Title:
Title: With Full Honors
Author: CoriKay
Email:
Genre: Angst. Episode Tag
Warnings: None
Rating: C
Season: Seven, after Heroes. The story presumes Cassie to be 18 years old.
Thanks: To Astra my faithful beta!
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG1, and backstory are owned by MGM and other entities. No copyright infringement is intended. This is written for entertainment purposes only. No money exchanged hands.
Feedback: Cherish it!
With Full Honors
Colonel Jack O'Neill knew the numbers all too well.
Six pallbearers.
Four color guardsmen.
Seven firing party members with a NCO in charge.
An officer in command of the detail.
A total of twenty.
Twenty-one shots fired.
Twenty four notes of Taps
One hero honored and mourned.
An American flag precisely folded thirteen times and three shell casings presented to the next of kin as the chaplain says," On behalf of the President of the United States, the Department of the Air Force, and a grateful nation, we offer this flag for the faithful and dedicated service of Major Janet Fraiser."
Cassie accepted the triangle of red, white and blue, pulled it to her chest and sagged against him. Instinctively he tightened his arm around her shoulders.
This isn't fair. How many parents should a child have to lose?
This isn't right. It shouldn't have been Doc.
O'Neill never felt the blow that ended his advance on the field that day. The last thing he recalled was leaving his position behind a boulder to intercept the Jaffa that was flanking his and Dixon's position. There was no memory of being brought back through the gate, just awakening in the infirmary to the noises of the healers outside of his curtained cubicle. Someone was seriously injured, that he knew for sure. It had to be the young airman that Fraiser had been attending to on the planet. Above the insistent alarming of equipment and flurry of activity he listened for the calm dispatch of orders from the CMO. But he didn't hear her. Maybe she was doing surgery…maybe someone else had been hurt. The rest of SG1 had been with him. For a moment a tendril of dread escaped from that place he kept deep within and threatened to twine itself around his insides.
The nurse who attended to him was new; O'Neill had never seen her before. She was professional, efficient and seemingly unaffected by his trademark less-than-cooperative antics.
"Fraiser going to be in here soon?" he asked. If anyone was going to poke and prod, he prefer it be done by Doc.
She blinked twice and then answered. "No, sir. You've already been examined. Dr. Alberts triaged you." She then explained that although his vest had protected him from the worst of the staff blast, he would be having a series of x-rays of his chest and because he had been unconscious, ones of his head.
That explained the pain in his side, the difficulty in drawing a deep breath and the splitting headache.
"Everybody make it back?" he asked.
She opened her mouth but closed it quickly.
Fear blossomed in all its heinous hues.
"Colonel O'Neill?" Hammond's voice came from outside the curtain.
"Yes sir."
The curtain was pulled aside and his commanding officer entered. The nurse couldn't leave fast enough.
He knew the instant he saw Hammond's face. "Who?" was all he managed to croak out.
"I'm sorry, son. Dr. Fraiser didn't make it."
O'Neill sank down gratefully on the cot in his assigned quarters. The encounter with Carter had drained him physically and emotionally. He was glad that Carter would be doing the speaking at the service. She would have the right words to give the fitting tribute to all that Doc had been.
But something Carter said kept cycling through his head. "When I saw you lying there…I just wanted you to know that I'm glad you're okay." Just why in the hell was he okay? Why him and not Fraiser? Death had claimed him numerous times but yet he was alive. But Doc, who had saved him time and again and so many others, was gone. There had been no Nox, no sarcophagus, or no other miraculous alien healing device to save her. Just like Charlie… He buried his head in his hands. Maybe this was his punishment. To go on living while those that mattered to him were taken away one by one.
The day dawned with the promise of bright sunshine. O'Neill brushed the almost undetectable piece of lint from the shoulder of his dress blues before laying them on the bed. The private memorial service at the SGC had been hard enough, but at least then he had been in the company of military personnel. At the public service today when he knew he would stand next to Cassie, it would be harder to maintain his composure even for her sake. Last night at her insistence, he and the rest of SG1 had gathered at his house. She had asked for only happy recollections and they all had plenty of those. So many memories in fact that they had disbanded only a few short hours before. It was just as well, he doubted any of them would have slept anyway. He bent to pick up his shoes and felt the insistent stab of pain in his side. He straightened, took a couple of shallow breaths trying to appease the bruised ribs and started to dress.
After they all met at the church, Jack took a long look at Cassie and decided that Carter had been right. Cassie was a strong kid…woman. Her auburn hair was pulled back, her eyes were clear and she greeted everyone at the visitation with grace and a smile. Then when it was time for the eulogy, she stepped to the front and placed her left hand on the casket, just inches from the photograph of Janet.
