None of this felt right without him. In the blackness of the night, in those small moments in which he had always taken his presence for granted, the silence was deafening. There were subtle instances when he expected to be able to reach out and brush his fingers over the familiar texture of his skin, and instead found only the cotton bed sheets he had tucked over his mattress. There had been something incredibly endearing about the way Blaine mumbled in his sleep the few times they had been able to spend the night together. There had always been something so deliciously wrong about sneaking the younger boy into his bedroom when his own father had been on the campaign trail. They had whispered and laughed about how it would be when they were older and away from their parents; the way it would be when permission was no longer required or even asked. These were the very moments they had been waiting for, yet when Kurt stretched his legs in the large bed, he found only empty air. There was no Blaine beside him, as he had for so long now assumed there would be.
He, of course, had known that Blaine was younger than him since they had met. However, at the end of junior year, college still seemed light-years away. The thought that the future would drive a 600 mile wedge between them seemed improbable, if not impossible. Over the year-and-half that they'd spent together, the idea of leaving him behind hadn't really occurred to him until the acceptance letter from NYADA had come in the mail. Even then, Blaine had been so anxious to celebrate the accomplishment that they hadn't bothered to dwell on the nasty little details, including the trek to New York with Rachel, which would leave Blaine in Lima. Without him.
They'd spent nearly the entire last week together. Sleeping together was off-limits, but due to some finagling and a little white lie on Blaine's part, Kurt had convinced his father to let Blaine sleep in the guest bedroom the night before his scheduled departure. After the goodnights had been said and the lights turned off, the younger boy had snuck down to Kurt's darkened room. Without a word, he had slipped beneath the comforter and into the sheets beside the other boy. Kurt greeted him with open arms, and with a hushed sigh they settled into their quiet reverie. As their fingers had traced over each other's skin and their lips met in small but passionate kisses, a sense of overwhelming love and loss had filled the room.
Up to the point, both of them had been afraid to mention the topic for longer than a moment. That was always "someday", not now. Nothing could interrupt their sweet time together, until suddenly, there was no more time. It was an unspoken agreement between them, and if there had been something reckless for them to do at that point, they would have done it if for no other reason than because tomorrow would come too quickly. However, they had already made love numerous times, and to be honest, neither of them was in the mood for it. There seemed to be nothing left to do but hold each other and get as close as humanly possible.
After the lingering silence had rested between them, Kurt felt he'd needed to say something to ease the pain in his chest. Not that he'd known what to say.
"I'm…I'm sorry," was his offer. He'd felt Blaine's dark eyelashes tickle his cheek as the other boy blinked.
"Sorry for what, honey?" His smooth, even voice was like music in the darkness of the room and Kurt felt instantly at ease. His fingers tightened lovingly around Kurt's bicep before his nails lightly scratched the skin there.
"For everything," Kurt managed to get out, "You know, maybe this was a mistake. I didn't even know you when I decided to leave Lima after graduation, and I-"
"Baby, stop." His gentle voice paused Kurt's worried rambling. "That's exactly the point. You didn't know me when you decided what you wanted to do with your life. Any deviation from the plan now would just make me feel like I'm derailing your future plans." He'd said the words with a light chuckle, possibly to cover the break in his voice.
"You're part of my future," Kurt remembered insisting, his fingers playing on Blaine's cheek, "The biggest part."
"You're in mine, too," Blaine nodded easily, "But this is your dream. You need to get out of here, honey. You're too big for Lima."
Kurt hadn't replied for a moment, and even after a moment, his simple reply was, "Okay."
"And besides," Blaine spoke after a short period of silence, smiling in the darkness, "It's just one more year. As soon as I graduate, I'll be on the first plane to New York."
Kurt looked toward him expectantly in the dark of the room, "Promise?"
"Do I promise?" Blaine smiled, laughing softly, "By the time the class of 2013 is throwing their hats in the air, I'll be going through airport security." His hands had reached for Kurt's in the darkness, their fingers curling together instinctively. "And soon I'll even be able to put a ring on this perfectly manicured finger of yours. I'm thinking simple, yet elegant."
A response had eluded Kurt, but it felt that no words were necessary at that point. Instead, Kurt had brought their entwined fingers to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the back of Blaine's hand.
"I love you," he'd said simply.
"I love you, too," Blaine replied.
Silence had filled the room once again, and only when Kurt felt the steady, rhythmic beating of Blaine's heart and his breath slowing as he fell asleep did he allow himself to release the boy's hand and curl closer to his lover. They'd slept in the same bed that night, and when Burt had seen them both leave Kurt's room in the morning, he'd decided not to press the issue. For that, Kurt was eternally grateful.
And now, high above the cluttered streets of New York City, there was nothing. No warmth from Blaine's touch, no gently murmuring in the night. The only sound that comforted Kurt currently was the steady hum of the ceiling fan above his bed.
As if on cue, his phone lit up on his bedside table. Grabbing it quickly told him that it was Blaine, and a mixture of love and sadness welled inside his chest.
The text was simple: I miss you, babe.
Kurt could imagine what Blaine was doing now. After their nightly calls, he always spent a few minutes browsing the web on his phone, probably watching some stupid YouTube video. Just before plugging his phone in for the night, he sent one last text message goodnight. It was now a nightly ritual.
I miss you, too. So, so much, was the reply Kurt sent back. And because there were no real words to describe the empty feeling in his heart without Blaine next to him, he turned over in his bed and eventually succumbed to sleep.