Disclaimer I do not own twilight or any of the songs in this story.
Prologue
BPOV
Forks. My mother's prison and now I've been sentenced to do my time in this rainy prison. After what happened to my mother Renee I didn't know what my life would come to. I hadn't talked to my father or my ex best friend in 5 years. After my mom divorced my dad and she got primary custody and we moved to Arizona. I was never allowed to come back to Forks and I wasn't complaining I mean sure I missed Jasper but I'd always hated the rain. It's kind of ironic that now the rain matches my mood. I still cry every night with the same dreams of my mother dying in my arm's. She was such a free spirit and I always took the parent role in the house. So I was used to being the responsible one but I guess one mistake can ruin your life forever. It sure ruined mine.
BPOV
I arrived at Fork's from Arizona around 6pm. I wasn't surprised to see the police cruiser out side I mean my dad is the Chief of police in Forks. What did surprise me was when he ran up tome and hugged me. I mean yea that's normal for other people but me and my dad aren't really that close and he's kind of shy with his feelings.
"Hey Bell's how was the flight over" Charlie said with a huge smile on his face. Maybe he was really happy to see me here.
"It was fine I guess" I mumbled. I'm not really good with heights but I would never tell him that Renee's rule's of life specially state never show weakness to anyone always have your guard up. These are the rules I live by. He looked down playing with his hand obviously trying to find something to say so I helped him out a little.
"My luggage is over there if you want to help me with it" I said pointing to my black bags in the corner of the air port. He smiled and walked over to grab my bags then lead my out to the cruiser. After he put my bag's in the trunk we got in the car and headed towards his house. I really don't like being in cars but I wasn't going to tell Charlie that either. Me and Charlie don't talk much so I was left with my thoughts. I was thinking about how my life made a complete U turn. One minute I was hanging out with my friends in Arizona at the Set, a café' we used to go, then the next I'm on my way to the same house I lived in when I was thirteen. I always wondered why my dad didn't move out that house it kind of depresses me. All my memories I have of this house remained me of my mother. I don't mind thinking about her but I try to keep my thoughts about her under control or I'll lose my self and have another breakdown. The breakdowns started right after that night but I've learned to control them to in extent. We pulled up to the house and I realized that it was exactly he same. I got my same room I've always had. It's not bad, it has a walk in closet and it's own bathroom. Its also on the bottom floor while Charlie's is on the second. I unpacked and told Charlie I was heading in early. I didn't want to go to sleep but I didn't want to think about the fact that I would be starting school tomorrow. So instead I grabbed my guitar and started to sing softly to myself my song I wrote for my mother "Slipped Away." (by Avril Lavigne)
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh
Na na na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you
I woke up shaking like I do ever night. I glanced over to the clock to see that it was 4:25am. The dream keep getting more and more realistic but it's always the same thing my mother's last words repeating in my head ever fucking night .Oh well no use trying to get back to sleep. I wiped my tear streaked face with shaky fingers and got up to find some thing to wear for to day. I don't know anybody at Forks High School besides Jasper and his sister Rose so I wasn't trying to impress nobody. I just want to get my stupid senior year over with. I grabbed my black cargo pants and a black and sliver t-shirt then grabbed my bathroom bag and went to take a shower. Turing the hot water up as I tried to calm myself so would stop shaking. After my shower I got dressed threw on a pair of converse and headed to the kitchen. I looked in the fridge to see in was packed with every thing I needed to make breakfast. I made scrabble eggs with bacon and pancakes. I wrapped my egg's and bacon up in my pancake and ate breakfast. After I was finished I glance over to the clock to see it was only 5:30. Another hour before I need to leave for school. Charlie came running down stairs dressed in his uniform and looked around frantically.
"I thought there was a fire" he said breathlessly. Looking at the breakfast plate I put aside for him.
"No fire here sorry" I mumbled. What I'm not allowed to cook.
"Oh why are you up so early you know school doesn't start until 7:15" he said while staring at the bags under my eyes. They were worse today because I didn't sleep the night before my plane ride.
"I just thought I'd make you breakfast you know as a thank you for letting me stay here" I lied. I wasn't telling him about my nightmares.
"You don't have to thank me Bell's of course your welcomed here" he said looking at his hands with a shy smile playing on his lips.
