Author Note: He everybody. I had to write a creative piece about some guy in history so i did. pleaze R and R.

Disclaimer: I own Nothing

I was simply floating around in the Other Place when I felt a familiar obnoxious tug on my essence. Some magician was trying to summon me. I allowed myself to appear in the human world.

The man who summoned me was about 40 years old and had the typical magician appearance. I appeared as a Minotaur to test him. Unfortunately for me, he merely smiled and asked for my name. I roared,

"I am Bartimaeus! I am Sakhr al-Jinni, N'gorso the mighty, and the Serpent of Silver Plumes. I have rebuilt the walls of China, Poland, and Germany. I have spoken with Solomon.1I have run with the buffalo fathers on the plains. I have watched over Old Zimbabwe till the stones fell and the jackals fed on its people. I am Bartimaeus! I recognize no master. So I charge you in turn, human.Who are you to summon me?"

Impressive stuff, right? I have spent my 5,000 years accomplishing great things and suffering under the hands of many masters.

The human had no visible reaction to my bravado but I am sure he was shaking in his boots.2 He spoke slowly and clearly.

"I am your master whether you like it or not. If you disobey me there will be punishments." I felt my essence shudder. It did not like punishments.

"Well now, there will be no need for that. I will be well behaved." His smirk grew. "Good. Your first task is to take this set of documents to a magician named Lelouch in Russia. Then you will return here."

I suddenly noticed that the pentacle3 I was in was not a normal pentacle. It was an Albernacles pentacle. That meant that I had to work for this human until he released me. Normally, you do one task for them then they let you go. This magician was a real piece of work.4

A word about magicians. They are the leaders of Britain. There are not many anywhere else. They have absolutely no power and rely on summoning djinni like me to do their dirty work. All magicians are scum. I only met one good magician in my entire existence, and he died at age 15. Another thing, they all have locked themselves in an eternal power struggle. They eventually will destroy themselves. Good for me.

The human gave me the papers and sent me on my way. I transformed into a falcon and flew outside. I was in America. What a surprise. There are only about 5 magicians in America who could summon an awesome djinni like me. I flew east and stowed away on a boat. While I was on the boat, I looked at the papers the human had given me.

They didn't mean anything to me. Just some mumbo jumbo about an atomic bomb and troop placement. When my boat got to the other side of the ocean, I flew east once again. The trip took a very long time.5 After I finally got there, I had to find this Lelouch character. I stole a yellow pages and found where he works. I transformed into a messenger imp6 and knocked on his window. He quickly took the papers and slammed the window in my face.1 I was starting to fly back towards the coast when I felt a summoning coming.

Me sleaze bag of a master called me back to my pentacle. He looked smug. I transformed into a fire-breathing dragon. I shot some fire towards him but it bounced off his pentacle.

"Welcome back, demon." I was indignant.

"I prefer djinni to demon, if you don't mind." Of course he minds. He called me that on purpose just to get under my essence.

"Demon, I command you to plant these papers in Andrew Pons house." I was curious despite myself. "Why"

"Well demon, you will have to wait and see." So I took the papers, transformed into a gargoyle, and went to go plant them. It was easy. There were no magical defenses at all. After I was done I flew back to my pentacle to wait like a good djinni. After about ten minutes my master came in. He gave me a new assignment.

"You, demon, will transform into a human child, fully clothed2, and deliver this report to the police. As soon as you have given it to them you will slip away and come back here."

I shrugged. "Okay." So I went. I took Ptolemy's form and went walking down the street. The handsome young man wore blue jeans and a 'djinni rule' tee shirt. I went right to the police station and gave them the report. They all started freaking out and all of the sudden I could hear sirens. I once again shrugged and left.

I transformed into an eagle and flew back to my masters' house. While I was waiting, I looked for evidence of his name.3 I only had a few minutes to look before he came back. I had been halfway through one of his closets when he walked in the door. As usual, he had a snide comment for me.

"Well, demon, since you think my affairs are so interesting you can accompany me today to a court case." I just thought to my self-why in the other world would I do that? But when I answered I was polite. "Well, I would love to, but I am sure you have some other tasks for me to do." He smirked at me. Again.

"No, all you will be doing tomorrow is attending my court case. While you are there you will be polite4 and maintain your disguise as a fully clothed adolescent child the entire time. I will summon you again when it is time." He quickly strode out the door, leaving me to ponder why he wanted me to go to a court case. I shrugged to myself and started snooping around the room again.

The next morning, my wonderful master dragged me into his car, forced me to change into Ptolemy, and stuck me into a front row seat at his court. Lets just say I was thoroughly bored. When the court case finally started, I was surprised to see that the defendant was Andrew Pon. I quietly until he was called to defend himself. The prosecutor was my master, and I finally learned his name. It was Joeseph McCarthy. I did a quick victory dance in my seat, then got up and left. The sight of humans torturing each other always made me sick.

After a couple hours of meaningless wandering, McCarthy summoned me to my pentacle. He was angry. "Did I not tell you to stay to watch my stunning victory in the courts? I will punish you for this."

I smiled. "Well you can't. I learned your name. Joeseph McCarthy." He looked surprised but he recovered quickly. "Consider yourself lucky, demon. I can't have trash spreading rumors about me. Goodbye." He then let my essence go back to the other world. It was a nice change to be away from all of that conspiracy once again.

The end. Review Please

End Notes

1 Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

2 A figure of speech.

3 A circle drawn in chalk on the ground that imprisons us.

4 Then again, they all are.

5 3 days, 5 hours, 14 minutes, and 26 seconds. But who's counting.

6 They look like ugly human babies.

1 How rude.

2 Ha, they learned from the past. Ptolemy streaking down the street, naked, would not be good for publicity.

3 A magician's birth name is their most treasured secret. If a djinni learns it, they can tell everybody else and ruin their masters' life. His fake name would help too. Most magicians received a fake name when they turned twelve, but this was America, and my master was the only magician I had encountered here.

4 Yeah right