My feels from reading Ender's Game
I don't want to live in this world. Not in a sense that I want to die, no that's not what has sprung these thoughts into the delicate little mind of mine. Its that I want the world to catch up with me. How I think, how I perceive things. How I see things how other people cant see them.
Like cigarette smoke – how it clings to the fire at the edge, rising up in a ghostly silhouette before being sucked into the little exhaust fan in the center of the stove while my mom does her makeup in the morning. It's really quite beautiful. Like a candle, after its been blown out. Candles smell better than cigarettes. And candles last longer.
I guess that makes me a pyromaniac, seeing the beauty in fire and in smoke. I guess that's why I like bonfires, too. Bigger fires, thicker smoke; and there's a bigger canvas of black to contrast the rising gray during the night when the warmth outside is needed. Bonfires smell nice too. They leave a crisp tang in the air when you breathe. It feels nice going down the back of my throat, into my lungs, unlike candle smoke. Candle smoke is harsh, and its gone too quickly to leave a crisp scent lingering in the cool room where I had lit it.
I imagine, that if the world caught up to me, maybe I wouldn't be so different. Maybe I would hate the people in this world less, or care for the splendors that life provides, more. Its not the individuals I loathe, its human nature as a whole whom I actually despise. When I group them all together and call them humans, do I sneer in contempt towards them.
But then again, even if the world caught up to me, and I was no longer different, because people would be able to think how I think, and to see the world as I see it – to see the beauty in people as individuals, and to see the true beauty of the world – I feel that I would never be truly satisfied. I would still be bored within the trifles that life provides. I would still hold contempt for the people around me; humanity as a whole.
I would still be different. I would still feel like I see things differently, that I perceive them differently. So then, what would be the point in the world catching up to me? I still wouldn't want to live in that world. Not because I want to die, but because I would want to see if the world could truly see things in the way that I see them.
But if they could, then who in this world would still be different enough to the point that they would want the world to catch up with them, as well?
-Katia L. Heartfield
Discloser: I do not own Ender's Game, i just loved the book. Please R&R