1 Goldilocks and the three Uruk-Hai
By Aiwendil Greenleaf
Disclaimer: Not mine, I wish they where. Well, maybe not the Uruk-hai.
~*~ Authors Note: Elvea Aure aka Amanfalathiel asked me to write more. Well, other people just said they liked it, but she said Goldilocks. It's kind of a sequel to "Strider White and the Seven Hobbits", but you don't have to read it. It's just a part of my new series of fairytales, I'm planning on writing. So here we go. ~*~
**************************************************************************** *****
Once upon a time...... Doesn't all fairytales start like that?? Lets do it another way. About five weeks ago there lived an elven price named Goldilocks, with his father in Mirkwood. Well, his real name was Legolas, but everyone called him Goldilocks, because of his golden hair.
Goldilocks was a nice little prince, there was just one tiny little thing that could annoy his father. And not to mention all the servants. Goldilocks was a spoiled little brat, who thought he could get everything he wanted. Bows, arrows, playstations, TVs, playboy magazines and stuff like that. We all know the type, Goldilocks would point at a thing and demand to have it. And who would refuse to give the future king of Mirkwood, everything he wanted??
This had resulted in about twenty horses, thirteen bows, five widescreen TVs, seven DVD players and so many arrows it would take years to count. And lets not get started with those magazines.
Now, you would expect our dear Goldilocks to at least be a nice little price with all those nice things. But noooo (after all he is the spoiled brat in this fic.), Goldilocks just couldn't be satisfied.
One day he was sitting in a big oak tree, because he had walked away in furry when he shot past the target with his new bow. He knew perfectly well, that for one thing Mirkwood had giant spiders. And secondly, there was tales about some of Sarumans Uruk-hai living in the area. Again Goldilocks didn't care about those things, he was a prince and no one would hurt a prince. "I'm the king of everything, or at least I'm going to be. Those disgusting things should fear me." He thought.
(For those of you wondering, Goldilocks did not , like Elrond, have any self-esteem issues, at all!!)
So Goldilocks decided to take a stroll, just to check out how thing was in the hood, ups wood. He jumped down from the tree, and walked away, making sure to leave no sign behind.
After some hours he came to a cave. Not just any cave, it was a very creepy cave. With spooky bats, spider webs and all those horror movie things. But Goldilocks could smell something cooking inside, and he was getting kind of hungry.
(For those of you wondering, it's not nice when Goldilocks grew hungry. Like hungry hobbits, just a lot worse. Hobbits can't put you in the stocks if you refuse to give them food...)
Just minutes earlier, the three Uruk-hai that had camped in the cave, had gone out to get some ketchup in the nearby seven-eleven. You just can't eat human flesh without ketchup, all Uruk-hai knew that. And now, you do too.
Our prince walked with high head and straight back into the cave. Seeing that it was empty, he decided to check out what was cooking over the small fire. He found the pot without anything in it, and was just about to call the cops (Mirkwood Police was use to these calls from their prince by now), when he discovered that the food had already been served.
"Well, what do you know. Maybe they planned on inviting me for dinner," Goldilocks spoke out loud. "I wonder if they have any ketchup??"
Since he couldn't find any, he decided to sit down and eat. There was (like you properly could figure out) three bowls of food, so Goldilocks made the clever choice, to try all of them.
He took a taste of the first bowl, but it tasted way to salt for his royal tongue. If you are interested in the knowledge, royal tongues are the most sensitive tongues.
So Goldilocks went for the second bowl, but that one had this weird copper tang. "A little like blood, what could that be??" the prince thought, as a wiggled his little nose in disgust.
So he took the third bowl, and carefully took a sip. To his delight it tasted really good, a little like strawberry. (Yuck, I'm making myself sick.) So the prince looked around, trying to find a place to sit and enjoy his meal.
He could see (Surprise!!) three stones around the fire, properly meant to be chairs. Sitting on a stone was off cause way below the elfs' standards, but standing up eating was worse. So Goldilocks tried to sit on the first stone, but found it too square formed.
He cursed and moved to the second stone, but there was so many rough edges, he couldn't stand it. I mean, he could get blue marks!!
So he went to sit on the third rock, and smirked happily, when he found it nice round and soft. He sat down and ate his food. Well, he ate the Uruk- hai' food. But the lovely prince was getting kind off tired, and with a yawn he leaned back. The stone tipped and rolled away from under him, landing upside down in the other end of the cave.
Goldilocks shrugged and decided to look for a place to take a nap. He scanned the place and found (come on guess how many :D ) three bedrolls in a faraway corner. He placed himself on the first one, and growled disappointed, when he found it to hard.
He strode to the second one, but was sure he could feel a stone under it. "I could hurt my back." He thought and rolled off.
He laid down on the third on, and snuggled down. This one was perfect, nice and soft, just like a prince wants it. Within minutes the elf was sound asleep.
