Familiarity Breeds: a M*A*S*H Reunion
A/N- Slightly A/U in which virtually nothing of "After M*A*S*H" or the "M*A*S*H" book sequels ever happened.
"M*A*S*H" and its characters and situations are owned by other besides myself and I claim no monies from this fanfic.
Late May,1968
A white Volksgwagon Beetle with Massachussetts plates passed the 'Welcome to Maine' sign on the Interstate.
45-year-old Margaret angrily stared straight ahead at the road driving while the 5 foot, seven inch 14-year-old, brunette with shoulder-length hair , blue-eyed girl in plaid slacks, penny loafers and a cardigan sweater sitting next to her in the passenger's seat tried to think of something to distract her.
"Mom, aren't you going to say anything?" Margaret Amelia 'Meg' Pierce gulped
Margaret angrily shook her head.
"Mom, did you notice that a car with a California license plate just passed us? " Meg asked.
Margaret sighed
" Don't you wonder why someone would drive that far? Do you think it could be the Hunnicutts on their way to. . ."Meg pondered.
"Amelia, I don't give a flying. . . Wallenda about who else may be going to this stupid. …!" Margaret exploded.
"Mom, I know you're not happy about. .." Meg sighed.
"Oh, since when have you cared about my happiness?! You didn't when that judge asked you if wanted to go to. . ." Margaret boiled.
"It's my brother's grad- ," Meg pleaded.
"STEP- brother's! Am I so awful that you'd use that excuse to stay there an extra two weeks for the summer?!"Margaret fumed.
"Mom, it's not that. Andrew wants me there and so does Dad, Grandpa and. .."Meg tried to explain.
"Sure, do whatever it takes to make everyone happy except for me! Who cares about my. .?" Margaret boiled.
"Mom, if you'd give them a chance, I think you'd like. .." Meg sighed.
"Oh, I gave your father four years of my life in that tiny town and," Margaret fumed.
"Mom, I truly am sorry you're not happy but I don't want us to fight. I'd just like us to enjoy each other before I have to go," Meg pleaded.
"You're right. We can't change the judge's ruling and there's no point in making things more unpleasant than need be," Margaret sighed as she saw an all-too-familiar exit and started signaling to pull over.
"Aren't the shore rocks and inlets beautiful this time of year? "Meg asked.
"Yes, they are greener and not covered with ice- unlike when we had that accident on the way back from your Christmas Visitation," Margaret fumed.
"Mom, Dad had nothing to do with that sudden blizzard or the . .."Meg sighed.
"Can you possibly go for even five minutes without bringing up 'Dad', Amelia?!" Margaret boiled.
"It's Meg, Mom," Meg sighed under her breath- immediately regretting having spoken this aloud
Margaret pounded the dashboard with her right hand while Meg got ready to steel herself to the zillionth recitation of the impending litany.
"I wanted to name you Amelia after Miss Earhart but did your Dad ever respect me? Oh, no, as soon as I fell asleep after I bore you, he put my stupid name on the birth certificate before Miss Earhart's. and. . ."Margaret boiled.
"Mom, we're at the cottage. Would you like to come inside with me- just this once? Gramps and Laramie said you're welcome," Meg pleaded- while Margaret stopped the car in the gravel driveway in front of the cottage.
"Amelia, you know your Dad and I can't stand the sight of each other. I know it's not fair but life's not fair so you have to make the best of it," Margaret sighed in a more conciliatory tone.
"Mom, I do love you," Meg pleaded- as she hugged Margaret
"And, I love you, too, Honey. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me," Margaret beamed while hugging back and kissing Meg on the lips.
"Summer will be over before we know it and I'll be back in no time. You'll see," Meg pleaded.
"I know. I'm sorry I blew up but I just want you to be happy and have a good time," Margaret sighed.
"And I will, Mom. I hope you and Gran do, too, "Meg insisted as she and Margaret broke their embrace before Meg started getting out of the car.
"Of course, we will between what few moments my schedule permits. Now, you get your suitcases and don't give them too much trouble," Margaret wanly laughed- while Meg started retrieving the suitcases from the Beetle's trunk in front of the windshield.
"I won't. Goodbye, Mom! " Meg pleaded as she kissed Margaret one last time.
Margaret could see in her rear view mirror Meg's father emerge from the side porch door with others in his family and was not about to give him the satisfaction of seeing her linger.
"Goodbye, Honey!" Margaret sniffed- as rolled up the window a moment before flooring the gas pedal while waving back at Meg.
" 'All I want is for you to be happy and have a good time'! You're such a liar, Houlihan!"Margaret screamed at herself inside the car while bursting into tears.
Meg could see her father, grandfather and the others emerge from the grey barnlike New England clapboard 3 story house.. Immediately, she wiped her eyes, and swallowed all remaining tears.
