I was sat on some damp grass, gazing up at the alignment of stars just above my head. The night was my fascination; I would often glide over to my meadow, sit down and admire the sweet serene night-time lights. The stars provided a very dim glow, a perfect illumination of the area around me. The slight water droplets would be shimmering in the light. The big moon, centre to the scene playing on its omnipresent beauty. These were the nights that I lived for, something that would spare my time and open an escape from the life back at home.
It wasn't like I had anything to complain about, I had a good life, full of love and compassion, but I had always felt wrong there, not wanted in a way. I did receive a certain amount of love I supposed, but not from my mother and father. It was a relationship that mainly consisted of non-stop physical and verbal abuse. You would think from first sight that my parents were sweet and cool. Well 'cool' to the teenage population, but that was because they seemingly didn't give a rat's ass about what happened to me and I meant that quite literally. I had turned my aversion for some attention to the not so great habits of smoking and public teenager binge drinking. I suppose that's what the majority of the population resulted too nowadays. To me however these we just mere cases of escape, a time or period that was completely mine, in which I could pore my heart out without actually doing anything. I wasn't proud of this life that I lead, heck I don't know who would be. Perhaps those people you see on the streets that brag their constant smoking case. But to me it's a private thing to do, in my meadow, where I was now.
The great thing about my meadow is that you could come no matter the weather and it would still be breathtakingly beautiful. And that is what I was doing now, gazing up at the night sky, thinking of my life. It may sound melodramatic, but I assure you that it's not.
I was not a strikingly avid person in the crowd, the usual brown hair, reaching mid-length, a slight figure, nothing desired, and altogether supported by very pale skin and some chocolate eyes that had just a hint of hazel. Overall not the most outstanding person. I was just me. I didn't wander into the business of others and people rarely managed to enter mine. Considering all though, I was particularly fortunate in what I have got. I have a home and a family and as blind and bland as they may seem atleast they were there. It is commonly known that I am grateful for what I have. I may not fit in with anyone from school but underneath I'm just the same, we all have problems after all and mine just aren't as pronounced.
I spent the majority of my time helping my other friends out with some of their problems. They all had things to deal with and I respected that, they were compassionate and lovely people that were just blinded by teenage dramas to see the extent of other peoples problems, and that does refer to me too.
As already mentioned, my life is good, of course there are some problems but to the deepness of these situations that is what has left a scar on me. I was diagnosed with depression somewhat months ago, my parents still completely oblivious to it. Sneaking out of school was a regular mishap for me, but an understandable one. I would go visit the councillor, the one who thought she knew everything about me and why I was like that. I had never met anyone as mistaken in my life, how she would just bow her head and nod along to anything and everything I said was just the beginning of her irritating ways. If the doctor hadn't severely recommended me to her I wouldn't be stuck infront of her face every single Wednesday afternoon. I had made no progression whatsoever and knew that even in duration of time I would still be exactly where I am now. In my field, crying. It sounded stupid or sad, what would I have to cry about? But in true fact I had lots to cry about. I had friends, well people who I would often go and hang around with, catch a quick smoke and pass a couple of ciders down my throat-but they weren't the people you could rely on to tell your problems. And so I had to act contempt with my life, what I did on the surface so rarely showed how I felt inside.
I was snapped out of my reverie by the light droplet of rain falling on my slightly sallow cheek and then some heavier droplets in tow. I slid up and traipsed the familiar path back to my street.
My house was somewhat big. We had a big brown door that towered on high that held the most antique doorknob -a lion's head- that often scared passers by. However the interior was warmer and a lot more welcoming than the exterior, none could fault it, my mother had a good catch for furniture. I didn't bother announcing that I had returned home, instead I just flailed to my room, slammed onto my bed, hit the play button and listened as hard rock music blasted echoes in my room. I didn't pay any attention to anything but the words as my head burred into the pillow. The night then seemed to pass in a blur, my mum and dad had gone to bed long again and after finishing a banter, I could finally decrease the volume to a reasonable sound. Peace with exceptional lyrics sounded in the background and I just waited and hoped that at some point tonight sleep would take me.
It eventually did, as I found myself waking up to an early dawn light, just barely a sunset glow streaking through the gap in my curtains. Ever woken up early but unable to fall back asleep? Ever had it every single day of the year? I had. It wasn't out of the norm and I could specifically remember each beautiful sunrise I had witnessed. This early spring light was just a breath taking experience and I sat on the wet balcony ledge and watched it pass by.
As quickly as it had passed I found myself outside the familiar grounds of school. There stood pointedly outside the school was Jessica Stanley stood with a hand on her hip, a fag in her hand, and stood in a very uncompromising position. Her dirty blond hair pushed backward revealing an altogether rounded face. I felt particularly sorry for Mike Newton who had to spend every day by her side-due to her stalker like ways. As I approached she handed out her cigarette and I reached for it taking a long drag, confronted by the relief and sensuality the little killer brings.
'Hey Bella,' she said in a high-pitch nasal voice.