She cleared her throat and began. "We all know what a special person Janet Fraiser was. So special that when the opportunity came to take in a kid from "Toronto" who was all alone, and coming from a unique set of circumstances, she didn't hesitate. She was more than an excellent doctor, more than an excellent military officer, she was an excellent person. This is not a revelation to those who worked with her, or those she touched outside of the Air Force. Like the people she helped as part of Doctors Without Borders, the volunteer work she did with disadvantaged youth, or the people who lived in our neighborhood."
O'Neill took a moment and scanned the congregation. The place was filled with both young and old. He couldn't help but think Fraiser would be embarrassed by all this attention. Cassie went on to speak eloquently of Janet's accomplishments and her dedication. And when she was finished, she looked at the picture and said, "Thanks, mom, for everything."
Then she came back and sat next to him. His hand found hers, and their fingers entwined.
O'Neill steadied Cassie as she received the flag. Daniel and Teal'c stepped in closer from behind and Carter did the same from the right. Together they formed a protective half circle around the young woman. There they remained throughout the rest of the internment service. As they made their way back to their vehicles, a curly dark-haired man approached them. He intercepted Cassie with an extended right hand.
Cassie accepted it tentatively.
"You don't know me. My name's Emmett Bregman. I was doing a documentary at the SGC."
O'Neill moved between them, forcing the handshake to be broken. If that little weasel was here just to get another angle for his film, he'd break him in half. He ripped off his sunglasses and gave Bregman his best "you better back off" stare.
"I didn't mean to intrude," Bregman said while retreating slowly. Jack could tell that his signals had definitely been received. "I just came to express my condolences to Dr. Fraiser's daughter."
"Its okay, Jack," Cassie said.
Bregman studied his hands for a moment then looked up. "I was having lunch with your mother when she was called away. I don't need to tell you how remarkable your mother was. I just wish…" his voice trailed off.
O'Neill watched as Cassie put her hand on the man's shoulder. "We all wish she were still here with us."
"If there's anything I can do," Bregman offered.
"I don't know what that would be, but thank you," Cassie replied.
The film maker turned and left.
"Come on, Cassie. If there's anything you need at home, we can stop there on our way back to my place," Carter said as she reached for the girl's arm.
"I can take her, Carter," O'Neill offered, "and drop her off later."
"It's up to Cassie, sir."
Cassie shrugged. "That's fine."
O'Neill dug for his keys. "Why don't get into the truck? I'll be there in a minute."
She accepted the keys and he watched her make her way down the line of parked vehicles.
O'Neill surveyed his team. "I thought you could use some time to yourselves," he said.
Carter nodded. ""Thanks, Colonel, Cassie's been so strong during this whole thing. I've been trying to put up a good front. I just need to…" She looked quickly away from him.
Daniel removed his glasses to rub his blood-shot eyes. "I can give Teal'c a lift back to the SGC. I've things to do there anyway," he said.
Even Teal'c looked rough around the edges.
They parted company and O'Neill walked to the truck. Cassie sat ramrod straight in the passenger seat, the flag now resting on her lap.
He opened the door and asked, "Want to put that in the back?" indicating the seat of the extended cab.
"No, I'll keep it."
He settled into the driver's seat and started the engine. Fraiser's house wasn't far from the cemetery. As he signaled the turn that would take Cassie home, she reached out and grabbed his arm.
"Please, just keep driving," she pleaded.
He flipped off the turn signal and they blew by the intersection.
And drive he did. South out of Colorado Springs on Highway 115, deliberately avoiding the crush of traffic on I 25. There was no conversation, which suited Jack fine. He could do silence, definitely being a master of that. Every now and then he'd cast a surreptitious glance over at his passenger. Her position varied little. Hands folded upon the flag, eyes focused straight ahead, so quiet that he had to strain to hear her breathing. At Westcliffe, where 115 came to an end, they continued southeast on Highway 69 winding through the Raton Basin. Somewhere past Farisita, more than two hours since they had left Colorado Springs behind, Jack reached down to rub an aching right knee. The shift in position sent a shooting pain up into his side and he failed to stop the involuntary groan that escaped his lips. If Cassie heard, she gave no indication. He definitely needed to stretch and the gas gauge he'd been monitoring now hovered below the quarter full line.
"Cassie," he said his voice a little hoarse from lack of water and the dryness of the mountain air.
No response.
He spoke a little louder. "Cass."
"Cassandra!"
She started and then turned to look at him, her expression one of almost surprise at seeing him there.
