Disclaimer: Those lovely folks at Kudos, possibly the BBC and maybe Monastic own the protagonists. Hasbro and Mattel own Scrabble, depending on where in the world you are.
A/N: The Muse came a-calling with a bottle of house white and a set of Scrabble and this is the result. My mother would be shocked. I'm shocked. Amazingly this game would actually work; barring the tile distribution, which is a bit iffy. The Q is left over; Chris probably had it.
Thanks due, once again, to Lucida Bright for being the fastest Beta in the west.
Triple Word Score
"D-I-V. Div."
"Div?"
"Yeah. Like him."
Ray nodded towards Chris and started to work out his score.
"That's a double letter on the 'I', so I make that nine."
"It's slang," Alex pointed out. "Or an abbreviation. Both. I'm not sure, but..."
"It's a word."
Ray grinned to himself as Gene made his pronouncement.
"Gene, it can't possibly..."
"Bolls, I don't doubt we're going to get plenty of words from you that none of us have even heard of. At least we all know what div means."
"But..."
"It stands."
That'll show her, Ray thought. Thinks she knows it all.
"Your turn, Guv," he said.
Gene pouted over his tiles, moving them in the rack and glancing at what was already on the board. Ray noticed his expression change and knew the Guv had a winner. Looking steadily at Alex as he did so, Gene picked up four of his tiles and slid them onto the board. Two Cs, an O and a K. Ray smirked.
"Not sure where you think you're going to put that, Gene," Alex said, levelly.
Ray just about stopped himself laughing.
"With these, Bolls," Gene replied, adding two Es and an L and making use of the R in RIND that Chris had started with.
"Cockerel."
"A bird, Bolly."
"I'm aware of that, Gene."
"That's..." Gene swiftly totted up the total. "Triple letter on the K and L... I make that twenty-eight."
"Bonus for using all your letters, Guv," Chris pointed out.
"Yeah, that another fifty points, Guv," Ray agreed, jotting down the score.
Gene sat back, radiating satisfaction. Ray breathed a sigh of relief; Chris's idea of passing the time by playing Scrabble could actually have been a good idea, just for once. It was either that or get on each other's nerves for hours while they waited to complete this poxy drugs bust. Watching the Guv beat the DI was going to be much more fun.
"Your go, ma'am."
Chris was acting like an over-eager puppy again. Twonk.
Alex sighed, frowned and consulted her tiles. Minutes passed.
"Do we have to put a time limit on this, Drake?" Gene asked with some asperity.
"Sorry," she said, not at all sounding like she meant it.
She took two tiles and placed them after Ray's DIV.
"DIVED," she observed. "At least I don't have to look at DIV any more."
"Wish I didn't have to either," muttered Ray, giving Chris a pointed look.
"Twelve points," said Chris, oblivious.
Gene smirked.
"My turn," said Chris, and immediately looked stumped.
Ray got fed up with waiting and went to check what was going on outside. He peered out of the corner of the window; all was quiet.
"Raymondo, your turn."
"Sorry, Guv."
He returned to the board and saw Chris had scored an outstanding four points with RULE using the last letter of COCKEREL. Ray considered his options and finally decided winding Drake up a bit more was worth more than the score. He wasn't stupid enough to try and beat the Guv anyway.
"Vibe," he said, slipping an I, B and E next to the V in DIVED.
"Vibe? It's another abbreviation, Ray. You can't..."
"Well done, Ray. Tot up your points then," Gene said, cutting her off and leaning forward to consider his own options.
"God..." Alex was apparently lost for words. Well done, Guv, Ray thought.
A small smile spread across Gene's features and Ray looked on in expectation.
"Go on, Guv."
"The blank's a K," Gene announced, concentrating on the board, and placing an S, U and the designated K either side of the first C in COCKEREL. He glanced up at Alex with a slightly wicked look. To Ray's amazement, she met it without a flicker and... Ray grabbed at his fag to stop it falling out of his open mouth. Bloody hell. She slowly ran the tip of her tongue along her lips. That was... Surely she hadn't... That wasn't deliberate, was it? Christ. Ray suddenly felt rather uncomfortable.
"Double word score," said Chris, concentrating on the points.
Alex turned to her rack of tiles. After a moment she looked up, meeting the Guv's gaze, and placed two tiles next to his K.
"Sucker, Drake?"
"Sucker, Gene."
"I see."
Chris, blind to anything but the obvious, eagerly placed his A, R and S using the E in VIBE. He grinned at them all; half in pride, half in anxiety that it wouldn't be allowed.
"Very fitting, Christopher," Gene observed. "Five points. Ray?"
Ray dragged his mind back to the game and eventually saw just the thing; using the B in VIBE he followed it with a U and his M.
"Seven points, and that's a double word score so that's fourteen." Chris looked at Ray, crestfallen that his longer word had been worth so much less.
Ray ignored him. He was looking at the Guv and wondering what was coming this time. At least there were no more Ks left...
