Why Do I Love You?
By: Asagi Tsuki
Summary: Saeki wonders why he loves Fuji, even after everything that has happened
Warning: angsty one-sided SaekixFuji with mentions of TezukaxFuji. SaekixFuji fans please don't kill me. I personally love that couple as well. And another warning, this is a bit AUish, since this happen years after the TV series, meaning that they're past university already.
Another attempt at making a one-shot after a long time not making anything (yes, I know I'm not prolific) for the Tennis no Oujisama section. Hope this is good enough for you guys. Anyways, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Tennis no Oujisama, nor the song "Why Do I Love You?" by Westlife
Why Do I Love You…
A young man with dual-colored hair sat down on a clean white double bed, staring out into the darkening sky that was tinted with a mixture of red, orange and yellow. He stared longingly outside, his face blank and his hands playing with a card that looked like a greeting card, but actually is a wedding invitation.
He looked down to his hand, and sighed soundly, plopping himself down on the bed, throwing the invitation away. He loathed that invitation. True, it was colored perfectly and the decoration was great, but the mere existence of that invitation card angered him to no end.
"Saeki, do you love me?"
The same soft voice kept playing over and over again in his head. He remembered clearly those sharp blue eyes staring straight at him as those words were said, and how distressed he was to be stopped from his "work", and to be asked continually, as if he didn't believe in him.
"Yes I do, Shuusuke, now shut up."
Was that really a good thing to say? He never knew. He thought that Fuji preferred it to be straightforward, being the sadist he is. He always kept silent after that, but would always ask the same thing again the next time they made love.
And now, what does he get for being a loyal and loving lover to him? An invitation to his wedding with another person! And a man, no less. He felt so humiliated, so distressed, and so… hurt.
-.-.-.-.-. flashback -.-.-.-.-.
"Saeki, I'm sorry, but we… can't go on like this."
Suddenly she's leaving
Suddenly the promise of love has gone
Suddenly, breathing seems so hard to do
Thousands of boulders fell on his shoulder and his head. Saying that he was shocked to hear that would be an understatement. He had never expected something like this to happen. Not after they went out for nearly six years.
"What? You gotta be kidding, Shuusuke."
Fuji looked straight to Saeki's eyes. His eyes weren't closed as usual, and his trademark smile was gone from his face. His face held only seriousness, not even a trace of sadness, or sorry.
"When do I kid with you, Kojirou?" he asked strictly, his voice cold.
Saeki shivered. Fuji seldom called him by his first name, and whenever he did, something bad is going to happen. He just knew it, because he had known Fuji since they were children.
"Why?"
It was a simple one-word question that held so many meanings, and was sure to make the asked person go on a guilt trip, or feel uneasy at the very least. It was true for him as well, since Fuji closed his eyes and looked away.
His eyes were his weak point, as well as his strong point. People are scared when they see his eyes and didn't dare defy him, but his feelings were easily seen through his eyes.
"I just… think that we're not going anywhere," Fuji said as he leaned back on the cream white wall of the living room in Saeki's apartment. "We're not young anymore, Kojirou. You have to think about your future as well."
Saeki looked at him funny. Of course he knew that he had to think about his future. He wasn't a dumb person thinking about having fun only, or was he, in Fuji's opinion?
"I thought about it," Saeki defended himself. "I thought you said you're going for a Master degree before you're going to work," he added, eyeing Fuji.
"I did," Fuji agreed. "I just thought that I have to secure my future sooner, because it's like what people say, really. The sooner, the better," he commented, fiddling with the hem of the brownish sweater he wore.
"Fuji," Saeki called, eyeing him suspiciously. "What is your true reason? Tell me," he demanded. "You've never fiddled with anything unless you are hiding something."
Fuji silently cursed his habit of fiddling with things when he was nervous because he was hiding something and not wanting to be known.
"It's nothing, really," Fuji said, pushing himself away from the wall. "Now, if you'll excuse me," he said calmly, walking towards the front door of Saeki's apartment.
"It's Tezuka, isn't it?"
And at that, Fuji stopped.
Carefully you planned it
I got to know just a minute too late oh girl
Now I understand it
All the times we made love together
Baby you were thinking of him
"So it's true," Saeki snorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm and hurt.
"Whoever said it's true?" Fuji asked, not looking back. "You're judging it yourself. I've never said it's true," he added, strengthening his point.
"I'm not blind, Fuji. Do you think I've never noticed, even after everything?" Saeki asked, this time he was the one who leaned on the wall, looking at Fuji's back.
"And just what is everything?" Fuji asked back, this time turning around, looking straight to Saeki's face, as if demanding an immediate answer.
"You're always thinking of him," Saeki said sadly, lowering his head so that his bangs covered his face. "When we were out on dates, you would always space out. When we talked, you would always talk about him. And you know what? You've never said my name during our nightly activities," he ranted, looking back up to look at Fuji who now looked like a deer caught in headlights, though he didn't really show it. "I've noticed, Fuji. You were thinking of him, not me."