"We have to stop soon. I need to fill one tank and empty another."
It took her a second to comprehend. "Sure."
The early evening rays of the sun were lengthening the shadows as they pulled into a service station in Walensburg. While he filled up, Cassie used the facilities and when she returned, he did the same. As he washed his hands, he caught a look at himself in the slightly dulled mirror above the sink. Had to be the harsh light of the bare bulb above him giving him the sallow look, he decided.
He slipped back into the driver's seat and reached to turn the key in the ignition.
"Are you okay, Jack?"
"Fine."
"You don't look fine."
"Oh, I don't know, some people have said I cut quite a figure in my dress blues," he quipped.
"That's not what I meant. You look wiped out." She shook her head. "I'm sorry for making this all about me."
"It is all about you, Cassie, and that's the way it should be."
"I suppose we have to go back." Reluctance was clear in her voice.
"That's up to you," he said. He took another look at the rapidly darkening sky. Beyond the physical pain, the events of the previous days were catching up to him. He didn't relish the thought of driving all the way back to Colorado Springs, although he knew the trip could be shortened by using the Interstate.
"I don't want to go back to the house. Not yet. Don't get me wrong, you've all been great, especially Sam. But in a few days you'll all go back to your lives…"
"You're part of those lives. You have been since you came here from Hanka."
"It won't be the same. Nothing's ever going to be the same." Her voice threatened to break. "Mom and I were supposed to fly to the coast to check out the accommodations at college in a couple of weeks."
"I'll take you," he said quickly.
"There's really no reason for doing that now anyway."
He didn't understand. "You've already been accepted at M.I.T. Granted you might be a little ahead of the curve for studying Astrophysics and Planetary Sciences…"
"The idea was for me to gain independence by going away to school. Now I can spend every day on my own. I don't have to travel to Cambridge to do that."
A blast of a car horn from behind interrupted them.
"Jack, you're blocking traffic."
"Yeah, yeah." He turned the key, cleared traffic and pulled out of the service station.
"Maybe we should find a place to stay for the night," he suggested.
She nodded.
There wasn't much of a problem finding the only hotel in the small town but as he approached the girl at the desk she was already shaking her head. "Sorry, sir, we're closed. The main water line to the hotel ruptured and we can't permit guests to stay."
He sighed.
"There is another place to stay in Walensburg, if you're interested."
Moments later he climbed back into the truck and thrust a piece of paper at Cassie. "No room at this inn but she gave me directions to somewhere else in town."
Cassie squinted at the note in the semidarkness. "La Plaza. West 6th Street?"
"That's what she said."
After a few minutes of travel they stopped in front of a two story building that was indistinguishable from the other storefronts, except for its pink color and the illuminated sign on the roof proclaiming it La Plaza Inn.
"Want to wait here while I find out if they have rooms?" he asked.
"No, I'll come in with you."
Jack held the door for her as they entered the building. Cassie wandered off to look at vintage photographs on the wall while he headed for the desk.
The older woman greeted him with a "Good Evening and welcome to the La Plaza B&B" and then followed that up immediately with, "We only have one room left."
"I'm sure it'll be fine," he answered. Any port in a storm as far as he was concerned. He produced a credit card and handed it to her.
As she copied down the information she asked, "How many adults?"
"Me and the young lady."
"Do you need help with your luggage?"
He answered before he thought. "No luggage."
She stopped writing, laid the pen down, crossed her arms and gave him a withering look. "Listen up, flyboy, this is a reputable establishment. I've got families staying here and I certainly don't rent rooms by the hour. " She unfolded her arms and pushed his credit card back to him.
"You don't understand, ma'am."
"Oh, I understand all right." She looked past him and at Cassie, who was still looking at the photos and whose slender back was all the woman could see. "Take your business somewhere else, honey."
Cassie turned, the folded flag clutched against her.
The woman's mouth dropped.
Jack spoke, "Look ma'am, we're tired. We just need a room for the night. Do you think you can help us with that?"
The woman retrieved his credit card and picked up her pen. "Of course, sir, I'm sorry for your loss." After she completed her form she gave him an old-fashioned hotel key. "The room's up the stairs and to the left. There's only the one bed in it and I'm afraid I gave out the last rollaway. There is a settee…"
"I'm sure it'll be just fine, ma'am. Is there some place we could pick up a few things? We left Colorado Springs a little unprepared."
She glanced at her watch. "I'm afraid every shop in town is closed by now. If you need personal items, I could send some up."
"We'd appreciate that."
"The café next door is open until 9:00, if you're hungry."
"Thanks." He turned and walked toward Cassie.
"What was that all about?" she asked as she came to his side.