Leading the group was her 8-year-old half-brother Henry Daniel ('Handy')Pierce running ahead in shorts, a t-shirt with a lunar map and barefoot who had a slightly darker shade of brown hair than Meg but the same blue eyes as their mutual father. Lagging behind were the three adults. This included. their grey-haired lanky 6'2" father, 47-year-old Benjamin Franklin('Hawkeye')Pierce,MD –(wearing his favorite but somewhat faded Hawaiian shirt, khaki trousers and boat shoes), his wife (Handy's mother) 53-year-old Mildred Lorraine Prescott Blake Pierce('Laramie'-to Meg) with dyed brown hair, a knee-length maroon flowered-print dress and clogs, and lastly, white-haired 75-year-old Daniel Greene ('Gramps') Pierce in grey suit slacks, vest, white collared shirt, black tie and black shoes.
"Handy, Gramps, Dad, Laramie, it's great seeing you all again!" Meg beamed to her father's family.
"Glad you could make it! You're just in time for lunch!" Lorraine exclaimed- as she, then Hawkeye, then Daniel hugged Meg.
"Yeah, and since your Mom didn't stick around, no worries about us running out!"Hawkeye quipped.
Meg looked at the ground.
"Hawk! Could you give it a rest- at least in Meg's presence?" Lorraine gritted in her teeth
"Yeah, why spoil things first thing, Son?" Daniel asked.
"Hey! I wasn't spoiling stuff. I was kinda hoping she would stick around so Handy could meet her, "Hawkeye reflected.
"I know I'll probably regret it, but why do you think Handy should meet her?"Lorraine asked apprehensively.
"Oh, to compare DNA and to see for himself how a dragon can bear a kitten," Hawkeye snapped.
"Meg, would like to see how I've updated my rock collection?" Handy abruptly asked- as he grabbed Meg's hand and started running.
"I sure would! We'll see everyone at lunch!" Meg gulped as she ran with him towards his treehouse.
"Aw, come on you two! Can't you take a . ..?" Hawkeye whined.
"I think the fifth bath of pies are about ready to come out of the oven" Lorraine fumed- as she ran off in the direction of the kitchen.
" I think I'll check on Mrs. Hewitt's bunion after all," Daniel grumbled- as he walked away from the compound.
"The cheese stands alone, eh? Well, I've got things to do, myself you know!" Hawkeye boiled.
/. … .
. . . ..
. . .
Late that evening in the Pierce Kitchen with everyone sitting around the large table.
Andrew Blake wearing jeans, moccasins, and a plaid short-sleeved shirt, had the blonde hair and very same shade of blue eyes as his late father Henry as well as being slightly overweight and ungainly –in contrast to his wiry decade-younger half-brother Handy. Andrew was standing trying to memorize the speech he'd written.
"'. . ..And so, fellow graduates and honored gusts'. . . I mean guests! Damn, that's no good,"Andrew Blake groaned- as he put the notes down.
"It's okay! Start from the top and you'll get it right!"Lorraine insisted.
"Come on, Mom! Do we havta listen to it again?" Handy groaned.
"Yes, Dear! It's not every day that your brother graduates- and not every graduate is valedictorian!"Lorraine warned.
"Mom, it's almost true. Crabapple Cove High's got only 10 graduates this year," 18-year-old Andrew Prescott Blake groaned.
" Being a big fish in a small pond beats bein' out of the pond altogether," Daniel laughed.
"Dad, you're not helping," Hawkeye groaned.
"It's okay, Pops. Gramps has a point!"Andrew exclaimed.
"Unlike your speech!" Handy quipped.
"Oh, where do you get that from?" Lorraine groaned while glaring at Hawkeye.
"Go on, Andrew. I'd like to hear it," Meg exclaimed.
"Yeah, right," Handy quipped.
"Young man, if you don't . .. " Lorraine started to warn when the phone rang.
"I'll get that!" Hawkeye exclaimed as he bound for the phone.
"Drs. Daniel and B.F. Pierce Family Residence, Dr. B.F. Pierce speaking," Hawkeye exclaimed.
"Pierce, I'd like to speak to," Margaret started to say on the other end of the phone.
"Which Pierce do you want to speak to, Madame?"Hawkeye smirked in an extra smarmy tone.
"Pierce, you know-" Margaret groaned.
"There's Dr. Daniel Webster Pierce," Hawkeye exclaimed.
"Pierce- "Margaret fumed.
"Yep, Madame. That's the name. There's also Dr. Benjamin Franklin Pierce, Mrs. Lorraine Blake Pierce. . ." Hawkeye said with extra relish.
"Amelia! I want to speak to Amelia," Margaret boiled.
