Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer..

Summary: Sam's composure cracks after Leah's desertion from the pack. Told in three parts.

Part One

It's hard to make sense of what just happened over the din in my head. Jacob has just defied my orders and everyone has an opinion about it. I can hear the muttering, ranging from outright anger to begruding admiration, and it's so deafening that I didn't even think of keeping an eye on Seth. I should have know he would run but honestly, I was still caught up in my own sense of command. It was hard enough to come to terms with the fact that Jacob had been able to break away that I couldn't even consider that Seth may be able to follow him. I didn't even consider that he may have wanted to. For the first time in a long time, I felt unsure of myself.

What are you going to do? Quil's panic was clear. His mental high five towards Jacob as he broke free was still playing on my mind though it didn't seem so admirable to him now that he'd consider just exactly what that may mean. Sam!

I turned on him, jaws snapping together in a growl. I needed space to think and I couldn't do that with everyone's thoughts in my head.

If anything happens to him, Rachel is going to be fucking distraught. We can't go after them now.

Calm down, Paul. Jared replied. We're not going to make any rash decisions. We just need to take some time to think this over.

I mentally sent a thanks his way. His ability to keep it together was a big help to me right now but his words had little effect on Quil and Embry. I couldn't really blame them, they were worried for their friend afterall. The younger wolves pottered around in dazed confusion. They looked up to me, believed me to be stronger than any of the others. They weren't experienced enough to hide their disappointment and the unintended accusation burned.

Sam?

I spun at the female voice, surprised for a moment that Leah was even with us and then I realised why. Through all the din, hers was the only voice I hadn't heard. That could only mean she was trying to keep her thoughts on the matter well hidden.

She looked at me, big brown eyes wide. Eyes far too human for a wolf's face. I need to go let my mom know what's happened.

I tuned into her mind, trying to search for some indication that she was intending to go and warn Jacob or Seth about what we were planning, then I realised that even if she wanted to, she couldn't. We didn't have any plans to share. I tried to dig a little deeper, get some sense of what she was really feeling but I slammed up against a mental block. When it came to Leah, that was nothing new. She went to whatever lengths she could to try and keep me out of her head...I just hadn't realised how skilled she'd become at it.

Truth be told, I was curious about her reaction. I wondered if she had enjoyed seeing someone stand up to me in a way that she couldn't. That some part of her still didn't want to.

I sent a mental nod her way. Okay. Go tell Sue, then meet us back at Emily's.

I caught a mental wince at Emily's name but she dipped her head in submission and broke off into a run. Within seconds, the sound of paws hitting dirt had faded.

Everyone phase. We'll go back to Emily's and talk through our options.

The scent of freshly baked pancakes greeted us as we made our way towards the house I shared with Em but for the first time in a few years at least, I didn't feel hungry. My stomach was full with panic. Emily greeted me with a bright smile, her face falling when she saw the expression on my face.

"What's going on.....what's wrong?" She asked, her beautiful face full of worry. I told her what had happened, pulling her into a hug as her eyes filled with tears. Over my shoulder, I saw the untouched plate of muffins and realised just how serious this was.

I pulled back, taking Emily's face in my hands. I kissed the scars, etched into her skin---the product

of my anger and desperation for her to love me. It was always the first thing I did whenever I saw her because I wanted her to know that she was still beautiful to me. I wanted her to know how sorry I was. She smiled up at me, still sniffling a little.

"It'll be okay," she said and I marvelled at her optimism. "Seth will come home if Sue tells him to."

A round of bitter laughter filled the room. Everyone knew just how scary Sue Clearwater could be when she was pissed off. She'd probably go round to the leeches house herself and drag him out by the scruff of his neck if Leah wasn't there to stop her. If it did come down to a fight, at least Seth would be safe

Another half hour of weighted silence and desperate attempts at optimism passed. I was beginning to worry about Leah, if she didn't show up soon, I'd phase and check in with her. I was just about to head out to see if she was near when I heard footsteps coming up the path. Human footsteps. I inhaled deeply. Sue Clearwater, but Leah wasn't with her. She marched up the path, hair messed as though she'd been awoken from sleep. Sue worked as a nurse at the local hospital and she was due to work the night shift.

I moved towards her, the door opening behind me. The others must have heard her coming. Emily stood beside me, her hand a comforting weight on my arm. For a moment, panic overwhelmed me as I wondered whether Leah had been hurt. "Is Leah okay?" I asked, feeling Emily's hand grip me tighter as I mentioned her cousin's name.