"Just a little misunderstanding," he answered. "They only have one room left so I hope you don't mind sharing."
They went up the stairs together. Jack turned the key in the lock of the door and pushed it open. Cassie stepped in and he followed.
There as a moment of silence before she said, "Well, this is nice," and then she promptly dissolved into a fit of giggles.
With the preponderance of lace and the heart-shaped bed it could be only one place, the Honeymoon Suite. The proprietress could have mentioned that.
Jack couldn't help but smile. God, it was good to hear her laugh. He shrugged out of his jacket, draped it carefully over a chair, loosened the knot of his tie and opened his collar button. He glanced at his watch. "Café closes in a half hour. Hungry?"
"A little I guess. Maybe I'll just freshen up," she said as she headed toward the bathroom.
Jack looked over the over-decorated room. Through French doors he saw a small balcony outside. He opened the doors and stepped out onto it. In true small town fashion, there was little light pollution and moment by moment more stars became visible in the late spring sky. He palmed his phone and dialed Carter.
She picked up on the third ring but sleep was evident in her speech as she slurred, "Carter."
"Hey, it's me."
"Colonel?" There was a long pause. Then as he assumed she figured out what time it was and how much had passed since he and Cassie had left Colorado Springs, the flood of questions came. "Where are you? Why aren't you back yet? Is Cassie okay? I only meant to take a nap. I can't believe I slept for hours…"
He interrupted her with, "We're fine, Carter. Cassie just needed to get away for a bit. We're in Walensburg. We'll probably be back tomorrow, but in case we're not, you know how to reach me."
"Yes, sir. How is she?"
He glanced over his shoulder and saw the bathroom door still closed. "She was really quiet during the ride."
"I'm concerned, Colonel. She's said so little. I'm afraid she's holding it all in. I don't know how long she'll be able to do that."
"I'm here for her."
"I know that, sir."
"Look, we're going to get something to eat. If anything changes, I'll call you."
"Okay, give her my love, Colonel."
"Will do." He closed the phone as Cassie appeared next to him.
"Sam?" she asked.
"Yeah, she sends her love." He looked at the young woman, her face freshly washed and her reddish hair pulled into a low pony tail. A new wave of anger threatened to wash over him when he remembered that Fraiser would never see Cassie's beautiful face again.
"Something wrong Jack?"
"No," and then he realized what a stupid assed comment that was. Things would never be quite right again. "We should probably go," he said. Taking her elbow he ushered her back into the room. He tightened his tie and pulled on his jacket, careful to hide the pain that migrated all the way across his ribcage.
The café was surprisingly busy considering the late hour. They ate in companionable silence surrounded by the clinking of eating utensils and the conversations of the other customers.
When they returned to their room, they found a basket full of assorted toiletries on the lamp table as the proprietress had promised. He pulled out the disposable razor and shaving cream and experimentally sniffed the ribbon wrapped bar of soap. Definitely perfumed, definitely feminine. Should he have expected anything different at a bed and breakfast? He dropped it back into the basket. He busied himself with removing his jacket, slipping his tie off and hanging both in the closet.
He turned to see that Cassie again held the flag, the fingers of her right hand tracing the white stars on the field of navy blue.
"I need you to tell me something, Jack."
"If I can," he said.
"You'll be straight with me?"
"Have I never not been?"
"You once told me that it was a rule that every kid had to have a dog, and that the state bird of Minnesota was the mosquito. That one cost me an A on a geography test." For a moment the corners of her mouth pulled themselves up in an imitation of a smile.
"Sorry."
"Seems like such a long time ago," she sighed as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She looked up at him with those eyes so reminiscent of Doc's hazel ones. "You know that on Hanka, my parents, everyone I knew died. Slowly and painfully."
He nodded.
She continued, "I just need to know…" Her voice caught. "I just need to know that she didn't suffer at the end. Not like they did."
"It was very quick, Cassie." Of this he was certain. Before being forced to relinquish the tape, Daniel had shown it to him. O'Neill knew the moment he saw Fraiser's wide-open stare. He had seen on too many faces, too many times. For a moment Daniel's cries of "I need a medic" echoed in his head.
"How can you be so sure?" she asked as she put the flag on the nightstand and rose to face him.
"Daniel told me," he lied. There was no way he'd tell her that her mother's death had been documented on tape.
"Daniel told you," she repeated.
"You know that Daniel was with her and the Airman she was trying to save."
"Daniel was there," she said, her voice uncharacteristically flat. She took a step closer to him. "Where were you, Jack?"
Uneasiness grew inside of him. "Trying to hold our position," he answered.