"Oh, I 'm sorry, Madame. There's no here who goes by that name, "Hawkeye smirked.
"Dad, could I please speak to Mom?" Meg pleaded in a whisper.
"I can't understand you'd want to but, if you insist, Honey," Hawkeye groaned while giving the receiver to Meg.
"Hello, Mom," Meg proclaimed.
"Is that all you have to say after I had to endure yet another insufferable, idiotic phone prank just to speak to you?" Margaret fumed.
"How was the drive home? " Meg asked.
" I got stuck behind a cattle truck all the from the Maine state line to the Massachusetts Turnpike- and the air conditioning drew it all right inside but, since it was 80 degrees out with 100 percent humidity, I couldn't roll the window down!" Margaret boiled.
"Sorry. So how's Gran?" Meg started to ask.
"Oh ,yeah! Enough about me! What am I thinking?" Margaret sarcastically screamed.
"See what I had to put up with for four years?" Hawkeye stage whispered to Lorraine who immediately shushed him.
"Um, Mom why have you called?" Meg asked.
"Is it a crime for a mother to want to make sure her only child's doing okay?" Margaret asked.
"No, Mom. It isn't and I'm fine, thanks," Meg sighed.
" Well, you go have you fun with your Dad, Grandpa and . .. the others," Margaret insisted.
"OK, Mom are you sure you don't want to. .. ?" Meg asked before Margaret hung up the phone.
. . ..
. .. .
. . .
At that moment in Boston,70-year old Marie Walewska Houlihan came into her daughter's bedroom.
"Margaret, how was Meg?" Marie asked.
"Oh, fine with her galavanting in Maine. Couldn't care less about how . ..!" Margaret sniffed.
"That's enough, Dear! You're being too hard on the girl!" Marie scolded.
" Fine why should I expect my own mother to take my side when no one else is?" Margaret fumed.
"Margaret, I know that things aren't pleasant between you and Hawkeye but you shouldn't take it out on. .." Marie fumed.
"I'm not taking anything out on her! I just hate how they've put her up to trying give them the satisfaction of groveling me at that. .. thing tomorrow," Margaret boiled.
"You mean Andrew Blake's high school graduation? How is going to see Meg's stepbrother graduating groveling?"Marie asked.
"You know why! That means I'd have to play nice with. . .her and all of Backwater Ditch, Maine watching. How dare they! "Margaret boiled.
"Margaret, can you forget for one moment that he's your ex's wife's son and consider that he's also Lt. Blake's son whom he never got meet and that he's always done right by Meg?"Marie asked.
"Mom, in a few hours, I'm due back at the hospital to cover for the Night Shift Supervisor who switched with me today. Can you just drop it so I can get some rest?" Margaret asked.
"OK, but don't think I don't see behind your armor- and have no idea why you're using breath mints more often these days!"Marie fumed.
. .. ..
. . … The next morning at Crabapple Cove High School Auditorium.
"That's the last load, Mom!"Handy opined- as he, Meg, Daniel and Hawkeye were each placing a large tray of cakes onto the large serving tables while Lorraine was putting extra ice into the large punch bowl containing green sherbet, lime punch.
"Henry Daniel Pierce! Don't you dare undo that knot!"Lorraine( in her Sunday best blue dress suit along with her pearl necklace and sapphire ear rings) scolded as she struggled to retie his tie while straightening out his suit jacket.
"But Mom, it's hot and. .." Handy whined.
"And can't you keep shoes on long enough to see your brother graduate?" Lorraine groaned.
"But it won't start for another hour!" Handy pleaded.
"I don't want everyone thinking I haven't raised presentable sons. Now keep this tie tied and find your shoes pronto!" Lorraine insisted.
"Yes, Mom," Handy groaned.
Immediately, Miss Agatha Northwood (aged 63)- Crabapple Cove High's principal of 40 years walked up to the refreshment table.
"Mrs. Pierce, we need to make room for more folding chairs so could you have this table moved ten feet back?" Miss Northwood asked.
Lorraine nodded and looked at the others.
At that Daniel, Hawkeye, and Meg collectively groaned at the thought of having to move that large rectangular table loaded with 40 cakes, 20 pies, two punchbowls, hundreds of cookies and countless cups and snack plates.
At that moment, Andrew Blake came from behind the stage curtain in his cap and gown and made a mad dash for the table.
"Mom, could I. ..?" Andrew asked.
"You'll do nothing of the sort. It's your graduation and I won't have you work on your day!"Lorraine proclaimed.
"But. ." Andrew begged.
"Don't worry about it, Sport. We got it covered. Now go back and do some last minute high school bull sessions and flirting like I did back then,"Hawkeye (in his most formal black suit- along with his cowboy hat) insisted.
