Thanks so much for reading! Unfortunately I do not own any of these Casper characters :( Enjoy and tell me what you think!
Keeping
I woke up from my cold sleep the same as always that day. Every day since Kat left had been the same. Always routine. Always lonely. Always empty. Today I woke to a muggy cold sky. Grey and lifeless. Like me. The sky looked sad, looked defeated. At least the sky sympathized with me. I had exhausted my days of depression over Kat years ago, although still her memory lingered when I woke, and before I slept. Every time I wake, there is a tingle of hope she might be there, waiting for me. But today was just another day of trudging the manor in silence, being taunted by my uncles, and sinking loneliness as I wished for the days of years ago, when my friend filled my hours with excitement.
As I floated weary about, I took a glimpse outside again, and saw that it had snowed that night. I shivered at the sight and felt a lump in what was left of my chest. Snow, something so beautiful and so special, made me want to throw up, made me want to just… well… die. Then I realized. Today was the day of my death. Wow. I guess I had forgotten. I looked down at the snow again, this time, envisioning myself on that ice, sledding. What was sad, is that I couldn't remember that day. I know what happened, but I didn't actually remember. The memories were not mine, they were just visions based on what I knew was true. The day was erased from my memory, much like the rest of my twelve years alive.
I hadn't thought about my death in a long time. Actually, the last time was with Kat. I missed her so much. Now, I just thought about the significance of my life. Of my death. Now that many years had passed since I died, I couldn't recall how being alive even felt. All I knew, was that I wanted it more than anything in the world. That, and Kat. A death day wasn't really anything to dwell on. In fact, my uncles usually celebrated it as a rebirth day, when they remembered. They loved being ghosts. They considered the day they died as the day they were reborn, the day their purpose was foretold: to scare the living hell out of any fleshie they saw. Birthdays were forgotten, dismissed as meaningless. But to me, birthdays and death days meant much more. Every one of my birthdays, I used to think about how old I would have been, thought about what I would have done that year. This went on, until the years of my birthdays passed years I would actually be alive. The last one I actually counted was my 100th. After that, I stopped counting. My time had passed. And for some reason, my hope did too. It was strange, but it seemed that on my 100th birthday, the life I never had, was up. The life I could have had was over anyway, and thus, any hope for life.
It had been a good couple decades since my final birthday, and after that, time lost all meaning. Years seeped together. Days were meaningless, until Kat arrived. Days became opportunities, and every waking moment was one worth spending. Now that that was gone, I begged the world to let me cross over, to let me truly… die. But my unfinished business was not complete. Along with Kat, that was the thought that continued to torment me, day in, day out. My unfinished business. I stayed with my dad for as long as I could, until he too passed away, business finished. Yet here I was. Business still unfinished and still unknown. I just wish I knew the business I had yet to finish so I could leave this wretched place. My uncles happily forgot their unfinished business, so they could stay ghosts forever. I wish I could uncover mine.
It was my death day. The day my life was snatched from me. And I felt numb. I felt useless.
I heard a car. Nobody had been here in years, or what I thought was years. Had it been that long? Was it centuries? Weeks even? I didn't recognize the car. I lazily watched as a beautiful brunette young woman stepped out. She looked nervous, and yet she smiled. She looked at the house. She took it in. I looked quizzically at her. I studied her intently. I had no idea who this woman was, but she seemed to know this place. She walked up the stairs to the house. I panicked. I turned invisible as she unlatched the door and stepped in. She smiled wide and breathed the cobweb infested air of the mansion. She stepped into the center of the ballroom and giggled in amazement. She covered her mouth with her white winter gloves as tears formed in her eyes. I grew confused as I floated closer to her from the stairs. She closed her eyes tight and let the two forming tears run down her cheeks as she twirled in the center. I was now a few yards away. She breathed in shakily after she stopped spinning. She started walking towards me. She couldn't see me but I continued to stare at her. She walked right through me and I studied her all the while. She stopped. I froze. She turned around back to face me. She shivered and warmed her arms, in her black coat. She tilted her head to the side. Now we were both staring. Me at her, and she at the empty cold void. She stuck her hand out toward me slowly. She felt the freezing air that was me and she said softly "Casper?"