The three Uruk-hai came back just then, pretty annoyed, since the first seven-eleven didn't have ketchup. This meant they had had to go all the way to the next one. And there aren't that many seven-elevens in Middle-Earth. Well, there's one for every three miles, but in Copenhagen there's one on each corner. And the Uruk-hai had been on sightseeing there, before they where called to duty.
The three bad guys went straight for the food, being terrible hungry after all the walking. They found that their bowls had been touched and this really pissed them off.
"Who dare touching, even tasting my food!?!" Big Uruk-hai 1 (in the lack of better names, they are called 1, 2 and 3) howled. Maybe he should take stress management with Elrond.....
"And mine too!!" Big Uruk-hai 2 growled.
"Some dirty elf, ate mine!!" hissed Bid Uruk-hai 3, while smelling the bowl, "I can still smell it."
Big Uruk-hai 1 sniffed his stone, "It has been sitting on mine, that basted."
"Guess what, mine too!!" Big Uruk-hai 2 exclaimed, more surprised then we would be at the moment.
"Where's my stone...." Big Uruk-hai 3 said, actually sounding like it was about to cry.
"Over there." Big Uruk-hai 1 said and pointed, "but he SAT on mine."
"Look at this, someone messed up your bedroll." Big Uruk-hai 2 said and looked at his own. "Mine too."
"Hey, look he's still sleeping on mine!!" Big Uruk-hai 3 exclaimed. "For anyone to be that cruel, they must be some kind of wanna-be Uruk-hai."
"Our race would be proud of such a soldier, wake him up." Big Uruk-hai 1 smiled and clapped his hands.
Big Uruk-hai 2 shook Goldilocks gently. The blond stirred and sat up.
"Excuse me...." Big Uruk-hai 1 started.
But he didn't get further. Goldilocks screamed a VERY high pinch, girly scream and ran out the cave, faster then the Uruk-hai could register.
"What was that all about??" Big Uruk-hai 3 asked, looking after the elf.
"I don't know, lets go find a new human to cook, I'm hungry." Big Uruk-hai 1 sighed and walked out of the cave. The remaining Uruk-hai shrugged and followed.
Goldilocks managed to run all the way back to his room, without pausing. There he locked himself in, for about three weeks. When he finally came out, he ran off to Rivendell to visit Elronds' fine psychologist, who worked wonders with distressed elves of any kinds.
The End
~*~ Authors Note: It didn't take long. Hope it was good, please review and tell me. ~*~
By Aiwendil Greenleaf
Disclaimer: Not mine, I wish they where. Well, maybe not the Uruk-hai.
~*~ Authors Note: Elvea Aure aka Amanfalathiel asked me to write more. Well, other people just said they liked it, but she said Goldilocks. It's kind of a sequel to "Strider White and the Seven Hobbits", but you don't have to read it. It's just a part of my new series of fairytales, I'm planning on writing. So here we go. ~*~
**************************************************************************** *****
Once upon a time...... Doesn't all fairytales start like that?? Lets do it another way. About five weeks ago there lived an elven price named Goldilocks, with his father in Mirkwood. Well, his real name was Legolas, but everyone called him Goldilocks, because of his golden hair.
Goldilocks was a nice little prince, there was just one tiny little thing that could annoy his father. And not to mention all the servants. Goldilocks was a spoiled little brat, who thought he could get everything he wanted. Bows, arrows, playstations, TVs, playboy magazines and stuff like that. We all know the type, Goldilocks would point at a thing and demand to have it. And who would refuse to give the future king of Mirkwood, everything he wanted??
This had resulted in about twenty horses, thirteen bows, five widescreen TVs, seven DVD players and so many arrows it would take years to count. And lets not get started with those magazines.
Now, you would expect our dear Goldilocks to at least be a nice little price with all those nice things. But noooo (after all he is the spoiled brat in this fic.), Goldilocks just couldn't be satisfied.
One day he was sitting in a big oak tree, because he had walked away in furry when he shot past the target with his new bow. He knew perfectly well, that for one thing Mirkwood had giant spiders. And secondly, there was tales about some of Sarumans Uruk-hai living in the area. Again Goldilocks didn't care about those things, he was a prince and no one would hurt a prince. "I'm the king of everything, or at least I'm going to be. Those disgusting things should fear me." He thought.
(For those of you wondering, Goldilocks did not , like Elrond, have any self-esteem issues, at all!!)
So Goldilocks decided to take a stroll, just to check out how thing was in the hood, ups wood. He jumped down from the tree, and walked away, making sure to leave no sign behind.
After some hours he came to a cave. Not just any cave, it was a very creepy cave. With spooky bats, spider webs and all those horror movie things. But Goldilocks could smell something cooking inside, and he was getting kind of hungry.
(For those of you wondering, it's not nice when Goldilocks grew hungry. Like hungry hobbits, just a lot worse. Hobbits can't put you in the stocks if you refuse to give them food...)
