I was watching an episode of the show QI, when Rough Music was featured. It inspired this story.
I do not own Harry Potter (sadly), nor do I earn any money from this (almost as sadly).
For the sake of this story, the Trace is attached to the wand, not the wizard. Set after first year, and before the twins leave school. Slightly AU.
Rough Music
"You guys, we have to do something." The rake thin redhead said, spraying the other redheads around him with bits of cookie." The identical twins simultaneously pulled a disgusted face as one of them demonstrably brushed crumbs – both real and imagined – off his sleeve.
"Yeah, but what…" one twin said.
"Can we do…" The other twin continued.
"Stuck here…" Back to the first twin again.
"With mum watching us…" And to the second.
"All the time?" They both said together. They grinned at each other. They loved how it would freak people out when they talked liked that. Even though admittedly, their own family had become rather inured to it. Ron stuffed the rest of the cookie in his mouth and barely chewed it, before swallowing.
"Well, I don't know, do I?" he said with frustration. He stuck his fingers in his mouth one by one and licked the cookie grease off them. Then he wiped his hand on his trousers.
"But we have to do something. We can't just leave him there. They're bloody awful they are them muggles." The twins shared a look. How would their little brother ever get anywhere in life, if he couldn't even speak proper? Good thing he had them, then.
"We know they are." George said patiently.
"We need someway to get out of the house without mum catching us." Fred said slowly, thinking aloud.
"We could sneak out in the middle of the night. Done it plenty of times before." George agreed. Ron was looking from one to the other, a brightening hope apparent on his face, making his eyes glisten.
"Yeah, but she's got those monitoring charms in place now, remember?" Ron's face fell again.
"Can't we disable them or something?" he asked. Though he wouldn't admit it to them, should they ask, he thought the twins were bloody brilliant. It always seemed like there was nothing those two couldn't do. And they were a lot fun too. Not like that stuck up prat, Percy. He sneered inwardly at the thought of his older brother, who was always such a pain to be around. No the twins were more like his kind of people.
"Hmm, little ronnikins may be on to something, Gred." George grinned. Fred sent him a huge smile.
"I think you're right, Forge. Time to try that spell we found." George beamed at him.
"What spell?" Ron asked, getting annoyed. As much as he liked them, they had an irritating habit of excluding others, especially him, in their goings on.
"Never you mind, little brother." Fred said teasingly and ruffled Ron's hair. He whined indignantly and hurriedly tried to straighten his hair again.
"Okay, I've got an idea." George said.
The rooster snuggled down on his perch in his coop, when he thought he heard a noise. He stretched his neck and cocked his head, so as better to hear what was lurking outside. It had better not be that pesky fox again, he thought irritably. The stupid animal would frighten his hens, making it impossible for him to catch them and have his way with them. A task that was difficult enough on the best of days. But after a fox-visitation… well, a rooster must do what a rooster must do. He huffed proudly and fluffed his plumage. There! There it is again. That sound.
Tiredly he hopped off his perch and flapping his wings a few time gently gliding to the floor of the coop. muttering under his breath he peered out into the darkness. The half moon was out, casting its light on the yard and the fields beyond. Over in the distance by one of the buildings… something the humans called a shed, if he was not mistaken… he could just make out the silhouetted forms of three humans. He stared at them verily. They better not be thieves! I'll peck them to pieces, if they're thieves. I'll not stand for any hen-stealing in my coop. He glared at them angrily, as he worked himself up into a snit.
The sound of an angry rooster's cocka-doodling was followed by a loud bang, and some furious whispers and shushing noises.
"Shite, that bloody bird!" Ron whispered, clutching his heart and waiting for his breathing to return to normal.
"Come on, Ron." George whispered and gestured for the boy to join him. Ron hurried over to him and got into the muggle contraption their father loved so much.
"Muffliato." Fred whispered. George sent him a smile and turned the key in the ignition. The sound of an engine starting made them flinch nervously until the twins broke out laughing.
