I just really like the idea of Jake and Jenna, okay? This is the result of my broken, shipping heart.
I don't own Degrassi. Please enjoy this one-shot, set tentatively after Closer to Free part 1.
Jenna knows this is crazy—seriously insane, even. There's no way she should even entertain the idea: not when she's thinking about it for the sole pacification of a boy.
Baptism. Yeah, it sounds so silly in her head, Jenna's afraid to say it out loud for fear that her consideration of the insane would become real. Even though she's already considering getting baptized. For a boy.
Well, okay, Jenna knows that's not entirely true. It's true enough that it's still an irrational thought, but Jenna's not the same fun-loving, flirty Power Squader she was a couple years ago. And that's kind of the point; she's changed so much in the last two years. Seeing Becky, though, makes Jenna wish she could find her peppy edge again. She wants to remember what it's like to be innocent and love every second of life as you live it. It doesn't seem like too much to ask…
So, yeah, while Jenna hopes that, in the process, Luke will feel more comfortable being around her—even if it means Jenna has to vow to remain abstinent till marriage or whatever—she also wants to find that unyielding faith that both the Baker's seem to have. Maybe if she does, Jenna can find some joy again.
Not that her life is devoid of joy, not at all. She's actually doing pretty well in school, the Bhandari's have been super generous in letting Jenna stay and she has some seriously great friends. Alli's been her rock and it's been a pleasant surprise to have Clare so readily back in her life. Jenna knows she's a lucky girl. She's been through a lot, but she's still got a lot to be thankful for.
And then there's Jake. Jenna sighs, cringing at the mere thought of his name. She leans back in her bed, chewing on the cap of her pen. She didn't want to think about Jake, or the role he's inadvertently playing in her perusal of the idea of baptism.
"That's a pretty hefty sigh; whatcha thinking about?" Alli asks from her perch atop her own bed.
Jenna glances over at Alli, not sure she wants to say anything. They already had a fight earlier; Alli had pointed out how ridiculous Jenna was being. Not that Jenna disagrees; she just didn't want it thrown in her face. "Nothing," she offers evasively, turning her attention to the math problem she hasn't exactly been solving for the past thirty minutes.
"Boys?" Alli guesses expertly, not even looking away from the Dickens' novel she's reading as part of her early graduation plan.
"I don't need your lecture a second time, okay," Jenna snaps, already on the defense. She can't help it…after you have a baby in high school, you get used to putting up your boxing gloves at even the slightest hint of judgment.
"I just don't understand why you're even considering it," Alli points out reasonably, flipping the page.
"There are a couple reasons," Jenna reminds Alli, keeping it vague on purpose.
"Yes, but your main reason is so you can continue kissing Luke Baker, and that's not exactly the best reason to convert."
"He's a nice, cute guy; of course I want to keep kissing him," Jenna volleys back, but she hears how superficial it sounds and flushes with chagrin.
"But…," Alli prompts, setting aside the book to give Jenna her full attention.
"But nothing," Jenna gulps. "That's it, case closed."
Alli's shaking her head, though, and gets off her bed to sit on the edge of Jenna's. Her expression is gentle, but her eyes have a knowing expression in them. It's like she can smell Jenna's hesitation. "No it isn't, Jenna; what aren't you telling me?"
"It doesn't matter," Jenna protests, pushing her math book aside to pull her legs into her chest. "If something was going to happen, he would have made a move by now. Luke actually likes me, so why not go after him?"
"This is about Jake." Alli's voice isn't surprised, incredulous or judgmental. It's sympathetic. That almost makes it worse.
"Maybe," Jenna concedes, miserable. She buries her face between her knees, shamed.
"Have you told him that you like him?"
"Why would I do that?" Jenna's voice is muffled by her knees, but she doesn't lift her head. She's just fine wallowing in her self-misery, thank you very much. "Jake's made it very clear that he just wants to be friends. So if I put myself out there, I'm just ruining everything. I just don't feel very lucky when it comes to taking risks," she points out, lifting her head to raise a challenging eyebrow at Alli. The point is irrefutable, after all.
"You'll never know if you don't try," Alli says wisely, giving Jenna's arm a reassuring squeeze. "And, if you don't at least talk to him, you might end up baptized by weeks end," she throws in for good measure before getting off the bed to resume her reading.
Jenna takes all of five minutes to think about Alli's advice before she realizes there's some merit to it. Jenna doesn't plan to run over to the Martin/Edwards' residence to throw herself at Jake's feet, no. But he is her very good friend. It's plausible that she could be seeking his advice on this life-changing decision. And maybe—just maybe—it'll be useful to gauge Jake's reaction to the news.