After a moment I showed myself. She smiled incredibly wide and more tears formed in her eyes. "Who are you?" I asked her, stunned she knew my name. She stopped in her tracks. Her smile vanished and she put her hand down. "Casper, you don't recognize me?" she said, clearly heartbroken. I had never seen this woman in my life. The only woman I had ever remembered meeting was my mother, whom I barely remembered as it is. And of course, Kat, but Kat was a girl, not a woman. "No" I said apologetically. The woman's tears turned from those of joy to those of sorrow. She backed away from me a little. "Casper, it's me" she said pleading, tears rolling down. Why was this woman so upset? I had no idea who she was or why she knew me. I had never seen anybody cry like this before. Nobody except for my dad when I died. He cried for months. It hurt so much to see him cry like that. It's why I stayed. And Kat. When Kat cried about her mom, it pained me. It made me cry myself. And the day Kat cried when her own father died, and when he didn't remember her, I couldn't bare it. I couldn't image someone not remembering Kat, even in the afterlife. Not her mother, or her father. Just thinking about Kat gave me a sinking feeling. I forgot about the woman in front of me. She stuck out her pinky finger to me and sobbed a little. I was puzzled. Only Kat did that weird pinky promi… pang. No. It couldn't be. No. Not my Kat. Oh my God, Kat. My Kat. Tears formed in my blue eyes.
"Kat?" I said helplessly, praying to any god that it was true. "Casper" she replied smiling weakly. I took a moment and looked at her. She wasn't the Kat I knew. But there she was, crying, and smiling her smile, and she was here. Although she didn't look the same, I could see it now. It was her. Her huge eyes, her crooked smile, her rosy cheeks. "Kat!" I sobbed and I hugged her. I couldn't feel her. I wished so hard that I could actually hold her, actually feel her warmth on my cold surface. But I continued to embrace her and I cried into her. She cried too, holding me in the same way.
"Oh Kat I'm so happy!" I said, looking her up and down.
"Casper I am too. I'm so glad I found you!" she said in response. A moment passed.
"What happened to you?" I asked her.
"What?" she replied innocently.
"You… you aren't the same Kat." I said looking away.
"Casper… I'm not thirteen anymore, you know that right?" I couldn't see her face. A part of me didn't want to.
"How old are you?" I asked, my voice cracking a little.
"Casper, I'm nineteen" she said.
6 years. Wow. 6. She was already in college. She was already an adult. She had already gone to several more Halloween dances. Prom. Graduation. And what was I? A dead twelve year-old. While she was 19, truly beginning her life, I was stuck in the mind of a twelve year old tragedy. I turned back to her. She truly was nineteen. She was much taller. Her brown hair had grown into layered waves. Her pale skin completed her narrowed beautiful face. She wore mascara and lip gloss. She wore small black heels and carried a quaint purse. Her long coat complimented her lanky body and her ivory gloves, hat, and scarf covered her long neck.
"I see." I said in sorrow.
"I see you haven't changed" she said, lightheartedly.
"I know." I said a little gravely. That was true.
Her light smile once again, vanished.
"I've missed you, Casper... so much." She said. I didn't say anything. I thought about the Kat I knew. The Kat I struggled for so long to keep in my mind, for the day she came back. I never expected a different Kat. She still was the same, I guess. She sounded the same, although a little deeper in voice. Her eyes were the same, although complimented by longer, thicker, glossier lashes. Her hands were Kat's hands, still warm and knowing, although accented with red polish and rings. She truly was Kat, but... even so... not the Kat I struggled to hold on to.
"I still miss you, Kat... I miss you every day. Every day for six years I've made you a priority in my brain. Every day I woke up and you were there, so I wouldn't forget. Every night I remembered you, and our times together. I never want to forget you, Kat. I don't want to forget you like the rest of my life, the rest of the people I've known. I forget so easily, Kat. It scares me how easily I forget things. I forget time, I forget people, I forget events, and I just couldn't forget you, Kat. Not you. But somehow, in all of my thinking, of my remembering, I forgot you grew up. I forgot. I'm so sorry, Kat." I was ashamed. All the times I told her nobody, dead or alive, would forget Kat, I did. When she came, open armed into my home, expecting my exuberant welcome, I forgot her.
