Just for the record, it was never my choice to keep a journal. My therapist told me I had to. She says it will help me manage my anger. But how am I supposed to carry around a journal and be expected to write in it twice a day? Especially at a new school with the pressure of being an important member of the lacrosse team...
Oh yeah, and being a newly bitten beta.
My therapist says my journal is private so I never have to share what I've written unless I want to. Thank God, because being a werewolf is kind of hard to explain, especially when you're a literal I.E.D. If I'm going to keep writing this, I want to express everything. Because if my anger gets the best me again, I'm going to do something stupid. And I have a feeling it will be much worse than when I destroyed my coach's car.
It's just so hard, you know? My anger is so strong it blocks out every last ounce of reason. And now that I'm not completely human, I'm afraid I'll lose myself if I get too angry. Like, on my first full moon, I could have killed Scott and Kira easily. Something in the back of my mind held me back. But what if there's a time when my mind doesn't hold me back? That's what scares me most.
Recently, I discovered I can't sleep as well as I used to. I just have so many thoughts, so many secrets to keep. The only people who really understand me is Scott's pack, and I can't exactly text Scott at 3:00 AM. Usually I pass the sleepless hours reading about werewolf myths and things like that. You can't really learn from a computer screen as well as a real person, but it helps.
By the way, it's 5:00 AM and I hear my stepfather coming up the stairs. I should pretend to sleep.
~Liam