Jenna grabs her blazer off the bed post, pulls it on over her dress and slips into her boots. Alli watches with a self-satisfied smile on her face. "Going somewhere?"
"If your mom asks, I had to talk to Clare about a school project," Jenna warns, terrified that Mrs. Bhandari might lock Jenna up behind iron bars if she knows about Jake. Damn that new no-boys rule.
"I do owe you one," Alli winks. "Good luck."
"Thanks," Jenna nods as she grabs her purse and runs out the door.
Forty minutes and a smelly bus ride later, Jenna is walking the short distance from the bus stop to the Edwards' house. Jake still isn't answering his cell, but it wouldn't be the first time Jenna shows up unannounced. Jake and Jenna have gotten very close to each other, after all—spending a lot of time together out of school.
As she rounds the corner, the house comes into sight, and Jenna sighs with relief. She knows Clare is at her work study, but Glen and Helen appear to be at their respective jobs, too. Jenna can talk to Jake alone and that suits her just fine.
She stops on the front porch for just a moment, taking a few deep breaths to center herself. Before she has the chance to knock—her hand is raised, ready and everything—none other than Katie Matlin opens the door. Jenna stands, dumbfounded for a moment.
"See you tomorrow," Katie's calling into the house, not watching where she's going. The older girl runs right into the shocked Jenna. "Ouch, sorry," she's immediately apologetic, saving both of them from falling to the ground with impressively fast reflexes. "Oh, hey, Jenna."
"Uh, hi," Jenna responds, confused. She didn't even know Jake and Katie were friends, let alone close enough to be hanging out after school. "I, um, am I interrupting something?"
"Hardly," Katie's laugh is carefree and spirited, and Jenna feels the urge to punch her in the face. "I was just leaving. Bye!"
"Perky bitch," Jenna mumbles pettily under her breath, before closing her eyes and trying to find her center. Once she's calm again, she knocks on the door. "Jake?" she calls, wandering into the foyer.
He pops his head out of the kitchen, sandwich in hand. "Hey there," his face lights up when he sees the blonde in the doorway, and Jenna can't help but feel validated in coming. Maybe there is something special between them; something worth testing. "I wasn't expecting you…come on in, I'll make another sandwich."
Jenna giggles at how much of a gentleman Jake is and closes the front door behind her. "I'm not really hungry," she assures him, making her way into the kitchen. "Do you guys have lemonade, though?"
Jake puts down the loaf of bread and peaks into the refrigerator. "You're in luck!" he exclaims, unnecessarily enthusiastic as he puts ice in a glass and pours Jenna some of the yellow liquid. She gladly accepts the glass and takes a generous sip as Jake leans against the counter. He takes a bite and starts to talk, but instead of repulsive, Jenna finds it kind of endearing. "I would offer you a spot at the table, but it's a mess of blueprints right now."
Jenna nods, used to that. "How is the garden coming?"
"I'm sorry; I don't have conversations with things that aren't tomatoes," he teases, winking at her.
"I didn't know Katie Matlin's a tomato," Jenna can't help but comment, just the slightest edge in her voice.
Jake's too jazzed about his project to really dwell on it, though. He knows that he and Jenna are just friends, so there's no way that's jealousy in her voice. Right?
"A grape tomato, to be exact," he taunts.
"I didn't even know you two were friends," Jenna points out, her eyes trained on the bright depths of her glass. Anywhere but Jake's face, really.
And this time, Jake can't ignore the fact that Jenna sounds kinda jealous. "She's a cool girl, and she's been really helpful. Girl has some mean organizational skills; she sure knows how to make an idea a reality." He studies Jenna's face carefully, trying to determine if he's being unusually cocky or if Jenna actually thinks there's something going on between him and Katie. Sure, they kissed, and it had been nice, but Katie was clearly not over Drew.
Jake had tried the whole baggage thing with Clare…it hadn't worked out all that well.
Jenna feels an intense wave of relief wash over her. Katie's just helping him with his garden. That was acceptable. Jake was allowed to be friends with other girls. Jenna didn't have any kind of claim on him; no she did not. "How nice of her," Jenna smiles, trying not to sound overly comforted by the fact that Katie and Jake had probably been meeting on professional terms only.
"Sure," Jake laughs, knowing Jenna well enough to tell that she was being subdued for a reason. "So, was there a reason you stopped by?" he asks, polishing off the last of his sandwich.
"Oh, yeah!" Jenna perks up, remembering the reason she's there. Katie Matlin had momentarily derailed her train of thought. "I wanted your advice on something," Jenna informed Jake, downing the rest of her lemonade and setting aside the glass.
