Ok, sorry, the first chapter isn't the best but the others will be, um, better? and - of course ;P - more dramatic ;). I had to almost completely re-write the story and I hope there are no mistakes concerning the show in it anymore. Oh well, apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Reviews are always very much appreciated! ;D

Chapter 1

First Signs

Everything in life has its price even the things of which we think we get as a present.

#

(Thomas's point of view)

Thomas opened his eyes. The sun that shone through the curtains had woken him up. He turned around to look at his clock. 5.30 am. In only half an hour another day full of hard work would begin. He sighed.

Suddenly he felt Jimmy move at his side. For a while Thomas watched him silently.

He's so cute and beautiful when he sleeps.

Thomas ran his hand through Jimmy's golden hair which was a total mess just like every morning.

He smiled, but then his eyes turned blue. If only they had more time to spend together…

A deep sigh escaped from his lips. It was so hard to hide his feelings for Jimmy when they were with the others. And that was the case most of the time.

But he was happy. Perfectly happy.

Thomas wrapped his arms around Jimmy. His younger friend nestled closer to him, still fast asleep.

His Jimmy.

How long had he been dreaming about this moment? He could hardly remember that. But he also didn't want to think about the time before his secret relationship with Jimmy. It was just too wonderful to live in the here and now, although it wasn't always easy to keep the others in ignorance. But that was a challenge they both had accepted. Sometimes it was quite funny to play act. Thomas smiled, lost in thought. He lost himself in daydreams very often lately. But to be in loving, intimate togetherness thinking about their relationship made him happy. It helped him to leave the last years behind and to put an end to his earlier, bad and dark experiences and memories. To cut a long story short, Jimmy was his one and only and he would never, never ever let anything happen to him. No one else ever meant so much to him.

Isn't it strange how strong love can be?

Thomas clearly remembered the time when they first met. All he had to go through.

Don't think about that. It's over.

A little more than two years had passed since Jimmy came to Downton. And almost a year they were like this. Trying to hide their relationship. Every evening Jimmy came to his room to spend the night next to him.

Thomas starred at the ceiling. The rays of the morning sun were drawing ornaments on the white wall. He let his thoughts float for a while. But then, almost to bring him back to reality, Jimmy sighed quietly in his sleep. Thomas turned to him. He reached out a hand to gently touch his face. But something made him flinch. Jimmy's face was scorching hot! The expression on Thomas's face turned to worry.

"Jimmy?" he asked. "Jimmy, wake up!"

Jimmy slightly moved then he opened his eyes to glance dozily at him.

"What time is it?" he whispered in a tired voice.

"Almost six" Thomas answered. "How do you feel? Is everything all right?"

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"Because you're not looking good, Jimmy. Your face is burning!"

Jimmy touched his forehead. He creased his eyebrows in confusion.

"I can't feel anything" he said.

Thomas looked at him, worried. "We have to call Dr Clarkson" he said.

"No, I'm fine, Thomas, really!" Jimmy tried to convince him.

Before Thomas could say anything else, they heard a knocking on the door. "Get up!" someone shouted.

Thomas frowned at the door. He crawled out of bed and began dressing. Jimmy tumbled as he tried to stand up but then he redressed his balance and stood on his feet, gazing annoyingly at Thomas.

"I'm fine, okay?"

"I'm just worrying about you. You're looking quite pale."

"Everything's alright. I'm just a bit tired. I think I'm not getting enough sleep."

"Yes, maybe" Thomas sighed with resignation.

#

At the breakfast table things were like every day. There was chatting all around him and made it really hard for Thomas to concentrate. But then he finally felt his mind drift away. Yes, he was worried about Jimmy. He really didn't look healthy at all. But on the other hand he was talking and eating like everything was normal.

But what is normal?

Suddenly a loud noise broke through his mind. Someone had made a joke and everybody at the table laughed.

Except Thomas. His thoughts were somewhere else.

"Thomas?" He heard his name being called from far away, trying to get to his mind.

"Thomas?" The voice got more insistent.

