Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan/Case closed or anything you recognize. I'm just playing around with the characters and shipping a ship that probably would never sail. But well...

Pairing: Eventual Shiho/Shuichi

The moment she regained her consciousness, Shiho knew that she was in her original body. Her eighteen-year-old body - not Haibara Ai's, niece of Agasa, friend of the Detective Boys.

The antidote was a success, she thought to herself. Shiho wondered how she should feel about that. She tried to dig up any shred of emotion that she might have over her greatest achievement yet, but all she could find was emptiness.

Haibara Ai no longer existed. Technically, the child was not supposed to exist in the first place. But Ai had been there - making curry in Agasa's house, playing football with the kids, going to school with the other first-graders like a normal child.

Shiho felt like a part of her had died along with Ai.

Gingerly, she opened her eyes, wincing at the harsh glare of the lights inside the room. It was a hospital room, and she was not cuffed to anything.

But was she safe?

"Relax, you have nothing to fear."

Her eyes snapped to the lone shadow leaning against the wall. Shiho knew that face - she would recognize him anywhere.

"It's over," he continued, in the same monotone. He made no move to leave his position and come over to check on her, which she was secretly grateful for. She didn't know how she would react if he came any closer.

It's over.

It's over.

It's over.

The two words replayed in her mind over and over again. Such a simple sentence, yet conveying so much. Years of living in fear, of submersing so deep in darkness that she didn't know if she could ever escape.

That one fateful night that changed everything.

"You swear?" Her voice was barely a whisper, but she knew he heard it anyway. She sounded like a scared child seeking protection and reassurance - maybe Haibara Ai was not completely dead.

"There're still many things that need to be done," he said, not replying to her demand. Shiho hadn't expected him to, anyway. "But the Black Organization members are in custody and are awaiting trial."

"That's not enough."

It still eased her, though.

"I know. It's a start, though." His voice sounded almost hopeful, betraying the serious look on his face. If Shiho was a different person, she would have smiled.

"Why are you here," she paused, choosing her next words carefully, "Moroboshi Dai-san?"

He stiffened at the name, barely. If she hadn't been watching him, she would have missed it. A twisted sort of satisfaction rose within her at his reaction to the name.

Shiho was being intentionally cruel, but she couldn't help it.

"You are a key witness. We can't be sure that some lower-ranking, non-codenamed members might not attack you," he explained coolly.

"So you are here to play bodyguard."

"I'm here to make sure you don't do something stupid," he replied, a dark look crossing his face, "Like taking a bullet meant for someone else."

She scoffed at his words, not missing the scathing note in his voice. The nerve of this man, to chastise her for saving his life! He wouldn't be here acting all high and mighty if she hadn't jumped in front of him when Gin fired that shot.

"I believe the proper etiquette would be to thank me for saving your life," said Shiho, eyes morphing into a glare.

"Is that what you want then?"

"No!" she snapped, her temper rising and then deflating just as quickly. Maybe it was because she had just awoken from God-knew-how-many-days in a prolonged coma, but she felt utterly drained. In a smaller voice, she said, "My sister loved you."

Too much for her own good, Shiho might think. But that man had been the one her sister had loved - how could she let him die?

"I was supposed to protect you," he said quietly, after a long stretch of silence, eyes avoiding hers.

"No, you don't," Shiho replied, just as quietly.

"How much do you remember? From that night?"

Too much, she thought. Shiho had not dared to venture further into her mind yet, afraid of what she might find. Fragments of memories that could give her nightmares for months. Revelations that had upturned everything she knew and had left her feeling like a fool. Gin could be very talkative when he was certain that she would not be alive for much longer.

"Please leave. I'm very tired. The doctors and nurses would want to check up on me soon," she said. At the defiant look that crossed his features, she added, "You can do your guard duty outside just as well. I'm sure this room is heavily bugged. I wouldn't be able to so much as breath without someone knowing."

Surprisingly, he complied.

The doctors said that she had been in a coma for over a month. Most of her bruises and cuts had healed, but there was no speeding up the healing process of the many broken bones and the bullet wound in her chest. The bullet was close to her heart - had the FBI wasted any more time, she would have died.

It wasn't the first time that Shiho had tangled with death and escaping by a hair's breathe.

Her hands had been a mangled mess of broken fingers bent at odd angles - courtesy of Gin. Now, they were wrapped in pristine white bandages, slowly healing and giving her pain every time a muscle so much as twitched. The long scar on the left side of her face where Gin had carved with a knife was not particular pretty, but Shiho could live with it.

