My Fair Lady
O.A. Garcia
Hospitals are ironic places: when you think that a patient is ok, you realize next minute that he or she is dying and cannot be saved. A dying patient on bed is shown between two of his relatives who are crying. And when you are on the most terrible mood ever because of that, and you think everybody is creeped out for that behaviour, you find out that the Janitor is pissing off your way
"What's up whinny girl?"
"What do you want?" JD looked with a frustrated face at the Janitor who stepped in his path.
"What? I can't say hello to a good ol' friend around here? Ok, I understand, I'm leaving." The Janitor turned around, to then turn around again looking with a fierce face at JD's eyes, "But you'll see." He then walked away.
Weirdo.
Cox right away interrupted JD's walk with his whistles, "Hey, Margaret I hope you are not planning anything with your girlfriends tonight, you know: male strippers, happy hours, or crying for your dumb life by a lake; 'cause you know very well that you have a night shift today."
"Cox, why are you bothering me right now? Mrs. Henderson is dying and that craps the hell out of me enough. I'm not in the mood for night shifts, neither for your senseless jokes. Why can't you ask for someone else?"
"Annette, you know that I would happily choose anyone but you, but everybody is busy for that, so sorrowfully I have to ask you to do that, 'cause you know why? You are the only girly girl in this whole hospital that isn't busy at all."
"Who I have to take care of?" said JD with a depressing voice.
" Mr. Phillips, we've been informed by telephone that he's been having gland problems and back problems, he's arriving today at night." JD sighed when receiving the patient's file and walked away to the elevator, where he was received with a bucket of water from the Janitor in the other side, washing him entirely.
"You piece of—" JD ran to the other elevator gate through where the Janitor made his joke to have his revenge, but it closed right away, making the Janitor's laughs the only thing that could be heard.
He'll get the taste of his own medicine!
When JD, left the elevator in the third floor all wet, he could only sight a beautiful brunette woman with pale skin and soft traits that walked through the corridor –Flash of that same corridor being illuminated by that woman's presence while she walked, and grass with flowers and birds and little elves came from her walked path-
Wow! What a hottie!
"What's up dog!" Turk walked to his friend, who was still shocked by the woman's beauty with his mouth open and wide opened eyes even as she already left that corridor, "What happened to you? You're all wet!" JD didn't respond, "Dude!" Turk pinched his arm, getting a scream of pain by his friend, who looked at him while sobbing it, "What's up with you?"
"Nothing!"
"Oh! Impressed with Anna, ain't it? "
"That's her name?"
"Yeah."
"Why is she here?"
"Her brother is here for a surgery, he swallowed up a branch piece by piece believing that it was a chocolate candy cane."
"Who would do such stupidity?"
"You really wanna know?"-Flashback of JD and Turk in college football ground. Turk passes ball to JD and he says, "Wow, what a big empanada!" And bites it-
"I had an eye problem!" said JD trying to defend himself, combing his wet hair back with his hand, "And I think it's coming back, see?" He pointed his eye with that hand's finger and he tried to tic it.
"Yeah sure."
"Anyway, is she gonna stay here at night?"
"Yes, I'm making the surgery in like an hour and the kid's staying here a couple of days. She's very fond of him, so I guess she's gonna stay this night."
"Awesome."
I never said a hospital was ironic in a bad way. I started with a terrible day and I'm now with chances of getting this hot chick!
JD left Turk, walking to the table and leaving the file there.
"What the hell happened to you?" asked Laverne looking at him all wet. When JD was about to answer, she responded for him, "Janitor?"
"Yeah. That guy's getting into my nerves."
"Mhhh! You haven't lived with my ex-husband. Jokes everyday! Shaken soda, cockroaches in the mattress, porn in the TV when I turn it on, cold water on. That ain't even the half of the half of those jokes! He paid the priest of our wedding to wash me with a bucket of cold orange juice after I said 'I do'."
"That's why you divorced him?"
"Naa. He wanted kids, I didn't."
Another weirdo around here.
"What's up JD," said Elliot arriving to the table next to the wet doctor.
"Wet."
"Yeah, it's true! Janitor?"
"Yep."
"Maybe he loves you."
"Ha! The time he does, get a female pig and I'll lock us both into a room and give her children."
