Thick, unforgiving rain drops fell down on and all around Marlene McKinnon and her siblings as they stood huddled around their parents' graves. Fresh flowers, floating candles and notes of love filled the small space and successfully hid the recently dug earth in front of the graves. But not a thousand words of condolences or any number of flowers could fill the void in Marlene's life.
Her parents were dead.
Every time in the past couple of days when the thought hit her, it was immediately followed by the sensation of someone gripping her heart and pulling it out of her chest. She felt hollow in a new, unwelcome way that left her breathless. She almost wanted to look down herself to see a physical reason as to why she was hurting so.
The only one to blame, was her.
She felt responsible. It was impossible for her not to. As she looked at her siblings around her she felt an immediate sense of panic because she had no idea how to raise a child when she still felt so much like one herself.
Marlene was the second oldest of six siblings. Her older brother, Mathe, was an auror and they had not heard from him in months or seen him at the funeral. Her sister, Maisie, was one year younger than Marlene, Malcolm was two years younger and the youngest of them all was the twins, Madeleine and Maddox, who were five years younger than Marlene. They were too young for this kind of pain, Marlene thought, but knew there was nothing she could do to save them. Marlene let her eyes run over the inscriptions on the gravestone one more time.
Marcus McKinnon Sicily McKinnon
Beloved Father Beloved Mother
If she closed her eyes, Marlene could smell her mother's perfume and hear her father's loud laughter. He always laughed in a way that claimed the attention of all the people around him. Marlene swore that when her father laughed like that it could cure cancer and make blind people see.
Marlene wanted to remember them as they had been when they were still alive. She turned back from the stones in front of her as they seemed to taint the happy memories she so desperately wanted to hold on to. In the distance, she could see her friends all huddled together. Some appeared to have used the impervius charm as a shelter from the rain, others, like Lily Evans, simply held an umbrella over their heads. Mary MacDonald stood closest to Marlene and kept a watchful eye out for her. The girl hadn't moved for the past ten minutes and was positively soaked. The umbrella in her hand forgotten.
Marlene felt a little sick as she felt Madeleine's little, cold hand wrap around hers. She looked down into her sister's blue eyes, so like her own, so like their mother's. Guilt slowly built its way up from her stomach into her throat so much that she felt as if she would choke on it. The innocent face of her little sister only made her feel more broken.
"Marlene, what do we do now?" Madeleine asked. Her young voice was already stained with their mother's accent, but Marlene reckoned she'd lose it again soon enough.
It was a brilliant question, one Marlene wished to answer simply but she knew it couldn't be done. All she could think of was that this was her fault. People called her a Gryffindor and said it as a prideful thing. In the end, Marlene's bravery had been her parents' death sentence. Marlene didn't want to remember. She couldn't figure out what was wrong and what was right. She struggled with the selfishness that she knew she was lucky to be alive and the pain that she had been the very one to help end her parents' life. If she had just left things alone like they'd asked… A new emotion began to fill her body and it was one she'd known many times before. She was becoming numb. Nothing mattered to her in this moment. There was too much blood on her hands for her to ever be able to be a whole person again. She'd lost so much. Too many people had left her.
As she looked up at her friends again she was struck by the thought that if she simply disappeared, no one would ever have to suffer for her again. She closed her eyes. The pain drained her and pushed her to places she knew she could not come back from.
She had to find a way to be strong, but she had lost all ideas of how.
"Marlene"
The new voice brought Marlene back from her train of thoughts and she opened her eyes to see Euphemia Potter in front of her. Euphemia, who was head of the Auror department at the Ministry of Magic, had also been a close personal friend of her parents.
"Yes?"
"It's time to go" Euphemia always spoke in the same, solemn voice. Marlene remembered how, when she'd been younger, the woman had been so full of life. She figured the war had drawn the life out of her as it had about everything else.
"Yes" Marlene agreed. It was time to go. She might not be ready now, but she knew she would never come to feel so.
"Where are we going?" Maddox asked. He was still young enough that he spoke in a pleasant, high voice "Home?"
Marlene didn't have the heart to tell the set of begging blue eyes that they no longer had a place that they could call so, but merely grabbed the twins' hands and put a smile on her face.
"Sort of".