Other things…well, she didn't know yet.

Visitors were limited. They were thoroughly checked by the police and the FBI before entering her room. There were guards stationed around her room every hour of the day, and Shiho would have felt annoyed by the constant surveillance if she could dredge up enough energy for it. As it was, she spent most of her time slipping in and out of consciousness.

Akai Shuichi hadn't returned once since that day she had woken up, which she supposed was for the best. She was not ready to face him again just yet. Shiho wasn't sure if she ever would; he was a stark reminder of her sister and of a life drenched in blood and pain.

"Didn't you know? He's the reason your sister's dead."

Shiho was not inclined to believe anything that came out of Gin's mouth, especially not when he was torturing her to death. But she hadn't forgotten the way Akai had looked - eyes wide, skin pale as a ghost, guilt written all over his face.

How much of that was the truth?

Conan…or Kudo, as she should call him now, came around to her room a couple of times on a pair of crutches. He was hospitalized in the room right across hers, looking too cheerful for a patient who had just survived a near-death experience.

"My leg was sort of shattered," he said casually, poking at the white cast, "but it'll heal without any complications."

"Shouldn't you be back in your room and not straining yourself?" Shiho asked sarcastically. It was all too easy to slip back into the relationship they shared when they were Ai and Conan. This was comfortable, familiar - something that she had missed since she woke up.

He snorted. "I hardly think hoping a few meters to your room counts as 'straining myself'. Besides, I'm this close to escape this place out of pure boredom."

"I would have thought miss Detective Agency would be keeping you company," she said, smirking as Kudo's face reddened.

"She can't be here all the time. She has her own life." Then, he sobered up, "I've been meaning to ask you something. Are you planning to tell the kids? About us?"

Out of all the things she knew she had to do, Shiho had dreaded this the most.

"I haven't given it much thought," she replied, knowing all too well that Kudo could sniff out her lie.

In truth, she had pushed this matter to the back of her mind. Prior to the day she was captured, in every scenarios that she had played out, Shiho had always imagined staying as Haibara Ai and continued with this new life. It was a chance that she had never been given - to live a normal life, have friends that were actually her friends and not people who were secretly plotting her murder, experience every boring, mundane things.

For the first time in her life, she had a choice, free to make any decision she desired. She could start over.

But then, the organization had made their move and that choice was ripped away from her.

Shiho had not prepared herself to return to being Miyano Shiho.

"Well, tell me when you have decided. We are in this together, so it's not right if I do something about it on my own."

Unexpectedly, his words sparked something ugly within her.

"If we are in this together, then why didn't you tell me about Akai Shuichi?" she hissed, and then held up a hand to stop him when he was about to say something, "And don't you dare lie to me, Kudo. I know you are aware of Subaru's real identity."

"It's not my place…" he trailed off at that.

"You should have told me! I have a right to know that an ex-Black member was living right next to me!"

"It isn't about rights-"

"We are supposed to be partners! Friends!" Her voice had risen to a yell. It might attract attention, but she couldn't bring herself to care. "How can you ask me to trust you when you constantly withhold important information from me at your convenience?"

"It's not my secret to tell! It's his!" he snapped back, "This is not about trusting you or not. His safety, his entire life depended on that one secret. He had the right to tell whom he wanted, not me. I cannot compromise-"

"This is exactly about not trusting me! What, were you afraid that I would run back to Gin after I found out that Akai Shuichi was alive?"

Kudo let out a frustrated noise. "You are putting words in my mouth. That's not what I meant!"

"You owe me!" Shiho screamed, losing all composure, "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here right now, in Kudo Shinichi's body-"

"If it weren't for you and that blasted poison that you created, I wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place!" Kudo snapped.

The silence was deafening. Shiho felt like she had been slapped, but he had been right, hadn't he? She was the start of all this - she had created something that should not be created. For all her claim that she was against the organization using the pill as a tool of murder, she had provided them with the perfect weapon to carry out their crimes. Too many had died, and even more suffering from her action.

How was she any better than Gin, Vodka or Vermouth?

She wasn't, Shiho had always knew. She was just as guilty as the rest of them, and it had taken Kudo Shinichi for her to finally face the truth. No matter how much effort she put into finding an antidote, or helping take down the organization, it would never erase her sins.

