Workouts, Weights, and Popsicle. Oh My!
The Story is Dedicated to Sister of the Light

As Odafin Tutuola watched Melinda Warner do her morning workout on that lovely Sunday morning, he realized that whatever higher being there was in the universe was screwing with him. He knew there was just some godly power looking down at him, laughing it's ass off at his pain.

Melinda Warner was his friend in as many senses of the word you could use it in. Friend, good friend, best friend, girlfriend, friend with benefits, or whatever the hell you wanted to call their relationship. Whatever it was, that's what they've been for the past six months.

However, the last month had been maddening.

Fin tried to put his attention to anywhere else in the room, other than Melinda. He needed to get himself out of this torture. He couldn't help but wonder if the woman was doing this to him on purpose. He started to think back to everything he could have done, to deserve the torture she was giving him.

This was made even worse by the fact that the woman was just so hot. She had an absolutely perfect figure, which was shown off by her tight workout attire. Black yoga pants and a sports bra. Her bushy brown hair was tied back, and her body had a small shine to it, given by her sweat.

She had a smug grin on her face, as she did her workout. She absolutely had to be messing with him. There was no other explanation.

He wondered how she wasn't going crazy by this as well. She had to have been just as affected by this horrible month as he was. She was human, after all.

It all started when she had to go to the gynecologist the month before, for some female thing. Fin didn't really inquire further. There were just some things you didn't want to know about. However, she had come back from the place with the worst news imaginable.

"I'm not allowed to be sexually active for five weeks."

Five fucking weeks. They had been good together. Both of them agreed that they were the best lovers the other ever had. Every day they would come home from their stressful jobs, and ease away the tension with their bodies. He didn't think there was anything that felt better, then her naked body on his.

This was coming from a man, who's former life in narcotics required him to be undercover. He had spent a good few years of his life living out the dark side of the big city. He had been with professionals before. He knew from experience that the working girls knew how to make a man scream out in ecstasy.

Melinda Warner beat the hell out of all of them. It was a compliment he had never given her. After a fun time in bed, you don't say "You're better than a hooker!" That earned you a couple of days sleeping on the couch.

Maybe he had said that by accident, and that was why she was putting him through this hell.

When the news came that they couldn't experience each other for five weeks, they thought about other ways to get rid of their needs. There were other forms of sexual pleasure, that didn't involve intercourse. However, they knew that the moment they started to go to the foreplay, they would need to go all the way.

There were only eight more days that they would need to wait. Eight fucking days. And what a long eight days they were going to be.

Fin had gotten himself through this torture, by reminding himself why he was with the doctor in the first place. He loved her for her, not the sex. He also had to tell himself just how wonderful it would be when they could do it again. After the long wait, it was certain to be the best time either of them had.

Melinda, and her working, was making it really hard for these thoughts to stay in his head.

He could feel himself. His body was betraying him. He needed to get out of that room as fast as he could.

"Melinda, baby, I'm gonna go get something to eat. Do you want anything?"

"No, go ahead," she replied, not stopping from her workout for a second.

He left the room and was out of the house faster then he'd ever left a room before. Damn it all to hell. He wasn't hungry, but now he'd have to eat something just so he wouldn't be lying to her. It wasn't as if there was anything else to do.

This whole situation wouldn't have been a problem, if it wasn't for Melinda's sister. She was the one who had bought her that goddamn thing.

Her workouts used to be nice a relaxing. He could watch them without feeling like his lower body was going to explode. He could appreciate how beautiful she was, not how good she was in bed.

Then his girlfriend's sister had to buy the good doctor a shake weight. A fucking shake weight.

Find decided that the product was created to torture men. It was a modern day Judas Cradle. Then again, he'd probably prefer watching Melinda with the damn workout toy, and then be put through Judas Cradle. It was a lesser hell, but it was still a hell.

He let out a heavy sigh. There would only be eight more days he would have to go through that. Eight more fucking long and painful days.

Fin sat down at the McDonald's table, and sighed. He hated McDonalds. However, it was close. Eating their crappy food was better than watching his girlfriend pleasure a dumbbell.

On the way over to the restaurant, he had googled who created the goddamn shakeweight. It was a man, or possibly a woman, by the name of Johann Verheem.

As he sat at the table, the images of Melinda's workout fresh in his mind, he realized he had a napkin, and a pen in his shirt.

"What the hell," he said to himself, and took out the pen. He placed the napkin in front of him, and began writing.

To Mr. (or Ms.) Verheem,

My girlfriend and I can't have sex for five weeks. She got a fucking shake weight. I hope you die a lonely and painful death in hell.

From, the very irritated boyfriend of a satisfied costumer.

Fin never felt so relieved in his life. Finally, at long last, the end of the five weeks came. They could be happy again.

Fin went back to their house an hour later. He didn't know how long people worked out with the sudgestive dumbbell, he he figured an hour was enough time for her to finish her work out, and put the goddamn thing back in the demon storage she kept it.

"Hey, sweetie," she greeted, as he walked in the kitchen. She seemed perky and refreshed, the sweat still present from her workout. She smiled at him.

"Did you get something good to eat?" She asked. Fin smiled back at her.

"Not really," he replied. She shrugged her shoulders, and went to the freezer.

"I bought some ice cream, the other day, if you'd like,"

She didn't even realize the hell she had put him through. Or she was just toying with him. That was always a possibility.

"Nah, I'm good," he responded.

"Okay then," she responded. She pulled out a blue popsicle out of the freezer. "Suit yourself, then."

Fin's eyes widened, and she slowly pulled the wrappings off the fruity dessert, and took in a deep breath as her mouth and the treat made contact. She sucked on it, and Fin clenched his fists.

It was official. She was undoubtedly screwing with him.

Eight days just got a little bit longer.

This has been my Felinda one-shot to the wonderful and fantastic Sister of the Light. She has a couple of good smut-shots under her belt, so I felt this would be a fitting story. I hope you enjoyed it, Sister. To all those other people I owe One-Shots too, yours shall be here within the week!

Thank you all for reading, my peeps. You all are awesome!