Carolyn Dearborn was a loud, obnoxious woman, who just happened to be Marlene's new guardian and grandmother. Marlene wasn't particularly fond of the woman as she hated Marlene's father and never cared to keep it to herself even when he had been alive. She hated him about as much as she did tea. And that she loathed. As it was, Marlene's mother and grandmother were American. Her mother had attended Ilvermony, but had taken her seventh year at Hogwarts, where she'd met Marlene's father. When the young couple had decided to move to England together, Marlene's grandmother – an otherwise, esteemed full-blooded witch – had sworn off any and all things to do with the country. She could never really forgive Marlene's father for the fact that he took her daughter away from her, as she saw it. It also didn't help when her mother's little brother, Marlene's uncle Henry, had done the exact same thing two years later. Marlene's grandmother had moved to England when Marlene's mother had been killed to stay with the children, but Marlene did not see it as a blessing. She felt downright relieved when September first arrived and her sixth year at Hogwarts awaited. It gave her a brilliant excuse to leave the house.
"This tea tastes downright repugnant and what sort of blasphemy is it to put milk in it, too? I swear-"
Marlene gave up listening to her grandmother, who stood in the doorway of Marlene's room and cradled a cup of tea. Marlene simply continued to pack her trunk in a hurry. Her grandmother went on and Marlene ignored her as she carpeted her for not having packed her things sooner. Marlene bit her tongue not to snap back that if she hadn't had to pack all her younger siblings' suitcases alone, she would've had more time to do her own.
"I thought they'd been teaching you things at that second-rate school of yours"
"They have, grandma, they just-"
"Don't talk back to me. Come down when you've finished. We're leaving soon" her grandmother told her, but she turned around and scoffed, "And do something with that face of yours!"
Marlene let out a huff that sent a stray curl away from her face. Marlene moved to the mirror in her room and met her reflection with tired eyes. She had inherited her mother's wild hair. It was dirty-blonde and always formed big and uncontrollable curls. She had a heart-shaped face, deep blue eyes that always failed to hide any and every emotion she felt. She was known for her wide, winning smile and an unending number of freckles that filled her face as randomly as the stars on the night sky.
Marlene's grandmother hated the freckles as they seemed to remind her of her son-in-law, Marlene's father.
Marlene fixed her face and successfully hid every freckle on it per her grandmother's request. She put on mascara and collected her hair in a high ponytail. Even with all the hassle, it would not be hard for anyone to see that Marlene had just suffered a great loss. It was as if the light in her eyes had left the world along with her parents.
"MARLEEEENE! Grandma says we're going to be late!" Maisie's voice bellowed up the stairs.
"Coming!" Marlene called.
She went back inside her room and looked around. It was filled with boxes Marlene had yet to unpack from her old house. Marlene didn't bother to check if she'd forgotten anything but shut her trunk with a little more force than necessary.
She left the trunk for a moment and walked to the window. On the sill, she'd left her most precious possession. Her mother's perfume. Marlene grabbed the tiny glass bottle and faced it towards her. She pushed the top once, softly. A spray of perfume hit her chest and she felt tides of memories roll over her along with it. As the smell reached her nose she could almost feel her mother's arms wrap around her again. The soft notes of citrus and jasmine made Marlene feel safe at once, and she allowed herself a foolish, childish moment where she pretended that she was home, and all was well. Sadly, she could not ignore the fact that she knew it was all an illusion. As she opened her eyes, she saw that everything and nothing had changed. Her mother was still gone and she was still in her new, yet unfamiliar bedroom.
She grabbed the tiny bottle and put it in her coat pocket. She did not look at her recently moved-in room for another minute, but brought her trunk downstairs as requested.
Marlene had never realised how loud platform nine and three quarters was. That was the first thing that struck her as she walked onto the platform. Her grandmother was in front of her with a twin in each hand. Malcolm and Maisie were already in a fight about who got to sit with their friends, and who had to watch the twins on the train ride. Marlene carried a trolley with a mountain of suitcases and frantically looked around for her friends, but couldn't find any of them.
All her eyes seemed to only be able to find was parents, who kissed their children goodbye or wished them a good new term and it sent an unknown pain straight to her heart. She wished her mother and father could have been here to see the twins off. She remembered all the other years they'd been here and the four of them had waved at Marlene and her other siblings. It seemed so unfair that they wouldn't get to see the last of their children go to Hogwarts and hear how they were sorted, but Marlene didn't have time to dwell on that now. It would do her no good.
Marlene hoped that her sixth year at Hogwarts would be kind to her, and at least felt a little comforted to know that she'd be surrounded by her friends.
Their grandmother stopped a few steps from the scarlet steam engine and turned to the horde of McKinnon children.