"Wait; do any of you know how to drive this thing? Hold on, is that dad's wand?!" Ron's voice rose into an ever steeper pitch.
"Yeah, can't use our own wands, now can we?" Fred sent him a slightly derogatory look.
"You stole dad's wand?!" Ron was incredulous, eyes popping wide open. "He's gonna go ballistic!"
"Well, it was either that or use our own wands." George said, as he manoeuvred the car out onto the road and sped up.
"Then we would get expelled from Hogwarts for using magic out of school and you know what that means." Fred told him.
"Mum." Ron realised. The twins nodded in unison.
"Better to deal with dad, even if he is spitting mad." Ron nodded glumly.
It was very early in the morning on Privet Drive. The sky was only just beginning to take on a lighter hue, but dawn was still a way off. Inside number four all the residents were sleeping soundly in their beds. Even the scrawny teenager in the smallest bedroom was sleeping peacefully for once. It might have to do with the fact, that he had been slaving in the yard all day painting the fence and that the new neighbours had fed him a large lunch, as a thank you for painting their side of the fence as well. It was amazing really how restful sleep could be on a full stomach.
The boy's snowy white owl, Hedwig, sat in a nearby tree keeping an eye on things. She had already eaten her fill of mice for the night and was content to just sit and observe. There for she was the first to notice the flying muggle car that came closer and closer. She blinked and kept observing.
The car landed on the street and rolled to a stop in front of her boy's house. Then she saw three familiar figures exit the vehicle. She would recognise these redheads anywhere. With a feeling of elation, she spread her wings and silently flew down to greet them. She landed on the car parked in the driveway, digging her talons in a bit, deliberately scratching the paintwork. She really couldn't abide that huge muggle, who owned the car. That he was her Harry's uncle was an everlasting grief to her. She saw what he was like and how he treated her Harry. Indeed, how he treated her as well. No, she did not like that man one little bit.
"Hi Hedwig." The youngest redhead said to her, in a hushed tone. Had she been able to she would have smiled fondly at him. This was a human she liked. She almost leaned into his touch when the boy petted her on top of her head, just where she had an annoying itch.
"How's Harry?" the boy asked her. She puffed her plumage and smoothed it down again. The boy chuckled softly.
"That bad, huh?" he said. She blinked solemnly. "It's okay. We're here to rescue him." She blinked again. Oh good. It's about time to, she thought as she watched the boys sneak over to the house. She would just stay right here and guard their escape route. With that decision made she swivelled her head slowly, taking in the surroundings and keeping a closer eye on the sleeping sentry two houses over. Honestly, what is that old man thinking, putting such a lazy man on guard duty? She wondered.
There was a soft click as the lock on the front door unlocked, but the hinges made no sound as the door was opened.
"Lumos." A small pinprick of light illuminated the hallway. Fred stepped inside and gestured for the others to follow.
"Must be upstairs." George whispered and Ron nodded. Silently they crept upstairs, holding their breaths, when Fred stepped on the creaking fifth step. The rest of the house was silent. Sighing in relief they moved on up, the others avoiding the noisy step. Opening the first door showed them the master bedroom, complete with two sleeping muggles. Harry's aunt and uncle, they guessed.
George nudged Fred in the side and mouthed: "The spell." Ron frowned in confusion. Fred nodded and waved his wand.
"Aspera musica." He said. It was obviously a spell, although not one Ron had ever heard of before. It sounded like it had something to do with music, though he couldn't figure out what it could possibly do. He opened his mouth to ask, when George shook his head and mouthed:
"We'll tell you later. Come on." The next room held the young whale that was Harry's cousin. Fred repeated the spell on him as well. The next door was to the bathroom, but the door next to it was Harry's. At least they thought it had to be. It had a cat flap and half a dozen locks on it. With a whispered "alohamora" the locks clicked open and Ron carefully pushed the handle down. As soon as the door was sufficiently opened Ron found himself at the business end of Harry's wand. It was poking into his right cheek in fact.
