A/N: Hello again! So this is my sequel of sorts to Eight Words. This will be two parts, this is just the first. I'm sorry if Reid is a little OOC, I needed to play with him a little (dirty giggle) to get him where I wanted him.

"The man who keeps a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep."

~Edgar Watson Howe

Something just felt wrong...he wasn't sure what it was. But if anyone knew when something wasn't right, it was Spencer Reid. He had that nagging feeling he was missing something. He could almost hear his mother's voice "Spencer, pay attention," whenever he felt something off. It had been going on the entire nine months since Emily died. Hotch kept him abnormally busy like he was trying to keep his brain occupied. First it was something about the way JJ told them. He'd seen JJ cry harder when one of them was injured. She didn't cry until she saw Reid. It was like the situation didn't bother her so much as it bothered her to see it hurting him. Years of watching Hotch made it easier to notice the subtle changes in his face expressions. There wasn't really any grief there, there was guilt, sadness, worry as always, and the stoic anger he had no problem pulling off. Then there was the whispering, they stood off to the side, Hotch and JJ, and did a lot of whispering. There was a secret he was missing. Then there was the fact that Emily hated funerals, she'd said herself that she wanted to be cremated. Would they really disrespect Emily's wishes that way? Every time he got close they had a case and that needed his full attention. On top of the fact that they were down an agent he was given the task of overseeing Seaver's training in the field. He had no idea why but he was pretty sure it was just to keep his mind busy. It wasn't that Seaver was abnormally needy, she failed to realize that as nice as Reid was he still gets irritated. He thoroughly enjoyed answering questions; the issue was answering the same one over and over that bothered him. Emily must have had unlimited patience. "Spencer, pay attention." His mother's voice called to him again. What was it that he was feeling? Something was off and it was just on the edge of his consciousness. It was then that Hotch raced through the BAU saying they needed to be in the conference room in 5 minutes. They obviously had a case and Hotch would once again send him all over creation with Seaver tagging along. She would ask him 1000 questions mostly because chances were he knew the answers. And if he didn't he'd have an explanation for why he didn't.

He'd had this dream several times; he was back at Emily's funeral. He knew it was a dream because of his wardrobe. He rarely went on strolls through cemeteries in nothing but his underwear. He wasn't alone either. Hissubconscious mindhad several different voices, usually the voices of those he'd failed. Elle stood next to him barefoot in a long hunter green dress cut low enough to see the scar on her chest. The only thing that broke up the rather ethereal image his mind had conjured was the shoulder holster holding her gun. That was the way he always thought of Elle, strong, beautiful, and armed.

"Why do we keep coming back here, Reid?" She asked perched on top of a headstone.

"I don't know." She shook her head and started laughing.

"Yes you do, Chico. You keep coming back here for a reason. What do you see?" Reid looked at her confused before turning back to look at the funeral.

"Something about this bothers you. What is it Spencer?" That voice haunted him. Emily walked up next to him and slipped her hand in his. She was wearing a long read gown; he'd always loved to see her in red. Herdark hairhung around her shoulders and herdark eyeswere clear and bright.

"You hated funerals." He said softly. Even in his dreams seeing her choked him up.

"That's right, so why are you attending one?"

"This funeral is for you, Ian Doyle killed you."

"Is that what you see?" She asked pulling him forward. He stepped up beside JJ while Emily walked forward and sat on her casket.

"What do you want me to see?" He asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"Sorry handsome, that's not how this works." He took a deep breath and sighed. What was his mind trying to tell him? Elle hopped up next to Emily.

"You didn't fail, Reid. You need to get passed that wall you force up when something hurts too much. You saw something that seemed wrong to you. What was it?" She asked. He looked around again. Now that he really thought about it something wasn't right.

"Two of these things are not like the others." Emily chimed walking in a semi circle around her casket.

"Two of these things just don't belong." As Elle spoke circling opposite Emily people started to disappear leaving just JJ and Hotch.

"You see them, but was there anyone you didn't see?" He looked around and it came to him.

"Your family wasn't there."

"They should have been front and center at my funeral. Blood being thicker than water and all." He watched Hotch and JJ, they looked guilty. There were looks between the two of them that made him think they knew something he didn't. "All of this is a result of what you see here." The scene changed around them until they were back in the hospital where Emily died.

"She didn't even make it off the table...so why couldn't you see her?" Elle asked standing beside him watching JJ break the news to the team

"She wouldn't want me to see her that way."

"Was that my idea?" He shook his head.