When she doesn't continue, Jake cocks an eyebrow at her. "Okay, well the Jake Martin advice booth is officially open for business," he smirks in that carefree manner of his, sinking onto the floor, his back against the cupboards. He pats the spot next to him and Jenna eagerly takes it, sitting very close to Jake's side. "What's up?"
Jenna can feel the heat radiating off his skin, and she knows that there is only a few millimeters of space between their skin. They are just barely touching. "I kind of wanted…to get baptized," she tries out the words, not sure if she likes how they sound outside her head.
"Wow, okay," Jake starts visibly, turning to give Jenna a wide-eyed look of surprise. "I-I didn't even know you believed in God," he tells her honestly, stuttering in shock. It's kind of out of nowhere. And Jake was just starting to think that he had Jenna figured out…foolish him. He would never figure out girls.
Jenna blushes, her cheeks turning a pleasant pink. "Well, I guess I'm not entirely sure that I do…"
Jake is thrown for another loop. He turns his body completely so he can watch Jenna's face. "So why are you considering baptism?" he asks the obvious question, curling his long legs underneath the rest of his body. He leans in so close, his elbows—that he rests on his bony knees—brush the side of Jenna's thigh. Her blush darkens minimally, but she's certain Jake won't notice; she hopes, at the very least.
"I…it's kind of embarrassing," she admits, unable to meet Jake's eye.
"Jenna," her name sounds so soft, gentle on his lips. She likes it way too much. Jenna wonders what it would be like to hear his name fall from his lips under other, more intimate circumstances and realizes the whole abstinence thing might be a bit more difficult than she's anticipating. She's brought back to the present, though, when Jake rests his hand gently on Jenna's shoulder. "You can tell me anything, you know. I don't do judgmental."
Jenna knows that much to be true. Even when she revealed everything about her past to Jake—a necessity made evident by Clare's dinner outburst at the dinner table; it had only seemed fair to tell Jake why Clare was so angry—he never once looked at her like she was any less. He always has the same amount of respect and adoration in his eyes. A look that gives Jenna Goosebumps every time.
"I know," she lifts her head to smile at him, and Jake's attention is drawn to the way it lights up her entire face. Not to mention, his eyes concentrate on Jenna's lips just a moment too long. He's never tried to cross the line of friendship because he doesn't want to ruin the great thing they have going, but every time Jenna smiles at him, Jake gets really, really close.
"So talk to me," he prompts.
"Before you met me, I was always happy. I knew what I wanted and how to get it. I woke up every morning with a smile on my face."
When Jenna stops talking, Jake slides his hand slowly down her arm to slip his fingers between her own. They've never held hands before, but both teens like how warm and comforting it feels: how right.
"And now?"
"Well, now I mostly feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. And I don't like that."
"No one does," Jake shrugs easily, flashing that devil-may-care smile that drives her so crazy. "But where does baptism come into the picture?"
Jenna sucks in a lot of air, holding it in her lungs for a few seconds. She almost doesn't want to let the air out—to tell Jake about Luke. "I met this guy…and he kind of convinced me that maybe God could show me what to do," Jenna admits, peaking out of the corner of her eyes to see Jake's face. He looks composed, like he's working very hard not to convey any kind of emotion. So, as if to rouse a reaction out of him, Jenna lets out the rest in a rush of air and words; no breath. "And-it-sorta-doesn't-hurt-that-he-and-I-made-out-and-he-doesn't-want-to-be-with-me-if-I'm-not-a-Christian."
It's not fast enough, though, because Jake hears every word, and it hurts more than he expects it too. Not that he has a right to be upset. Jenna and him are friends, nothing more. He doesn't have a claim to her. She can date whoever she wants. Hell, so can he. And he has been. So why does it hurt to hear that Jenna's been kissing other guys? His grip on her hand loosens just a little, but it's enough for Jenna to notice. Her eyes widen with abashed concern.
"Don't you think it's a little rash to jump into a religion for a guy?" Jake's voice has suppressed venom in it. If Jenna didn't know him so well, she wouldn't be able to hear it. But she can, and it gives her a sort of grim satisfaction; sick as it is.
"I'm not just doing it for the guy," Jenna reminds Jake. "It's just…kind of a bonus."
"How long have you even known him, Jenna?" This time her name sounds like the crack of a whip. "Do you know you can trust him? What if he's just another KC?"
Okay, that's a low blow, and Jake knows it. He sees it in the way Jenna's eyes tear up almost immediately. Her reproach is instant—just like his guilt.
Jenna tears her hand from Jake's, scooting several meters away from the suddenly not-so-wonderful guy. "I thought I could count on you. I thought you never judge!" Jenna flings the words at Jake like darts, hoping to hit a bull's-eye and make him bleed.
