TINNU THE VERY SMART CAT, Glorfindel/Erestor, Rating PG
Title: Tinnu the Very Smart Cat.
Pairing: Glorfindel/Erestor
Main characters: Tinnu (Erestor's cat) and Asfaloth
Rating: PG
Words: 1995
Disclaimer: Tolkein's. Not mine.
Summary: Tinnu visits the stables and shares his wisdom.
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A thick, heavy drizzle hung in the air, coating every surface with a watery film. Tinnu shook his matted fur, sending a fine shower of droplets in every direction, and sneezed violently. It was turning out to be a miserable day.
The bedraggled cat slunk towards the stables with renewed purpose. There he would make his way to the loft, where he could bask in the sun-warmed hay to his heart's content. The day had just started to break, shafts of light filtering through the gaps in the woodpile that Tinnu was using for cover. No matter, for his once pitch-black fur was now streaked with a coppery-brown and his muzzle had grown flecks of grey. It made for excellent camouflage.
Tinnu did not begrudge his aging state. He was a very smart cat, after all, and had already ensured that Tinnus the second, third, fourth, fifth and quite possibly sixth were on their way, courtesy of a lovely young queen in the kitchens.
The stable door was open already, as Tinnu knew it would be. The elves started work early here. As he stole his way into the building he caught sight of a small, grey ball of fur. He stared balefully at the mouse but made no move to pursue. He had been a reputable ratter in his youth but that was long ago and his now stiff joints would not withstand the chase.
The mouse, as if sensing the cat's thoughts, continued nibbling through the hay unabashed. Insolent beast! Tinnu was just about to take a swipe at it when a most unusual noise reached his ears. It was a sort of wet snort followed by the loudest sigh Tinnu had ever heard. Mouse forgotten, he padded towards the stall it had emanated from and poked in his head.
In the stall stood a huge, white stallion, his coat gleaming and his hooves polished to a sheen. His body was a patchwork of muscles which rolled and rippled beneath the immaculately groomed hide with the slightest of movements. His chest was broad and deep, his legs long and powerful. This was a superb example of a male in prime physical condition.
Tinnu couldn't fathom why the beast looked so upset.
He mewed softly to announce his presence before entering the stall. He didn't want to get trampled. Each one of those hooves was easily as big as his head!
"Hi! I'm Tinnu!"
The stallion blinked and looked at him in surprise, lifting his head from its dejected droop. The horse regarded his unexpected visitor for a moment before replying in kind.
"How do you do, Tinnu. My name is Asfaloth," he rumbled, "and I am delighted to make your acquaintance."
Tinnu's whiskers twitched with a barely suppressed snicker. How do you do, Tinnu! How very la-de-da!
"So… why the long face, Asfaloth?"
"Ah, I apologise for my uncharacteristic melancholy," the horse drew himself up into a regal pose more befitting his appearance. "It is unseemly, I know, but my situation grows more unbearable with each passing day."
Tinnu cocked his head.
"I just do not understand it!" the horse bewailed. "Am I not handsome? Am I not magnificent? Do I not have the most powerful hindquarters you have ever seen?"
With that, Asfaloth swung about to display the aforementioned attribute. Tinnu eyed the expanse of meaty, white flesh that had just been presented to him. It rather reminded him of the chunks of cooked chicken he sometimes had his elf make for him.
"Indeed!" Tinnu mewed agreeably. "I have never seen such delici… err.. divine buttocks."
Asfaloth nodded his had vigorously. "And yet, not one elf has claimed me! I am nearly three years old, Tinnu, and still I have no rider to call my own! I am a disgrace to all horses!"
"Now, now, surely it is no so bad? Perhaps you have just not met the right elf?"
"I have met hundreds of elves, my good cat, but all turn from me. Today I will be presented to another and, though I will prance and parade myself before their eyes, I will no doubt be rejected once more! Ai, though my heart is as large as the rest of me, even it cannot take this constant beating!"
Were all horses this overly dramatic, Tinnu wondered, or was it just the muscle-bound ones? "Prance and parade, you say?"
"Why, yes! I flag my tail and arch my neck so that they see how happy and proud I am to meet them. I cavort so that they may see how well I move and I pirouette so that they may see me in all my glory!"
Tinnu blinked. "That sounds like a lot of hard work! That's not how I got my elf to take me home at all!"
"It isn't?"
"Indeed not! You should be calm and affectionate, so all cats are taught, and you should look at your elf with wide eyes and purr!"
"Purr? I cannot purr!"
"Hmm, yes, that is unfortunate. Still, why don't you try the rest and see if it works for you?"
Asfaloth ruminated on the idea. "Very well. I have little left to lose at this point."
Feeling very satisfied with himself, Tinnu followed Asfaloth outside when the stable-hand came to show him to the latest potential buyer. Asfaloth's halter was tied to a solid iron hoop attached to the outside of the building and Tinnu was pleased to see him standing serenely in place.
Oh, he was such a smart cat! Asfaloth would have an elf of his own in no time at all!
Purring merrily away, he ran to listen in on the head-groom's conversation with a big, blonde elf. They would make a good match, Tinnu decided. All muscles, the pair of them.
The head-groom was gesticulating at Asfaloth as he spoke: "Palfreys are my stock and trade, my lord and, while he's got the looks, he's just too big and too lively for our normal clientele."