"All right, children. I expect you all to behave perfectly while you're at school. I know it's only Hogwarts, but you must act as your mother would've wished"
"Don't worry, grandma, I promise only to burn down the Potions classroom once this term" Malcolm said cheekily. Marlene meant to shoot him a stern glance, but she could feel a smirk build on her face.
"That's not funny, Malcolm"
"Of course not, grandma" he said with a wink at Marlene, who had to fake a cough to hide her laugh.
"Maddox and Madeleine, I wish you a great first year and hope by Circe that you'll be sorted into Ravenclaw" Carolyn said. Now, Marlene audibly let out a scoff.
They both kissed their grandmother's cheek, and Maisie made off quickly to help them to a compartment and escape their grandmother.
"Owl me, darling" Carolyn told Malcom before he stepped inside the train. Then the elderly woman turned to Marlene with lips so thin she looked even more stern than Professor McGonagall.
"As the oldest I expect you to look after your siblings" Carolyn told Marlene unsmilingly.
"Yes, grandma"
"I expect you to behave exemplary, to do your homework and not cause any form of trouble be it any sort of gallivanting with your friends or boys. I will have no letters about any sort of trouble or fornication or-"
"Bloody hell" a loud voice said from behind Marlene, and a moment later a pale, freckled arm wrapped around her shoulders.
Lily Evans was a tall, red-haired girl known for her incredibly brains, lovely personality and unrelenting cheek. The summer had turned her dark red hair a bit more ginger, and she had a fresh splash of freckles over her nose and cheeks. She wore a green summer dress, and looked so alive, Marlene felt a little jealous.
"And who might you be?" Carolyn asked.
"Grandma, this is Lily. You met her at the funeral" Marlene quickly said.
"Of course. Hello again"
"I'm sorry to interrupt" Lily told Carolyn kindly, "I just heard the word fornication and had to see what poor Marlene had gotten herself into"
"It was more of a talk of what she shouldn't get herself into" Carolyn said in a controlled-calm voice.
"Well, I mustn't interrupt further. I'll see you on the train, Mars" Lily said with a wink at her friend and left. As Lily reached the step to the train, she turned and stuck her tongue out at Marlene.
"She's a prefect, grandma" Marlene said in a weak attempt to make her grandmother believe that she was friends with the kind of people she'd approve off.
"Miracles do happen" Carolyn responded drily. She kissed Marlene's cheek so briefly, if Marlene had closed her eyes she'd guessed it was just a breeze that touched her cheek. She felt no amount of sorrow as she left her grandmother at the platform and boarded the train. She would much rather find her friends instead.
"How many sickles on Potter?" a third-year Hufflepuff excitedly called over his shoulder to his friends just as Marlene passed them. She moved quickly through the train until she found the compartment her housemates had claimed.
The moment she entered it her four dormmates looked up at her and their faces fell. Alice Fortescue folded her hands solemnly and said nothing. She was a short girl with straight, shoulder-length hair the same colour as dark chocolate and a small, button nose. Dorcas Meadowes opened and closed her mouth wordlessly. Her dark hair and skin looked radiant after a long summer, and her hair was beautifully pinned back. She had an athletic figure and was Gryffindor's seeker. Lily simply licked her lips and watched Marlene. They all seemed to wait for the last person in the room to act, Mary MacDonald. She watched Marlene with soft, green eyes. She was not as tall as Marlene but was the one of the girls, who came the closest. Her light-brown hair was neatly braided down her shoulder and back. She watched Marlene with baited breath, and wore a worried look worthy of Marlene's deceased mother.
"Hi" Mary finally said.
It was not that they weren't happy to see Marlene, she knew that, but she had found that awkward silence and an expectance of a nervous breakdown was the common reaction that people had to seeing an orphan.
"Why are people talking about sickles and Potter?" Marlene asked. She was ready to talk about anything but her tragic life.
They all looked at her, surprised. Then Alice saved her.
"Sickles? Wow! People have moved on from knuts!" she exclaimed excitedly, which luckily seemed to make the other three go back to normal as well. Marlene sat down next to Mary. Dorcas sat in between Lily and Alice on the opposite seats of the compartment.
"What is going on?" Mary wanted to know. She shot a quick glance at Marlene, who waited in trained worry for what came next.
"Potter and Black have made a bet with Dearborn about who can fly to Hogwarts the quickest" Alice told them excitedly.
"I'm sorry, did you just say fly?" Marlene repeated, but she knew there was a good chance she hadn't misheard.
"Brilliant, isn't it?" Dorcas said with a grin, "Apparently, the point of it is to gain the affection of a certain girl. She is the reason behind the madness"
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here" Lily said. She looked slightly flushed, but Marlene couldn't tell if she was embarrassed or just hot.
