Prompt: Seinfeld Oatnut Bread Fanfiction
Authors Note: ONESHOT I had seven tabs opened while writing this. totally crackfiction (something from tumblr) This is the first fanfiction I've written in years trust me the others will be much better ORZ
Summary: Jerry whining: WHAT ABOUT DA AIRLINE NUTZ (holds hands up, duck face)
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*Seinfeld boops* ba ding ring din doooo bee boop de bop oooo pee o pee boo boo boo boo!
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(pan over Restaurant Building)
George: Hey Jer, what the heck did you order?
Jerry: (picks up bread slice) I dunno, apparently it's today's special. (waves to waitress) Hello? What is this?
Waitress: That's oatnut bread.
George: Oat nut? Where are the nuts? This looks like normal bread to me.
Jerry: (bites into it) Hmmm, a peculiar flavor, but otherwise I don't really taste the nuts in it.
George: (grabs the bread from Jerry and bites into it.)
(Jerry has a shocked and frozen expression)
George: Hmmmm, No nuts. No nuts at all.
Jerry: (raising voice) GEORGE. What you did was completely unsanitary. (crosses arms)
George: (WHAAAT voice) WHAT? Biting into your nut-less bread. Are you really that disgusted Jerry. I lOAThe (loathe) that side of you.
(tense atmosphere, Waitress leaves)
Jerry: That joke was terrible George, and I am the comedian here.
(Door busts open and Kramer enters. Wild audience applause)
Kramer: JERRY. (slips around, elbows George.)
George: (whiny george voice) OW!
Kramer: Oh hi George, anyway. Jerry. Oh I see. You've already eaten it.
Jerry: What? The bread?
Kramer: Yessssss, the bread. It's the special right? Yea exactly. And you know what it was yesterday?
Jerry: Regular wheat bread that is now painfully injected with oatnuts.
Kramer: NOoooo. Not the bread, the SPECIAL (bops head around) THE SPECIAL YESTERDAY…It was PICKLED…EGGS.
(Jerry and George, eyes wide)
Kramer: And Im positive the eggs were never involved with pickles.
George: Wait a sec. Jerry, how much was that oatnut bread.
Jerry: Hmm, about, five dollars.
Kramer: (mad pointing at the menu) SEE and normal bread? TWO dollars!
George: Well I'll be (takes off glasses dramatically and then awkwardly hits and spills drink. Kramer freaks out and Jerry gets up, bumping into Eline)
Jerry: Oh hi Elaine!
Elaine: No time to talk Jer, I'm on my limited lunch break.
Jerry: Really, their cutting your lunchbreak?
Elaine: Yeah, sliced in half.
Kramer: Speaking of sliced, be careful about the bread here. (bops head around as Elaine approaches the counter) (jazz hands) They put a fancy name on regular bread for a higher price.
Elaine: Alright alright. Now go get the waitress, there's beverage all over your table.
(goes up to order)
yeah, I'm on my break so I won't need a table. What's the special today?
Woman: Todays special is Oatnut Bread.
Elaine: Really? (genuinely fascinated) does it have nuts in it?
Woman: I'm not quite sure actually. I do know that you can upgrade the special too. For a dollar more you can have some brownberry oatnut bread.
Elaine: (looks at watch) Shoot Im going to be late. Ok, whatever Ill take it.
(Kramer, Jerry, and George observe from behind a chair, hiding obviously in plain sight. Other customers glance over)
Kramer: See, you just add one word and get charged for it.
Jerry: I'm sure that's not the case. I'm sure they're not purposely charging people like that.
(The woman hands Elaine the brownberry bread slice. It looks like normal brownberry oatnut bread (and of course no "brown berries" on it)
George: SEE? There's no brown berries Jer. Obviously they're ripping us off!
Jerry: No it must taste different or something. I'm sure.
Woman: Elaine, that'll be seven dollars. (camera pans to the woman's intense and menacing glare ((most likely a hallucination created by the trio)))
Jerry, Kramer, and George all Gasp
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*Seinfeld boops* ba ding ring din doooo bee boop de bop ring ring da ding a ling!
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