-Flash of JD in his underwear on a bed next to a pig with many young pigs with JD faces and saying with a stupid voice: "Momma! Papa!"-
Then the Todd passes by with a lash tied to a pig's neck, causing Elliot and JD to scream in a girly way with fear and sit on the table, trying to stay away from them both,
"Hey guys!" said Todd, "She's Claire, my brother's pig. Say hello Claire!" The pig didn't do anything.
"Who said you could bring a pig to the hospital?" asked JD trembling a little.
"Kelso. I gave him a peanut butter cup."
"You bribed him?"
"Mhhhh. Let's not say it's a bribe, it's better to s—" The Todd was distracted by the behind of a nurse that passed next to him, "See you later guys!" And Todd went following that nurse, saying to try to impress her, "Hey! I saved this pig from being killed by a tiger."
"He's weird," said Elliot looking at him walking away.
"Tell me when he is not," said JD getting down from the table along with his friend, "Hey, do you know about this hot chick with the brother who ate a branch? Her name's Anna, and I'm gonna see if I have my chances with her."
"Really? Good luck tiger, this one seems pretty hard to catch."
"Why?"
"She looks like a powerful woman, with this look that says like: 'I'm gonna rule over everyone's lives! I'm queen!' Haven't you seen her?"
"Now that you say that, she does act like that! But anyway, she's not gonna resist this macho man."
"Yeah, sure!" Elliot chuckled a little while she saw JD leaving.
Night shift
After making some tests to Mr. Phillips, JD concluded dictating.
"About your gland problems, some treatments will be done tomorrow and to ease the pain, you will have to be taking two Rhyothelidon spoons every three hours. About the back problem, Nurse Espinosa will be taking you to the x-ray chamber."
"Thanks Dr. Dorian," said Mr. Phillips with a friendly smile right before he said hello to Carla who entered the room with a wheelchair for him to sit on.
Mr. Phillips sat on and Carla took him to the x-ray chamber, JD walked with her.
"Hey, Bambi, heard you're gonna try to get on this Anna," said Carla.
"Yeah. Which reminds me…how can I?"
"What? You don't need guidance! Remember all these past girlfriends of yours!"
"Yes, but this one has this proud air that makes her see as a man eater! I felt intimidated besides shocked the first time I saw her!"
"Then why are you trying to get her?"
"Because she's hot!"
"You men are weird."
"But anyway, tell me! I need to know!"
"Well. Be mysterious."
"Mysterious?"
"Yeah, you know, like… James Bond!"
"Like James Bond!"
-Flash of JD in a tuxedo meeting Anna in a fancy restaurant with the James Bond music background. JD says: "The name's Dorian, John Dorian." And then takes her and kisses her passionately-
"Like James Bond," said JD again in a low voice.
"Right," said Carla slowly looking strangely at JD.
"Thanks Laura, I love you!" JD left running through the halls.
He arrived to Anna's brother's room, where the kid was lying asleep on the bed, sleeping, and the woman was sitting next to him, grabbing his hand gently.
"Hi," said JD when entering,
"Hi," said Anna looking at him with a gentle smile instead of a proud and intimidating face.
"I'm Dorian, John Dorian." JD extended his hand to Anna's,
"John, I doubt a lot that cheap James Bond impersonation is gonna help you."
Damn it! You can still do it JD! Use your JD charm!
"Is that your brother?"
"Yeah. A cute boy, dumb, but cute." JD chuckled.
"What's his name?"
"Thomas."
"He's handsome."
"Yeah."
"And how old is he?"
"Ten. At such a young age he even gets fifteen year old fans!"
"Wow!"
"I said so when I found out."
"Well, I see it evident for him, 'cause he looks so a lot like—"
"Brad Pitt? Yeah."
"He's like a young version of him."
"Everybody says so."
"Hey! Would you like to go out sometime?"
"Yeah, I don't see a problem in it."
Wow! That was easy!
"Great. Then I guess I'll see you sometime around here?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, bye."
"Bye."
Yep. Hospitals are ironic places. Yesterday I was pissed off that Mrs. Henderson was dying. But what recovered me from that anger was when I met Anna, a pretty nice person when you meet her. The night after the one when we met, we went out to a restaurant and then felt like watching a movie, a romantic movie, which was her choice…well, mostly her choice. After that, she passed to my place, where we kissed after the first five seconds of being there. And we ended on bed. She became my girlfriend.