The doctors came into my room today.

Man, I just had that feeling in my gut, I knew it was coming.

I didn't want to admit it to myself.

The pain in my back was getting worse, but the pain in the middle of my lower back, well, I couldn't feel any of that.

Some of the parents of those kids came in today.

One in particular, I think her name was Mrs. Pratt, has some very kind words for me. She told me how much she was happy for her son to be alive, if only my mother would think the same thing about me.

I wanted to write Pony one final letter.

I know in my heart he's my best friends.

He, and Dally, Darry and Soda were more of my family than my own family.

I kept thinking about Bob though. He died at such an early age and I killed him!

But look at me! I'm sixteen for God's sake! I don't want to die now! I told Pony that last time he was here. Anyways, about my letter to Pony, I wrote him telling him to make Dallas watch at least one sunset.

Something about that sunset, it just made me feel free, like I had no worries in that world. I hope Dally listens to Pony

I'm feeling pretty bad off right now.

I wouldn't mind it so much if I had seen more things in my life, but that

house, that God damn house, where I spent sixteen years of my life,

locked up in there, getting ignored and beaten.

I was locked up in there, and the only time I was away from my neighbor hood was when I was up in Windrexxville. Up there I felt happy.

And I'm happy Ponyboy read me "Gone with the Wind" and read me that poem.

I sure did get a lot of meaning out of that poem.

Like the fact that you're gold when you're a kid.

Everything in the world is new when you're a kid, like dawn in the morning.

And Ponyboy is the goldest person I know, he may not show it in his

everyday acts but he digs those sunsets, that's what gold really is.

I really hope Dallas does listen to Pony, to watch those sunsets.

I won't be around anymore to be with Dally.

I just hope Pony explains how much it would mean to me.

I know I'm the only think Dally has ever loved, if he really does, he'll watch one.

Then he won't be so hard or mean.

I know Pony has those golden qualities and that's how he needs to be.

Forever gold.

…Stay Gold Ponyboy, Stay Gold