Shiho would carry this knowledge with her for the rest of her life - that she had willingly aided in the murdering and ruining the lives of countless individuals. Their blood was on her.

The officers from the Public Security Bureau was, in Shiho's opinion, vastly different from the ones she knew from other divisions.

Or maybe it was just that, officers like Sato and Takagi viewed her as an innocent first-grader who helped them a lot with cases, and treated her accordingly. Meanwhile, these people knew exactly who she was - ex-Black member who was important enough to warrant a codename and who had created the APTX 4869.

It was understandable that they treated her with most than just a hint of caution.

"The only reason you are not in custody and tried, is because Kudo Shinichi, along with several others, vouches for your loyalty and your involvement in taking down the Black Organization," said officer Takora Hanami in a clipped tone, "In exchange for our leniency, we request that you testify against the Organization and provide us with all the information that you have on them."

It was purely out of curiosity (and not any shred of defiance), that she asked, "And if I don't?"

Takora's smile was cold. "You don't want to know."

It was doubtful that they could put her through anything worse that she had already experienced, but Shiho refrained from pointing this out. She had every intention of complying with their request, and would have volunteered all the information she knew (which was quite a lot) even if they hadn't asked.

"Don't worry. I want to see the Organization destroyed just as much as you do. I'll testify against them in court and tell you everything I know. I don't know how much of that has been destroyed, but I'm sure it would be useful for you."

"That's the right answer," Takora smirked, and Shiho might have imagined it, but she felt like the woman had warmed up to her a little. "We'll officially start once you have been discharged. As for now, any questions?"

"Who are the ones you have in custody?" The question had been on the tip of her tongues for days, but there had never been any appropriate moment for her to ask, nor anyone who might have the answer. She figured that Takora would know.

"Chianti, Korn, Vodka, Vermouth, Rum, many low-ranking members and other affiliated personnel. The head of the organization was killed that night - if it makes you feel better, his death was not pretty." A satisfied look lit up Takora's face at that.

"And Gin?"

"Burned to death in the explosion that followed."

A weight seemed to have been lifted off her chest at the woman's confirmation. Shiho would have preferred to see him in trial and have him atone for his sin, but she wasn't about to look a horse's gift in his mouth. After eighteen years living with a noose around her neck, she was finally free of him.

Takora left soon after, with a reminder for Shiho to uphold her end of the promise. Then, the last person she had expected to visit her entered through the door, holding a bouquet of flowers in her hand.

"Ran-san?" Shiho had to remind herself not to call the girl nee-chan. She was no longer Ai, and Ran was two years younger than her.

"Hi, Ai-chan…I mean, Shiho-san," Ran hurriedly corrected herself, looking apologetic, "Shinichi told me that's your name?"

"It's fine. You can call me what you want, I don't mind."

For some reason, it was even weirder to hear Ran calling her by her real name.

"Shiho-san then. It's a nice name," the black-haired girl smiled, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot," Shiho intoned flatly, then mentally winced. It was all too easy to slip back to her cold, distant demeanor now that she was eighteen again. Little Ai had been much kinder and friendlier to ran than Shiho was right now. "Sorry, I mean, it wasn't the best experience, but I'm recovering."

"It's alright. It hasn't been easy for you, so don't worry about my feelings."

"How are you and Kudo-kun? If you don't mind me asking."

Much to her surprise, Ran didn't smile like she had expected.

"Well, we're good, I guess. It's nice to finally have him back, but…" she trailed off at that, but Shiho understood the words she didn't say. It couldn't have been easy for them, either.

"I take it he told you everything then?"

"Ah, yes."

Shiho's eyes softened. "You are not the only one that guy has been keeping secrets from. But, he was only trying to protect you. Trust me, I know full well just what those people were capable off, and so was Kudo-kun, to a lesser extent. If you were to experience that…he would rather die than letting that happen."

"I understand that, and I'm really touched that he would go to such extent for me. Still…" Ran pursued her lips, and Shiho knew that those two still had a long way to go. No relationship was without trials and theirs…to say that their situation was abnormal was a gross understatement.

"Anyway, I shouldn't be here to complain about my personal problems," said Ran, a note of finality in her voice that suggested the topic was closed. "You know, it's quite strange to be talking to you like this. As Shiho-san, I mean."

"It would take some getting used to, yes."

"What are your plans after you are discharged?"

"I'm serving as a witness in court, so I'll probably spend a lot of time between there and the police station. As for other things," she shrugged at that, "I'm not sure yet."

