Title; Be Death the Price

Pairings; Remus and Sirius - James and Lily - possible other notable ones.

Disclaimer; Harry Potter and all it's characters are only my servants! I don't own them. Only control them for this brief time. Sadly... -sniff-

Perspective; Remus Lupin

Notable texts;

"..." - talking

(...) - added thoughts

Italics - memories or stressed words

bolds - stressed words mostly or italic'd spot

"I'll be gone a month this time."

"What if something happens? I can't stand it! This is all so... damn confusing!"

"I know, hun. But you have to understand. There are lives I need to protect."

At his words I could no longer keep my eyes on his. I sensed more than saw him walking over to the couch I sat on. Next thing I knew his hand had grabbed my chin with such care that I couldn't bring myself to fight him as his lips drew closer and his breath tickled across my cheeks, chin, and lips. "I know, Sirius... I love you..." I heard myself whispering.

"I know you do. I love you, Remus..."

-xxx-

"... Remus."

My eyes snapped open at the voice and I frantically looked about the room. A blurred perspective of my too white walls, the bedside table, the bright red sheets with little puppy paws all over them, (Sirius' idea, I promise) and a messy haired haired marauder with glasses all passed before my vision and I felt tears prickling at the back of my eyes. "You aren't him..." I whispered so softly that I was positive he wouldn't hear me.

"I'm sorry..." he muttered, and I wasn't sure whether this meant he had in fact distinguished my soft voice from the eerie and unnatural silence around him or if he knew what I'd been dreaming of before. It didn't matter either way. We'd had this same reoccurring moment every morning for that past two months.

"You know it's not your fault." I countered, voice more strong than before as I bit back the tears and rubbed almost angrily at my eyes. I wasn't really agitated. I just wished things were different. I wished that Sirius had never left for that mission. It had been three months. Two longer than his promised one. I bit back anther sob as my heart refused to ignore what my head so desperately tried to hide. But who was I fooling? James Potter was one of my best mates in the entire world. He could read me like a book... Wait... James reading? No, scratch that. He could read me like a Qudditch game.

"Yeah. But it's not your's either." his words stung. They always stung. There was a pause through which neither James nor I dared to speak.

A sharp wailing snapped us both back. I'd jumped out of bed and grabbed my wand in an instant just as the stag animagus shouted a rather profane term followed by the name of his young son. I forced myself to relax. It was only Harry. Not that I didn't have any reason to be so jumpy. This was a war and it helped to be prepared for anything. I nodded lightly toward James as Lily screamed up the stairs (using many more words and a much more angry tone than I) as I myself muttered quietly, "Go get 'im, will you?" My friend nodded back and turned away, pausing at the door.

"Breakfast is almost ready. You'd benefit from eating a bit more." with that, the eldest Potter walked out of the room, leaving me to dwell over my own thoughts as usual. I had a lot of time to myself despite these random naggings. But today had been ever so slightly off. James had never asked me to eat like that. It wasn't routine. Therefore it left me actually considering the idea. Was I even hungry? I generally didn't eat much anymore. Not for a lack of trying, but nothing seemed to spark my interest about the food that kept me going throughout any given day. I sighed as a thought came to my mind. No, more of a memory than anything.

"Moooooony! You gotta get up! Lily's here with food for our special day!"

The annoying ranting was complimented by the after effects of someone leaping upon the mattress and slender fingers tickling at my bare chest. Trust Sirius to take advantage to the fact that I never wore a night shirt with him around. In fact, many nights found me pantless in the morning as well. I chose to groan in response as a weak laugh attacked my sleep-fogged brain.

"Sleepy heads get punished!" Sirius purred delicately into my ear. I snapped into alertness as my eyes widened at the threat.

"Sirius!" I hissed before quickly adding an argument as his mouth got closer and closer to my stomach. I knew what he was about to do. And though his lips against my skin was no new thing, this was different as it was more along the lines of undesired torture of tickles. "It's our anniversary! Play nice or this boyfriend will not give you your gift!" Sirius glanced up, having an internal war. I decided to push the edge and free myself quickly. "And Lily is downstairs!"

