The Faketrix:

The Beginning Chapter:

The Phone rang. When it was picked up, the tracking began.

"Lifer, are you sure this line is clean?"

"Hey, I may have had to get it by colonic irrigation, but I disinfected it. Sorry if that was too much information, by the way." There was a clicking sound.

"Did you hear that?" said Infinity.

"You're hearing things. You enjoy watching him, don't you?"

"Morphine believes he is the First."

"Do you?"

Outside the Travelodge, police surrounded the building. A yellow mini came round the corner and three me stepped out. The one in front was the leader.

"Inspector, you are a retard." He said.

"She is one girl. I sent a squad up there. She'll have her ass kicked." And to emphasise this point, a policeman was thrown out the window.

"She kicked my ass." He said, before he passed out.

Infinity ran up onto the roof. She heard Abents coming after her. She had to jump the twenty-foot gap between the roof she was on and the next. Remembering her training in the 'Flump' program, she jumped, and she made it. So did the Abents for that matter. She pulled out her stylish Nokia camera phone and typed in a number.

"Welcome to the Faketrix hotline. The Operator is too pissed to take your call at the moment. If you would like to find an exit, press one. If you are currently being chased by Abents, press two. If you have been perving on the saviour of humanity, press three. If you have done all three within the last thirty seconds, hi Infinity, and your nearest exit is down the road."

"Dank, you're a tosser." Infinity said, hanging up. As she ran to the phone box, a monster truck, which coincidentally happened to be the winner of the 2004 Destruction Derby burst through a wall.

She typed in a number.

The monster truck accelerated.

She disappeared as the monster truck ploughed into the phone booth. Abent Whiff swore loudly. Two other Abents appeared, out of breath and sweaty.

"She got out." Agent Whiff said, replacing his stylish £129 FCUK sunglasses from specsavers.

"Yes, but we know their next target."

"He is called BO"

The Chapter with BO

Tommy Sanderson woke up at his computer. His T-shirt was overworn. Originally it was white, but now, well, let's just say that there were more things living on it than people living in the United States. Even half-eaten pizzas had their own civilization growing on them. He looked at his computer screen. It said:

"Wake up BO."

He tried Ctrl, Alt, Delete, but nothing happened, then another message appeared.

"Follow the White Rabbit."

He typed:

"Why?"

"Don't argue, you stinking sod. I know about the Faketrix."

He began to type "How?" but the computer shut down.

"Bugger." There was a knocking at the door. He opened it up, and there was a white rabbit holding a pocket watch.

" 'Scuse me, do you know where the Dunderland Veterans convention is being held? The Sad Fecker and the April Bunny are holding an unbirthday party."

"I know where the "Drunk Skunk" is, I was going to get pissed there now, as a matter of fact."

"I'll join you." The rabbit seemed to know the way, so Tommy followed him.

"So, I had Dallas in my house, right. She finds this biscuit saying, "Eat Me." The bitch did and all." Said the White Rabbit, when he had finished his pint of Strongbow. Tommy nodded. "So, I'm a rabbit without a house."

"Don't rabbits live in holes?"

"I am not a bloody hobbit! Short furry creatures that cannot act, and run about having quests."

"True."

Then all of a sudden, a woman in tight black PVC approached them.

"Thanks, Whitey. Hop along now."

"See ya Tommy." Said Whitey

"Hello BO." Said Infinity.

"How did you find out about that name?" he asked.

"I know all about you. I know how many pizzas you order a week, how much your Internet bill costs a month, and how many times you have sex a year." (Coincidentally, the answers to these were 55 pizzas a week£14.99 a month, and once, but that did not really count.)

"Who are you?" asked Tommy.

"They call me Infinity."

"You mean the Infinity that downloaded MSN version 7.1 BETA in 3.14159 seconds?"

"That was a long time ago. You are searching for him, BO. I did too. Then I realised he was searching for me. He will tell you the answer to your question."

"How to get an erection?"

"No, the other question."

"Oh, right. What is the Faketrix." Tommy whispered.

Infinity moved closer to him. He thought she was going to kiss him. He moved closer. Then suddenly, everything went black.

Pain…

"…Morphine…"Tommy called out in his sleep. He was still dreaming about the woman in the black PVC catsuit. Then the alarm clock went off. Tommy B. Sanderson looked at the clock, It said 9:45.

"SHIT!" he yelled. He need to be at work for 9.