"Oh, so it's true?" Mary asked, "You actually shagged Dearborn during the hols?"
Lily rolled her eyes, "I swear to bloody merlin, if someone asks me that one more time today"
"If people ask I'm still gonna say yes. It's a much better story" Dorcas asked told Lily, who flipped her the finger.
"Oh please do! I have twenty-two knuts on Potter" Alice said happily.
"Does no one care about my dignity in this?" Lily asked in a fake-exasperated voice as she flung her long hair over her shoulder.
In unison the four girls replied, "No".
"Bloody lot of good you are" Lily muttered and sunk in her seat.
"Going back to the bet – the boys are going to fly to Hogwarts? On actual brooms?" Marlene asked.
"I'd be a lot more exciting had they chosen hippogriffs, I think" Alice mused and shrugged her shoulders.
"I believe Marlene was looking for a yes-or-no answer" Mary advised Alice.
"You know how they are" Alice told Marlene with a wave of her hand.
"I think we need to teach you the definition of a yes-or-no answer" Mary laughed, and Marlene felt herself heal a little at the sound of it.
"Where's your snugglepuff?" Dorcas questioned Alice, referring to her boyfriend. The question sent Lily into a grand show of kissing-noises.
Alice scoffed, "I've asked you a zillion times to stop calling him that!"
"I can't help it! It fits him so well" Dorcas said and meant to go on but was interrupted by an overexcited cheering from the other compartments in the train.
"It's starting!" Lily called in a high-pitched voice and jumped from her seat to look out the window. The other girls joined her instantly. Marlene looked down the train and saw other students doing the same, including her siblings. She met Maisie's eyes and her little sister beamed at her.
"I feel like you should wave your bra around or something, Lils. Give the boys a proper send-off" Dorcas teased, and swiftly ducked the gum that Lily threw at her.
Sure enough, a moment later James Potter's obnoxious and silly voice cold be heard. He must've used an amplifying spell, Marlene guessed, as they could all hear every word he said with no trouble.
"Greetings all and welcome to a brand-new year at Hogwarts!"
"Who knew he could even spell sonorous?" Lily whispered in Marlene's ear, but she wore a small smile on her lips as she listened on.
"To start with, I'd like to congratulate all who are here to witness this historical moment! Today I, as well as two other brave men, will attempt to travel to Hogwarts by broom!"
An expected amount of ooh's and aah's filled the train as well and James Potter wore a grin almost too big to fit on his head. The boy was so excited he was positively chomping at the bit.
"I should stop this, right?" Lily the prefect asked, but she made no motion whatsoever to even attempt to fulfil her words.
"Don't you dare" Dorcas warned Lily, who lifted up two hands in defeat.
"The rules are as follow: whoever first reaches the castle have won" James explained from his broom.
"Did he really need to explain that?" Mary asked, and Marlene was certain that the girl rolled her eyes without having to turn to see.
James went on, "It is in a moment like this that we must all appreciate the truly inspiring and profoundly brilliant sport of Quidditch. Not only does it teach us the important lessons of-"
"Get on with it, mate" A voice cut James off. And it was not just a voice, but the voice Marlene had most wanted to hear for the past two months. The voice belonged to the handsome and daring Sirius Black. Marlene's heart forgot how to proper function for a moment at the sound of it, and her eyes moved until they found him. He sat on his broom and wore a leather jacket. His hair was tied back in a bun and gave her free visual access to the excited grin on his face. Marlene turned her eyes away at once. She felt a sudden need to sit down as she heard him laugh the next moment. He looked happy and carefree and not at all like he had spent a single minute all summer to think of her. He surely hadn't bothered to owl her.
The only thing that kept her in her spot was that she was certain she had the attention of all her friends as they watched her cheeks turn pink at the sight of the boy.
"Did you hear that Black ran away from home?" Lily asked the girls. This was definitely news to Marlene, who suddenly lost interest in staring at the idiot boys on the broomsticks and turned to her friends for more information.
"What? When did this happen?"
"Two weeks into the holiday" Alice informed them, "Apparently, he's been living with James ever since"
Marlene did not know this, but she did not feel surprised. It was no secret that for the past five years when the rest of them left Hogwarts to see their loving homes, Sirius would go back to hell. She was happy that he had finally found a home, but it also made a realization come to her mind. She'd been utterly surprised when he'd showed up at her parents' funeral. She'd thought it meant that he might have felt something for her…but now she felt certain that he was probably forced to go by James or Euphemia. He'd went out of duty, and not a sudden, unexplained need to care for her.