"Dr. and Mrs. Pierce, I think Andrew has something he'd like to . . ."Miss Northwood interjected.
"It can wait! Right now we just need to soak in the moment," Hawkeye insisted.
"Yeah, Pops, Mom, Gramps and Meg. That's it! Uh. Well, I'll see you in a bit," Andrew insisted while Hawkeye and Lorraine hugged him.
At that moment, Handy ran back to the rest of his family with tie tied and shoes back on.
"Miss Northwood, could you please take a picture of all of us? The button's to the left of the viewfinder, "Lorraine pleaded.
"Of course, Mrs. Pierce. I just want to say that as proud as our school has been to have your son attend, I hope you will be even prouder of him afterwards!" Miss Northwood insisted as she took the picture of the four Pierces with Andrew Blake.
"Hawk, he has that same gawky look Henry did when he first noticed me. Do you think he's found someone?"Lorraine asked- in a whisper.
"I'm not sure if there's anyone special but he does seem to be trying to keep something under his cap the way Henry did," Hawkeye whispered back.
"Have I told you how lucky I feel to have found someone who not only loves me and my children but even Henry's memory?" Lorraine asked while kissing Hawkeye.
"I just hope the others show their love for that memory," Hawkeye sighed.
"Ahem!" 50-year-old John Mulcahy in a very black suit said with a start- as he came up from behind Hawkeye.
"Really, Father, your timing was always bad- even worse than Dad's," Hawkeye half-laughed.
"Hey! " Daniel snapped.
"Father Mulcahy! You made it!" Andrew exclaimed.
"Of course, My Boy! I've kept up with you and your family this long, I can't take another path now," John Mulcahy exclaimed.
"It's great seeing you, again, Father! Why don't you have a seat and. .?" Lorraine started to ask.
"Where's your collar?" Handy piped up.
"Handy! That's not polite to ask," Meg pleaded in a whisper.
"Still innocent as a dove but as cunning as a serpent. It's okay, Dears. Handy's right. I'm no longer a Father," John Mulcahy sighed.
"What?!" Hawkeye, Daniel, Lorraine and Meg all shouted aghast.
" I'm here to celebrate Andrew's achievement as well as honor Colonel Blake's memory so I don't want dampen anyone's spirits by what's transpired with me," John Mulcahy groaned.
"Well, priesthood or not, you'll always be a Father to me," Hawkeye declared.
"So, who else is due here?" John Mulcahy asked.
"Well, there's. . .."Hawkeye started to say.
"Nana! You made it!" Andrew exclaimed.
"Of course. I wouldn't miss my only grandson's graduation for anything," declared the silver-haired Mrs. Margaret Brakemore Blake(aged 80) in a formal grey suit dress,black grey pumps, support hose- along with a fox stole with glass eyes- as she and Andrew hugged.
"Nana , I hope you weren't too exhausted on the airplane ride," Andrew proclaimed.
"Not in the least! But why couldn't you have sent someone else to pick me up at the airport?" Nana Blake sniffed.
"We told you, Margaret ! Lorraine was busy finishing the last touches of the graduation snacks, Hawkeye took the entire day off so he could be free for this and I've been on call the entire time with that stupid pager in my vert pocket covering for him," Daniel explained- as he took out the large pager out.
"I wish someone could have covered for Phil," Nana Blake sneered.
"Phil, Mrs. Blake?" John Mulcahy asked.
"Andrew's uncle and Henry's brother," Hawkeye explained.
"Nana Blake, I perfectly understand why he and Susan couldn't make it. He couldn't very well leave the prison while it's rioting," Lorraine exclaimed.
"You'd think those prisoners would understand that their warden's only nephew has only one high school graduation, "Nana Blake harrumphed.
"That may be why they're in prison," Hawkeye opined.
"Serves them right for making their warden miss Andrew's graduation! Where are the girls?" Nana Blake asked.
" Adam had to have a tonsillectomy last night," Lorraine explained.
"Is my great-grandson going to be okay?" Nana Blake asked with a gasp.
"He's fine now but that means that Molly has to stay with him while Jeffrey's taking care of Baby Sally. And, would you believe that Jane's been sequestered three days and counting for Jury Duty in Pittsburgh," Lorraine groaned.
"I'm afraid things aren't much better with the Brakemore Sisters," Nana Blake sniffed.
"The Brakemore Sisters?" John Mulcahey asked.
"Henry's aunts and Nana's sisters," Lorraine quickly explained.
"Older sisters and maiden aunts! I'm the only one of us who had the looks and polish to land a husband," Nana Blake smirked.
"So, where are the old dears?" John Mulcahy asked.
"Phoebe says she couldn't go on the airplane on account of hemorroids flaring up," Nana Blake sniffed.