She's already regretting her decision to come to Jake. He's a boy; they always screw with Jenna's head. They always screw her over. She's on her feet, scrambling to make it to the door.
But Jake is fast and determined, reaching the door and blocking her exit before she has the chance to get out.
"That came out totally wrong," Jake defends himself, his face ashen.
"Move!" Jenna shouts petulantly, trying her best to shove past the lanky boy.
But he has too many limbs, and they are far too long. He catches her by the shoulders, deterring her attempt at retreat. "Jenna, please; stop!"
"Why should I?" she challenges, giving up her feeble attempts to escape for the moment. She slumps in Jake's hands, glaring up at him.
"Because…because…," Jenna can see clearly that Jake is struggling with something. The words are poised at the roof of his mouth, ready to battle their way out. But Jake isn't sure that letting them loose is the best idea. The timing is awful, so off. This admission that's stuck to his teeth like extra-chewy bubble gum shouldn't be offered as an attempt to make Jenna forgive him. She deserves better than that.
But…Jake's been waiting for the perfect moment for too long—it never seems to come. So maybe there is no such thing as a perfect moment. Maybe this doesn't have to be graceful, or make sense, but it sure as hell has to be said. Friendship or no friendship, Jake Martin is tired of pretending he doesn't adore Jenna's smile. In fact, he adores everything about her. He doesn't want to ignore the way his gut squeezes with fear and joy every time Jenna's around him, and he has to come to terms with the fact that her type of baggage is perfect for him. He wants to be the one there for Jenna; he wants to help shoulder her pain and her past.
And he certainly doesn't want to hear about other guys kissing her. Jake wants to know what that feels like for himself.
"I'm leaving," Jenna decides, annoyed when Jake offers no other words. She makes one more last-ditch attempt to get the hell away from that house, but—again—Jake is there to block her.
"Because I like you, Jenna. I like the way you can improvise a song on the fly—and it might be cheesy, but the lyrics rhyme. I like the way you listen to me, even when I ramble on about construction. I like that you're open to new things. I like that you're you no matter what…and I like that I can't stand when you smile at me because it's just too perfect. I have to look away sometimes to keep myself from telling you everything. Because I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I do want you. You're special, and I don't want you seeing other guys…so I got jealous. I'm sorry I'm an idiot; I'm sorry it's taken me this long…please, feel free to stop me from rambling."
Jake is breathless by the time he finishes, and he's not even sure that anything that came out of his mouth makes sense. But it's out there, and he feels lighter. He smiles with relief.
Jenna is frozen with shock for a few seconds, paralyzed as the implications of Jake's speech catch up with her. And when they do; when she sees him smiling in triumph, Jenna feels this overwhelming elation in the pit of her stomach. Without a second thought, she launches herself forward.
Her eyes are closed, but she somehow manages to find Jake's lips. It's a little uncoordinated at first, both of them surprised that this is really happening, but it doesn't take long for things to heat up. Jake seizes Jenna's hips, pulling her close to him. Her hands are tangled in his hair, tugging roughly, and their lips move in a synchronization that astounds them both. Everything is wonderful and warm and over too quickly, but when their lips part Jenna can't feel anything but Jake. He clouds her senses.
He flashes her that easy smile once more, his eyes too close to her face to focus on more than one detail. So Jake chooses her brilliant blue eyes—big and bold. He can see the emotion swirling around in them, and a shiver rockets down his spine. "Does this mean you forgive me for what I said?" he teases, a breathy laugh leaving his lips and landing softly on Jenna's.
"I'll give you a hint," Jenna sighs, thrilled. "I really, really hate it when you smile, too."
They both laugh then, the sounds colliding in the tiny space between them—creating an explosion of sound. It's the perfect harmony, and they let it fill their ears. Jake can't listen for too long, though, his eyes moving to a new focus: Jenna's lips. He leans in and presses a much softer, shorter kiss there.
"I'm not very good at this whole dating thing," Jake admits sheepishly. "But I promise, sincerely, that you'll never have to get baptized for me. In fact, I'd be much happier if you didn't change a single thing about yourself."
"Jake, are you asking me out?"
"I'm trying," Jake's cheeks flush with an uncharacteristic blush, "But I'm clearly not very good at it."
"Lucky for you, I'd take sincerity over grand gesture any day," Jenna chuckles, her nose wrinkling just a little.
"Jenna, are you saying yes?"
"Do I have to write a song about it; I thought I was being obvious," she teases.
And Jake doesn't waste any time pulling her in for another kiss.
The feeling, they silently agree, was worth the wait. In fact, it's so good, they might even say it's divine.