"Right, right. We shall now start the first ever Hogwarts Broom Race! Are you excited!" A round of cheers rolled over the train like a wave of thunder and just then a whistle was blown to signal the departure of the steam engine.
Had Marlene looked up she would have seen that Sirius Black had actually now spotted her and watched her. However, she was much too distracted by the sour feeling in her gut to notice the boy's attention.
"They'll get themselves expelled for sure" Mary said to no one in particular.
The boys all lined up side by side. Further down the train a countdown could be heard. Marlene easily identified the voice as belonging to their housemate, Remus Lupin.
"Three!"
"At least I'm not the only one neglecting my prefect duties!" Lily laughed as she realized whom the voice belonged to, as well.
"Two!"
Marlene looked back at Sirius. He had now grabbed his broomstick as if his life depended on it. He looked so filled to the brim with excitement, he could barely contain it. He was rocking slowly from side to side on the broom. A motion that seemed to distract Caradoc Dearborn so much, he didn't hear the countdown finish.
"One! Go go go!"
Sirius and James shot through the air like arrows. Caradoc quickly followed, and Dorcas clapped her hands in excitement.
"Are you sure you're related?" Mary asked Marlene in a laugh and shook her head.
"For a Ravenclaw, he's not the brightest owl in the parliament" Lily sighed contently.
"I would like to see written confirmation before I trust that Caradoc's my cousin" Marlene said with a roll of her eyes.
"Don't be ridiculous. Even a blind man could see you're related" Lily told Marlene.
"Well, you've shagged him, you'd know" Mary teased, and Lily looked just about ready to explode when a knock on the compartment door saved Mary.
"Snugglepuff!" Dorcas cried happily, which identified Mary's savior instantly.
"I thought we agreed you'd stop calling me that" Peter Pettigrew said in a tired voice as he sat down and wrapped his arm around Alice.
"I don't reckon you did" Dorcas said in a faux-confused voice. Remus stepped inside the compartment after Peter and his eyes instantly landed on Lily.
"Good job of prefecting you did there, eh?" Lily commented drily, and gave a nod at Remus, who scratched the back of his head and wore a lazy smile on his face.
"I made sure the ongoing activity was performed in a cool and collected manner" Remus defended himself as he took a seat next to Mary, who scoffed loudly.
"Practiced that, did you?" she asked.
"Dumbledore won't buy that for a second" Lily informed Remus, who did not look too bothered.
"Please, Dumbledore loves the marauders" Peter told Lily and referred to him and his mates with their self-proclaimed nickname, "He'll only be sorry he wasn't here to witness it himself"
"James did say to invite him" Alice reminded the boys.
"Speaking of Potter" Mary said with a sly smile on her lips "How many letters did you receive this summer, Lily?"
Lily groaned loudly but to no avail. Her friends would show her no mercy when it came to tease her about James' many and entertaining ways of trying to court her. This was their self-invented game that they played every summer. Basically, James sent Lily an obscene number of letters every summer and had done so since their third year, when the game had been created.
"Must we do this every bloody year?" Lily complained, but her words met only deaf ears. Mary had already pulled out a pen and parchment and begun to try to calculate an average and go from there. Alice and Dorcas fought loudly about how many he'd sent her after fourth year.
"You're mad! He did not only send her 12 letters! You're thinking of Christmas break!"
"Should we do something to defend our mate's dignity?" Peter could be overheard asking Remus over the noise of his girlfriend's loud snort.
Remus shrugged, "Not much left to salvage, is there?"
"I'm ready with my guess!" Mary declared loudly as if it was interesting enough to make the front page of the Prophet.
"How many was it last year again?" Peter asked merrily.
"17" Mary replied instantly.
"I remembered it as more?" Remus commented.
"Oh Rem, you're thinking of the Christmas holiday. During summer, he sent her 22 letters" Alice told them.
"Barmy Potter" Lily muttered.
"I'm guessing 35" Dorcas said happily, "He must've upped his game somehow since Lily still won't go out with him"
"Nah, that's way too much" Alice said, "I'd still like to believe he has his pride. I'll go with 30"
"Because 30 letters are much more prideful than 35?" Dorcas teased.
"If we take the previous years into account his number of letters have grown exponentially. If you think about the number of letters per summer and then think of the total average that means he's sent circa 4 letters more from holiday to holiday and therefore my guess would be 26" Marlene told her friends. She'd gazed out the window as she spoke, but now turned her head to find that everyone in the room stared at her.
