There are times in your life when good things happen. Also, there are times when bad things happen. But this time something terrible happened.
I was there with my most intimate friend, Vodka. He doesn't like my friend, neither my relationship with it but I can't go on without it, not today.
I started to drink tasting that burning liquid and feeling it go all the way down burning my throat, it was nice. What I wanted to forget? Lies… lies about everything, the liar, the punishment that was to come… of something I haven't done, but it was late.
"Gosh… everything was going so fine, but something had to ruin it right? Not a single thing in earth is perfect!" I thought to myself kind of angry.
Now I'm not angry but it seems I'm counting 'till my early "dead" comes, and with each second that passes, a sip from that delicious and cursed drink.
I was losing my sense of time and conscious, but my "reaper" hasn't arrived yet. I was getting crazy, anxious, desperate, nervous, afraid, and somehow guilty of something I haven't done.
Time passes and right now I'm drunk. How do I know? Well I can't walk straight, I can't stop laughing at stupidities and I'm singing with all my lungs, but he knows? Nah! I bet he doesn't haha (and I'm laughing in a complete tone of sarcasm). In my drunken state I thought:
-If I'm going to be kicked out of this place, at least I'll be clean
So following that though I went to take a bath, but when I was "happily" bathing the "reaper" came.
It was time to get out of the shower so I innocently took a towel and ran (as fast and straight as I could) to my room, shut and locked the door, and got the blessed computer on (exactly the one I'm using right now).
Great! He's online
-Hi! - I write
-Hi, is everything right?-
-I dunno, wait! Someone's knocking-
Well "knocking" was a beautiful way to say it, it was more like "trying to break the door hitting it".
-What? - I said
-Open the door! – I heard my "reaper" scream through that door.
I panicked; I quickly suspended the computer and removed the lock from the door.
Then, I can't remember what she just said but I got the idea "I don't want you in my house anymore". I can remember the pain, the hitting, lots of my clothes being thrown everywhere. I remember screams, lots of them, but I just can't remember the exact words only that I was getting out of the house or something. Then my "savior" came and took the "reaper" away.
I started crying and I couldn't hold my tears back. I shut the door again and got the computer working. He was still on-line:
-Please help me I'm being thrown away-
-what? Why?-
-I dunno what can I do? Please help me-
-I'm scared- but this one was never delivered because I was left with no internet (and with no cell phone). No communication at all, vulnerable.
I didn't know what to do, but I was still a little bit drunk.
So if I look to my memory, in that moment I was drunk, naked, scared, hit, almost homeless and dead inside. Yes, I think that's how I was.
What kept me alive you asked? Well I did something I shouldn't have done. Something I thought it was right in my half-conscious state. In my vulnerable, desperate, confused and, most of all, stupid state of mind.
And if I could get a chance to go to that day I don't know what I would do. Maybe scream maybe drink more, maybe nothing, and maybe run away, I don't know really.
Was drinking right? I think yes, because if I haven't I would remember every single and awful word the "reaper" said, I would remember every hit and the pain each one carried. So yes, drinking that day was completely nice.
Do I hate anyone right now? No. 'Cause I won't live trapped inside my past, I'll move forward. I AM moving forward and I'm happy, enjoying every day of my life and smiling as hard as I can.
This linage of suffering and violence ends with me. No one should feel like this ever again…. No one deserves something like that. I'm not going to go and cry because of this, I'll stay strong. I'm not going to feel bad for myself because right now I'm stronger. And if someday I find myself feeling bad because of this I will move those thoughts away and realize that I'm perfect right now.
I think I'm like a phoenix, because I was killed, reduced to ashes on the inside but right now I'm shining so bright.
LIGHT IS HERE TODAY AND EVERYDAY!