"Thanks dad well I'm going to head to my room I already ate, enjoy your breakfast" I said trying to escape before he asked about my ride to school.
"Hey do you want a ride to school and we could go buy you a car this after noon if you want" he called after me. Shit.
"Um no I was going to walk you know for exercise" I said hoping he buy it.
"Okay well I'm about to head out" he said grabbing his breakfast.
So I was left with an hour to keep myself occupied.
As I walked to school I was over come with my nerves. Trying to get myself under control I made my self numb. It was something I learned how to do after what happened.
Approaching the school I got a lot of stares I guess that was suppose to be expected in this small town. But it annoyed the crap out of me. I walked to the office and went to the front desk with a lady wearing a green sweater typing away on her computer.
"Hi I'm Isabella Swan" I said as she looked up to me.
"Hello dear we've been expecting you" she said with a cherry smile on her face. What the hell is she so happy about. She handed me my schedule, a map and a paper all my teacher's had to sign. I found my first class easy since the building had a big two on top of it. As I walked into my English class all conversation stopped and their eyes were on me. I just ignored them and handed the teacher the slip she handed me a reading list, which had all the books I had already read on it and told me to seat in the back of the class room. I loved English but this class was nothing to be excited for since I knew all the material. People were whispering about me but I wasn't paying them any attention. None of these people would interest me. I mean I'm not conceded I just have no interest in people. And for some reason people have an interest in me. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not pretty I just don't care that much. I have long wavy brown hair but I keep my hair down or in a pony tail nothing special and I have big chocolate eyes but I don't wear any make up and I mean I do have some curves but most of my pants are baggy to hide any curve I might have. All my classes went by the same people staring, subject's I learned, and me being bored out of my mind. After third period I boy with blonde hair and blue eyes introduced himself to me.
"Hey I'm Mike your Isabella right" he asked just a little to perky for me.
"Um just Bella actually and hi right back" I said walking away towards the library.
"Hey do you want to eat lunch with my table" he asked trying to catch up with me.
"I was going to go to the library and check some stuff out but thanks" I told him.
"I could come with you if you want" he called after me, I was starting to get annoyed.
"Thanks but I'm good" I said walking away faster.
When I went to the library I found a spot in the back and pulled out my ipod and my book Moon Called and started to read. I know I should've went to lunch but I just didn't want to be around that noise. My mind drifted off and I was thinking if I was going to see Jasper at all today.
My next class was biology. I already had all my science credits except for this one. As I walked in my eye's were drawn to bronze hair and green eyes. He had pale skin that stood out compared to his bronze hair that looked like there was no taming it. His green eyes were streaking and would capture any ones attention. Which he seemed to be doing seeing how there was a blonde girl seating there flirting with him. I gave my slip to the teacher and he pointed me to the only empty seat. Just my luck right by Mr. Irresistible. I sat down next to him and I was aware at how close we were seating. I opened my writing book and started writing down lyrics.
"Hey I'm Edward Cullen you must be Bella" a velvet voice spoke to me.
"Uh yea hey" I said trying to ignore him.
"So how are you liking Forks" he asked.
"It's okay I guess" I mumbled, he was staring at me like I was something to eat.
"So you know Jasper right" he asked, now capturing my interest.
"Oh yea we were friends when I was younger. You know him?" I asked.
"Yea we hang out and he talks about you a lot" he said. Wow Jasper still talks about me I didn't think he would remember me.
"Really I haven't seen him in a while" I said suddenly aware of how he tricked me into talking to him.
"Yea so are you like into him" he asked with that look again.
"Umm not in that way, were friends" I said wondering what was up with his directness.
"Oh so your free you want to go out some time?" he asked and then winked at me.
Seriously what is up with him. "Uh I don't date" I said in my best not interested tone.
"Well that's just to bad" he said looking at me up and down with that hungry look in his eyes. I could not wait for this class to be over. The whole time he was staring at my breast. How was Jasper friends with him. If this is how Jasper acts this new friendship ended before it had a chance to start. The bell rang and as I was about to leave class when Edward called out to me " I'll be seeing you again Bella". He's an ass. The one good thing about today is that I have gym last period. I have a tendency to fall on my ass sometimes but for some reason when it comes to sport's I rock. Just as I was getting dressed the blonde from bio bumped me into my locker. What the fuck did I do to piss her off at me. This day can't get any worse. As I was walking out the locker room that boy from lunch walked up to me "Hey Bella want to be partner's in basket ball" he asked. He was by far the coolest person I met all day. If he didn't come off like a stocker I could like him.
