You should all feel sorry for me. If you don't want to, skip this author's note. Yesterday, on the 8th of May*, 2013, I cut my fingers on a can while on a Geography trip to the beach for my coursework. My teacher told a friend of mine, who also got cut (three out of the four people in my team cut ourselves – weird or what? And the other one does horse-riding, so she's probably going to get catapulted off a horse today), that she might get tetanus. You know what that means. I might get tetanus, and then lockjaw (your jaw gets paralysed and you are unable to eat) and die. But I devoted some of my time to another fanfic for you because I said the next update on my other one would be this weekend, but it won't be because no one has even had a go at the competition and I wanted to write. It's really hard to write though, because I cut two of my fingers and can't type properly. ANYWAY! ON WITH THE FANFIC! Just a little songfic of Cat and Frank, because I'm a Cat/Frank OR J-F OR Billy shipper. Cat's P.O.V.
*Okay, I'm finishing this on the 11th of May, so I probably won't get tetanus. Hope your happy, cuz I sure am*.
*Okay, this is the 14th of May and I've had to edit this because I got a PM about using song lyrics. The song is 'You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift. If you want, you can just Google the lyrics so you actually get what's going on.
"She's mad at me again," Frank muttered.
"Why?" I asked. It had been like this for weeks now.
"I was mucking around and I splashed some water on her dress."
"It sounds pretty funny."
"Well, she didn't think it was."
Yet again, I was lying in my bed in one of the guests' rooms at the Avon's house in Grosvenor Square, softly singing sea shanties to myself. I liked to do this when I daydreamed about me and Frank – all the things we had done together, all the things we could do together. Thanks to the amount of things we had done together, I knew nearly everything about him. She would never have the same memories at me. She would never know – never understand him like I do.
Of course, I knew it would always be her. She was the pretty one with the rich family, who had more titles between them than I had hot meals. She was the one who everyone liked, but still, couldn't I just hope?
He didn't seem to realise that she didn't get him. She didn't understand the fun we had cheering Syd on at boxing matches, or why he should be out with commoners such as my friends and I. He didn't realise that I was the only one who truly understood him, was truly made for him, except for that one little problem – I'm a commoner.
Because Frank was on holiday, we were going to another of Syd's boxing matches. He was dressed down – it wouldn't do for him to look like a lord; he'd have everything stolen in seconds. We were walking along, laughing and joking about anything that came to mind. It was always that simple between us. There were no false pretences, no smiles that didn't reach our eyes, for I was what I was and he was Frank.
The only time he smiled was when we were together – not that fake smile, the one that, if you watch closely, is screaming 'GET ME OUT OF HERE!', but the real one where his eyes crinkle up. It almost seemed like he had forgotten everything else, that I was all he saw and thought about, and then the smiled slipped away and I remembered her, and what she was doing to him. She didn't make him happy, but wasn't that what she was supposed to be doing?
I couldn't believe that he actually thought I would believe him if he said he was fine. He's a terrible liar – at least when he's lying to me - and besides, I know him better than almost anyone else. Doesn't he realise it's all her fault?
But, at the end of the day, she's still the pretty one. The one who everyone knows and loves, not the girl from the gutter that the Earl took pity on. So all I can do is hope that one day he realises he loves me, that he loves the girl who will always wait for him.
Yes, maybe one day he'll realise I'm the one for him, the one who was put of God's green earth just for him. Or maybe he won't, and he'll end up stuck with her in a loveless marriage.
How could he not know I love him? How could he not realise when I went to him for help after Johnny got hurt, after I rushed to save his life from Dixon? Was he that clueless, or did he ignore it because he didn't want to see it?
I remember when he found me in that bake shop once I got home from Jamaica. Why? Because he loves me, because he thinks I'm his best friend, or because he thinks I'm like his sister? Does he love me like a sister, like I love Syd as a brother? I suppose it's likely. Don't I cheer him up like I do Rabbie? He tells me things that he wouldn't tell anyone else, but Rabbie trusts me that way too.
No. He can't see me as a sister. He just can't. That would destroy me. He has to love me, properly.
I'm the one who makes him happy. I'm the one who will always look after him. Even if he broke my heart, I'm the one who could never leave him.
So I'll wait, because I don't want to ruin what we already have. I want him to love me, but I don't want to tell him I love him. How selfish can I be? Can I go so far as to deliberately ruin what he has with her? No. I couldn't do that, no more than Syd could do that to me.
So I'll wait.
Actually, just thought I'd mention – feel free to PM me if you want. Or if you have any ideas for a fanfic you'd like me to write. If you want me to do even a little of the writing, but you can probably do better.