Sue looked furious. "No, Leah is not okay," she spat. "And I want to know what you plan to do about it?"

"What's happened?" I moved a half step forward and Emily moved her arm around my waist. I wasn't sure if she was reacting to the possibility that her cousin may be hurt or the desperate panic in my voice.

"Leah's gone." Sue said, arms folded. "She's gone to find Jacob and Seth. She says she's not coming back."

My heart broke. There's no other way to describe it. The blow was so unexpected I physically felt it in my gut and I hated most the fact that I didn't see it coming. I'd given into the fucking complacency that her feelings for me inspired. And I despised myself for even considering that she might have still loved me enough to stay with me, despite everything I put her through. Everyone was silent, all eyes on me. I could feel Emily's gaze boring into me, assessing my reaction. I saw the flicker of resentment cross her features and for a split second, I felt bitter. She had everything I could give and she would begrudge me a moment to feel for the girl I'd destroyed? Her comforting grasp felt like chains but the instinct to pull away faded within seconds.

"Why would she do that?" I whispered and I knew it was a stupid question the moment it left my lips, and judging by everyone's expression, they knew it to. None of us could hide from the truth, it was quite fucking obvious why Leah would run the first moment she got and even if they were irritated by her pain and bitterness, none of them could really deny her it.

I sat down at the table, and leaned my head back against the wall. Not even caring that everyone was watching to see how I was taking this news. I closed my eyes and remembered all of the times I'd thought it would have been easier if Leah had never phased, or if I'd met Emily first. I thought of how much easier it would have been if I didn't have to be inside her head, if I didn't have to have her inside mine---intruding on every memory and moment that passed between Emily and I. Making the woman I loved more than life itself feel uncomfortable.

Now all I could think about was how I could get her back.

We spent the next few hours discussing tactics and options. Attacking the Cullens was out. The loss we would surely incurr was unacceptable and the risk, now that they had been forewarned, had become way to high. Sue headed back home incase one of her children returned. She called minutes after she'd left to let us know that she'd tried Leah's cell again only to find it in her room. None of her clothes had been taken, she'd left them way she'd came---empty handed.

It began to rain not long after Sue called. Leah would rather sleep on a bed of nails in the middle of a snowstorm than bed down at the leeches. She blamed them for everything that happened. She hated them, despised their very existence but how much could she hate me that this seemed a better option for her? I knew it still hurt but I'd thought things were getting better. She was going to be a bridesmaid, she was moving on.

But not enough that she would rather sleep outside in the rain than be anywhere near me. The realisation of what she was willing to go through to get away from me hurt like hell.

"Sam, honey....," I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even hear Emily come up behind me. She was carrying a platter of food---bacon and eggs. I still wasn't hungry but the sight of it made me realise something else. Leah hated eating as a wolf, she absolutely hated it. And there was no way that she'd be able to stomach any food given to her by the vampires. She'd always had a keen sense of smell and anything they offered up would practically be crawling with their stink.

My stomach dropped as I imagined her tired and cold and starving. Yeah, Jacob was with her but he didn't know her like I did and she'd do whatever she had to do to make Seth believe that she was okay even if it meant suffering in silence. Neither of them would be able to take care of her. All they saw was the strong, tenacious wolf. They didn't know about the girl who hated camping and used to want to puke at the smell of meat.

"Sam....," Emily's voice was firmer this time. She handed me the platter and I took it without question. She smoothed her hands over my face but I didn't lean into her touch like I usually did, not until I could see that it bothered her. She took a seat next to me.

"Come to bed, honey. The others have settled in the living room for the night."

I nodded. I'd insisted that they stay, however cramped it may be having ten----seven, I thought sadly, werwolves packed into a space as tiny as our living room. I wanted to be absolutely sure that they were safe and I didn't put it past the Cullens to attack us in the middle of the night. Not when something as important as family was on the line.

I let Emily lead me by the hand and I crawled into bed still fully clothed. She lay down beside me whispering reassurances in my ear that did nothing to reassure me. I wondered where Leah was sleeping tonight. Was she tired? Hungry? Crying herself to sleep as she realised just how much of a failure I really was?

It was my fault, all of it. How could anyone blame her for being hurt? How could anyone blame her for running away from me when every thought that flickered through my head, every sight of my fucking face, was an insult to the memories she still had of us? Memories that I hadn't bothered to even think about since the day I'd imprinted.

I waited until Emily was asleep until I slipped out of bed. I sat outside, on the ground, back against the brick wall, and I made myself remember. Leah deserved that much at least.