Having gym last period is great. Now it gives me something to look forward to and I don't have to walk around the school all sweaty. As I was getting ready to go home some one grabbed on my arm and I turned to punched them in the face but he dogged it. I was about to try again when a pair of familiar blue eye's looked up at me. He looked at me for a second and then grabbed me into a breath taking hug.
"Bella I missed you so much" Jasper said with his southern accent, I never got how he only went to Texas during the summer's yet he seemed to have a strong accent. "Can't…breath…Jazz" I stuttered. He put me down and looked at me again and grabbed me but this time more gently. " I missed you to Jazz" I said wrapping my arms around his waist.
"I looked for you at lunch but I didn't see you" he said after letting me go.
"I didn't go to lunch, I was in the library" I explained really looking at him. He looked so different from when I last saw him. His hair was still shaggy but the blonde streaks seemed darker bringing out his big blue eyes. He was about 5'8 which was pretty big considering I was only 5'4.
"Hey do you want a ride we could catch up at your house" he said. I would have loved to catch up with him but I really didn't want to get in his car.
"Umm I was actually going to walk home but I would like to catch up later" I said hoping he would come up with something.
"Uh I guess I could met you there" he said with an unsure look, why didn't I think of that.
"Great I'll met you there in 30 ok" I called over my shoulder. I wish I could ride in the damn car. I hate that I'm ruled by my fucking emotions. I cant even catch a ride home. My therapist told me that moving was good for me and that I would be able to overcome the panic attacks. He was a dumb ass. But I am happy to see Jasper again. I didn't think he would miss me so much. I mean yea we were best friends for a few years but we were young and I was sure he would forget me. I never forgot him even though I had lots of friends even a few boyfriends. But that was all before the accident. Afterwards I stopped talking to my friends and my boyfriend just said he couldn't be with some one so sad all the time. He was such a prick.
When I got home I ran to my room and hopped in the shower. I washed up with my freesia body wash and shampooed my hair with my strawberry shampoo. When I was done I hopped in my black sweats and went to the kitchen for a snack. I grabbed a granola bar and headed to my room. I cut on some rock music and began playing with my guitar to let the time pass by. About 5 minutes later there was a knock on the door. I jumped out of bed so fast that I tripped over my foot and landed on my face. I was sure to have a bruise on my cheek. I ran over to the door and yanked it open. Jasper was there was a huge smile on his face. He scoped me up in a hug and I wrapped my arm's around him tight. I don't remember us hugging this much. "Bella I missed you so much" he said again.
"I can tell, do you want something to drink" I asked.
"Sure" he said as I started to walk towards the kitchen. I grabbed us both a coke and two glasses. I handed him his and he just smiled at me.
"So Jazz…um" I said for some reason I was at a lost for words.
"Its okay Bella I understand if you don't remember me like I do you" he said with a sad look in his eyes.
"No I remember you its just I didn't really think you would remember me" I said looking down at my hands.
"Of course I remember you Bells" he said.
"Well then lets go in my room and catch up" I said leading him to my room. The first thing he seemed to notice was my guitar. He picked it up and started to play a little. I was shocked I never knew Jazz played.
"What I had to find something to do when you left" he said with a smirk. Wow he's pretty cute. Wait did I just think that.
"Well I started playing when I moved to and I sing sometimes" I said.
"Really can you show me" he asked with a eager look in his eyes. I haven't played for anyone since my mother died but I felt safe with Jasper.
"Ok if your sure you want to hear me" I said taking the guitar out of his hands.
"Don't laugh at me" I threatened giving him a pointed look.
I started to sing my song Nobody's Home (by Avril Lavigne)
Well, I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way? She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make the same mistakes again
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs?
She wants to go home but nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside with no place to go
No place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes
And look outside find the reasons why
You've been rejected
And now you can't find what you've left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs?