"Ravenclaw" Peter fake-coughed into his fist, and all the girls instantly sent him a threatening glare.
"Well, that's a waste of parchment" Mary said in a fake-resigned manner and smiled proudly at her best friend's brains.
"Can I have the pen?" Dorcas asked and made a grab for it, but Mary instantly pulled her hand back.
"Don't give her that. The clicking noise will kill me" Lily warned Mary.
"How do they click?" Peter wanted to know.
"Oh! Look at this!" Alice excitedly said and managed to grab the pen before Mary could react.
"It's all down to you, MacDonald" Lily said. No matter how much she complained that she didn't like it when they teased her about the letters, it was evident she enjoyed their game.
"I'll say 32" Mary said, "It feels like a good number"
"Someone's getting serious about Divination" Marlene teased her, and Mary rolled her eyes at her friend.
Click.
Peter's face transformed into one of an excited child's and his mouth fell open in wonder as he moved the top of the pen up and down.
Click click click.
"I told you not to let them have it" Lily sighed.
"Boys, you want to throw in some guesses?" Marlene asked them.
"I feel it would be a betrayal of Marauder loyalty" Remus responded. Peter was much too distracted by the pen to even hear the question.
"Alright! And the correct answer is…" Lily started and all but Peter and the pen made a drumroll by beating their hands again their thighs.
"27!" Lily finally told them. This made Marlene laugh happily. She was closest, so she had won the game.
The prize for winning had been decided upon the Christmas after the first summer of letters. They all owed her a favor each of her own choice and she could claim it at any time during the term.
Click. Click. Click.
"Ruddy game" Alice said and crossed her arms over her chest. She was one of the top students in their year and was incredibly competitive. She was also a very sore loser.
"Way to go, Mars!" Mary said and squeezed Marlene's shoulder.
"Lily, did you reply to any of the letters?" Dorcas asked Lily, but they already knew the answer to that.
"And give him hope that I'd cave one day? Absolutely not" Lily said and got up from her seat.
Click click click.
"Coming, Remus?" she asked. It was time for their prefects' meeting, and Remus got up to join her. With a swift move he managed to nick the pen from Peter as he left the compartment.
"Oi!" Peter called.
"Thank you!" Mary said at the same time.
"One day she's going to realize she's madly in love with him" Alice said dreamily as she watched Lily leave. Mary, who was not known for being a romantic, rolled her eyes.
"Please, Al, that's never going to happen. I don't care if she claims it's not true, I think she actually hates the boy!"
"Lily isn't one to hate" Dorcas said diplomatically.
Marlene agreed with Dorcas' statement but didn't say it out loud. She looked out the window as the others kept going on with their eternal discussion on Lily and James' non-existent relationship.
27 letters. Lily had received 27 letters from a boy she mostly ignored. Lily didn't treat James badly on purpose, but his consistent pursuing of her made her agitated enough to react uncharacteristically spiteful.
Still, Marlene couldn't believe it. How could it possibly be that Lily got so much attention from a boy she barely looked at, when Marlene herself hadn't heard a single word from Black the entire summer?
She knew that it was wrong to be this upset about something as unimportant as her teenage crush, when her parents had just died, but Marlene's mind worked in odd ways.
Marlene didn't like to think she was jealous of Lily per se. She was more likely jealous of what Lily had. She had a boy, who brightened up whenever she was in the room. Marlene saw what Lily didn't in James' multiple attempts for her attention. She saw the earnest in his actions. The true intention that was overshadowed by James' own stupid way of acting. However, Marlene felt a little bitter whenever she thought about the topic. Maybe she could see it so clearly because it was everything she didn't have herself.
She'd always seen her instant commitment to every little thing she decided to care about as one of her strengths. Now, as she spent more time thinking about a boy, who most certainly wasn't worth her consideration and attention than talking to her friends, she suddenly wasn't so sure. She continued to look out the window as her thoughts fell over one another in her head.
In the distance, James and Sirius could be spotted bumping into each other and doing loops over the rolling hills.
"Are you nervous?" Mary whispered to Marlene as the two girls were seated at the Gryffindor table and surrounded by their housemates.
Marlene had noticed quite a few people who'd stared at her as she entered the Great Hall along with the other sixth year Gryffindors and wondered when people would lose their interest in her. Surely, the war had caused so many children to be orphans now that it would have lost its uncalled-for fascination.
