Title: Always Something More
Fandom: Glee (TV Show)
Summary: Puck visited Karofsky in the hospital, because Dave needed to know that if Puck is not allowed to do it then he isn't either.
Character(s): Noah Puckerman, Dave Karofsky
Pairing(s): Blaine/Kurt, mentions Dave/Kurt, and a maybe future Puck/Dave relationship
WARNING: Homosexual pairings, homosexuality, bi & pansexuality mentioned and not so subtly hinted at.
Disclaimer: None of Glee belongs to me; I've just got imagination and ADD.
AN: None of my stories are ever Betaed. I'm the only one who edits them so sorry for my mistakes.
Always Something More
"Dude what were you thinking?" Puck bursts out as soon as he gets the door closed behind him. Karofsky looks confused, he has the right to since it's way after visiting hours and the last time they really spoke was over a year ago to threaten each other. "If you weren't already in this place I'd put you here myself."
"Is this another 'suicide is not the answer' intervention thing because I've had enough of your do-gooder club babying me when you don't understand anything I've been through and you never cared before now," Karofsky spits back at him.
"Don't give me that bullshit. You think your life sucks, that you've got it bad? You're smart, you get good grades and you're in those advanced classes, and you rock at sports so you're gonna get some kind of scholarship for school or sports. Which means you've got a future. You get to leave this town behind and move someplace like San Francisco or New York where there's tons of hot gay guys who'll fall all over themselves to get a fit educated dude like you. Maybe your parents aren't totally accepting but at least you've got them."
Karofsky looks even angrier and opens his mouth like he's going to protest or counter some of Puck's arguments but Puck glares and cuts him off. "No, even if they kick you out right now at least you had some love from them before. You've never had your dad walk out because you were a useless burden before you even turned ten. Your mother never hated you for looking like your deadbeat dad. They're not going to hide this and pretend you're just a screw-up who tried to steal an ATM instead of a kid who's all lost and wanting to just stop having to deal with everything. People are gonna help you, someone will care about what happens to you."
They both look a little shocked at Puck's admission and when he slumps into the chair next to the bed and keeps going in a calmer tone Dave listens closer because maybe Puck actually does understand more than everyone else who'd been by. "My shrink has this thing about looking at how there's always something more. There's more that could be going wrong but isn't and there's more out there to do before giving up. So here it is man. Sure you're gay but at least you've got a legit sexuality, if you were bi or pan even some gay people would have problems with your preferences. Maybe your crush rejected you but at least they didn't use you or sleep with you before doing it. You've got at least one parent who still loves you, some people don't even get that. You're not a teenage parent, you've never been a prostitute, you've never had an eating disorder or been addicted to drugs, you don't have cancer or AIDS or some STD, and you're not failing any classes."
"And there's all the great stuff you've still got to go do. College, it's supposed to be the time when you find yourself and have fun, you can't just dip out without even trying it. A job, a career, a life, didn't you want to try being an architect or an engineer or something? We live in a small town in Ohio, don't tell me you don't want to check out the dating pool somewhere where there's actual options. Kurt and Blaine might be the only two gay guys out here but there's dudes who still haven't told anyone, it's just high school. Gays like them are probably a dime a dozen in New York and the other big gay friendly cities. We're too young to be getting too hung-up over one person, five, ten years from now you won't still speak to anyone you went to high school with. Dude, Dave, if I'm not allowed to do it then you sure as hell aren't."
"What- you can't control me," Dave was back to being defensive and pissed off. Who did Puck think he was ordering him around like that?
"Not like that, just, if someone like me has something to live for then you've got a hell of a lot more. When you think things like how easy it would be to pick the lock on the medicine cabinet, or just steal the key from where Ma hides it, and maybe this time Sarah wouldn't have a fight with Becca and come home three hours early. Or how the knives are just sitting there whenever I go over to a friend's house, I could just slip one into my pocket and tell Ma I'm sleeping over when really I'd be going to find a nice deserted alley to bleed-out in. Or how if I hung myself off the bleachers at school on a Saturday nobody would find me until Monday. I have to focus on how there's something more out there, and it's hard because what does a stupid Lima Loser, teenage father and all around fuck-up, have to look forward to? But you've actually got something. You've got school, and sports, and family, and a future where you escape Lima."
Puck's getting passionate again; he's almost desperately trying to convince Dave of his great future. "You can't give-up because what does that mean for me? You'll be happy someday. Just keep going and you're going to get it all. College, a job you like, a couple boyfriends before finding Mr. Spend-the-rest-of-your-lives-together and maybe some adopted kids, or the thing Rachel's dads did. If someone with as much stuff to look forward to as you still can't do it then how are the kids like me with nowhere near as much going for us supposed to keep from quitting too?"
It's only now that Dave realizes why Puck really came to see him. Why he's shaking subtly, like he's cold or going through withdrawal. What Puck's afraid of and what his survival means to Puck. And it actually makes him want to live, to make sure he gets to have that great life Puck is talking about, because what Dave did hit too close to home for Puck. They're both broken but Puck sees Dave and sees someone better than him, and then he sees that even someone better than him can't take it. If Dave gives up then what hope does Puck have of doing any better? None. So no matter how badly Dave wants to stop having to deal he has to hang on, he has to hang on so that Puck can keep going too.
"Fine. If I ever feel like this again I'll call you and you can remind me that there's always something more, but you've got to promise to do the same. If you need it you have to call me and let me tell you what's out there for you." It gives him a reason to listen to everyone, a purpose. Dave's survival is ensuring Puck's survival, and that makes him feel better than all the hundreds of platitudes and assurances of 'I'm/we're here for you' put together. That is what gives him the energy to face his demons head-on and fight them all.
A future where Dave does get to be a civil engineer like he wanted is distant. Dave doesn't realize yet why Puck knows about pansexuality and bisexuality and the challenges those people face. Neither of them is planning on meeting up again when Dave moves out to California, much less hitting off. They don't yet have plans to get married and have three children through a surrogate. Right now it doesn't matter how long they'll have to fight themselves to stay alive. What matters is that they both know there's someone else who understands the struggle just a phone call, or a few minutes drive, away.
AN: I just can't leave an angsty!Puck situation alone. I haven't seen any of S3. Sorry if this isn't precisely compliant (actually not really, I've heard the show's going downhill and Puck was acting more responsible than Quinn, Rachel, all the adults, and others and was one of the more reliable characters this season). But you tend to pick things up when you're active in the fandom.
I'm seriously crossing my fingers for Puck to have a part in that episode, he needed to at least look uncomfortably around in that circle of sharing so we'd all know that even if he didn't want to admit it that he's at least thought about it before. What else was that 'in jail, dead, or both' comment but a cry for help that went unnoticed (it did go unnoticed right? it's hard to tell with so much conflicting info about it). I'll have to wait and see though since I'm not going to get any more Glee episodes until I hit the States again in 2013.
Read and Review because I've got my stories already, I don't need to post them online (actually it's kind of a pain here, you pay by amount of data sent and received instead of a monthly package and I'm having to cut back on things like food to afford to post stories), but if someone likes one or asks for more then I will post more for them (since I'm cool with losing some more weight).