"Why weren't you with my mother?"
He swallowed hard before replying. "Your mother had ground support. I needed to be with SG 5 and 13. Jaffa were cutting off our route back to the Gate. You have to know that Daniel did everything in his power…"
"But he didn't, otherwise she'd be alive."
"None of this is Daniel's fault," he countered.
"I know whose fault it was." Cassie's voice grew louder. "It was your command." She raised her fists. "You could have been with her." The statement was punctuated with a thump to his chest. "You should have been with her!" Thump. "You sent my mother into a hostile situation with someone who isn't even a soldier." Thump.
Her anguish at losing yet another parent was clear in each blow. He didn't retreat or offer any resistance as she continued to pound against him.
"Cassie, let me explain."
"I don't want to hear it!" She pushed hard against him. He staggered backwards, struggling to maintain his balance and twisting to prevent himself from falling. The bandages encircling his ribs failed to prevent them from being pulled and stretched. His flailing left arm caught the nightstand, pitching it over and throwing the flag to floor.
"No!" Cassie screamed. She collapsed to her knees, snatched the flag up in her arms and rocked back and forth. "Why weren't you there to save her, Jack?"
O'Neill dropped down beside her, his arm encircling her shoulders. He looked into her eyes, so tormented. "I'm sorry Cassie. We were badly outnumbered by Jaffa. I wanted the injured man brought to our position but your mother insisted he be stabilized before being moved. Daniel was the one man I could spare. I needed the rest to hold the gate and keep our escape route open. If I hadn't done that, none of us would have made it back."
Her face contorted and the tears welling in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. "I know you didn't mean for it to happen," she choked out.
He pulled her close, her sobs shaking them both as he held her. As he stroked her hair the front of his shirt became wet from her tears. Her voice was muffled against his chest, "Why … am I always left behind?"
Whispering into her hair and knowing full well she couldn't hear him; he answered her question, "Because your journey's just begun."
He continued to hold her as her weeping became sniffling and then turned into the soft regular breathing of sleep. Pulling himself away from her he gently lowered her form to the floor. Reflexively his hand pressed against his sore ribs and he rested his back against the lower part of the bed. There was no way he'd be able to lift her up onto it. Instead he gingerly levered himself to a standing position. He gathered a pillow, placed it under her head and covered her with the bedspread.
Straightening, he scrubbed his hands over his face. Wide awake and knowing sleep was impossible; he walked to the French doors, opened them to the star-filled night and stepped out onto the balcony.
Cassie was right. He was responsible for sending Fraiser and Daniel in alone. Like so many battlefield decisions it had to be made quickly. He remembered Fraiser's demand to go to the wounded man. "Colonel, Wells was hit several hours ago. You know what a staff blast can do. If I have to wait until he's brought out to stabilize him, it could be too late. Please, sir!"
Yelling over the sound of weapons he argued with her. "In case you hadn't noticed, Major, we're taking heavy fire here. If we split forces…"
"Give me one man and let me do my job."
Whether in the infirmary or outside of it, Janet Fraiser was a force to be reckoned with. He knew the idea of leaving anyone behind was just as unacceptable to her as to him. That's when he relented.
She flashed her brilliant smile at him. "Thank you, sir."
And that's the way he would always remember her. With her hair sticking out from her fatigue hat and that determined look on her face.
He heaved a deep sigh and looked upward. "Sorry, Doc," he said aloud. "I didn't mean for you to be taken from her. But know I'll do my best to be there for her."
From behind him came a plaintive cry, "Mom? Mom?"
He pivoted, strode back into the room and crouched down beside a restive Cassie. He gently placed his hand on the top of her head. "Shh, just sleep."
Her eyes still closed, she snuggled down. "Don't go," she mumbled.
"I'll be right here." He resumed his position on the floor next to her, prepared to watch over her for as long as she needed him.
Epilogue
He had said it best himself. "I did it again." Something he had vowed never to do again. And now because of that decision, he'd have to break another promise, just months after he made it.
Before the repository of the Ancients completely took over his mind, there was someone he needed to talk to. He dialed the number and was almost glad that it went immediately to voice mail. She must be in class, he thought. She was doing so well at M.I.T. By the time her greeting was finished and the beep sounded in his ear, he had prepared his message.
"Hey, Cass. It's Jack. Look, something's come up and I'm going to be out of touch for a while. Not sure for how long, but Carter, Daniel and Teal'c, they'll be here if you need someone. You take care and study hard. I'm real proud of you." Then his mind completely blanked as he tried to remember the proper way to end the conversation. Then it came to him.
"Aveo-amacuse."
The End