Dear Al Khan and other staff of 4Kids Entertainment,
It has come to my attention that you have made the adventures of myself and my fellow crew members into an anime. While I find it flattering that you consider our travels exciting enough to broadcast to the world, I'm afraid I have a few complaints about the route you have taken in achieving this goal:
One: You seem to have removed the blood from our battles.
I find it quite strange that you have elected to do this. For one thing, children are generally quite enthusiastic to see bloodshed, provided it's shed by the deserving; that is, those who deserve to shed blood (although you never can tell with some children). Another concern with your removal of blood is that children are either smart enough to realize that if you get stabbed, you'll start bleeding, or innocent enough to not have that knowledge. If they belong to the former category, they will immediately be disgusted with the bloodless anime and refuse to watch it; if they belong to the latter, they may believe that being stabbed does you no harm and take a knife to little Timmy down the road. Either way, it all ends in tears.
Two: Our voice actors simply do not match our voices.
This particular point makes me quite angry, since you have given me an especially irritating voice. To cite some of the worst cases, I sound like a pre-teen wannabe cowgirl, my captain (Straw-Hat Luffy, remember?) sounds unfortunately feminine, our chef sounds like a stereotype of an American man and poor Chopper sounds amazingly punchable. Nami, Zoro, Usopp and Vivi's voices are not quite so irritating, although they are still rather heinous.
Three: You have bungled up the timeline of events.
According to my crewmates, you removed an entire arc (Little Garden, I believe) from the story. I would normally not complain about this, but removing Little Garden from the anime has deprived me of the opportunity to say how unlucky they are to be going there and look rather magnificent while doing so. Also, according to my good friend Usopp, while there he met two quite inspirational giants, who motivated him to become a brave warrior of the sea. He feels quite strongly about their removal, as he believes they were quite important to the proceedings (these are not his exact words; he used rather more curse words, interspersed randomly with '-ing'). It also removes Mr. 3's reason for being chased by Mr. 2 Bon Clay and eventually killed by Sir Crocodile, which creates a bit of confusion.
In other words, you have turned a potentially admirable story into a complete shambles. Please rectify these mistakes, or my crewmates and I will be forced to pay a visit to your embarrassment of an organization.
Yours,
Nico Robin.
Dear Al Khan and other staff of 4Kids Entertainment,
What do you mean by 'my complaints are unfounded'? As a main character and an ex-head of Baroque Works, I should think that I have the right to tell you what you're doing wrong! You call your dub 'enjoyable', but I can tell you right now that that's not true. If you do not believe me, ask any true fan of One Piece (as the original author called it) if your dub is true to our story. I can tell you right now that the answer will be a resounding 'NO!'.
You now have one week to correct your mistakes. Do so or face the consequences.
Yours,
Nico Robin.
Dear Al Khan and other staff of 4Kids Entertainment,
Suburban kids who have never heard the word 'manga' do not count as true fans of One Piece. You now have three days to remedy the situation.
Yours,
Nico Robin.
Dear Al Khan and other staff of 4Kids Entertainment,
I'm coming down there now.
Yours,
Nico Robin.
4Kids Massacre
Last Sunday, an unknown woman entered the headquarters of 4Kids entertainment and proceeded to brutally murder all those involved in the production of the One Piece dub. The employees not involved in the making of this dub immediately fled, evidently wishing to not share the fate of these unfortunate men and women. When police entered the scene, the assailant had vanished, as if into thin air. When they entered the office of the head of 4Kids, Mr. Al Khan, they found a grisly tableau.
The biggest part they found was his pancreas.
The woman is known to have black hair, pale skin and is of an average height. If you see her, panic and run in the other direction.