Gene ostentatiously put down another blank tile.
"What letter, Guv?" Chris asked.
"K."
Ray winced.
Gene meticulously lined up the tile to the right of the first C in COCKEREL. Then a U to the left. Ray knew what was coming long before Gene placed his third tile.
"Really, Gene," Alex chided. "Your language."
"Too bad you couldn't get the F on the double word score," said Chris, cheerfully.
"Y'r..." Ray cleared his throat and tried again. "Your turn, ma'am."
Alex studied the board and her rack of tiles, eyes flicking between them. A slow smile spread across her face. She caught Gene's eye again, her finger tapping the board next to the S of SUCKER.
"It's a shame I can't get the X on a triple letter square, but it's such a tricky one to place," she mused.
"Eh?" Gene sounded puzzled, but Ray thought he looked... expectant.
Alex placed an E below the S with a loud click. Ray swallowed hard. The snap as the X was firmly placed under it seemed much louder than reality.
"Hmm." Gene took a deep, steadying breath.
"T-ten points," Chris coughed awkwardly.
There was a long, uncomfortable silence until Ray recalled it was Chris's turn and jabbed him in the ribs, nodding towards the board.
"Oh. Right. Er..."
Chris opted for the safety of religion and used an A and R to make ARK and two whole points.
"Twonk," said Ray, glad of something else to think about. Bloody women, always causing trouble.
He sniggered as the associated thoughts prompted him to put an N and a G either side of the A in ARSE. He glanced at Alex and got a withering glare in return.
"As in a horse, Raymond?" She asked, cooly.
"More like ruddy women and the earache they cause," grunted Gene.
A snort of laughter escaped Ray before he could stop it. He avoided looking at Alex.
"Depends on the bird though, don't it, Guv?"
"Yeah. Yeah, it does, Ray." Gene looked contemplative for a moment.
"Shaz doesn't nag," said Chris.
As a matter of course, Ray clipped him round the back of the head for uttering such a stupid remark.
"Ow."
"That Sally James," said Ray, warming to a familiar theme. "Now I wouldn't mind her nagging. Plenty of compensation," he added, using his hands to indicate the size and location of the compensations he had in mind.
"Sexy bird," agreed Gene.
Alex coughed in a pointed manner and arched her eyebrow.
"Can we get on? Gene?"
Gene cleared his throat and avoided her eye. After a minute he placed two tiles, an I and an E, between the X and the R of RULE and looked at her once more.
"Sexier, Bolls," he said, firmly.
"Oh." Alex bent her head over her rack of tiles; rather more than was strictly necessary, in Ray's opinion.
Abruptly, Gene stood up and went to check out of the window.
"Fourteen points," said Chris, noting it down.
"It's all quiet, Guv," Ray reassured him. "Jim would have radioed in."
Gene didn't turn, but addressed the window.
"Yeah, I know, Ray. I have every confidence. Just needed to stretch my legs."
Ray turned back to the game to see Alex had placed her tiles.
"Zax? What's that?" He frowned.
"That, Ray, is nineteen points. And a Zax is a type of small hatchet."
"Never heard of it."
"Well, now you have, Ray. Welcome to the wonderful world of learning," she said, smiling in such a way as to make him want to clock her one.
"Guv!" He appealed to higher authority.
"What?" Gene returned and sat down, looking at what Alex had added. "What is it, Bolls?"
"A type of small hatchet, Gene. Used in slate roofing. Done much roofing?"
"Nope. Other things I'd sooner be on top of than a house," he said, carefully keeping his eyes to the board. "We'll bow to your superior knowledge."
Alex raised her eyebrows.
"Bad luck, ma'am," Chris commiserated. "You managed to miss all the bonus squares."
Ray smirked while Chris pounced on the Z , adding an O, N and E and getting his highest score so far.
"Fifteen. Well done, Chris," Alex said.
Ray glowered. After some thought he followed up the G on his earlier NAG with a B, L and A. Alex didn't even seem to notice the slang; she was watching Gene in anticipation. Ray tried to see how the Guv could possibly produce another embarrassing word. After a seemingly endless couple of minutes, Gene placed an L next to the E in ZONE.
"Le? Gene, you can't..."
"French, Bolly. Poofter bloody language, but still full of words. Means 'the'." He calmly finished putting down three other tiles to make LONG.
"Long?"
"As in length, yes."
"Length."
"Length."
Once again Ray had the uncomfortable feeling that he was a spare part to a conversation he couldn't quite grasp. It wasn't the words so much, more the tone... It sounded like... But no, it couldn't be. The Guv'd never...
Alex hovered a tile over the space next to the M of BUM for a moment, as if not quite sure.
"Problem, Bolly?"
"What? No. Not exactly a problem." She carefully put down the tile, then three more.
"Moist," said Gene, very quietly.
"Mmm-hmm."
"I see." He cleared his throat again and shifted in his seat.