"Who told you that Emily wouldn't want you to see her body?"

"JJ."

"Well, I'm seeing a pattern here."

It was the same dream he'd been having for the past eight months. It only took a month for him to realize something wasn't right. It was in the wording every time he talked to JJ or Hotch. They never actually said she was dead. They'd say they missed her or that they wished she were there. It was more than likely subconscious and happened for one of two reasons. They either hadn't accepted it or they knew it wasn't true. His mind kept telling him it wasn't possible. They wouldn't really lie to the team that way, would they? They wouldn't watch everyone suffer through the guilt and pain of losing Emily. That would be the worst thing they could possibly do. He looked out the window as the plane took them to Georgia. They had found HIM after they leaked false information on Declan's location. He was looking for him right where they wanted him. Reid's mind didn't even mention his name the same way Hotch rarely ever mentioned Foyett. He was Persona non grata in Reid's mind. The young doctor could honestly say he had never wanted anyone dead until now. This man had taken away the one woman he couldn't live without in what way he wasn't completely sure anymore. His hands ached for his gun and his heart pounded in his chest. He wanted this to be over. Once this was over he could figure out what he was supposed to do next. He was starting to believe something Gideon wrote to him when he left. He wasn't sure he believed in it anymore. They couldn't protect each other because they couldn't protect her. Post Emily, everybody was different. Rossi was quiet, he observed more than anything these days. Morgan was always angry; sometimes he just hid it well. There were new lines on his face and there was always grief and guilt in his eyes. Garcia put on a good show but she wasn't all that fond of Seaver. She did her best not to roll her eyes when she started asking questions. Seaver was marvelously oblivious to what everyone else was going through. She seemed intent on being ridiculously nice to Reid, bringing him coffee, asking him questions to get him to talk, getting too close in the movie theatre. Morgan was convinced she liked him and Reid was convinced he didn't care. That was how Reid had changed; he was colder and more distant. Rossi had figured it out, that Prentiss was more than just a friend and team mate to him. He didn't say it out loud he'd just clap him on the shoulder and give him a sad smile. The most he ever said was "yeah kid, I know" and that said it all. Hotch kept his words to a minimum and spent as much time away from the team as possible. And JJ, she'd suddenly become the outsider. She didn't really go out with them anymore and when she did she hung in the background. They were not as close as they had been, her and Reid, he only saw her when he wanted to see Henry. She barely looked him in the eye most of the time.

Reid was quiet as they climbed off the plane and on the way to the police department. They were meeting there to mount up and move out. He listened to the briefing and rode out to where they knew he was hiding. He'd checked into a hotel under one of his many aliases. The hotel was under 24 hour surveillance so they knew he was still in the building. Hotch wanted to send Morgan in with the SWAT team and the rest of them would come in behind but Reid spoke up. He wanted to go in with Morgan. He'd been practicing. He was a better shot, he was faster, and he was stronger. They couldn't see it but it was more than just his personality that changed. He'd grown up, mentally, physically; he even passed all his qualifications. All of it was for this day and this moment. He would never be a liability again. Before he went in he had a moment alone with Hotch.

"You know I'm going to figure it out." He commented softly giving the man he once respected more than anything hard angry eyes.

"Figure what out?"

"Whatever it is that you think I'm too stupid to notice you're hiding." His voice got harder and snapped at the other man like a whip. "And when I do, you'll know." With that he walked away and left Hotch to think about whatever it was he was about to say. When they were at the door he looked at Morgan, who knew all that he had done to prepare for this moment, and nodded. It felt like it happened in slow motion and too fast at the same time. He had a hostage; his men were down taken out by the SWAT guys. They'd dropped their weapons but he wouldn't. He just stared them down behind the wounded SWAT officer he was using as a shield. Morgan and Reid stood side by side with their guns pointed and ready. He'd used him as a shield until he was out of the room still aiming a gun at the man's head. He backed down the hall away from them and once he was at the end he took off. Morgan and Reid went after him with Hotch and Rossi hot on their tails. Reid knew what he did was a bad idea but he wasn't letting Doyle get away. He gave Morgan a nod and they split up so Reid could catch him the other way. The floor was a full square and they'd known the layout of the building beforehand. He was cornered but he was holding a gun aiming at Morgan. Reid didn't stop to think about it or way the consequences of what he was about to do. He just ran at him full speed tackling the larger man into the stairwell. The hit sent them rolling down the steps. There were punches thrown in the process and Reid felt the pain shoot through his knee when he aggravated the old injury but adrenaline made it go away. He couldn't hear anything but the blood pumping through his veins. He was in an all out battle with a man twice his size but it didn't matter. He hit Doyle and felt the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking. They hit the bottom of the steps and then the wall both jolted by the amount of pain caused by the sudden stop. Doyle made it to his feet first but Reid still had his gun. He saw the flash of metal out of the corner of his eye and fired until the other man fell. It took a second before the burning pain in his shoulder registered. He pushed himself up on the wall doing his best not to scream in agony. He looked and sure enough there was a knife sticking out of his shoulder. He heard Morgan's voice but his blood was still pumping loud in his ears. His friend's voice grew distant and soft as his vision got hazy. Seeing Hotch shake his head after checking Doyle's pulse Reid finally let go welcoming the darkness.