"Oh Casper," she began "you don't have to be sorry. You never forgot me. You just haven't seen me in a while. I've changed... not on the inside, but on the outside at least. I never forgot you, Casper. Or this house. This house is truly my home. And you are the best friend I've ever had. I could never forget you."
"Why are you here?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
"It's winter vacation, and since my dad is across the country working, I decided to visit this old place. I missed it so. I was scared you wouldn't be here. I was scared you guys would have… umm…"
"Crossed over?" I added
"Yeah. Crossed over... are the others still here?" she asked
I nodded with a regretful grin. Kat giggled and rolled her eyes.
"You guys still haven't finished your business huh?" she asked lightheartedly, once again, not knowing she had touched upon a deep subject.
"No uhh… we haven't" I said awkwardly. She noticed.
"How are you Casper? Really." she asked.
"Oh, you know, cold dead and translucent. There's not much more I could be." I said chuckling, attempting a joke. She didn't laugh. Instead, she frowned.
"Casper-"she started
"How long are you staying?" I interrupted before she could dive into my statement.
"Uh… well I don't have long. I'm just stopping by, Casper." She said
"Oh" I said, floating a little lower.
"Hey, don't worry okay? I'm here now right? What can we do that doesn't involve waking up your uncles?" she said chuckling softly.
"Well I know a place…" I said grabbing her hand excitedly.
But before I could lift her feet off the ground, we heard a loud boat whistle coming from upstairs. Oh lord. Perfect timing. Kat scrunched her eyes in frustration. "Ugh too late" she said huffing. We looked up to see my uncles forming a showboat and sailing down the stairs loudly and fast. They halted right in front of Kat and each re-formed themselves in front of her. "ALL ABORD" they screeched. All at once they broke out into horrifying faces and lunged themselves at Kat. And before Stinkie let out a huge belch of green stink, Kat pinched her nose, unfazed. She didn't flinch. I admired her.
"'Ey what gives?!" Stretch complained, ridding himself of the hideous face.
"Yeah who do you think you are, meat bag?" said Stinky pointing a long bluish finger at her. Stinkie let out more green gas and Kat held her breath.
"Show some respect, flesh pile! Get scared!" Fatso screamed out, advancing on her.
"Quit it" Kat said, shooing them away. My uncles were taken aback.
"And just who are you to tell us when to stop scarin' ya little bag of rotting organs?!" yelled Stretch, once again, advancing on Kat. I jumped in between Kat and Stretch.
"Stop! It's Kat guys! It's Kat!" I yelled out at them, protecting Kat with my arms outstretched.
"Who invited you bulb head?" retorted Stretch, picking up my head and flinging me to the side. "And who the hell is Kat?!" They had forgotten. Of course they have. Kat wasn't important to them.
"You know, Kat. The daughter of Doctor… Doctor" Oh god. I had forgotten his name. Oh god, I'm forgetting…
"You mean that Doc who came to exterminate us a million years ago?!" asked Stinkie.
"This isn't that little squeamish twelve year old brat, you idiot! This is a sophisticated piece of woman 'ere… who's about to get scared outta her wits!" Stretch screamed.
"Actually, I was thirteen." said Kat in response to the comment about her being twelve.
"You aint that stupid little know it all, you stupid little know it all!" said Fatso angrily.
"I am" said Kat.
"Prove it doll face" said Stretch, getting really close to her.
Kat reached in her purse and retrieved a small hand-held vacuum and held it up to the three. "Don't make me" she said, finger resting on the on-switch. My uncles tumbled backwards yelling out in fear.
"'Ey 'ey alright, alright already! You win! You're what's-her-face!" Stretch yelled, hands in the air. Kat put the vacuum away.
"Kat" she said annoyed.
"Ahh yes, the Doc's irritatin' little brat" said Stretch in reply.
"You all sure are the same, aren't you?" said Kat, referring to my uncles.
"Same as we'll ever be" said Stinkie with a shrug.
"And just look at you, kitten? You sure are a cat now aren't you?" said Stretch, circling Kat and looking her up and down.
"Quite a piece" added Fatso
"She's nineteen now" I said somberly.
