Disclaimer: One of these days, I'm going to say 'HAHA!! IT IS MINEZ!!' about something and actually not be kidding...or something along those lines. Obviously, this isn't mine, because, otherwise, I'd be making The Legend of Beka Cooper into a longer series, renaming it, making B/R a totally canon 'ship, and sticking Jarred into the mix, but since I'm not Tammy, I can't do that.
A/N: Once again, Lioness has written another oneshot that has nothing to do with her epics. And even better, it's the fiftieth thing I've ever published on here! Go me. Anyway, this is another angst-shot, as most of you can probably guess. I'm working on updates, but this was screaming at me a couple of weeks ago, and insisted on being written. It's BH-compliant, on top of it all. It's sad and angsty, so be warned, but hey, no character deaths today! Is that awesome or what? Anyway, enjoy, and don't forget to review!
Three days, and she regretted all she had ever said.
Three days, and suddenly, she realized how much he had meant to her, as a friend, and more.
Three days ago, he had walked away. He had sworn that he was never going to come back. He was gone. Just gone.
It hadn't been something she'd really thought about – only something that had just happened before she'd even seen it coming. All he'd said was that he was tired of the way he was being treated, taken for granted. Then he'd left. Just left.
No goodbyes. Nothing.
He'd walked away from it all. From his responsibility, from his friends, from everything. He'd even walked away from her. He'd said so many times that he cared more than he should about her, and that he loved her. But apparently, it wasn't enough for him to stay. He'd just left, and shattered every word of the promises he'd made when he'd said that he wouldn't hurt her. He'd done just that.
He's left her alone.
She didn't want to be alone, and now that she thought about it, she'd rather have been with him than anyone else. He'd always been kind, and he'd never raised a hand to any woman. He'd always treated her with respect, though he had not always approved of what she had done.
In fact, she could remember how upset he'd been by what had happened at Port Caynn. He had been more than angry, but by the time she'd come home, he'd pushed it back, and had put up his mask, his self-defense mechanism. He'd hidden all that he felt behind the calm face he wore as the Rogue.
After that, he'd only very rarely taken his mask down, and let anyone see behind it. He never let anyone see how much pain he'd been in – not even she had seen it until he'd finally had enough. And now she felt guilty, because she felt like she'd chased him away. She probably had.
Now she just wanted him back.
The thing was, he probably wouldn't ever come back. She'd probably hurt him too much, or he'd found something – someone – better. He didn't need her anymore, if he'd ever needed her at all. He was gone, far away, where she would probably never see him again. That hurt. A lot.
It hurt more than she wanted anyone to know, because she couldn't tell anyone. She wasn't supposed to have fallen for him, in any way whatsoever. And yet, she had, only to realize it when she couldn't have what she wanted anymore. She did wonder, though – if he'd known she cared, would he have still walked away?
She definitely thought so. He'd tried to be her friend, but she'd taken him for granted and pushed him away, saying things that now, she felt that she had only used as a self-defense. Just like his masks had been. Now she wished that she hadn't done that.
Wishing didn't help at all, though. She wished that he had stayed, and he was still gone. She'd wished that he would come back, but deep down, she knew he wouldn't. She wished she hadn't acted as she had towards him. She'd said that she wanted love, but not with him. She'd thought she was just another mot to him, one that he just wanted to have in his bed, and then would promptly forget about. She'd been wrong, though.
As she thought about it now, he'd cared more than that – more than he'd let show. And it was only when she looked back that she really saw it. He'd been so angry when she'd done things to put herself in situations he didn't like, and he'd been upset when she'd chosen someone else, no matter for how long.
But now…he was the one who had gone and done something she didn't like. She didn't like that he had just walked away. It hadn't seemed like his nature…and yet, it seemed fitting now.
He had come into her life for a short time, and now he had left it, leaving a trail of changes behind him…he'd changed her, even if she hadn't acknowledged the fact. He'd made her see the world in different shades, rather than black and white. He'd made a difference, and then he'd walked away…
Even as she thought about it, it wasn't something that Beka really understood – she didn't want to. She just wished she'd spent her time with Rosto a little bit differently, and that, if he wasn't going to come back, he'd be happy wherever he ended up. Even if he had left her life. Even if he was gone….