"Why would I be nervous?" Marlene replied. Her eyes were focused on Sirius, who sat three seats down to her left and talked animatedly to James. Had Marlene not known that Sirius had moved in with the Potters, she almost felt sure she would've guessed that something had changed. She knew that he had always looked handsome but now it seemed as if the two months of summer had done him a world of good. There was something different about him.
Marlene noticed the hint of a new tattoo behind his rolled-up sleeve and the leather jacket he'd worn before he'd changed into his school uniform had fit him painfully well. But it was more than that. There was a new light in his eyes and an easiness to the way he talked. It was like he had calmed down for the first time in the six years she'd known him, and she had never before realised how wound up he'd been. He looked healthier. He walked with more confidence, which was something Marlene could've sworn was not possible. His comments were flirtier and cheekier, and his eyes held a new level of assertiveness that she couldn't ignore.
Mary elbowed Marlene's ribs to get her to refocus. Marlene rubbed at her ribs and offered Mary a scathing glare.
"Maddox and Madeleine?" Mary asked as if Marlene would have forgotten about her sibling's sorting completely.
"They'll be fine" Marlene replied even though the slightest note of anxiety was evident in her voice.
Marlene moved her gaze from Sirius to the Ravenclaw table where her eyes found her younger sister, Maisie. The girl was easy to spot as she had the McKinnon-trademark blonde hair and was seated between her two best friends.
Marlene only looked long enough to make sure her sister looked fine and then searched for the twins amongst the first years. They, too, could be spotted from their curly mop of blonde hair. Madeleine seemed quite tense from the way she looked around fretfully. Maddox, on the other hand, had already fallen into chatter with two other boys. Madeleine's blue eyes met Marlene's and she offered her little sister a full smile. She was certain they'd be sorted into Ravenclaw. After all that is where they were supposed to belong.
Marlene McKinnon could not remember how many times her family had acted disappointed due to the fact that she had been sorted into Gryffindor. It was odd, too, Marlene was aware of that.
Her father, uncle Henry, aunt Lisa and all her cousins were sorted into Ravenclaw. Her mother, too, had been sorted into that house for her seventh year. All of Marlene's siblings had been sorted into it too, and Marlene had been the first and last of them to not be a Ravenclaw.
Marlene had been shocked when the Sorting Hat had appointed her to the lion house. Marlene's mother, Sicily McKinnon, had written Professor Dumbledore to say that a mistake had to have been made. No child of hers were valued for bravery over brains. However, there had been no mistake. The Sorting Hat was not to be doubted and the headmaster had felt it had made a right decision.
Marlene's mother had been furious for longer than she was ever willing to admit.
"Did you receive your invitation yet?" Marlene whispered tiredly as the Sorting Hat began its song.
"Ha! Yes, it arrived just before I left for King's Cross. Your aunt doesn't waste any time, does she?"
Marlene's aunt, Lisa Dearborn, celebrated each of her children's and nephew's and niece's sorting into Ravenclaw with a party that was always held on New Year's Eve.
"That she doesn't" Marlene replied a little too bitterly. Marlene's party had been much less extravagant than her siblings' parties had as everyone had been too shocked to pretend not to be upset about her sorting. The only one who'd seemed to enjoy themselves at the party was Marlene's grandmother, but of course she never took the Hogwarts' sorting too seriously to begin with.
The two girls quieted down as they watched the very first of the first years be sorted into Hufflepuff. The entire badger table went wild and clapped and hooted as the nervous-looking eleven-year-old girl walked to her table.
"Do you know what Maddox and Maddie wants?" Mary inquired. Marlene saw her siblings pull at their robes in a nervous manner and locked her eyes on them. If she were lucky they'd look for her and she could send them an encouraging smile.
"They're eleven" Marlene replied, "They want what mum would've wanted"
"Didn't stop you" Mary said, and wrapped an arm around Marlene, "But I always knew you were special"
Marlene smiled, but it was all for show. She didn't feel special. Most of the time she just felt tired. She didn't have time to respond as Professor McGonagall called her brother's name.
"McKinnon, Maddox"
The headmistress placed the sorting hat on top of Maddox's unruly blond curls and Marlene wound her hands so tight it hurt a little.
"Ravenclaw!" the hat called out. Marlene jumped from her seat and clapped her hands loudly. She watched her little brother go join Malcolm and Maisie. Her siblings all hugged Maddox, who then turned to watch Madeleine get sorted.
"McKinnon, Madeleine" McGonagall's voice loudly declared. The young girl sat down in front of the entire Great Hall and the sorting hat was placed on her head.
"I shall say…Rave- no wait, ah. I guess it is…Hufflepuff!"