"Nana, you can't fault Aunt Phoebe for that!" Lorraine gasped.
"She also claims that why she can't go to church but funny thing is that somehow she's never had a flareup during bingo nights!" Nana said triumpantly.
"And what about Great-Aunt Phyllis?" Andrew asked.
"Oh, she's convinced that this will be her weekend to solo in the church choir- even though she's been in that choir 50 years and they still do their dernedest to drown out her caterwauling!" Nana Blake sniffed.
"Nana Blake, did you remember my toffee bar?"Handy asked.
"Handy, not before lunch. You know how wired you get when. ." Lorraine tried to warn.
"Nonsense. It's a tradition I gave the children toffee first thing and I'm not about to change it. Besides, you've made enough empty calories here to launch a battleship," Nana Blake insisted as she took out three homemade toffee bars wrapped in wax paper from her black purse and handed them out to Handy, Meg then Andrew.
"Andrew, weren't you going to tell us something?" Lorraine asked.
"Nana. How about I give you a quick tour of the school before the ceremony?" Andrew quickly asked.
"And you go have her meet Rhonda!" Handy piped up.
"Is Rhonda his sweetie?" Nana Blake asked.
"Nana, we've just gone out a few times and. .." Andrew said with a blush.
"Oh, yeah, he's fallen for her bad," Meg laughed.
"Now, Nana Blake, they're just kids and there's no point in assuming that. ." Hawkeye tried to warn.
"That's what Phillip,Senior said about Susan when Phil started seeing her- and they wound up eloping before I met her. I could have told him she didn't have childbearing hips," Nana Blake groaned.
"Handy, Meg, would you give Nana Blake the tour so we could ask Andrew?" Lorraine started to ask.
"Nana, right this way!" Andrew insisted as he took Nana Blake by the hand away from the rest of the family.
"But. .."Hawkeye tried to plead.
"Let it go, Son. No point in forcing the issue now,"Daniel sighed.
"Hawkeye, what do you think could have happened to Nana Blake's escorts? They should have had plenty of time to park the. .." Lorraine pondered.
"Mom, Dad, Gramps! There's a large crowd clustered in the parking lot- and it's Uncle Radar carrying a cage- and Aunt Klinger," Handy laughed when looking out the window while Hawkeye and Lorraine saw the sight and groaned.
"Radar's carrying Klinger in a cage?"John Mulcahy gasped.
"No, but Klinger might as well be in one," Hawkeye groaned- as they saw Radar wearing his Korean War Corporal's Dress Uniform- and Klinger wearing a bright red and white kimono-gown dress and brass necklace with heels.
"Son, I thought you said that Mr. Section Eight quit all that nonsense after Dr. O'Reilly left," Daniel sighted
"I see Old Lady Northwood's trying to keep the party smaller. We'd better see what we can do about Klinger," Hawkeye sighed as he, Lorraine, Meg and Daniel followed Handy outside to the Auditorium parking lot.
"Sir- or Madame! I don't care if you have an invitation. You CANNOT attend our graduation in that monstrosity," Miss Northwood thundered to Klinger.
"But it's important! It's something in honor of the Valedictorian's late father!" Klinger insisted.
"Aw, come on, ma'am! He won't hurt anything," Radar pleaded.
"And you are not to bring that . .. beast into the building!" Miss Northwood boiled while pointing to Radar's cage-containing a skunk!
"Rover's no beast. He's a present. A companion for one of your graduates making his own way in the world!"Radar begged.
"Miss Northwood, what seems to be the problem?" Hawkeye asked to the laughs of the large group of attendees clustered in the parking lot.
"Oh, Doctor Benjamin Pierce, I should have known this motley crew was connected to you! The countless pranks you pulled during your time- and I don't even want to go into your own graduation ceremony," Miss Northwood sniffed.
"Oh, come on it was brilliant! "Hawkeye laughed.
"Hawkeye, getting into an argument with Miss Northwood's not the way to get her to relent forbidding Klinger, Radar and Radar's gift," Lorraine sighed.
"Thank you, Mrs. Pierce, ma'am!" Radar beamed.
"That thing has had its glands removed, right?" Lorraine asked.
"Of course, ma'am! I did it myself!" Radar pleaded.
"And has this individual had his glands removed?" Miss Northwood sniffed- pointing to Klinger.
"Hey! Watch it! I've been married almost fifteen years and sired two teen boys! "Klinger boiled.
"Pardon me, ma'am but recalling Scripture even He spent time with prostitutes and moneychangers. Unusual people and unusual pets are part of the larger world you've prepared your graduating students for, "John Mulcahy pleaded.
"Oh, all right, Dr. and Mrs. Pierce, you win but if any of your guests cause any trouble, you'd better treat the football team's game injuries free of charge for the next year!" Miss Northwood thundered- as she stormed off.
