The slight beating of the New York rain on the unmarked car I'm sitting in right now is lulling me to I sip my Starbucks latte and stare at the cool, clear liquid drip-drop down the window beside me, I wonder how the fuck it got this far.

I don't want to babysit a god damn apartment when I know I could be at Alex's side. The VERY last thing on my mind is this case, a rape allegation from a hooker. The only reason I'm here freezing to death in this car is because the guy has a prior conviction, and hasn't been home. That and, of course the fact everyone is worried about my mental state after the shooting. I should REALLY be home drinking myself to death like my mother but Cap somehow got me back to work saying I was sane and wasn't about to go all vigilante on their asses.
They don't know how close I came.

Elliot can obviously feel the frustration, sleep deprivation, and sadness radiating off of my body because he stays quiet and flips off the depressing country song on the radio talking about love and 'if tomorrow never comes' and because of it I am seconds away from breaking into tears.

ALEX

If she dies, what will I do? I have grown quite accustomed to our lovely ADA in a way I'm not exactly sure the Captain will approve of. I wish I would have just told her my feelings before this tremendous train wreck of a case happened... or even during! My best excuse was she was too stressed to deal with my advances, so I stayed away. WHY!
WHY TODAY?
WHY HER?
Why did I not just TELL her?

A rapping on my window brings me out of my trance and truth be told, it scares the shit out of me. The man outside is Fin and as my heartbeat slows, he hops into the car to warm up a bit. He was stuck with corner duty and has already had four people come up to him for various reasons;
Weed, Sex, and some homeless schizophrenic asking him for an umbrella to keep the frogs off his head.

"Damn man it's cold as hell out there"
Elliot can't hold back his smirk "That's what happens when it rains"
I let the two warm up and enjoy their idle conversation while I let my head drop to the cold glass window to my right and attempt ten minutes of sleep without dreaming of what happened earlier...

It didn't work.

As we walk out of the bar, the cold crisp air of fall hits us immediately, the smell of alcohol and BO permeated throughout the bar but all I can smell now are the leaves and the impending rain. I walk a little ahead of Alex because the threat from Velez seems to be no more and I don't want to end up in an awkward situation where the end result is me explaining why I'm staring at her ass.

With a quick look behind me to check on her I smile a little, but seeing the glint of a black unmarked SUV my features contort into confusion and then to fear as the window rolls down and a gun pokes out.

Then all I can do is hear and feel.
I feel the crisp air,
I hear the bang of the gun,
I feel myself running toward her,
I feel my heart sink as her eyes darken and her mouth drops open as the force of the bullet knocks her to the ground,

I hear the five shots Elliot fires at the car,

I hear the tire blow and the earsplitting crunch of metal on metal as the SUV crashes into a pole,
I feel the scrape of my knees against the concrete,
I hear the sirens at least two blocks away,
I feel the hot stickiness of the blood against my hand as I hold the not so small bullet hole in her shoulder.

Unfortunately those are moments that haunt me even in my dreams.

Jolting awake as the car door slams, I jump a little, back to reality and the cold humid air. Fin is out of the car and so is Elliot, but I can't get my wits about me soon enough to chase the guy who has finally shown up at home. So I'll just stay in the car, and pray that Alex will be alright.

Funny thing praying. Last time I actually took the time and said a few Hail Mary's was the night after my mother died.