Title: Push It Aside
Rating: G I think, But PG to be safe.
Spoilers: Obviously for Detour and some for Anasazi, but I don't think that should be problem. I'm pretty sure 99.9% of people reading this have seen the whole series.
Disclaimer: If I was CC, I would have put this in the episode and not bother writing about it eleven years later and posting it on . I think that about clears things up.
Summary: What were Scully's thoughts in that missing scene in Detour? You know the one I'm talking about. What happened after Mulder fell asleep? I know this is one that is frequently touched upon, but hey, nothing wrong with one more version, right?
Author's Note: At the end.
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"Joy to the world…Mulder, you're supposed to join me," Scully teased, nudging him with her knee slightly. Then she noticed that he was asleep.
The woods suddenly became very quiet, or rather loud, for the sounds of the bugs and tree frogs were now amplified. She wished she had more experience camping.
Spending time in the woods was one thing, but sitting in the cold of the night surrounded by looming trees was unsettling.
And the trees moved. Well, she knew it wasn't that, per se, but she heard things; leaves rustled, branches creaked, twigs cracked.
She looked down upon Mulder's sleeping body. His face was turned away from her, so all she saw were his tousled mats of slightly damp hair in the meager light. She could feel his stomach expanding and retracting with every soft breath.
Just focus on his breathing.
She wondered where that idea came from, but she obeyed, concentrating on the even whooshing of air.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
The sounds of the forest melted away, and his breathing had become the center of all of her hearing. She was reassuring, comforting, and she sighed in the ecstasy of it.
She wanted to laugh. How could the mere breath of another person make you melt into a puddle of contentment?
But this wasn't just some random person; this was Mulder. She had seen him on his death bed so many times, it was simply obvious that his breathing was like a beam of sunshine kissing her face.
I'm walking on sunshine, ooh ooh…
The song had popped into her head, and she softly hummed the tune. She felt him stir slightly and stopped, holding him tighter to her, fearing that he may become chilled.
"Shhhh, Mulder, it's alright. I'm right here," she found herself saying.
He stopped moving and sighed deeply, returning to a more restful slumber.
Scully remembered the last time she had observed Mulder sleeping. It was when he was drugged from the water and came to her after he told her his father was dead. She sat by him that entire night, watching him, worrying, as he thrashed around in feverish nightmares in her bed.
There was also that trek across country a few days later, after she had shot him. She was able to talk the police down ad get him to her apartment. He passed out in her car. She had dressed his wound while he was unconscious before they left. As she drove to Arizona, not able to take him on a flight, he slept in the back seat of her car, moaning, sweating, tossing and turning. In the motels, she sponged him down as best she could, only imagining what was going on in his fevered head. She sat by his bed those two nights, her brow creased with concern. He had awoken a couple of times, his eyes dilated and glossy. He had reached his arms out, as if in search of something.
"I'm here, Mulder," she'd say, taking his hand in hers. "It's alright, I'm here."
He would pass out again instantly.
She absentmindedly ran her fingers through his hair now, thankful he remembered nothing of that ordeal.
She quietly played with his unruly strands of hair, listening to his breathing.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
She had never experienced Mulder sleeping normally until now. Sure, there had been times where she'd catch him snoozing at his desk or napping on his couch, but she'd wake him. She'd never seen a sleeping Mulder, let alone held one.
She'd never played with his hair either. Yeah, she ran her hand through it once or twice, but…
As the realization of what she was doing his her, she removed her playful fingers from his chestnut locks. She wouldn't want Mulder playing with her hair while she was asleep.
Or would I? No, push that thought aside. He's my partner; there's no need to think such thoughts.
She draped her arm rightfully across his midsection.
Rightfully? No, it's just to keep him warm; it's purely for medical purposes. Can't have him freezing to death.
She felt that dull, heavy, constricting feeling of a lie loom over her as she thought the words. But she didn't want to think about that now.
Just push it aside.
The feeling evaded, but was still there in the distance, waiting for the invitation to be thought of, discussed.
Discussed? I don't even want to think about this! The last thing I need is to discuss these feelings with Mulder.
She froze and the feeling laughed in triumph. It came to the front of her mind, pushing, begging to escape, to be set free.
I don't even know what you are. I don't want to think of you. I'm pushing you aside!
But she did know what it was, and it wouldn't budge no matter how much she shoved.
Frustrated, she decided again to focus on Mulder's breathing. It had worked the first time.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
It only seemed to give the beast in her frontal lobe more encouragement.
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Author's Note: Yes, I know I should be writing And Then There Were Tears and So Much For My Happy Ending, and I am, it's just coming slowly. VERY slowly. I hope to have those both updated by the end of next week (if not before) so my readers are happy. This one came to me a couple days ago, and I've been wondering about it and the concept wouldn't leave me alone, so I wrote it down. I know it's typical and a common idea, but like I said, nothing wrong with another version. I want to continue with this story and possibly make one or two more chapters, because I obviously didn't leave off in a very appealing place. But I will only continue if asked, so reviews are welcome and greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!!!