"Well done, Father. .er John,"Hawkeye beamed as he shook John Mulcahy's hand.
"They can take the cleric out of the cloth but they can't take the cloth out of the cleric!" John Mulcahy sighed.
"Oh, that's where everyone went to! See what I had to ride with all the way from the Portland Airport?" Nana Blake laughed as she and Andrew came out from the Auditorium.
"Uncle Klinger! You showed me enough photos of yourself in dresses for me to believe you, you didn't have to. ." Andrew Blake said with a gasp.
"I know but it's important to me that this time I did. Anyway, your Aunt Soon-Li sends her love. She couldn't make it because both Sherm and Reilly are in Saturday Detention- again!"Klinger half-laughed.
"Speaking of Sherman. Is Colonel Potter due . .. ?" John Mulcahy asked.
"No, he's become a recluse in Hannibal ever since Mrs. Potter got her reward last year,"Radar sighed.
"Yeah, but where's everyone else?"Hawkeye boiled.
"Hawk, please don't start now about Margaret,"Lorraine pleaded while Meg had her head cast down.
"Yeah, you virtually egged her NOT to come," Daniel added.
"I meant Beej, Charles,Trapper and Nurse Kelly" Hawkeye fumed- while the entire groups
"Gee, sir. You can't expect Nurse Kelly to drop everything in Honolulu just to get here. She's been running that free clinic for ages- and Major Winchester never knew Colonel Blake nor did Captain Hunni. .."Radar tried to explain.
"Yeah, yeah! Charles is too far away outsnubbing the French in Paris to get here and even though he named his kid Hawk after me, we haven't so much as gotten a Christmas card from the Hunnicuts in two years- and Trapper's been too yellow to want to ever face me!" Hawkeye boiled.
"Now, you don't know that. I called the Hunnicutts just last month and Peg said B.J. was too busy making housecalls,"Lorraine pleaded.
"She's been saying that every time we've called for two years. There's something not right about that- about any of this. With that mess in Vietnam, President Kennedy's murder four years back and Reverend King's murder just last month, the world's going into a sausage grinder faster than you can grind it –and yet no one can be here to share what little good news there is," Hawkeye fumed.
"Andrew, are you sure you don't want to share something with us before the ceremony?"Lorraine pleaded.
"Laramie, maybe it's not the right time," Meg considered.
"Andrew Blake get in here!" a redheaded girl named Rhonda Thompkins pleaded.
"I guess it's about time for the ceremony to start," Daniel gulped.
". ..Ross Elliot Ziffel- and now for the Crabapple High Valedictorian of 1968, Andrew Prescott Blake!" Miss Endicott beamed as Andrew walked up to the podium to the loud applause of the auditorium while she handed him his diploma as the entire audience rose to its feet (with Hawkeye, Klinger and Radar all saluting Andrew while Lorraine took a picture.)
At that very moment, two new arrivals snuck in the folded chairs behind the Pierces- Dr. Sidney and Mrs. Frieda Freeman.
"I hope you can see this, Henry," Hawkeye whispered to himself.
"Mom, Pops, Gramps, Handy, Meg, Nana, Miss Northwood, teachers, fellow classmates, dear guests and fellow Crabapple Cove citizens. I just want to thank everyone for how much you made me, Mom and Jane part of your community these past ten years. I never knew my real father, Doctor Henry Blake but Mom kept us together using her cooking to put keep the roof over our heads in Bloomington with her Laramie's Catering Business. Some neighborhood kid called her that and it stuck. More importantly, I never knew how tough it must have been for her to raise us solo while trying to provide for us! Then, came the day we had to leave the only home I ever knew to come here. It could have been scary but Mom and Pops encouraged Jane and me to think of it as a great adventure ! And everything from lobsters battling my toes to Nor'easters to having Mom bear Handy the same time Molly made her a grandmother to Handy being Handy, it's been an unforgettable adventure I'd do every minute of all over again! Pops and Gramps took me under their wings and made me part of the Pierce family from the start. And now the time has come for me to help others know they're safe the way Mom, Pops and Gramps always made me feel so that's why I've joined the National Guard. Thank you," Andrew concluded with a gulp before leaving the podium with rather strained and barely polite applause.
"Andrew, I want you to know how proud I'm sure your father would have been," a whisper came from the back of the curtain behind.
"Miss Houlihan? Meg's mother?" Andrew whispered.
"Look, I came for my daughter's sake as well as your late father's and I'll write her about it but I can't stay around here!" Margaret exclaimed as she handed him a large fedora.