"Palfreys, you say? How did you manage to breed a beast like that out of those lines?"
"Ah, well, it was not intentional, my lord. The neighbour's draught was the sire. A farm horse!" he exclaimed in disgust. "Some fool left the gate unlocked and by the time we found him the morning he'd already covered half my mares! I was lucky that only the one caught. Would he be any use to you, do you think?"
"Hmm… rouse him up, then. Let's see him move."
Asfaloth was summarily put through his paces. The big blonde inspected him thoroughly before allowing the head-groom to take him out on the lunge-line. The stallion behaved in an exemplary fashion. First he set a sedate walk, then a brisk trot, before smoothly moving into a gentle canter. Not one twitch betrayed the quivering mass of energy that was barely restrained beneath that cool exterior, not even when he was returned to the iron hoop.
He had been perfect!
Why, then, were the head-groom and the big blonde frowning? Tinnu slunk towards them and listened in again.
The big blonde was shaking his head. "No, he's not what I'm looking for, I'm afraid. I need a horse with fire, with passion. I'm sure you understand."
"I do apologise, my lord. He's not normally like this…"
Oh no! Tinnu watched in dismay as the big blonde began to walk away. What had he done? His advice had just cost Asfaloth his new rider! He looked about frantically. The massive horse had seen the big blonde leaving and had turned away with a heavy sigh.
Tinnu blinked. He had just had the most marvellous idea. It was not his smartest idea, no, but he was such a very smart cat that it was bound to be a good one nonetheless.
Aging limbs protesting, the black cat streaked across the courtyard. With a fierce yowl he leapt into the air, bones creaking, and landed squarely on the chicken-like buttocks he had earlier admired.
Eighteen very sharp claws sank deep into the expanse of flesh.
An almighty shriek ripped from the stallion's chest. His polished hooves clattered on the cobbles as he jerked sideways, reared with a second deafening scream, and set off at a thundering gallop. The iron hoop didn't stand a chance; it was torn from the wall and bounced along Asfaloth's back at the end of the reins, sending the poor horse further into his frenzy.
Eyes wild, the stallion smashed his way into the paddock, the three bar fence in his path splintering and shattering under his weight. The mares grazing in the paddock scattered like frightened birds, taking flight in all directions. Tinnu made good his escape, tumbling to the ground at the first opportunity, but still the horse did not stop.
He bucked, he whirled, he arched his back and slammed all four hooves into the ground before making a sharp turn and taking off again.
Back at the fence, the big blonde was watching all this with a broad grin.
"Fantastic! Magnificent!" he was shouting, arms flailing expressively. "I'll take him!"
In the end it took five stable-hands to capture and calm the raging stallion. Tinnu limped his way back to the fence, tired but pleased. He was such a smart cat!
Large hands scooped him from the ground and stroked his head. "Oh, you are a troublemaker, aren't you!" the blonde chuckled. "Poor thing, what were you thinking?"
"Oh, that's Tinnu!" the head-groom piped up, holding a damp cloth to the bruise on his forehead where Asfaloth's nose had smacked it. "He's Master Erestor's cat."
"Well, I'd better take him home and make sure that paw is looked at. Thank you again."
"Oh no, thank you, Lord Glorfindel!" the head-groom fervently replied.
So that was his name! Tinnu purred happily. He seemed like a nice enough elf. He would allow this Glorfindel to take him home.
Carefully shifting Tinnu into one arm, the blonde went in search of Erestor's quarter's and, once located, knocked on the door. It swung open a moment later to reveal Tinnu's elf. The cat meowed loudly in greeting.
"Erestor! I'm home! I brought you a visitor!" Tinnu cried. It was useless, he knew, for Erestor could not understand him, but he felt it was important to make the effort. It wasn't their fault that elves were not very smart.
Take now, for example. Glorfindel and Erestor both stood on the threshold of Erestor's quarters, staring at each other with gormless expressions. Glorfindel seemed not to know what to do with himself and Erestor was turning a funny shade of pink.
"I… I was told that this cat belongs to you?" Glorfindel eventually managed.
"Yes! Yes, he does!" Erestor hurriedly replied, reaching out to take Tinnu. The cat squirmed in annoyance as both elves seemed to jump at the contact and pull away, faces burning. He clambered into Erestor's arms and dug his claws into the shoulder to express his ire. Erestor ignored him; irksome elf!
"I'm afraid he got into a little altercation with my horse. He seems to be alright but I thought I should make sure he got home safely."
"Thank you. That's very kind of you. Would you… would you like to come in? Some tea, perhaps?"
Glorfindel smiled warmly. "I'd love some. I'm Glorfindel, by the way."
"Yes, I know. I mean, well, everyone knows who you are," Erestor awkwardly explained. "I'm Erestor."
That was the start of a very long evening, during which Tinnu sat on Erestor's lap and demanded treats and affection, while the silly pair prattled on about wars and councils and other such silly elven things.
Eventually, though, it grew dark outside and Glorfindel stood to leave. Erestor stopped him.
When Erestor led Glorfindel into his den and the pair set about the business of making elf-kittens, Tinnu decided to make himself scarce.
He was, after all, a very smart cat.
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