Copyright info: I do not own Heart no Kuni no Alice or any of the other companies/entertainment stuff used in the story except my mary-sues.
Warning: The story was written for entertainment, not to offend anyone.
Part One:
It was a starless night. For some strange reason, there were no stars in the sky at all. It was just a blank, black sky. Of course being the dim-witted Wonderlanders they were, no one noticed this. In fact, because the Wonderlanders were so badass and what not, they were having a not so girly tea party.
"Alice you bad, bad girl," Blood Dupre said because he liked insulting Alice. "You keep seducing men...not good."
"I love you," Alice replied. Who knows why Alice ended up with that guy at the end of the manga.
"ALICE YOU MUST LOVE ME!" Peter White exclaimed while glaring at Blood. He reached over and hugged Alice.
"Ew gross like get off of me loser!" Alice slapped Peter and punched and kicked him. Peter was magically unhurt because in every mary-sue story, the dude is ultimately a supporting mary-sue character.
Suddenly, in the night sky, there was a bright flash of light and a random UFO appeared out of nowhere. All the Wonderlanders pulled out their weapons except for Alice because she is the girly-girl of the story.
Then- is it a bird? Is it a frog? Is it doughnuts? No! It is...(inserts awesomely long mary-sue name here). The name of this mary-sue is Raven Rage Oh Boredom Guy(No insulting my mary-sue name :(.)
Raven is the hottest of the hot and she has awesomely godly powers because she is the daughter of Lord Voldemort. No one cares that Voldemort loves no one. He was raped.
The moment Raven sky-dived out of the UFO, all the males fell in love with her.
"O-M-G I don't love Alice anymore!" Peter cried with tears of joy.
But then, the real mary-sues came out of the UFO. Their names were You and Me. You had a shotgun in her hands and Me had a grenade in her hands.
"DIE YOU MOTHERF*CKERS!" You cried and she and Me started bombing the place like crazy.
There were cries of pain and after the smoke cleared, the only people left alive were the female characters and Ace and the twins. It was obvious why the female characters survived. Vivaldi and Alice were so girly so everyone liked them(except You and Me).
And everyone who is not cool likes girly-girls for no reason. Dee and Dum were left alive because Fate has decided that they were to be You and Me's servants. Ace was so stupid he couldn't die anyways. Also Raven Rage Oh Boredom Guy survived because...-drum rolls- she is the perfect mary-sue of the story.
"No!" Raven cried sexily. "I was going to marry them all!"
"Sucks for you," Me said. "Go f*ck yourself."
Raven committed suicide(sexily) and all of the dudes married her and they lived happily ever after. NO ONE CARES RAVEN!
And the evil bad guys of the story, You and Me, climbed out of the UFO and went to talk to Dee and Dum about their services.
"Yo You always wanted to meet you guys!" You cried hugging Dum.
"I want Dee because he's blue," Me said. "You can have Dum."
"Sure. I like Dumb," You agreed nodding.
"It's Dum," Dumb said annoyed.
"Shut up you b*tch," You snapped.
Part Two:
So You was checking out herself in the mirror because she was in love with herself.
"We should get married!" You cried.
"Yeah!" her reflection replied back.
Bella came in You's new room. "You can't marry your reflection!"
"Of course You can," You said. "It's perfectly natural."
"I don't want to marry your reflection!" Bella said confused.
"Of course you don't! You gets to marry the reflection!"
"I don't want to!"
"Yeah! You does!"
"What's with the bad grammar you b*tch? Didn't you hear myself? I DON'T WANT TO!"
"Shut up you b*tch!"
"You is the b*tch!"
Meanwhile...
"Viv," Ace said. "I have fallen in love with you. Please marry me."
"Oh yes I will!" Viv cried.
"O-m-g my reflection and I were going to marry. We should have a double wedding even though I'm not sure those exists!" You said.
"Yeah!" Ace cried. "Where's Bella?"
"No where." You bursted out laughing evilly. "MUAHAHAH! MUAHAHHA! MUAHAHA!"
"You why do you refers to herself in third person?" a Jacob fangirl asked.
"You die tonight," You said pushing the girl out of the window. "I KEELED JACOB!"
"NOOOOO! I WILL KILL YOU! YOU IS A B*TCH!" the fangirl who name was Raven the Second cried. "YOU KEEL MY HUBBY!"
"F*ck off!" You shouted. She closed the window. "This is bullsh*t."
Part 3:
"This is nice," Me said pleasantly. "Here sit, Dee."
Dee sat next to Me. "I kind of miss boss and the stupid rabbit. Why did they have to die, master?"
"Because the author of this story has made it so," Me said softly. "Listen, Dee. In the fifteen minutes we have spent knowing each other...I have fallen in love with you."
"Me too," Dee said.
"Yes." Me looked up into the blank night sky. "Dee...I have a secret to tell you."
"What is it?" Dee asked. "You can tell me anything."
"I'm a pedophile."
Part 4:
Raven the Second sobbed into her hanky. "How could Jacob have died? How could Edward still be alive? WHY?"
"It is because you were meant to be the Emo Mary-sue," Dumbledore said wisely.
Raven the Second turned around. "Dumbledore?"
"Each of the mary-sues in this story represent the mary-sue traits and gods," Dumbledore continued. "For example, Raven Rage Oh Boredom Guy was the mary-sue of sexiness and girly-ness. You is the mary-sue of conceited b*tches. Me is the mary-sue of pedophiles. You and I don't mean You You but YOU are the emo mary-sue."
"What about Viv and Alice?" Raven sobbed emo-ly. "What about them?"
"Oh they're just girly girls that have no significance to the story," Dumbledore said sadly. "Raven...I was sent here to steal your money and make your life even more emo and sad."
"NOOO!" Raven sobbed even harder.
Part 5:
It was a happy morning for everyone. Because this story doesn't have to make sense, it was time for the weddings. Ace was going to marry Viv. Alice was going to marry the ghost of Blood Dupre. You was marrying You the Second and finally Me was marrying Dee, even though technically thirteen year olds cannot get married.
"Why am I not getting married?" Dumb cried. "This sucks! That's it everyone dies right now!"
"Shut up! Go hump a tree!" Dee said slapping his twin brother.
Finally the wedding sounded and the males and You the Second came down the aisle in white dresses. The superior females waited for them on the platform. It took them five hours to get there because the white dresses were 50 pounds each and they had on nine feet high heels.
"We gather here," the mary-sue of love said lovingly. "Wait nevermind I forgot everything. I now pronounce everyone hubby and female masters!"
"Yay!" the males and You the second screamed. They threw their flowers in the air and Dumb caught all of them because he was the only one present.
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