Ray hadn't felt this awkward since he was twelve and had walked in on his best mate snogging Deirdre Braithwhaite.
Chris was still far off the pace and proudly put a T, R, A and I over the T and beamed at the assembled company. His face fell as the praise he'd expected failed to materialise.
"Trait?" Ray questioned it more out of habit than interest; he was concentrating on watching the Guv and Drake. And they were watching each other.
"It was on that notepad Shazzer gave me. You know, with a different word and what it means on every page and a space for putting 'phone messages and that."
No-one was interested. Chris deflated.
"Ray. It's your turn, mate."
Ray summed up his feelings with a HIT added onto the S of MOIST.
"Double word score," he said, absent-mindedly. Please don't, Guv.
Gene confined himself to using the D of DIVED to make GOAD. Ray drew breath again.
"What's that mean?" Ray hoped it wasn't anything rude.
"To provoke or annoy, Ray," Alex supplied. "If I recall the definition correctly, to, um, stimulate some action or reaction."
Ray didn't think that technically that was rude, but he was beginning to feel that present company made reading the telephone directory worthy of certificate 18. That conviction was reinforced as Alex used the T from his heartfelt SHIT to form PANT. He felt his own breathing quicken. Please don't let the Guv have an S...
Chris carefully used the A or his ARK to make HAND.
"Triple word score," he announced. "Twenty-four points; my best so far."
Ray ignored him and used the D to make DYE.
"That's not how you spell die, mate," Chris said, helpful as ever.
"Shut it, " hissed Ray. He was watching Gene like a hawk.
Gene made a very deliberate show of putting down a J and an O next to HAND. Every eye followed their progress as, very slowly, he pushed them across the board to come to rest next to the B of BLAG.
Silence.
With an effort, Ray observed in strangled tones that it was a double word score.
Alex responded with a surprisingly tame SLIP using the L of BLAG. Gene's forefinger descended like the wrath of God on the S, under the O of JOB.
"What's this, Bolls? Os? That's not a word."
"It's from the Latin, Gene. Used in anatomy."
"Latin? Foreign."
Alex pointedly indicated his earlier LE. Gene grunted.
"Anatomy?" He queried.
"Yes. It means a mouth or opening."
"A mouth?"
"A mouth," she confirmed. "Or... opening."
"Slip," Gene said, pointedly. "And an opening."
"Mmm."
"Hmm."
Ray lit another cigarette and thanked God that the game was nearly over. Chris dropped a T next to the I of SHIT to make IT and score a mighty two. Ray used the P of SLIP and got ten points for FLIP, desperately hoping that wouldn't turn out to be catalyst for more trouble. He was disappointed.
"WAAF? Gene, that's an acronym."
"A what?" Ray frowned.
"It's a bird, Bolls. An RAF bird. My uncle went out with one once. Very obliging woman, according to my uncle."
"Surprise me, Gene."
"Very good with his undercarriage, he said..."
Alex rolled her eyes and created ATOM using the A of GOAD.
"A Tom?" Chris sniggered. "Don't think you can have two words, ma'am."
"Atom, Chris," Alex explained, with a touch of exasperation. "Smallest unit of an element."
"What your brain is to you, Christopher," Gene added. "Now get a bloody move on."
Ray noted the change in mood and wasn't surprised; this was getting him twitchy, and he was just a spectator. He hurried to follow Chris's TA with his own OW for three times the points. Gene finished up with a tame WOVE using ATOM, leaving Alex with the last go. Carefully she placed an E and D on the end of LONG.
"Longed, Bolly?"
"As in yearned. To have a strong wish. Or desire."
"Desire," Gene repeated.
They looked at each other for a long, long moment.
Ray had a desire. Ray desired to be somewhere else. This was fucking embarrassing.
"Triple word score," said Chris, and the moment was gone.
xxxx
"Gene, you really shouldn't have done that with the Scrabble."
"What d'you mean, I shouldn't have? I didn't see you holding back, Bolly. Moist? Christ..."
"You started it."
"Christopher started it."
"You know what I meant."
Gene allowed a faint smile to twitch at the corner of his mouth.
"Did you see Raymondo's face? Poor bastard didn't know where to look."
"I hadn't realised Ray could be quite so perceptive," Alex smiled.
"Perceptive? An amoeba could have spotted it, Bolls. Just as long as he doesn't realise..."
"He will eventually."
"The shock'll probably straighten his perm."
"It's almost straightened mine. I never get any time to look after it any more."
Gene regarded the neglected hair critically.
"Still look bloody good to me, Bolly," he said, planting a kiss on the top of her head.
"Sweet talker," she muttered, returning the favour on his bare chest.
"That's nice."
"Happened to be handy; don't get excited. Go to sleep, Gene."
"Mmm. Was thinking there might be a few more aspects of that Scrabble game we should expand on..."
"Tomorrow, Gene."
"Better believe it."
The End.