He raised his head. It was Anna.

"Is everything ok?" she asked.

"Sure" he mumbled. "I'm just… a bit tired, that's all."

The same excuse that Jimmy had used this morning. Barely noticeable Thomas shook his head with a frown.

As the day went on nothing important happened. It was already afternoon when Mr Carson called him to his office. He wanted him to go into the village and run an errand for him.

And so he did. Thomas went down to the village and into the post office to post the telegram Mr Carson had given to him. He was curious about its content but he didn't open it. He never would!

Really?

But another thing was bothering him today. He couldn't stop thinking about Jimmy. And he couldn't get rid of the feeling that something bad would happen sooner or later.

And he should be right.

#

As he returned to Downton Abbey, he immediately knew that something was wrong.

Where is everyone?

Then another thing struck him.

I know that coat…

Dr Clarkson is here!

Jimmy!

Feeling totally upset he ran up the stairs to find a little crowd standing in the corridor outside Jimmy's room.

"What…?" he began but was cut short by Daisy running towards him.

"Mr Barrow! He collapsed as we were preparing the dinner in the kitchen! He just fell to the ground without any warning!"

"Jimmy!" Thomas exclaimed, barely noticing Daisy. He made his way through the crowd and finally got into Jimmy's room. His friend lay on the bed, breathing hard, sweat on his forehead. Dr Clarkson was standing next to the bed, examining him.

Thomas gazed around. Anna and Mr Carson were in the room, too. Anna came up to him, laying her hand onto his arm.

"We don't know what it is. He just…"

Thomas nodded, too upset to tell her that he was already informed about what had happened.

Dr Clarkson turned to them. "I'm not absolutely certain but it only seems to be a stronger influenza. He'll be fine in a couple of days."

Thomas sighed with relief.

It's only a flu. Calm down.

"I'll leave some medicine here so that you can take care of him." Dr Clarkson said. He took his bag and left the room. Carson followed him.

"Thank you for coming, Dr Clarkson" Thomas heard him say as they went down the corridor.

Then he finally moved. Leaving Anna where she was he took a few steps towards the bed. For the moment he totally forgot to act normal. But was that really necessary in such a situation? They all liked Jimmy, he was their friend. It wouldn't look too strange.

Thomas sat down at the edge of the bed. He realised Anna ushering the others out of the room and down to the servant's hall.

Thank you, Anna, Thomas said silently.

He reached out a hand to gently nudge Jimmy's arm. His lover was quiet now. His chest went slowly up and down.

"Hey" Thomas whispered softly.

Jimmy's head turned towards him. An exhausted smile appeared on his face.

"You gave me quite a nasty shock, you little I'm-pretending-I'm-fine" Thomas said under his breath.

"I'm fine" Jimmy said with a tired grin.

Thomas shook his head in amusement. "That's how I know my Jimmy."

He spent the rest of the evening looking after Jimmy. Mrs Hughes finally allowed him to do so, knowing they were good friends – yes, she really believed that although she knew about Thomas's…orientation – and having Alfred and Carson serving the dinner.

Or maybe she sensed something but was so kind to not say a word.

#

Late that night Thomas slumped himself on his bed.

God, I'm tired!

It had been a long day full of bad surprises, shock, and yet, relief. Closing his eyes, he let out a deep sigh.

Man, what a day!

All his thoughts were still circling around Jimmy. He wanted so badly to go to him and stay by his side the whole night but he knew it was impossible. It was too likely that at last someone saw them together. There was constantly somebody looking after Jimmy now. Thomas understood that. But he would prefer to be alone with him. He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, thoughts running through his mind. He was very relieved that it was only flu Jimmy had contracted with.

Don't worry. Didn't you hear what Dr Clarkson said? He'll be fine in a few days.

Yes. Jimmy would recover and everything would go back to normal.

But what is normal, again?

Thomas felt himself slowly dozing off.

You should go to sleep now. Tomorrow everything will look different.

Shadows danced around him and the dark came closer until he was fast asleep.