More than a Leap
Sam stood up wrinkling his perfectly tailored tuxedo. He never thought black suits flattered him much, wondering why he did not attend the affair in a white t-shirt and jeans. He gazed down at the long dark haired girl with a single feather in her hair sitting beside him and he remembered how much dressing formally meant to his fiancé. The groom stood up, tightly gripping the note cards between his fingers. Speeches never came easy for him but this one would be the simplest one of his life. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, collecting his thoughts. He tried to think of the speech he was about to give, but his mind drew back to a time when he didn't have any cares, when all he had was her.
He pictured the early days of his childhood and the girl in his class, Leah. It began as taunting on the playground, a tug at her black braid, sticking tongues out, throwing spit wads, and finally time-outs. He would have never told her he liked her, fearing the mockery of his peers. And so, Leah was left unaware of his feelings and ignorant of her own. To her, he would always be the boy who ridiculed her during recess, the bane of her existence.
They entered the awkward stages of adolescence. She sat behind him in English class. He looked forward to the times his teacher would ask him to pass papers back. He would smile at her kindly revealing the shining braces while pushing aside his curly black hair. She would blush slightly if their fingers touched when she grabbed the papers from his. Although one could never tell when her face was red, the color faded behind her tan skin. As the years of middle school passed, dating sprouted amongst their friends. A couple would begin their relationship during math class and end after lunch. He considered asking her out.
One day he took a leap of faith. He passed a note back to her during their English class with the words "For Leah" on the front in the neatest handwriting he could do. She eagerly grabbed it and giggled loudly. The teacher walked over taking the note from her hands and throwing it in her desk. To this day, neither one remembers what was in that note.
Their teen years seemed to last forever as they entered high school. They parted ways. Leah joined all sorts of community active and environmental clubs while Sam partook in the wolf pack, not that he had a choice in the matter. They rarely crossed paths, striking up conversations in the cafeteria line and during study halls. They still had the same English class together, only this time she sat on the other side of the room. On occasion, the teacher would catch him staring at her. He excused his actions for looking out the window. On some days, she would watch him run around the woods in just shorts with his friends, silently wondering what he was doing. Her black hair was no longer in a braid, but cut short to her shoulders. He no longer wore braces. He would always smile to show off his perfect teeth to every passing student. She would always remember him as "brace face" though.
Nearing their senior year, he asked her out and she accepted. They began dating, shocking their friends and themselves at their choices. They were not the most perfect couple. In fact, they argued about everything. Even what kind of pizza they ordered resulted in a heated debate, pepperoni vs. sardines. They always made up in the end, never once forgetting how much they loved one another. They vowed to be together forever, disregarding college and the future. Only the present seemed to matter. She went to Forks community college, where she studied philosophy, while he stayed behind in the pack. He visited her on occasion, when he wasn't busy, always regretting that he couldn't tell her the secret. He knew things would only complicate more if he accepted the position as Alpha, but La Push needed him more than she did.
But life became complicated and the simple days of high school were past them. She chased him to spend more time with her as he pulled away. He would scream how he didn't want this life for himself and feels pressured through one door. She never understood what he meant by that. These fights ended with one of them angrily leaving the room and the slamming of the hard oak door. Their apartment was tiny and left little room for arguments and separations. He could hear her sobbing in their bedroom and she listened to his pacing outside the door. Sam wished he could tell her with every fiber of his being; it would make everything right between them again. She wanted to get out of La Push and see the world, but he couldn't leave. This was his home. She would lie on their bed, crying about why she had yelled at him, musing on whether or not to rush back to him apologizing. Both of them should have done that, but their stubbornness prevented it.
Sam left for his house to visit his mother. He returned to their apartment, concealing the ring in his suede jacket pocket to find a young girl sitting on the couch. She had to be eighteen at the most, three years his junior. Her young face was the same color of tan. She dressed nicely, as if she was attending a dinner party afterwards. She smiled up at him introducing herself as Leah's cousin, Emily, who came up for a visit. Something inside him changed that day. He felt compelled to smile at her just to see if she would smile back. There was no gravity, no floors, no ground holding him here; it was her, just her.
Sam rushed to her side. Emily told him that her cousin would return later that night after her class. They waited in the apartment, nothing but the sound of her heartbeats which was like a symphony to him. He didn't understand what was happening to him. It was like a climate change or rather a change of heart. She told him of her ambitions to major in art and move to La Push. She preferred the simple life, hoping to settle down with a native like herself. Sam went on about the pack, which he couldn't help but tell her. He thought she'd run away, but she nodded her head in perfect understanding, having believed in Quileute legends. She listened intently, genuinely interested in all he had to say. Her innocence fascinated him as she encouraged him to not feel trapped by the pack, but rather embrace it and feel proud of how he's protecting his people. For the first time, he felt belonging and purpose. "You only get one life", she spoke softly to him, "might as well take a leap and do something worthwhile with it." They spent the late night hours away talking, eventually ordering a pizza, pepperoni as they waited for Leah's return. She arrived through the door hours later.
He hugged Leah hello and shushed her apologies for not letting him know about their unexpected visitor. The young girl excused herself to go to bed in their guest room. He watched Emily leave the room as the feather in her dark hair danced from his sight.
Sam opened his eyes and stared across the table at his bride's maid of honor. She grinned at him masking the bitter resentment and pain and with her eyes, urged him to start speaking. Her short dark hair was pinned up in bun atop her head. He thought of the latter moments of his life, from the day he decided to stay in La Push when Leah transferred to out of state college, to the inevitable end of his failing relationship, and finally to this afternoon when he got dressed on his way to the rehearsal dinner. Even if he began his speech and moved forward with his life, moved forward from her, he would always be the boy who sat in front of her in English class, and she would always be his first leap of faith.