Just minutes earlier, the three Uruk-hai that had camped in the cave, had gone out to get some ketchup in the nearby seven-eleven. You just can't eat human flesh without ketchup, all Uruk-hai knew that. And now, you do too.
Our prince walked with high head and straight back into the cave. Seeing that it was empty, he decided to check out what was cooking over the small fire. He found the pot without anything in it, and was just about to call the cops (Mirkwood Police was use to these calls from their prince by now), when he discovered that the food had already been served.
"Well, what do you know. Maybe they planned on inviting me for dinner," Goldilocks spoke out loud. "I wonder if they have any ketchup??"
Since he couldn't find any, he decided to sit down and eat. There was (like you properly could figure out) three bowls of food, so Goldilocks made the clever choice, to try all of them.
He took a taste of the first bowl, but it tasted way to salt for his royal tongue. If you are interested in the knowledge, royal tongues are the most sensitive tongues.
So Goldilocks went for the second bowl, but that one had this weird copper tang. "A little like blood, what could that be??" the prince thought, as a wiggled his little nose in disgust.
So he took the third bowl, and carefully took a sip. To his delight it tasted really good, a little like strawberry. (Yuck, I'm making myself sick.) So the prince looked around, trying to find a place to sit and enjoy his meal.
He could see (Surprise!!) three stones around the fire, properly meant to be chairs. Sitting on a stone was off cause way below the elfs' standards, but standing up eating was worse. So Goldilocks tried to sit on the first stone, but found it too square formed.
He cursed and moved to the second stone, but there was so many rough edges, he couldn't stand it. I mean, he could get blue marks!!
So he went to sit on the third rock, and smirked happily, when he found it nice round and soft. He sat down and ate his food. Well, he ate the Uruk- hai' food. But the lovely prince was getting kind off tired, and with a yawn he leaned back. The stone tipped and rolled away from under him, landing upside down in the other end of the cave.
Goldilocks shrugged and decided to look for a place to take a nap. He scanned the place and found (come on guess how many :D ) three bedrolls in a faraway corner. He placed himself on the first one, and growled disappointed, when he found it to hard.
He strode to the second one, but was sure he could feel a stone under it. "I could hurt my back." He thought and rolled off.
He laid down on the third on, and snuggled down. This one was perfect, nice and soft, just like a prince wants it. Within minutes the elf was sound asleep.
The three Uruk-hai came back just then, pretty annoyed, since the first seven-eleven didn't have ketchup. This meant they had had to go all the way to the next one. And there aren't that many seven-elevens in Middle-Earth. Well, there's one for every three miles, but in Copenhagen there's one on each corner. And the Uruk-hai had been on sightseeing there, before they where called to duty.
The three bad guys went straight for the food, being terrible hungry after all the walking. They found that their bowls had been touched and this really pissed them off.
"Who dare touching, even tasting my food!?!" Big Uruk-hai 1 (in the lack of better names, they are called 1, 2 and 3) howled. Maybe he should take stress management with Elrond.....
"And mine too!!" Big Uruk-hai 2 growled.
"Some dirty elf, ate mine!!" hissed Bid Uruk-hai 3, while smelling the bowl, "I can still smell it."
Big Uruk-hai 1 sniffed his stone, "It has been sitting on mine, that basted."
"Guess what, mine too!!" Big Uruk-hai 2 exclaimed, more surprised then we would be at the moment.
"Where's my stone...." Big Uruk-hai 3 said, actually sounding like it was about to cry.
"Over there." Big Uruk-hai 1 said and pointed, "but he SAT on mine."
"Look at this, someone messed up your bedroll." Big Uruk-hai 2 said and looked at his own. "Mine too."
"Hey, look he's still sleeping on mine!!" Big Uruk-hai 3 exclaimed. "For anyone to be that cruel, they must be some kind of wanna-be Uruk-hai."
"Our race would be proud of such a soldier, wake him up." Big Uruk-hai 1 smiled and clapped his hands.
Big Uruk-hai 2 shook Goldilocks gently. The blond stirred and sat up.
"Excuse me...." Big Uruk-hai 1 started.
But he didn't get further. Goldilocks screamed a VERY high pinch, girly scream and ran out the cave, faster then the Uruk-hai could register.
"What was that all about??" Big Uruk-hai 3 asked, looking after the elf.
"I don't know, lets go find a new human to cook, I'm hungry." Big Uruk-hai 1 sighed and walked out of the cave. The remaining Uruk-hai shrugged and followed.
Goldilocks managed to run all the way back to his room, without pausing. There he locked himself in, for about three weeks. When he finally came out, he ran off to Rivendell to visit Elronds' fine psychologist, who worked wonders with distressed elves of any kinds.
The End
~*~ Authors Note: It didn't take long. Hope it was good, please review and tell me. ~*~