She wants to go home but nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside with no place to go
No place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind, she's fallen behind
And she can't find her place, she's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace, she's all over the place, yeah
She wants to go home but nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside with no place to go
No place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
She's lost inside, lost inside
She's lost inside, lost inside
JPOV
I cant believe Bella's back. Yea we were really close once but I don't think much of it anymore. Ok so that's a lie but it try to not think much about her. She was my best friend and after Charlie told me what happened to Renee I cant get her out of my head. I keep wondering how she took it or if she's going to be okay. This morning I looked for her but I couldn't find her at all. She must be different I thought, the Bella I remember she was bold and confident and got along great with every body. She was kind of clumsily though. At lunch I looked for her but I still couldn't find her.
"OMG Jazz calm down your see her soon enough" Rose said scowling at me. I mean Rose was never close like me and Bella so I knew she wouldn't understand.
"I just want to make sure she's alright you know she's weird about certain things" I said. I had no idea how Bella took her mother death but I had a feeling it was bad.
"Yea sure Jasper that's why your stressing over this girl" muttered Alice.
"What do you mean" I asked, they were starting to annoy me.
"Nothing, so you want to hang out this weekend" she asked all cheery.
"Uh I don't know yet" I muttered. Why are they bothering me.
"Dude your making me nervous clam down" exclaimed Emmett scratching his arm.
Emmett is Rose's boyfriend he's a cool guy. Edward on the other hand is kind of a womanizer but he's fun to hang around with, were all in a band together. After lunch I had a free period so I started on all my homework, I either do it at school or that shit doesn't get done. After Tech I ran into Edward. "Dude that Bella chick is hot I see why your going crazy" he said while walking away. What the fuck. I was in the parking lot when I saw her. And she was just as I remembered her. Well I mean duh she was different but she just was the same Bella. Her hair was brown and wavy and ended at the middle of her back, she had the same pouty lips because her bottom is bigger then her top, and her eyes were still the cutest chocolate brown. But there was a sadness that I never saw in her before. I tried to offer her a ride but she turned me down. But she did want to talk to me. I watched her walk away with her shoulders hanging down and her head hung low. I knew she was going to be like this. I mean nobody could have been the same after something like that happened. When I arrived at her house she did seem excited to see me. I missed our friendship. She started to sing to me a song she wrote and after listening to the lyric's I knew that she was hurting. But she wasn't going to tell anyone that's just how Bella was.
BPOV
I cant believe I just sung that song to Jasper. I feel completely naked. It's like I just told him about the pain and hurt I feel every day, just showed him my soul. He was just staring at me. I was getting a little paranoid so I looked away. When I felt him place his finger under my chin and turn my face towards him I had to shut my eyes because I could feel the tears forming. But then I felt him wipe a teardrop off my face with his thumb, dumb ass tears. When I open my eyes I saw Jasper staring at me intensely. And I broke down, I cried and he wrapped me into his arms and cradled me. I can't believe I'm sitting here crying in Jasper Hales arms. But I just started thinking about my mother and how it all happened. I never allowed myself to completely breakdown so it felt good to get some of it out. When I was finished Jasper's shirt was soaked.
"Sorry" I mumbled looking up at him under my eyelashes.
"It's okay Bell's I'm always here for you" he said rubbing my hair. It felt so right.
"Let me get you another shirt" I said getting up. I wiped my tears off on my sweatshirt and went to my closet. I grabbed my extra large black pajama shirt and threw it at him.
"Thanks" he said while taking off his shirt. I turned around and waited.
"I'm decent" he said. I turned around and saw that the shirt fit a little to snug but he could pull it off cause he had a muscular chest.
"Really Jazz I'm sorry for breaking down on you like that" I muttered while looking at my feet.
"Bell's really I don't mind I like that you can find some comfort in me" he said looking at me with sincerity in his eyes. He was being so understanding now I remembered that we really wee very close once. Just then I heard the front door open and Charlie call out "Bell's".
"In here dad" I called smiling at Jasper. He seemed so at ease here like he belonged.
Charlie walked in and looked from me to Jasper with a smile.
"Hey Jasper haven't seen you in a while" he said patting him on the shoulder.
"Yea sorry bout that Charlie" he said looking down.
"Don't worry bout it, are you staying for dinner" he asked.
"If you guys don't mind I'd love to" he said smiling at me.
"I don't mind but I'm not sure what were having" Charlie said.
