A/N: This AU was originally a single one-shot posted in my SoMa one-shot collection, but it's grown into its own little series, so I'm posting it as a separate story to avoid confusion. This is a SoMa next-door-neighbors AU that has been my stress-reliever project over the last year or so. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: After all these years, I still have yet to obtain the rights to Soul Eater. So for now, I own nothing.
Chapter One: In which Blair is a terrible house pet, Maka commits her first B&E, and Soul is predictably naked.
"Oh my God, Blair. Please. Do not do this."
Maka realizes how crazy she looks. She's standing at base of a tree, pleading with a tempestuous feline that's perched casually on the outstretching branch hanging over her neighbor's house. Before this she was whisper-yelling, and before that she was attempting to bribe the dumb cat, the can of tuna she was offering long since discarded on the ground when she realized that wasn't what Blair wanted.
As if to purposefully disobey Maka, the blue-gray tabby jumps from the tree to the balcony, running inside the home of Maka's new neighbor.
"God dammit."
And that's how Maka finds herself climbing her next-door neighbor's trellis, thanking God that one is so conveniently placed here (because really, who actually owns trellises outside of movies?) and praying that the thin wood doesn't break under her weight. She acknowledges that this is definitely breaking and entering, but considering the only thing she is taking from his house is her cat, she thinks that maybe it doesn't really count. Okay, it definitely counts and the trellis is definitely groaning a lot despite the fact that she's so small, but she's choosing not to dwell on either of those facts. All she knows is that Blair is a bitch of a cat and will pee on everything in this man's house unless she retrieves her. And maybe, just maybe, the guy won't be home.
She flips over the balcony railing with about as much grace as a drugged seal, flopping flat on her back and groaning quietly in pain. She sits up and looks around, noting that the French doors leading into his house are cracked open just enough for a spiteful cat to slip inside.
The kitchen light is on and Maka curses her luck even more, because this guy is definitely home and she is almost definitely screwed. Especially because Blair is sitting on his kitchen counter cleaning herself smugly, and Maka knows that to retrieve her cat she's going to have to enter this man's house.
"Okay," she whispers under her breath, because she really needs a pep talk right now and the only one to give it is her. "Sneak in, get the cat, get out. Then maybe mail this guy an anonymous fruit basket for breaking into his house. Unless he's more of a muffin guy—"
And that's when the guy-next-door emerges from the bathroom into his kitchen, his fair hair damp and his waist wrapped in only a towel.
Maka's mouth drops. Dear Lord, he is hot.
And totally walking right towards her cat. Oh shit.
"Hey lil fella, what are you doing in my kitchen? Are you making dinner tonight?" The man walks over to Blair and scratches behind her ear. Maka smiles behind her hand. "And what's that smell?"
Oh God. It can't be. She inhales as hard as she can without being too loud, and then she smells it. Cat pee. Blair has peed somewhere in this attractive man's kitchen.
She scans the room briefly from where she's hiding behind a ficus, but she can't find the source of the pee smell. But she does see her toned neighbor touch Blair's collar and search for a license.
"So you're not a stray, huh? Then I guess I should probably return you to your family. They might be worried about you."
'Worried' is putting it lightly. Maka never even wanted a cat to begin with, but when a stray had kittens in her backyard and abandoned them she felt she had no choice but to take them in. Apparently choosing Blair as the one to keep was a poor mistake on her part, because the cat was much more trouble than she was worth. No, Maka isn't worried about Blair, who is fully capable of running away and breaking into other people's houses, she is worried about this man, who now has to deal with her. And who is getting much too close to Blair's grabby little claws for comfort.
Blair rolls onto her back and swings her paws at the man playfully, and when he chuckles Maka has to hold in a squeak at the low rumble that comes from him. For a moment she becomes entirely too distracted by his warm smile and the way he wiggles his fingers above her cat's head, and she almost doesn't notice when the palm hovering over Blair's wriggling form reaches to stroke her soft belly. As tempting as such a location on her cat may look, that not a place he should be touching.
"No!" Maka shouts in warning, standing up abruptly and hitting her elbow on the balcony's ficus pot. Her neighbor lets out a curse and almost falls backwards into his kitchen, and Blair screeches and darts out of the room, hissing all the way down the hall and disappearing into another open door.
"Who the fuck are you?!" he howls about three octaves higher than earlier, gripping the towel around his waist like his life depended on it.
Maka's hands are up and out in a panicked flurry. "Nonono! I know this looks bad, but I'm just here for my cat!"
She just now sees that the man is also brandishing a meat thermometer in his other hand, but he's so frazzled he doesn't even have the pointed end facing forward.
"How did you get in my house, you pervert!"
"Pervert!" Maka cries out indignantly. "I didn't know you'd be naked. I didn't know you'd be here at all!"
"So you just planned on breaking in?!"
Maka is beginning to realize how poorly thought through this plan was. "I don't—I just—She was going to pee all over your house! She's an asshole and she does it all the time to me and I didn't want her to ruin all your stuff. I was just going to grab her and climb back down—"
"Wait." He lowers his meat thermometer for a moment. "You climbed up the trellis?" Maka sighs and nods. "How were you going to get down with a cat in your arms?"
"I—" Maka pauses. "I don't know."
The man sighs too. "Listen, 'm gonna go put some pants on and find your cat. You—just—just stay there. And pick up the ficus, please. It was a gift from my mother, and she'd kill me if I ruined it."
Maka mechanically bends down and picks up the overturned pot as her neighbor retreats, taking extra time to scoop up the soil and woodchips from the ground and place them back into the pot. A few minutes later, the man returns, wearing a blue and white baseball tee and a pair of sweats, and holding a completely calm cat in his arms. The traitor.
He scratches the back of his neck. "So I guess she belongs to you?"
Maka closes her eyes and bows her head a little. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to cause you so much trouble!"
"It's fine, I guess I just need to start locking my balcony door." Maka can't help but be a little hurt by that. But of course, she deserves it. She's the pervert who broke into this man's house. She wouldn't be surprised if he bought a whole new security system thanks to her. "I mean, if this little guy could get in, who knows what other animals might stop by while I'm not paying attention."
It occurs to Maka that he wasn't talking about her breaking in, but rather, her cat. The fact that she was not included on the undesirable intruders list makes her feel a little better.
"Blair," she tells him. "Her name is Blair. Oh, and I'm Maka," she adds almost as an afterthought. "And don't worry, she's going to be locked up for a long time after this stunt." Maka reaches her arms out for her cat, and he places Blair in them carefully. The second the tabby is transferred back into her rightful owner's arms, she begins squirming.
"I'm Soul," he says. He half-smiles and pets Blair again, and Maka is very tempted to throw the damn cat out the window when Blair immediately stills and presses her forehead into the man's palm. She's never done that for Maka.
"Well, I should be going. Thanks for giving me my cat back. And not, you know, pressing charges or anything."
"Wait!"
Maka stops walking and turns. "Hmm?"
"Would you be interested in coming back sometime? I don't really know anyone in town yet so I was thinking—" He coughs a little and rubs the back of his neck again. "I mean, we are neighbors after all. I'll even let you climb the trellis again if you're not comfortable using front doors."
Maka lets out a high-pitched laugh, and she's not sure if it's from embarrassment or nerves. "S-sure, that'd be great."
She notices she's not the only one breathing a sigh of relief at her answer, and his nerves make her smile for a moment before the scent in the living room registers in her brain.
Her first date with the hot-guy-next-door ends up being the two of them cleaning cat pee out of his couch, and while it's not how Maka would have planned for it to go, she still makes sure to give Blair a couple treats when she gets home.