"Oh look it's Caaassppperrr! We forgot you were here, Short-Sheet" said Stretch sarcastically.
"Yeah, why did ya have to ruin it!" said Stinkie laughing.
"Hey why didn't you tell us your little lady friend here was such a catch" said Fatso taking Kat's hand.
"Get off me you creep" said Kat snatching her hand away "Come on, Casper let's go"
I grabbed Kat's hand again and started lifting her up towards the window.
"Leaving so soon, children?!" screamed Stretch as we floated away.
I couldn't wait to get away from them. I was holding Kat's hand. After so long. We flew out the window into the morning air. The sun was beginning to rise over the ocean. It was so beautiful, but all I could look at was Kat. My Kat. My Kat who had grown up without me. My Kat who was no longer a girl, but a woman, and a woman who would never feel about me the way I did her.
We sat on the lighthouse roof for hours. We sat there all day. We talked about her life, about college and her dad and her friends, all of whom were alive. I listened to her talk until it was getting dark outside. I could listen to Kat all day long. She stopped mid-sentence and noticed I had tears in my eyes, looking at the snow.
"Casper?" she said softly. "are you… okay?"
I looked at Kat. I took her in. I couldn't help but smile at how beautiful and kind she was. But I didn't smile for long. "I couldn't remember your dad's name" I said shamefully
"Oh Casper that's no big deal. It's been six years" she said reassuring me
"No Kat. It's not just that. I can't even remember what he looks like, Kat. I… I haven't for a while. I have no memories of him… " I trailed off
"Casper it's okay" she started smiling.
"Kat." I said, gravely. She didn't understand what I was getting at. I sighed. "Kat I'm starting to forget. I don't remember your dad at all. I remember he was here, it's a fact that I know, but I have no memories of it. I barely remember why you all came here. There was a mean woman and… UGH Kat!" I racked my brain for any more memories but they wouldn't come.
"Casper! Casper stop." She tried to calm me down. "Casper I know it's hard. But you can't beat yourself up like that. You remember me don't you?" she said, stroking my unfeeling back.
"I could never forget you. I make sure I never forget you. I forget so many things, Kat. I'm afraid." I said
"What are you afraid of, Casper?" she asked lovingly. I took a moment.
"Everything." I said flatly. Kat stopped looking at me and looked with me at the sun, which was finally about to retreat. "I'm about to die" I said, staring at the snow on hill next to the manor, which was now dark, since the sun had set.
"Wh-what?" asked Kat softly and innocently
"In about an hour or so, I'll sled down that hill, hit a tree, and freeze to death under the snow." I said numbly, pointing to the hill beside the manor.
"Casper…" Kat said, worried.
"Then a few hours after that, my dad will find me buried beneath the snow, stiff and frozen, and he'll cry. He'll cry for months, and I can't do anything about it." I said, tears forming. We were silent for a few seconds.
"Casper, is today the day you died?" Kat asked, tears now forming in her eyes. I nodded, still looking at the hill.
"Do you miss him?" she asked.
"I… don't know." I said bluntly "but I miss you, Kat"
"I know. I miss you too, Casper. But I can't stay forever." She said with sorrow
"I know. I can't keep you here." I said. Kat didn't say anything. She cried and looked at me.
"I knew then too. I asked you if I could keep you, and you agreed, but even then I knew I couldn't. You weren't mine to keep. You have your life now, Kat. All I've ever wanted, was something to keep, something that won't go away, and something that will be mine forever, but it can't be you. You need to live it because if you don't you will regret it so much. You will regret it every day of your life and beyond. You have so much in you, Kat. I just wish I could keep you. Every person I've ever loved, I've never been able to keep. My dad, my mom, and now you. I'm just not meant to. You will grow old, Kat, without me. I'll stay the same until the end of time, forever trapped, forever unchanging, forever watching everybody else move on and die. But you, Kat, you were meant to soar, to really live, and I can't keep you from that. A couple centuries from now, Kat, your memory will fade, and on that day, Kat, I will truly be dead."
"You will never forget me, Casper. And I will never, ever, forget you. You will keep me, Casper. Not physically, no, but I will forever be here, in this manor, where my heart truly belongs. This is my home. And, Casper, when I come back here, whether it be when I've graduated college, or when I'm forty and working overtime, or a crotchety old woman, promise me, Casper, you will be here waiting for me." Kat said staring in my eyes. God, she was so beautiful.