"You know there is nothing wrong with felling bad about this?" Emily asked sitting next to him in the desert. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and she was wearing the same long red gown. Her hair blew in the wind whipping around her face.

"He killed you. I shouldn't feel anything but relief." He responded staring up at the clear blue sky. But the truth was he did feel bad. He felt like he had every time he'd had to make that decision. He didn't want to be like them.

"You took someone's life, Reid. That's not supposed to be easy or comforting."

"He killed you; he killed the woman I loved. That should make me want to kill him shouldn't it?"

"No you wanted him to go to jail and suffer because you're you. You don't want anyone to die."Somehow he knew that's what she would say if she were alive. She had a way of understanding him that no one else possessed.

"He killed you, Emily."

"Is that what he did?"

"I saw them burry you."

"You keep saying that. Are you completely sure you saw what you think you saw?"Reid turned to look at her before several memories flashed through his mind. The first few were memories of Emily, then memories of the days before she died, other times when one of them had been hurt or injured scanning over faces, the day Garcia was shot, and finally in the hospital when JJ told them Prentiss was gone. It was mostly of JJ; one of the memories was of when she came to see him after he was shot. She had been in tears even though he was okay. So why was there no emotion there but guilt when she told them about Prentiss? "That's a very good question Spencer. You see the problem now. Time to wake up."

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound was driving him crazy. It was right up there with the pain in his shoulder and knee. It was manageable now but he really didn't miss having stitches. He took a deep breath and fought the urge to swear. Nothing like a knife in the shoulder to piss you off. He heard voices around him. There was whispering off in corner and light snoring beside him. He tried to force his eyes open but it felt like they were glued shut. He finally got them open and immediately regretted it when the light them. He mentally likened it to being stabbed in the eye and then cringed at the thought. He tried to speak but his mouth was dry. He cleared his throat and all the talking stopped. Morgan was the first one to his side when he opened his eyes.

"Hey kid, how are you feeling?" Reid fought the urge to snort. Why did people ask that question when someone woke up in a hospital?

"Like I got stabbed in the shoulder. Is there any water?" The older man let out a snort and handed him a cup of water. He wanted to gulp it down but instead took careful sips. When he was done he looked up at his friend and asked the question he didn't really want to know the answer to. "How bad?"

"Well you won't be throwing any footballs anytime soon but you're gonna be fine." He snorted, he hadn't thrown a football in at least 25 years and he wasn't about to start now. He looked around and noticed that they were alone.

"I don't think they told us the truth, Morgan." He said quietly, he didn't know why he was being so quiet though. He guessed that knowing they were keeping secrets made him want to keep one too.

"You lost me." Morgan replied sitting down in the chair next to the bed. Reid adjusted his arm in the lovely black sling they'd fitted him with.

"Something has been bothering me Emily's death. Have you ever noticed the wording? I've never once heard Hotch say Emily was dead. He always says something like I wish she was here with us or she's not here anymore. It's either subconscious wording or extremely conscious wording."

"Kid none of us have been willing to say that out loud. You and I only recently won that battle. Maybe it's taking Hotch a little longer."

"I think they aren't telling us something. I'm hoping that now that Doyle's gone they'll tell the truth but I doubt it. Don't you want to know for sure? Wouldn't you want to know if they'd been lying to us this whole time?"

"I'm not sure I do." Reid looked at him as thought it was the first time he'd ever seen the man. How could he not want to know if he was being lied to? It was all Reid could think about. He dreamed about it and it haunted him. He needed to know the truth.

"Why not?'

"Because I'm not sure there's away for this team to ever come back from something like that." Reid hated to admit it but he thought the same thing.