I love him; I really do, because only love can hurt like this. Unrequited love has to be the most wretched feeling of all time. It burns within you, warping your behaviors just out of hope that perhaps your love will grace you with a smile. You go out of your way to help him, even when it's at a cost to you. Yes love is financially unsound. Always lending out money, supplying his ship with weapons and repairs. They'll extort you even if they don't know what they're doing, simply because you cannot deny them anything.
He must know that what I feel for him isn't just physical attraction. He must know that it is at least in part love. I'm sure that he cannot be so blind to think that all I feel is lust. Yes, he's attractive, very much so in fact. But his beauty isn't all that I love. I love every thing about him; even the things that make me worry.
I'm know that my being so openly gay makes him uncomfortable and edgy, but thankfully he considers me to be enough of a friend… or money source that he's willing to visit with me anyway. It is these visits that keep me going, that show me that he does care for me in some way. When he is here with me drinking tea and conversing. He often looks up at me with his beautiful eyes filled with a dark look that is something like curiosity, as if he is trying to guess what I'm thinking. To see if I have some nefarious plot planed out to get him into my bed. But I have no such plans, all dreams of me having him, are merely that, dreams. I know that he is straight, and I treasure him too much to scare him off eternally by going to far with my playful advances. And I do doubt that I am strong enough to live with out him in my life, and if I must settle for him as but a friend, then I will. Because I will not loose Gene Starwind, not matter how much it hurts to have him with me; it would hurt many times more not to have him at all.
He must know that what I feel for him isn't just physical attraction. He must know that it is at least in part love. I'm sure that he cannot be so blind to think that all I feel is lust. Yes, he's attractive, very much so in fact. But his beauty isn't all that I love. I love every thing about him; even the things that make me worry.
I'm know that my being so openly gay makes him uncomfortable and edgy, but thankfully he considers me to be enough of a friend… or money source that he's willing to visit with me anyway. It is these visits that keep me going, that show me that he does care for me in some way. When he is here with me drinking tea and conversing. He often looks up at me with his beautiful eyes filled with a dark look that is something like curiosity, as if he is trying to guess what I'm thinking. To see if I have some nefarious plot planed out to get him into my bed. But I have no such plans, all dreams of me having him, are merely that, dreams. I know that he is straight, and I treasure him too much to scare him off eternally by going to far with my playful advances. And I do doubt that I am strong enough to live with out him in my life, and if I must settle for him as but a friend, then I will. Because I will not loose Gene Starwind, not matter how much it hurts to have him with me; it would hurt many times more not to have him at all.