Live With No Regrets

By: Shattered Hourglass

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Live with no regrets.

I heard that some where, a long time ago. I can't quite seem to remember when. Maybe my father that me that the night before he killed himself, the day before I found him dead in a pool of his own blood.

Maybe it had been Obito. It seemed like the kind of stupid drivel that would come out of his mouth. Funny though that I would remember his plea to take care of Rin rather than his advice. Of course, I thought him an idiot at the time, so it wouldn't be too surprising.

Or perhaps Minato-sensei gave me that advice. He said a lot of hushed, whispered things as e held his newborn child, his wife was already dead and he knew he would join her soon. Maybe he had given me those words as he handed me his only child and left to give his life for the village he loved and the son he would never know.

Or maybe I read it in a fortune cookie somewhere. That seemed to be the most likely.

They were all on their deathbed as they mumbled their last words to me. I wonder how many regrets they died with.

I know why they gave me that advice now. Even though I am alive, I will die with a regret I can never amend for.

Because even though I'm still alive, you aren't anymore.

I always thought I'd die before you. After all, I was the jounin. I was going to be the next Hokage before Danzo opened his mouth and began his conquest for Konoha.

I always thought that with your job as a teacher, the most you'd have to worry about was a stray kunai to the back.

After all, you survived teaching Naruto Uzumaki. Nothing could have been worse than that.

It was easy to forget that you were a ninja as well. I forgot that you still went on missions.

Or maybe I was stupid enough to believe I could always protect you.

Shikaku told me that your death had been quick and painless. A slit to the throat that killed you before you could fight back; before you knew you were dead.

Goddamn it. Why do I always have to be the one that lives? Naruto told me once that I was immortal. I'm starting to believe it to be true.

You died and gave birth to my biggest regret, Iruka. You died without knowing how I feel.

I told you that I loved you, time and time again. I slept with you, held you, and gave you the love you were so desperate for.

But I wouldn't give you the family you craved. I never moved in with you, never took the common law vows allowed to two male ninjas. I never announced to the world that I was yours, even if everyone knew you were mine.

And now, I stand even longer at the grave. Your name is the newest chiseled into the cold stone. Your name is with Rin, with Obito, with Minato-sensei.

I'll sit here with you all, with you Iruka, and drink with your ghosts.

I'll wait to die with his regret so I can see you again.