What a Difference a Day Makes
By Risa
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Charmed – this story is for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: (Takes place after Black as Cole) Becoming human isn't easy for Cole. There's bound to be a lot of problems and adjustments that he'll have to make...
Author's Note: I'm still two minds about whether the idea of Cole becoming human is a good thing. But anyway, here's just a short take on Cole's thoughts of becoming human. I'm not too sure if it's any good or if I've made any errors, but thanks for reading! Comments and criticisms are also greatly appreciated!
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What a difference a day makes.
Cole sighed in the dark room, lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling in thought. Words of a beautiful song, totally opposite to what he was feeling right now but the words fitted his situation. He had been unable to sleep with all the thoughts and worries racing round his head.
He had undergone a colossal change within a day – a change which his mind was still struggling to come to terms with. He had been transformed from one of the most powerful demons in the world to a normal human being. He could now truly be considered one of the innocents that the Halliwells were sworn to protect, he thought to, smiling ironically.
His feelings towards this sudden change were ambivalent in the extreme. Cole knew that he had once asked Phoebe to strip his powers, but then he was only thinking about the matter in an abstract, hypothetical sense. He had been tired of dodging the Source – it was difficult for him to adjust, having been one of the Source's most trusted agents. He thought that if he were truly human, then he wouldn't have to run anymore. It had taken his return to the Brotherhood and all that happened after that to make him realise that he could never run from his demon heritage, that Belthazor was an inseparable part of him.
And now, suddenly, he had become human. He didn't know what to feel. For, even though he had become human, a part of Belthazor was still within him. Oh, he might not have his demonic powers anymore but he had lived too long as a half-demon. He knew only too well how it felt like to be a demon, to be powerful and how alluring evil and darkness could be. The physical mark of Belthazor might have been removed, but the imprint on his soul could never be.
Cole didn't know if he could be able to adjust to being human and not having powers. He didn't know if he could deal with the vulnerabilities of being human. Even though he didn't use his powers as often as he did once before, he still used them unconsciously, for the most mundane of tasks. Take today for an instance, when he took a walk and wanted to shimmer back to the manor.
He had been brought up by his mother to view humans as weak and vulnerable – a belief that he continued to hold until he met Phoebe. Since then, his view of humans had undergone a radical change. But still, it was difficult to unseat a belief that you've held for most of your life, one that had guided your behaviour for most of your life. He had never really fully considered what it would be like to be truly human. Even when he asked Phoebe to strip his powers.
But even more than this, he feared that he would become a burden to Phoebe. Without his demonic half, Cole was defenceless. He could defend himself against most normal, human threats with the skills that he learnt as a demon such as martial arts. But what about against the supernatural? Being human did not mean that the Source would stop trying to hunting him down. It just meant that the Source and other demons would be unable to track him. Moreover, even without Cole's betrayal, Phoebe and her sisters were already natural targets for the Source. He couldn't imagine himself having to be protected by Phoebe and her sisters. He was usually the one doing the protecting.
His vulnerability as a human also meant that it would be much easier for demons to capture him and use him as a weapon against Phoebe. He knew that Phoebe would do anything to ensure his safety – it was the same for him. He couldn't let himself be the Achilles Heel that would lead to the Charmed Ones' destruction.
Cole had wanted to tell Phoebe all this before she had so effectively distracted him. When she kissed him, he had thought foggily that all these problems could wait. He wasn't so sure now. Who knew when the next demon would attack?
But Cole was also aware of a secret, hidden worry that even though he was human, he could never be wholly and truly good. He knew fully well that all humans had the potential for both good and evil. A small part of him had always wondered how much of the evil he had done was actually because of the demon in him and not the human. Especially after witnessing all the evil that humans committed even without supernatural interference. He had been used to the power and status of being a high-level demon; could he safely say that he would not succumb to the temptation of having that power again? He probably wouldn't now, but after a few months of being a human?
The time he spent being good was insignificant to the amount of time he had spent evil. Becoming human did not discount the possibility of him becoming evil again. Even though Cole knew that he wanted to be good – for Phoebe's sake at the very least – who knew what would happen in future? That was why he used to be so defensive when Prue cast doubt over whether he had really become good. She had echoed his doubts and fears to that very effect.
Cole started when Phoebe stirred beside him, flinging her arm around him as she snuggled closer. Cole looked at her to see if she was sleeping. She was. She was even smiling slightly. Pleasant dreams, no doubt.
God, he loved her so much. He knew that he would do anything for her safety and happiness. When he was with her, he felt that anything was possible, that they could overcome anything.
But Cole was ultimately a realist – despite his frequent lapses. You did not survive for long in the Underworld without being one. But loving each other deeply did not automatically mean that all problems could be solved. It still required a great deal of work and effort. A part of Cole was dubious if their relationship would continue to survive with all the pressure – their love definitely, but could they still be together?
Cole sighed. All these doubts and worries were too much for him right now. Besides, there was nothing he could now but get some sleep. There was still tomorrow for him to sort through the problems he had. For now at least.
*~Finis~*