"Whoa! I don't know what to say. It makes me look like Al Capone. Thanks!" Andrew half-laughed- as he held it up
"This is identical to the one your father wore the last time. ..he spoke to us. Now, wear this hat well," Margaret whispered as she hugged him, kissed him on the cheek then hastily exited the backstage, then the auditorium itself before anyone else who recognized her saw her.
"Hawkeye. .." Lorraine sighed as she clutched his hand.
"I can't believe he'd do that to you! To Henry! To ME!" Hawkeye boiled.
"Please, calm down and don't make a scene here, Son!" Daniel pleaded.
"Oh, yeah, we can't let the neighbors think that I actually care what happens to the boy we raised from age eight!" Hawkeye fumed.
"Hawkeye, are you going to dump on him the way you did on me when I thought about staying instead of returning to the Ottumwa?" Radar gasped.
"Maybe you should have gotten him a puppy instead of a skunk," Klinger shrugged.
"Oh, yeah. GREAT time for a joke Mr. All Dressed Up for a Joke on Andrew's Graduation!" Hawkeye seethed.
"Hey! This was no joke! You have no idea what kinda. . .moxie it take for a man to run around in a kimono going to a small town. If you recall this is exactly the outfit I wore when we saw off Colonel Blake, "Klinger pleaded.
"So, that's it. That's quite touching you'd give Andrew a partial glimpse of what Henry last saw of the 4077th," Lorraine gulped.
"Oh, yeah. Like I want him to have a last sight before he's even eligible to vote,"Hawkeye snarled.
"Hawkeye, it may not be what you and Lorraine want for the boy but it's what he feels in his heart he must do to be true to himself," John Mulcahy pleaded.
"True to himself? Lorraine, do you ever notice the way Andrew tilts his head when he's trying to muster confidence or tries to look serious when he's cracking up inside? He never got to meet Henry but he's got so much of Henry in him. I can't bear to lose him again!" Hawkeye started to cry.
"Benjamin, it's his way of honoring Henry- of all of us!" Nana Blake pleaded.
"Nana Blake, you knew didn't you?!" Hawkeye snapped.
"Well, yes he told me weeks ago," Nana Blake sighed.
"And before you go off on her, he told me last week,"Daniel sighed.
"And me last night," Meg piped up.
"Hawkeye, I swear, this is the first I've heard of it," Lorraine pleaded.
"Oh, yeah, I believe you! Let's keep Pops in the dark so he won't fly off the handle and do something like try to stop him from throwing away his life and he knew you or Handy would have told me," Hawkeye boiled-as he started to charge towards the backstage of the auditorium.
"Hawkeye, please don't ruin Andrew's day!"Radar begged.
"Why don't you go back and treat some tadpoles or something? Doctor O'Reilly You're great at working out animal problems but when it comes to people you. ..!" Hawkeye boiled.
"Hey! I worked hard for that veterinary degree and I've had to go to battle over paying clients mistreating their dogs and horses so don't think I'm going to take you're dumping on me!" Radar boiled.
"Really, Benjamin. That was a bit uncalled for even if he has odd ideas for pets," Nana Blake sniffed.
"What do you know what's uncalled for?" Hawkeye seethed.
"Dad!" Meg and Handy begged.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nana Blake boiled.
"I lost one of the best friends I ever had and accepted- no embraced my destiny to guide his son to manhood. How can you possibly. .?" Hawkeye seethed.
Suddenly everyone else in the group gasped.
"Excuse me if the loss of my younger son just months after his father doesn't equate to your loss, Doctor Pierce!" Nana Blake boiled and stormed off with all the others.
"That's right make me the bad guy here! What do you care about me?" Hawkeye boiled.
"You really think you're winning, Hawkeye?" Dr. Sidney Freeman asked as he and his wife Frieda came up to Hawkeye.
"Yeah, they can't avoid me forever. They're all staying at my house!"Hawkeye snapped.
"I thought it was your father's house," Frieda Freeman replied.
"Sidney, Frieda. You're here. I wasn't expecting. .." Hawkeye gulped.
"I know but I had the feeling that your stepson's graduation might trigger something," Sidney pondered.
"So, do you think I need to try to make amends to Henry's mother and the rest of the bunch?" Hawkeye asked.
"What do you think?" Sidney asked.
"Does he pull that with you, Freida?" Hawkeye asked.
"Constantly," Frieda half-laughed.
"You didn't answer my question," Sidney sighed.
"Am I wrong for wanting Andrew to see a ripe old age?" Hawkeye asked.
"Of course not but who's to say that he won't even with serving in the Guard?" Sidney asked.
Meanwhile backstage.
"Mom, I'm sorry but I just didn't want to overwhelm you and Pops before this," Andrew sighed.
"Of course, it's tough for us to take but we'll bear up. We'll support you if that's what you believe is your destiny!" Lorraine exclaimed with a hug.