"What about school then? You are around my age, so before…before this, you were in high school, right?"

Her lips curled up into a smile at Ran's words. "Actually, I already graduated university."

"Eh? Really?" Ran's eyes were wide. "You must be super smart, even smarter than Shinichi."

Her unhappiness must have shown on her face at the mention of Kudo's name, for Ran quickly apologized, "Ah, I'm sorry. I know you two had a fight."

That guy is surprisingly forthcoming with his girlfriend now, she thought with a hint of bitterness mixed with amusement. At least someone was learning from his mistake.

Not that she had any rights to call other people out on their mistakes.

"Don't worry about it. It happens all the time."

Maybe not all the time, but she and Kudo did butthead every now and then.

"Shinichi means well, you know," Ran said gently, "even if sometimes his methods are questionable. Ah, listen to me, I'm quite the hypocrite aren't I?"

"No, you have the right to be angry at him, even if he means well." Shiho looked at the flowers Ran had gotten her, then at the direction of the opposite room. "But I understand what you mean."

"Do you think you can run away from me so easily, Sherry? I thought you weird smarter than that!"

She could hear the sound of another finger breaking. Shiho bit back a scream, not wanting to give Gin the satisfaction of seeing her pain. She would not succumb to him, never again.

"You seem to have grown a backbone in the time you were away, eh?" he drawled, lips twisting into a humorless smile. His fingers ghosted the skin of her face, going down to her neck, lower, lower.

Shiho felt sick. She wondered if she could ever wash away the stain left behind where he had touched her.

"No matter," he drew back, picking up a knife, "Soon enough, you'll cower to me."

And then she was screaming.

Her eyes snapped open and she bolted up in her bed, panting. It was a nightmare, she reassured herself, I'm safe I'm safe I'm safe!

"Are you alright?"

Shiho jumped at the voice, and for a moment, she had thought that Gin was hiding in the shadow of the hospital room, waiting to finish what he had started. It had taken a minute to remind herself that he was dead and that this voice belonged to an entirely different person.

So Akai was her guard tonight.

"I'm fine. Just a bad dream," she mumbled, flopping back down. Her pillow and sheet were drenched in sweats.

"You were tossing and turning a lot."

"A very bad dream, then. Please don't make me elaborate on it more."

He didn't say anything else, instead coming to sit down on the chair next to her bed. A patch of moonlight coming through the window illuminated his face. Shiho had the sudden thought that his presence made her feel safe.

Neither said anything for a long time. She was exhausted and ought to go back to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes, the images of that night appeared. She was not brave enough to face another nightmare like that.

"What Gin said that night, was it true?"

Was that her voice speaking?

Akai looked as startled as she was. Shiho couldn't blame him; she was just as surprised at her question.

"Yes. Your sister…they killed her because they found out about my real identity," he admitted. Even though his face was impassive, his voice was laced with pain.

A terrible thought occurred to her just then.

"Were you…did you use her? As a way to get in?"

"At first. But then I fell for her, for real. I loved her very much."

"You still do," Shiho observed.

It was plain as day. Even before, when she had met him for the first time, he had had this look in his eyes whenever he looked at her sister that did not left any doubt about his feelings for her. A part of her was happy for her sister, to have someone who loved her that much and would move heaven and earth if it meant her happiness. Another part of her grieved for Akemi, to have fallen for the man who had ultimately been her demise.

His action made sense now - him doing everything he could to protect her. Akai blamed himself for her sister's death. Shiho was the only thing left of her sister in this world. He would want to protect that.

"You might think I blame you for what happened to Akemi-nee-chan, but I don't," she said softly, "Not even for a moment."

After all, it wasn't his fault. It was hers. Akemi had stayed in the organization for her. If it hadn't been for Shiho, she would have been living a happy life, clean from darkness.

It seemed as though even with ten lifetimes, Shiho could never fully atone for her crimes.

"I wish you would have told me, though, when you were Subaru. Or even before that, I don't know. For so long I couldn't understand…" she choked, tears sliding down the side of her face.

"I couldn't face you," he whispered, "Not after…I was a coward."

"You seem to have a very low opinion of yourself," Shiho mumbled, trying to lighten her voice.

Akai chuckled weakly. "You should go to sleep. You need your rest."

"Can you stay here?"

"Of course."

She didn't have any more nightmares for the rest of the night.

Tbc.