"Harry?" Ron asked timidly. He did not want to be subjected to one of his friend's hexes. Granted, they were not as fierce as Ginny's bat bogey hexes, but Harry could still pack a mean punch… er hex.
"Ron!" Harry's loud outburst seemed even louder in the otherwise silenced housed.
"Shhhh, you'll wake the whole house." Fred hissed. Harry's eyes were blown wide in surprise.
"Fred? … George? What are you doing here?" he whispered.
"Rescuing you, mate. What'd ya think?" Ron grinned.
Harry's mouth was opening and closing, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Come on, we don't have all night. Get your stuff."
Together they managed to retrieve all of Harry's belongings. The twins were both ready to tear into Harry's relatives, when they found out that most of Harry's things had been locked away in the cupboard for the summer. However they agreed that it was more important to get out of the house safe and sound, than to confront Harry's uncle.
Before long they were able to exit the house, Harry's now fully packed trunk and Hedwig's cage floating quietly into the trunk of the magic car. Harry's eyes goggled when he saw the car.
"You drove all the way here? That must have taken you ages." He said, astonished that they would actually go to such lengths for his sake. The twins grinned at him.
"Don't be silly, Harry."
"We flew here." With that George started the motor and the car rose off the ground and hovered a foot above the curb. Harry grinned and gave a brief wave to Hedwig, sitting in a nearby tree. Then he got in next to Ron on the backseat.
"Oh, mustn't forget." He turned and leaned over George, so that he could point their father's wand at the house. George was grinning in anticipation.
"Eu apera musica the Dursley's." He sat back up, just as an ear deafening cacophony of sound burst forth from the house. It sounded like a whole army was banging merrily on every pot and pan and every piece of metal in the house. The noise woke up the Dursley's, whose loud screams could be heard adding to the din. The boys in the car could also hear several neighbourhood dogs start to bark and several neighbours were yelling for the Dursley's to stop that infernal racket. Lights were going on in every house along the street.
"Go. Go!" Fred choked out, doubled over laughing and George laughing hard himself revved the engine and they took off.
When they had finally calmed down again, while flying somewhere over the Surrey countryside, Harry finally managed to ask:
"What was that?" Ron nodded. The twins had just told him, they would use a spell they'd learnt. He had had no idea what it would do.
"Yeah, that was bloody awesome." Fred turned around, flinging his right arm over the back of his seat and smiled at them.
"That my friends, was a little something called Rough Music." George beamed at them in the rear view mirror.
"It's actually a muggle idea." He said. "If a man abused his wife – like, hit her and stuff – the village could subject him to Rough Music."
"They'd gather outside his house and make as much noise as possible all night – and every night – so he couldn't sleep, until the man was forced to leave town." Fred picked up. George nodded.
"Some wizard thought it was a stellar idea and made a spell to do the same thing. Only the spell is attached to the person, so wherever they go, the noise will prevent them from sleeping." He said.
"Wicked!" Ron yelled.
"Yeah." Harry chuckled vindictively. Then he frowned. They were his relatives, after all. He probably had to go back there next summer. It wouldn't do for them to be too pissed at him. Besides, wasn't there something about if you were sleep deprived for long periods of time it could cause you to go insane? George must have noticed his worried expression, for he said:
"Don't worry, Harry. The spell wears itself out after a few weeks." Fred nodded and smiled reassuringly. Ron chuckled.
"Just think of the neighbours screaming at that whale to shut up." Fred and George burst out laughing, remembering the havoc they had left behind on Privet Drive.
"Ha ha ha, and aunt Petunia holding her ears." Harry chuckled.
"You know, I was sure I had a bag of Wesley's Wizarding Wheezes' latest sweets." Fred said, theatrically patting his pockets. "Oh well, must have dropped it in your cousin's room." He said and shrugged. The car was silent for a moment; then they all burst out laughing. The car flew on toward the burrow and one angry father of redheads.
The end.