"But, young Andrew, why do you feel it imperative to join the military instead of furthering your education?" John Mulcahy asked.
"Father. . .Mister Mulcahy, Mom, Gramps, Nana, I know how much it cost to put Jane through medical school and you're still paying off the loans for her tuition," Andrew started to explain.
"But as an officer's son, you'd get a good part of your education paid for," Klinger pleaded.
" I know that but I also know how fewer folks are coming to Crabapple Cove even in the summer much less staying the whole winter and how Pops and Gramps's practice is barely paying for bills these days," Andrew sighed.
"Sport, you shouldn't think of that! If we could make it through the Great Depression and World War Two, we can make it through anything," Daniel scoffed.
"Gramps, I know that but I want to make it on my own and not put anything more on you so you'll have nothing to worry about when it comes Meg's or Handy's time for college," Andrew pleaded.
"So, you're saying this is a way of giving back to us?" Hawkeye asked as he came upon the group.
"Yeah, Pops! "Andrew insisted.
"But there's no need. Just raising you has been more than enough of giving to us!" Hawkeye insisted.
"Well, in spite of all the crazy things that are happening to our country, I still believe in it and I want to do right by our people. Can't you accept that even if you don't like it?"Andrew begged.
"God, I hate when you plead with that look! It turns me into mush just the way it did with Henry," Hawkeye sighed.
"Andrew, wait til you see the tricks Rover can do!" Radar insisted.
"Uncle Radar, I'm not sure the National Guard will want me bringing a skunk along," Andrew half-laughed.
"Oh, that's okay. Meg and Handy can take care of him until you get back!" Radar shrugged.
"We can?" Meg gulped.
"Uncle Radar, in addition to it being his nickname having combined my Dad's and Gramp's first names, Handy's also called that because he can take apart virtually every mechanical device short of a tank engine and put it back together- working," Andrew explained.
"Yeah, every spring he makes more cash fixing the neighbors' lawn mowers than all the paperboys do in the entire county!" Hawkeye said proudly.
"Yes, he's definitely inherited the Pierces' gene for fixing things. Just hope he soon inherits that gene for scrubbing up!" Lorraine laughed while mussing Handy's hair.
"Aw, Mom. Uncle Radar, is there anyway you could put the glands back into Rover?"Handy asked.
"Don't think so," Radar laughed while most of the others followed him.
"Listen, Mrs. Blake, I'm sorry I made light of your own loss with Henry," Hawkeye quietly sighed to Nana Blake.
"Yeah, I know. Believe you me there's a part of me that wishes I could keep Andrew, Jane, Molly and my great-grandkids safe in Mason jars forever but it's not what Henry would have wanted or what they're meant to be," Nana Blake sighed.
"So, your focusing on small town and family gossip is a way to. .?" Hawkeye asked.
"Don't want to give away any trade secrets, Benjamin! " Nana Blake exclaimed with a lilt.
As everyone else started to leave the auditorium to make the mile long walk back to the Pierce Residence Daniel turned to Sidney.
"Glad you headed my plea, Doc"! Daniel whispered.
" I kinda knew we'd be needed. Besides, I've always liked your family and Lorraine's lobster thermidor knocks my socks off so why wouldn't I make it?"Sidney laughed.
" You think Hawkeye doing sidewalk analysis on Nana Blake could be a sign he'll adjust to Andrew's decision?" Daniel asked.
"You oughta know that there's a great deal of turmoil Hawkeye and the others in the 4077 need to work through- and not just Klinger's Revisiting Section Eight after all these years," Sidney sighed.
"Yeah, Hawkeye and Margaret treat Meg like their personal Panmunjon,Potter's shut himself off, Hunnicutt's up to who knows what and I don't think it was all John Mulcahy's doing that separated him from the priesthood,"Daniel sighed.
"Yeah, there's a lot that needs working out but your comparing your granddaughter to Panmunjon's got me thinking. Maybe they all could use neutral territory to work things out," Sidney pondered.
"Send them all to Switzerland for a reunion?" Daniel asked.
"Oh, that's brilliant! Forget the Switzerland part but maybe a Reunion would be just the ticket!"Sidney pondered.
"Hmm, in July it will have been fifteen years since the Truce got signed and they came home- and Klinger runs his own travel agency! We could set up a Reunion!"Daniel beamed.
"You seem a bit gung ho!" Sidney laughed.
"Oh, we had one of the crew's families a few months before the whole thing ended and believe me, it was great boon to those of us Stateside celebrating and commiserating like no one else we knew could! It could be just the catalyst we could all use!" Daniel exclaimed.
"Or it could be a disaster," Sidney pondered.
"Trying's better than doing nothing," Daniel insisted.
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