"I promise." I said, sticking out a pinky finger for her to grasp. She giggled, tears in her eyes, and latched her pinky on to mine. It was dark now.
Kat never did come back, and I never saw her again. I waited, though. Every day for a eighty one years I waited for her to return. I counted every year how old she would be, like I used to do for myself, so that I could prepare myself for what she would be like when she returned. But once again, after her 100th birthday, I gave up hope. She, at that point, had surely died. And, like on my 100th birthday, I stopped counting. I cried that day. I cried so much on that day. And what killed me even more what the fact that I didn't even know when she did die. She could have died the day after she left for all I knew, but I didn't.
That year, on my death day, I went out to the roof of the lighthouse like I did with Kat that night eighty one years earlier. I remembered that day. I made it a point to remember the day I promised Kat I would be there, so that I never broke it. I had forgotten her father altogether, I had forgotten her last name, I had forgotten what she looked like the last time I saw her, what I did remember, was her thirteen-year-old self, my dedication to her, and our promise. I sat on that lighthouse and watched the sun go down. I remembered my death for the many hundredth time. I sat and I thought hard about Kat, and about my death, and about my unfinished business. I thought hard as it grew cold and dark, like the same night I died.
Minutes later, a light shown above me. It was so bright I couldn't make out what it was. I stared at it, my eyes squinting at the intensity. The light simmered in front of me to a dull glow, and inside it, was Kat… thirteen year old Kat, smiling.
"Kat?" I asked surprised.
"Hello Casper" said Kat, her voice as childlike and beautiful as when I first met her
"You're an angel" I said to her, laughing
"I am, Casper" she said smiling and looking at herself.
"You're young again" I said quizzically
"I appear thirteen to you because that's how you remember me, Casper." She said to me, still grinning. I thought about what next to say. I had so much to.
"When did you die?" ...I had to ask.
"I passed on of old age when I was 99, Casper, with my family by my side. It was a beautiful death" she said reassuringly. I beamed at her. 99 years old. I was only off by one. Wow. She lived a long, amazing life. Just like I predicted.
"Casper, do you know why I am here?" she said, a little more serious now.
"No" I said, curiously.
"You made me a promise when I was nineteen? Do you remember?" she asked. Of course I did.
"Yes. To be here waiting for you when you come back, no matter when." I said, proud I had remembered after eighty one years
"That's right. And I am here now, Casper." She said beaming back at me. I could only look longingly into her childish eyes.
"Do you know what this means?" she asked, tears forming in her eyes
"What?" I asked, concerned by her tears. She reassured me with a smile.
"It means you kept your promise Casper!" she glowed. I didn't follow. I gave her a confused look.
"Casper, do you remember telling me that all you ever wanted in your afterlife was something you could keep, something that was yours, something to stay true to forever?" she started explaining. I nodded, still not quite sure where she was going with this
"You have something you've kept, Casper… you kept your promise to me. You kept it! You did it, Casper. You're unfinished business!" she said, tears now rolling down her face.
"My… unfinished business?" I said, still putting two and two together.
"Casper," she said reaching her hands out to me, "you've finished it. You're ready."
"You mean, I can…" I said, now crying myself
"Yes!" she said laughing. I laughed too. I met her hands and I felt them. I actually felt her hands on mine. I felt their warmth, and it was unlike anything I had ever felt. A light descended upon me, as Kat continued to hold my hand. I felt a change. I was lighter, even lighter than before. I wasn't empty, I had substance, I could feel. I looked at myself, I was… normal. I laughed again as I looked at Kat who was covering her mouth with her hands, like she did the day she came back eighty one years ago. She smiled so widely at me, still clad in my mother's wedding dress. We were angels and I wasn't a ghost. I had never felt so happy in my life. I remembered everything. Every detail from my life, from my afterlife, everything, even things I wasn't present for. I felt complete. Kat gleefully hugged me and I hugged her back. I felt her. I remembered our night at the Halloween dance. It felt like this, only so much fuller.
And that is how, on the day of my death, I was reborn… and it was amazing.