Marlene felt her heart fall and she stayed in her seat. She was sure that if she turned her head to the Ravenclaw table, she'd see her other siblings look as gobsmacked as she felt. She watched Madeleine look beyond confused as she walked to the Hufflepuff table, and looked back at her siblings in confusion.
"What just happened?" Marlene asked in a slightly hysterical voice. She turned to look at her friends, who watched her like they worried she was about to explode.
Lily grabbed her hands, "It's okay, Mars. She ended up where she needs to be"
"She needs to be with her siblings! She's going to be all alone!" Marlene snapped loudly, which attracted the attention of more people than she would've normally liked, but in the moment, she was too upset to care.
"She's not! She'll make friends! Everyone loves Maddie" Alice assured her quickly.
Dorcas said, "Hufflepuffs are so friendly!"
"They're right" Mary said as she took Marlene's hand, "She'll find a way"
Marlene felt defeated. All she had wanted was to keep what was left of her family together and now that was going to be impossible.
She looked out into the crowd to see her younger sister look awfully pale. Marlene didn't want her to feel isolated on top of everything else that had happened.
"Maddie is the kindest soul I know. It makes sense she's a Hufflepuff. You always say how much she sticks up for Maddox" Mary told Marlene in a soothing voice.
Marlene rubbed her forehead, "Yes, yes. I mean, yeah, I am happy for her"
"Say that without clenching your teeth and we'll believe you" Lily told her in a kind voice. Marlene forced herself to take a deep breath. She was beginning to sound an awful lot like the rest of her family.
Marlene left her friends in the great hall to go see Madeleine. Lily had called after her that she was sure the Hufflepuff prefects knew the way to their own common room, but Marlene wouldn't hear it.
She just needed to talk to Madeleine and know that she was okay.
An hour later Marlene returned to Gryffindor tower to a blissfully empty common room. It was usual one the first day back that people were so tired from the train ride and the banquet that they went to bed early. Marlene leaned back against the wall next to the portrait hole and closed her eyes with a tired sigh.
She had managed to calm Madeleine down after half an hour, and even make her feel excited about this turn of events. Marlene would have to find the rest of her siblings tomorrow and talk about how they could support their sister now.
Marlene had just started to feel a little less stressed herself when her peace was interrupted.
"Hey, Venus"
Marlene jumped and opened her eyes instantly. She turned her head to find that she was in fact not alone in the common room. In a seat on the armchair a few feet from her sat none other than Sirius Black. He smiled at her in that devil-may-care way of his that he had perfected. It was known for its ability to make all the stupid girls' knees go weak. Marlene didn't know exactly when she'd become one of those stupid girls, but she certainly did not appreciate the feelings he brought to her.
"I've asked you not to call me that" she told him and placed her hands on her hips. Maybe if she pretended to be tough, she'd reach a point where she actually felt it too.
He watched her with grey eyes that - for the first time since she'd met him - looked to have cleared a little.
"Glad to be back?" he asked her simply. He got up from the wall and walked to her. Marlene felt her hands grow clammy and her heart pick up and she hoped by Merlin that he wouldn't notice how nervous he made her. He then placed a hand on the wall next to her head and was much closer than her sanity could handle. Black had never been one to understand the common courtesy that was personal space, but Marlene also guessed that he probably just liked to see her squirm.
"Oh, yes. Life's wonderful once again now that I get to go to school" she responded drily. Her lips curled at little and she felt a little like her old self.
"There's that sass I love" he told her with a grin, and leaned so close she could feel his breath on her face "I'm sure your grandmother's proud"
"Oh, my grandmother" Marlene muttered and placed a hand to her forehead. She forgot for a moment that she was meant to be affected by him. She had not thought of how her grandmother would react to the news of Madeleine's sorting, but Marlene was certain she'd find a way to blame this on Marlene being a bad older sister.
Sirius' laugh brought her back to him and she straightened up a bit.
"Try to keep yourself out of trouble, McKinnon" he told her in a flirty voice that made her cheeks turn pink. A shiver ran through her and she was sure he'd noticed.
"I will" she said. She worried too long sentences would not be in her favour.
He finally moved away from her and she let go of a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. She watched him walk towards the boys' staircase. He'd just stepped onto the first step when he turned back to look at her.
"Oh, and McKinnon?"
"What?" she asked as she quickly composed her face once again.
"You smell nice" he told her with a wink and then disappeared up the stairs to his dormitory.
Marlene leaned back against the wall and felt hot all of a sudden. What the hell was that?