"Then why didn't you just say so?" Fuji asked, guilt tinting his tone.
"Because I love you."
Why do I love you?
Don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do
Like I always do?
You should've told me
Why did you have to be untrue?
Why do I love you like I do?
"Why do you love me? Even after what I've done?" Fuji asked, shock and guilt clear on his voice. And he thought he was good at hiding his feelings.
"I don't know," Saeki shrugged as he smiled a lopsided smile at Fuji. "I just… love you. And if being with Tezuka will make you happy, then go on."
Fuji looked at Saeki questioningly. "Are you sure…?" he asked, trailing a bit at the last because he was unsure. Now that he knew that Saeki truly loved him, he was a bit hesitant.
"Yes," Saeki nodded his head. "After all, isn't love supposed to make the loved one happy?" he asked back.
Fuji didn't say a word. He merely nodded his head, and went out of the apartment room briskly, as if trying to leave everything behind him. Trying to leave the six years passed together locked inside that apartment room.
-.-.-.-.-. end of flashback -.-.-.-.-.
At the wedding day, everyone the two grooms know were invited to come to the blessing ceremony. They were seated nicely, anticipating the vows.
"Saeki-senpai," a voice called from beside him, and he saw an energetic young man, one he had known for long, and respected, though he didn't want to tell him that. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Why, of course, Aoi," Saeki answered, smiling at his junior. "Why shouldn't I? He's happy, and I should be happy for him."
"Idiot," a cocky voice said from his right side, and he knew who it was even before he turned around to look at him. It was a young man, the same age as Aoi, but all these years have made him far more mature than he was when he was still a freshman at Seigaku Junior High.
"Loving someone doesn't mean you have to let that someone go. If he can be happy with you, then why not?" Ryoma asked cynically. "You're too giving, don't you think? It's good, but you don't have to give all the time."
Ain't gonna show no regrets
I'm gonna smile and tell the whole world I'm fine
I'm gonna keep my senses
But deep down where no one can hear me
Baby I'll be crying for you
Saeki merely smiled at Ryoma's comment. "Thank you for saying that I'm a giving person," he said, chuckling slightly. "I'll take that as a compliment, Echizen-kun."
Aoi looked at him for a while. "Are you sure you're okay? It's okay to cry, Saeki-san, we all know how you must feel. Even the ex-Seigaku team feel sorry for you."
"I don't need everyone's pity," Saeki smiled contentedly. "I just want to see them happy. And maybe then, I'll find my own happiness as well."
Ryoma snorted, but kept silent, looking at the altar instead, followed by Aoi who nodded sympathetically at Saeki, and then waited for the two grooms to arrive.
"Excuse me then, Echizen-kun. I need to use the restroom," Saeki said as he stood up, and walked to the restroom at the back of the chapel.
Aoi looked at him, but then knew why. The grooms finally came. He shook his head and sighed. He would not want to see his loved one vowing to be loyal to somebody else as well. Especially someone who wasn't even near him—the loved one—for the past six years.
Inside the restroom, Saeki went into a stall, and simply stood there, leaning onto the wall. Slowly, tears started to form at the corner of his eyes, and roll down his cheeks.
"Yes, I know what Echizen said is true," he said to himself, trying his best not to sob. He wouldn't want anyone to know that he cried there, especially since he wanted to be strong. For him, and for Fuji.
Why do I love you?
Don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do
Like I always do?
You should've told me
Why did you have to be untrue?
Why do I love you like I do?
"Why do I even love him? Why do I love him like this?" he asked himself, his figure softening and he finally slid down, resting on the floor of the restroom.
Images of the times they spent together flashed in front of his eyes. Fuji's smile. Fuji's laughter. Fuji's jokes. Fuji's sadistic tricks. And many more.
Now he knew why he loved Fuji so much.
Can't go back, can't erase
Baby your smiling face
I can think of nothing else but you
Suddenly
He shook his head. Even when Fuji had left him, he would always be thinking of him.
He smiled bitterly as he stared at Fuji's photograph. He was already back at his own apartment. He had come back to the chapel's main room right when everyone was giving their wishes and congratulations to the couple.
He could only smile then, not knowing that to do. At least at that time, Fuji looked truly happy, and truly sorry for him, crying in his arms, muttering "I'm sorry" for who-knows-how-many times.
Why do I love you?
Don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do
Like I always do?
You should've told me
Why did you have to be untrue?
Why do I love you like I do?
He sighed, placing the frame on the coffee table in front of him. He would never forget this day. The day that he let go of his only love.
At least he finally knew that he truly loved him.
Like I Do?
This was made in a rush. Not even one hour is taken to make this story, I think, so sorry if the story is kinda rushed. I still hope you enjoyed it.
The last angst fic I made would be the one for the Riviera section, so yeah, sorry if it's not angsty enough. I was thinking of making another fic after so long when I suddenly heard the song "Why Do I Love You?". I was thinking of making it for another section, but then decided on this one.
If you do enjoy this story, please leave a review.