'Hey Jess, you doing OK?' I said acknowledging her presence a strange occurrence from me who tended to avoid all and any contact with said person. Taking another drag of her cigarette she nodded and puffed a lot of smoke into my face. I coughed it away whilst muttering under my breath 'nice Jess.' She smirked, one that I couldn't stand. Jessica was on of the friends that I had a very low tolerance of, she could annoy me just by standing in the same three-mile radius of me, but I tolerated her even if it wasn't pleasant thoughts in my mind.
It was not long when Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley rolled into school, in a very old and battered blue Transit van. They were two other members of our group, we all together made up the gang that hung outside of Fork's single supermarket with a can of Cider and a pack of condoms in our pocket. Mike was an alright looking boy, quite boyish I suppose, short and highly annoying, his parents owned the local camping store just on the out-skirt of the town and despite his rounded face and spiked up hair he was a good guy and tended to actually get along with me. Tyler was the other cronie, his skin as black as night, he had dark charcoal eyes and was less attractive than Mike, although we still got on well.
As soon as Jessica had caught sight of Mike she lowered her top to an unflattering length. The two boys approached us.
'Hello Bella,' they said then turned to Jess, Mikes eyes lingering on the exposed chest. 'Hey Jess.' They greeted and we made our way to homeroom. Next to approach us on the way was Angela and Ben. I was closest to Angela of all the guys, I don't know she was just a selfless loving and caring person, long brown locks and a heart shaped face she was the desires, dream and girlfriend to Ben Cheney. Ben was short in comparison to Angela who towered over him, he was a typical human teenage boy, blonde, blue eyes and decent there was no other words to describe him, I supposed I was close to him too.
As the day evolved into lunch we, 'team suicide' decided to make plans for the upcoming Saturday, resulting in us lying drunk out of our minds at a typical park. I must say I enjoyed this outing, it would be an all right time and would pass some uneventful time on my behalf. Jessica smiled at the upcoming shag from Mike. The rest of this week could go by fast enough, as tomorrow would be the day. I loved Fridays for one particular reason; the weekend was coming soon. That alone was enough to shift my moods. I found myself sat at lunch bouncing up and down energetically. It would be easy to get out the house, I'd just tell my mum I was staying out and problem solved. I was excited to say the least, glad to be getting some relief after this long week.
Saturday approached fast enough for my liking. I spent the major part of the day collecting up bottles of Cider that I knew my father wouldn't be missing, bidding my mom farewell with a typical 'I'm staying out tonight, see you tomorrow!' and disappeared from sight, meeting my fellow team mates outside Forks' supermarket. Not long after I arrived did the others, first Mike and Jessica, with Ben and Angela in tow and soon after Tyler. We departed with atleast nine litres of strong, cheap alcohol in hand and walked down a couple of hidden lanes to the park. Drinking along the way, I was far past tipsy when we decided to settle down. Apparently the others had joined me in the state of drunkenness, I found it amusing as I giggled and laughed at everything especially when I constantly fell on my bum. And then I became somewhat disgusted as Jessica pounced on Mike hurdling them both to the floor in a hot snogging session that I wished I hadn't witnessed. As the started getting off with one another I decided that I wasn't drunk enough, and pulled the cider up to my mouth taking a large gulp of it. It tasted horrible, like cheap beer mixed with tonic water and altogether topped off with month old vodka. Not pleasant at all, but it got the job done as I started swaying on the spot, laughing a giggling and unsuccessfully attempting to get the damn cigarette into my mouth. It became apparent that I couldn't walk straight anymore and so sat in a squelch grass as I saw a sight I thought I would never see. Angela-shy, sweet Angela- and Ben started getting down and that is something no one has ever seen! I was shocked as Tyler was trying to make a move on me, with some not so smooth talk I decided it was time to call it a night. Standing up and brushing my very muddy ass, I began swaying a waddling back along the public paths home.
I stumbled through the door and after that my memory went blank. The only reminder I had of last night was the killer hangover and not so pleasant memories of the two couples. I laid on my side thinking the night's events through, and feeling very nauseous I went to my balcony, opened the door gently to reveal the sunrise and sat smoking very finely on my cigarette.
That is when I noticed a very fine moving truck park in front of the house next door, loading in some furniture. Curiosity got the best of me as I stood and watched a several burly men loaded up the house. The light brightened and at about nine in the morning the men had finished, and began driving the white truck away from site, away from Fork's. I pieced things together very quickly soon after the arrival. I knew that the house next door had been abandoned after the poor little old lady died there three years ago. No one had wanted the house and since it wasn't left to anyone in her will it stood a little beside us, our white stones showing its ages. I lest expected anyone to go live there, it had began to seem impossible. I had seen numerous families inspect the house but no one had made a move to touch it, let alone buy it. Wonder took over my mind and I expected the arrival of the new neighbours to be later today. I would go over and greet myself; just as I should and then be out of here like a bolt of lightening and go hit over at Mike's for a while.