment for Balamb Garden and a political nightma…how much money did you say?"
"well-I-gotta-buddy-named-zone-in-timber-that-works-at-a-warehouse-and…"
Narrowing her blue eyes, Quistis tried to decipher the cowboy's mumbled reply. A buddy in Timber? It isn't that big of a town. Rinoa introduced us to a few people in Timber. That's where we met Watts and…
"Irvine, wait. Stop. What was that name again?"