Stolen Thunder and Rubbed Rhubarb
by Rob Morris
"Nothing's wrong, puddin'. Now you're beside me again."
Joker felt so warm towards his Harley, he decided to not even threaten to kill her for a full hour. Unless it was called for, of course.
"So, Harl old girl-how were things in that little Lovecraft Boat fest you and Croc latched onto-and did you wash after touching him? In his case, we know exactly where he's been."
Harley would of course never say it, or allow her body language to, but she had been-somewhat-thinking over what her next Squad mission would be, and almost looking forward to it.
"Usual blah-blah-blah about how big they were, and how nothing we all were-yeah, we get it, you were here when Atlantis was a thing-geez. But-"
She held up a small wrapped object from among the personal effects Joker's men had liberated from Belle Reve along with her.
"Being as I was in an actual sorceress/demon-thingy lair, I kind of copped something when they were all high-fiving-does Croc have five fingers?-ah who cares, its magic, and I'll bet we have fun with it."
As she smiled, she handed it to Joker, who nodded as he unwrapped what turned out to be a small mirror.
"Hmmm...it's not sucking out my soul, though what that means is anyone's guess...I don't have one, it doesn't want it, it fears what I've got...well, magic is a funny thing, rules a bit dodgy. While I like dodgy, it's harder to tell here. Can't break the rules if you have no idea what they are. We'll give it a test run. Ask it a question."
Harley shook with anticipation.
"The Bat, Mister J! Ask who the Bat is."
Joker sighed, and shook his finger in the air.
"The game, Harley. We don't-"
She frowned.
"We DON'T DO THINGS THAT WOULD ACTUALLY END THE-"
She actually anticipated the blow across her face, but made no move to dodge it, realizing her error too late to stop it. She looked up, a sheepish look on her face.
"Sorry to interrupt."
He nodded.
"Mostly forgiven. But No, I have a better test run question. An easily answered one, one that even a hungry demon-and I've known quite a few-can't really charge for, if there's a fee of some sort. Here goes."
He cleared his throat, and smiled his best one, in case the mirror's possessing force could be unnerved.
"Mirror, Mirror, in my hand, who's the CRAZIEST in the land?"
The mirror flashed, and the couple both smiled, till suddenly Joker wasn't smiling at all.
"Puddin'?"
Joker hurled the mirror at the wall, ending its existence.
"Blasted-even THE BAT has never insulted me like that!"
Harley knew the risk, but took it anyway, her curiosity being too great to care.
"What? What did you see? What did it show you?"
His fury still directed at the smashed mirror, Joker gestured towards its debris.
"That-that-abomination answered my question by showing me...by showing me..."
Despair now mixed with anger on his face, and the former psychiatrist now wondered if the mirror hadn't shown him Batman, which at least made sense, both logically and in a magical imp sense. She's actually heard about some kind of imp in Gotham-and maybe one in Metropolis. Some giggling fool named James Jesse had said the guy in Central City got his powers from one. Doo-doo head, but handsome in his own way, she thought.
"Puddin-tell your girl what that stupid thing showed you."
Calming in body, but not in voice, he told her at last.
"It showed me...some bald guy, sitting in a prison cell!"