"I'll cook dad don't worry I was going to make stake and potato's if that's good with ya" I asked looking at them. They both nodded their heads eagerly.
While I was cooking Charlie went in the living room to watch sports. Jasper was sitting on the counter telling me about his band. He was the guitarist, Edward was the bass, and his friend Emmett also Rose's boyfriend was the drums. Rose sang, and their friend Alice played the keyboard. They were named Blood Bound. We ate telling some old stories and Charlie said he get the dishes. Jazz and I headed back to my room. He was staring at my stuff. I knew what he was looking a, black. That's all I really wear, I mean I'm not some emo chick or anything. My black stuff is really cute to me, all my shirts fit me tight but most of my pant's are cargo. I just don't like colorful stuff, Renee liked that stuff so I stopped wearing it. Not that I was going to tell him that. I had to be strong not some cry baby.
"You write" he asked looking at my note books piled up on the floor.
"Just lyric's for my song's" I said.
"Your really good you could lay with us sometime" he offered.
"Uh I don't play in front of people" I said trying not to be annoyed.
"You played for me, aww don't I feel special" he said putting his hand over his heart dramatically. I tossed my pillow at him but he dodged it.
"Damn girl stop trying to hit me" he said sarcastically.
"Stop dodging my hits" I said with a smirk on my face. We talked a while longer but he left around 7. I went to my room and started writing, waiting until I heard Charlie go upstairs. After he left I grabbed my blanket and guitar and went outside on the balcony. It wasn't raining so I sat down in a chair and staring playing my new song I as working on. I went back inside around 2 and went to bed.
Yelling. Crashing. Metal. Blood. "I'm sorry but you have to let me go". Death.
I woke up shaking looking around the room frantically. Damn nightmares. I looked at my clock to see it was 5:15. I got up and went to my closet. I grabbed my black cargo's and a black shirt with red letter's that said "What the HELL are you looking at ". I grabbed my bathroom bag and headed to take my shower. After I was dressed I made breakfast. I didn't feel like cooking so I just made omelets. I ate then went back into my room. Staring at my self in the mirror I saw my bags were looking a little better today. But I did have bruise on my cheek the size of a golf ball. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and went to lay back on my bed. I heard Charlie leave out and I decided to go into the living room to watch TV. I put on some comedy central repeats. I love watching stand up. Around 6:45 I cut the TV off and got ready to leave.
Today people stopped staring at me after they read my shirt. Suckers. In Calculus that blonde from yesterday was shooting daggers at my head. Seriously what is her problem.
"That's Lauren and I'm Jessica" she said.
"Hey what did I do to get on her bad side" I asked looking at the blonde again.
"Well she saw you talking to Edward and Mike and they're hers" she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Well I don't want neither of them" I said getting annoyed.
"Yea sure you don't" she said sarcastically.
"Whatever I don't want them, so tell her to fuck off" I said annoyed. She turned around after that. Oh well maybe her friend well keep her death glares to herself from now on.
As I was leaving class I bumped in to somebody and dropped my books. I was about to pick them up but a smiling Jasper already had them stacked up for me.
"Watch it there Bell's your going to knock somebody out" he said handing my books.
"Sorry Jazz" I said taking my books.
"Where are you rushing off to" he asked.
"Music" I said shrugging even though I really was excited. He was looking at me with a knowing look.
" I'll walk you" he said grabbing my hand and leading me towards the music room.
"Thanks" I said walking into my class room. He walked in and took at seat right next to me.
"Jazz hurry up and get to class before your late" I said just as the teacher walked in.
"Mr. Hale who's your friend" the teacher asked. OMG Jasper has my class.
"Oh this is Bella Swan she's new here" he said smiling at me. I felt my cheeks heat up. What the fuck I don't blush.
"Hello Bella and welcome to music 101" she said walking to her desk.
"Thanks" I mumbled looking at my hands.
The class was really fun. Jasper introduced me to some of his friends but I really wasn't paying that much attention. Jazz was really good when he was paying attention. Usually he was twirling a piece of my hair in his hand while humming to himself staring out in to space. I was writing my lyrics to my new song down most of the class. So when the teacher called on us for an answer we both looked at each other and shrugged. The teacher sighed and looked away, me and Jasper were laughing our ass off.