"Fine, fine. But it better be a good gift!" he finally agreed, swapping the direction of his head to give me a good morning kiss instead. "Food now, Remmycakes. I'm hungrrrry."

I kissed the tip of his nose before replying with an innocent little smile. "If you hadn't been so obsessed over Lily's breakfast offer and would have actually eaten dinner last night, maybe you wouldn't desire food so much."

He rolled his gray eyes, a twinkle of smile behind them as he grabbed my hand and pulled me up. "Maybe you don't understand. It's Lily's cooking!" he grinned with more sincerity as he dragged me to the door.

I could only put on a dull smile as I quickly changed and headed downstairs. No harm in at least seeing what Lily had made. Even from halfway up the stairs my werewolf senses helped me to determine that bacon and eggs seemed this morning's breakfast of choice. I looked casually down at my hands as I slipped into the room and grabbed a piece of bacon from a paper towel.

Lily must have seen my movement from the corner of her eyes because she turned quickly and was about to slap at my hands before stopping suddenly in the middle of a sentence. "James Potter! Don't touch the foo- Oh, good morning Remus. Help yourself, plenty to go around you know!"

I waved nonchalantly before giving a soft reply. "No need, Lily. I think I'm going to go for a walk." I began to head for the door, hearing the woman's loud sigh. I knew she was contemplating calling me back over. Shaking my head lightly I put my hand on the doorknob.

"Remus..." I knew that tone. She didn't want me to leave but knew she had no argument to keep me there. That was until the fireplace flashed bright green and a crack signified someone had flooed in.

I couldn't help but to silently curse whoever it was. Now I would probably have to stay. Sure enough as James rushed down the stairs with little Harry in one hand and his wand drawn in the other, Albus Dumbledore stepped through the grate and gave them all a twinkling smile. "Good morning."

"Jesus, Albus! You almost gave me a heart attack!" a quiet laughing started about the group at James' words, but I found myself opting out.

That was when the older man turned to me. Of course. "Remus, I need to speak to you in private." I sighed and nodded lightly. If James wasn't treating me like a child than the headmaster of Hogwarts School most definitely was not. (Note my sarcasm, if you would) I followed him without a word as he lead the way upstairs and to my room as if I were the guest rather than him. He even sat on my bed (well, Lily and James' bed. My sheets, but nothing else really. Even if Lily had made me move in after what had happened two months ago, I didn't like to think of the place as mine.) before motioning me to sit as well. I perched cautiously on the edge and waited silently for him to speak. "I've got a mission for you."

My heart sunk. As horrifying as the idea was, I knew I had to accept. "Yeah..?"

"I need you to visit a pack of werewolves. Your objective would be to pin them against one of the packs we know the Death Eaters have already recruited. It's too dangerous to have them join us, as you know." Albus' words both thrilled and destroyed me. That old elation at the idea of a new mission coupled with the thought of how very similar this seemed to what Sirius had done before never coming back and my mind jumbled into a mess of thoughts and emotions that I could only hope stayed far from my carefully neutral face.

But on the note of the mission's contents, I knew exactly why it was dangerous. My lover was the answer. He had been suppose to gather information the first half of the month he was to be done with that and do the exact thing I had just been assigned for the other half. Pin them against another pack. It was a cruel game but as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war. "I can't refuse you, Albus. I owe you so much already..."

"I know it's... soon, Remus. And you do know I really appreciate this." I could only nod silently as he played with his long gray beard. (quickly turning white, mind you!) We probably sat in silence for about half a minute before he quickly stood. "Come by Hogwarts for the details. Around eleven-o-clock." I nodded again and with a swish of his cloak Albus was up and leaving. I heard him and the Potters saying their goodbyes before I finally allowed myself to stand.

Que the dramatic music as I walked calmly into the nearest washroom and puked up the bacon and anything else in my stomach. This was not going to be easy.

So this is my new story. To those reading Torn Between Ties I am not giving it up. I just felt like writing this so I did.

If you like this, let me know! Reviews inspire me. Who knows, I may reply to you at the beginning of the next chapter.