this was inspired about a dream that I did have about somebody. Liv's dream she has is what happened in mine, so it might not make sense. it was random and it didn't fit in the story line other than a in her dream. also, the one date monologue, happened to me because of person 1 in my dream and I felt guilty about person 2. Person 2 wrote a note that said, "I'll leave room for you" I hope she doesn't read this... So, yes, a one shot. Tell me if you want me to expand the story. I will see if I can come up with more… ps. This is not C/O. it was not my intentions for it to even come across as C/O. I personally think the only reason why Casey is in the story because she is a Hatefuck, and has no real use in this story other than to fill a gap between the real love of A/O. so, I'm not changing the characters. : (
I had a dream about you last night. It was the first one in a while. You were in my living room sitting on my floor, and I bent over to kiss you on the neck. You reciprocated by leaning you head back and allowing me to continue. All I could think about was that this was my chance to show you that I loved you. I wanted to be the best lover you had ever had. I wanted you to leave her behind, to forget about her. She does not love you anymore, but I know that I still do. As I continued, our kisses became harder and I leaned over and whispered in your ear, "Would you like to go somewhere more private?" After I had said that, you stopped and looked at me and replied with "No." All of my past cowardness, guilt, and shame came rushing back up and I could not take it anymore.
When the sun rose and the lights were coming in through her massive apartment window, I saw her sleeping there. She was still fast asleep. I did love her. I loved her in a scene a person loves somebody that is always there for him or her. For a lack of a better statement, we so co-dependent upon each other that it turned it to infatuation. She and I always told each other about our dreams. We talked about what we thought they meant. I do not want her to know that I still think about you from time to time.
I don't think she and I were ever meant to be. I think that she needed me as much as I needed you, and if that were true I think, it would take God blowing up the planet for us to admit we do not love each other, but we both know that we do not love each other as much as two people who have spent three years together should. I look out the window, and I think about you again.
She was there for me when I was at my worst. I was still adjusting to you out side of my life. I was weak, and so was she. She came to work for us, and I will admit that she was very beautiful, and the sex was great, but it could never compare to what you and I had. When she and I went on our first date, and I was so nervous because I knew I could not give her what she needed. I could never love her without hurting her. I knew I would break her heart, and I knew I could never be faithful. Nevertheless, here we are three years later; I am in her bed, still dreaming about you.
I had called it off after our first date, and she knew why. She knew that I still loved you, and if I wanted, she would leave a place in her heart open for me whenever I wanted to crawl inside and find a new home. She told me that she would hold my heavy heart, and to come whenever I needed her. I knew I could not do that to her. I could not come inside whenever I wanted, and leave whenever I did not love her. Nobody deserves that. Therefore, after awhile and a couple of months of slow moves and dates, I finally accepted that you were never coming back and I will just try to make myself happy with her.
She stirs underneath me, and I know by now that she is waking up. She is not a morning person; just as you weren't. She snuggles her head into my neck, all the while I am still looking out the window. I cannot face her. See that is what happened when you left, I became a guilty coward. She snuggles deeper into my chest and wraps her arms around me. I am her protector like the one you were to me. She then looks up at me, and doesn't kiss me. She never does, because she knows that she does not love me. We are just there, living in the same space so we do not kill ourselves with work and alcohol. I never asked her why she needed me, and I do not intend to find out. She is content with not telling me. By know I forgot that she was looking at me, so I turn my head to see what she wants.
"What did you dream about last night?" she asks.
I remain silent because I do not want her green eyes to leave. I do not want her to leave; not yet.
"What did you dream of last night?" I finally ask.
"I dreamt that I had to leave New York; leaving what we have behind." She answers, leaving room for interpretation. Oh, she knows all right, about what I dreamt of last night.
"I see" is all I can say.
She then shifts positions, and is now on top and straddling me. When she is in a comfortable position, she looks into my eyes, and says, "I know that you don't love me, and I am perfectly fine with that. I just want you to be happy, and I know just me being here, waking up next to you, makes life a little easier. I know you still love her, and you are not hurting me one bit by staying here and protecting me."
"Thank you, Casey." is all I can chokingly say. "Thank you." I wrap my arms back around her and fall back asleep, hoping that I don't see you in my dreams again until you come home, because Alex, I love you.
Thank you and you know who you are. You have inspired me to achieve so much more in life. I will forever miss you. "Just write. Just write something every night. Write even if you don't know what you are going to write about. Keep on writing even though you don't like what's coming out. I know you will do great things when you do"--- one day later, I had another dream about you.