A/N: Just another angsty one shot just because that's all i can seem to write at the moment.
Disclaimer: still don't own Eastenders or any of it's characters
I miss him.
I miss seeing him every day; miss the sound of his voice and his laugh. But most of all I miss his presence. I miss him being around me, feeling his breath against mine as he holds me in his arms.
I miss the feeling of his lips against mine; brushing gently at first before it inevitably deepens and he takes my breath away and makes my heart skip a beat every time. I have never felt this way about anyone before and never will again. He is in my heart and my soul, he is under my skin and nothing I do can make me forget him.
There is a part of me that wishes I have gone with him to Barcelona; to run across the square and jump into the taxi with him. To leave all this behind and be with the man I love. But that's not the way life works, is it? If I did that then I would lose almost everything. I would lose my family; there is no way they would understand how I feel about him, how much I need him. I would only bring them shame and I don't know if I could bear that.
But I can't be without him. I keep expecting him to walk around the corner, a grin on his face but he's not there and as far as I know he's not coming back. My heart breaks to think of this so I choose not to. I throw myself into planning the wedding, giving myself over to a woman I can never truly love since my heart lies somewhere else, with someone who I can never give myself wholly to because of my religion.
But I still miss him. No matter how much I try, no matter how I try to concentrate on my impending wedding I still want him. I still love him. I can hide behind a mask, pretend that I am happy and looking forward to being a married man but deep in my heart I hide my true feelings. I want him here. I want to be with him and I want to be happy.
And I still miss him.