I am so sorry for not updating for a long time!

I was very pressured with expectations in my academic life as a high school senior and then there's college shit to deal with. Anyway, as my comeback I present a new story as a part of my advocacy to be against depression and against rape.

I hope you guys enjoy this new story!

There are two things in life which I value the most; the first is my twin Natsu. Natsu and I grew up together, did things together, and grew apart...together. As I watched him grow, I felt that I was left all alone. There was an unimaginable series of complex detachment that latched upon me. Thus, I felt compelled to...follow these set of feelings. When I saw him surrounded with friends, my feelings were, as if, that was not of my own. However, I could not bring myself to hate, I could not bring myself to seeth, I could not bring myself to be jealous all because of this wretched hollow pain. I was not jealous nor was I lonely...it was anxiety...my depression. It was a feeling which I fear that, the moment when I wake up and look at myself in front of the mirror, I would see no one but my surroundings.

My mother would always tell me to get out of my shell and make some friends and try to smile more often just as how my brother would. My mother would tell me that it was going to be alright as it was a part of growing up. My mother would tell me to stay strong for both my brother and father. Though, can't she see? The more she tries to push me away towards independence the more this feeling grows, the more it becomes my friend. A friend that which I unwittingly would call because I know... I don't have anyone left or...anyone I could call a friend. This feeling was my time, it was what connected me between the borders of reality and myself, it was moving on its own. This feeling was the foundation of my being...it supported me but as long as it continues to do so...it would eventually collapse and destroy me. Can't they see? I can't understand it either.

The second thing I value most... was vanity...nothingness. There was no presence, no pain, no worries, not even myself. The best part about being nothing was that you have nothing else to worry about. No grades to cope, no subjects to care, no people to love...nothing. This, for me, is the best feeling in the world. Simply being who you are and who you want to be. Living a life of vanity is the greatest life one can ever live. As such, I do not have a need for feelings, for principles, for love, for care, for anyone, for anything because I do not have, I do not need, I do not want... I am nothing and therefore not existing but simple embodied to be 'nothing.'

You might not understand, but I don't care. You are no one, I am nothing. That's why it's alright for me to latch on with depression, it's simply a being if its own. It's alright not to have a brother who cares, he is no one to me. It's alright not to have a family, they are nothing to me. It's alright not to be me... because I am nothing...an empty hollow hole in the process of life who simply is embodied...

"Tsu-kun, Na-kun! It's breakfast time. Wake up or else you'll be late"

Nana opened Natsu's bedroom first since it was quite far from the stairs. Tsuna's bedroom was adjacent to his however, his was closer to the stairs. Upon successfully waking Natsu up, Nana proceeded to wake Tsuna. Though, to her surprise Tsuna was nowhere to be seen.

"Na-kun, have you seen your brother?" Natsu shrugs

"Tsuna already left for school. Seriously mom, you should let Tsuna do what he wants these days. He's not getting younger and besides, he might have found happiness in well, going to school early?" Nana's face turns slightly depressed which was evident due to her frown. "W-what I mean is-well, Tsuna's probably trying to find a way to recover from his mutism! Yeah that's why he's been going to school early." He said all the while raising his hands in defence. Nana's joyful expression returns and tends to the dishes. "Oh, Na-kun when you see Tsu-kun please ask him if he wants to go home together with you. I'm quite sure he'll stay at school quite late this time for remedial but, do ask him will you?" Natsu sighs and responded with a simple "sure"

At school both twins were imperfect in their own ways. Natsu was athletic and smart. He was a part of the school's Kendo club and is on good terms with every member from the freshmen to the seniors and even the manager and their team captain, Mochida. Natsu kept a good record in his academic profile being known to be one of the funniest and kindest of the students around. He excelled in the field of Science and Math but was okay when it came to his communication and language subjects. All in all, he was a very good student: Both scholarly and Jock-y.

However, he was notorious for being a prankster and an insensitive person. He's very frank with what he says which is why no girl lasts for even a week with him. Natsu was also known to be a playboy, that if he had a trophy for every heart he broke, he might've filled his room and half of his brother's. He dated freshman to seniors thus known to be the school's heartthrob. Except perhaps for the school's idol, Sasagawa Kyoko, the little sister of the Boxing club's captain, Sasagawa Ryohei. Which unfortunately, belongs to their Kendo club's captain. 'Boy the moment they'd break up, I'll be the first to snatch her up, see how long she'd last.'

As he was walking the school corridor, he bumped into his little brother, Sawada Tsunayoshi. Tsuna was Natsu's exact opposite. He was withdrawn, quiet, and very timid. He also sucked at sports which is why his mother requested the school to make him an exception in PE class because of his condition. He was also failing in Math and Science and English terribly, however, when it came to communications he was a good writer. It was very understandable due to the fact he was mute for 7 years due to some incident no one knew. Despite his terrible standing and almost non-existing record at school, Tsuna was one of the sympathetic individual you would ever meet. And though it was not evident, deep down he does have a 'bit' of concern for his brother.

"Oh hey Tsuna, mom was asking if you'd like to come home with me later on." Tsuna twisted his head in such a way he denied the statement. He immediately wrote on his white board 'I'm sorry, I have remedial classes later on in Science. You can go ahead, I'm pretty sure you have a date with one of the freshman.' Natsu smiled sheepishly, "So you knew, but I could always cancel that. Mom's really worried about you and your remedial classes though. Anyway..." Natsu gently taps Tsuna's shoulders "If you need me you can always call, 'kay? See ya!" He dashes away. One thing that remains intact with the twins was their communication... Deep down, Tsuna knew he still had a connection between his brother and that he couldn't entirely bring himself to shit him away from his life. Deep down he knew he cared. 'He's the third thing I value most...' Tsuna silently thought to himself.

After classes, Tsuna immediately proceeded to meet Nezu in the Lab for his remedial classes in Science. Upon entering, he immediately lowered his head as if he was ashamed '...I feel nothing' he thought.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi " Nezu announces "Hypothetically speaking, you would have been as good as your brother if you were not... stupid." He slowly comes closer to Tsuna "And I, being the great student who graduated from Tokyo University, am here to offer assistance to your stupidity once more." Tsuna slightly flinches but remains in his place anyway. Nezu sighed "If only the stupid and delinquent students were kicked off this school then it would've been one of the best! But no, the headmaster decided to keep them as he believes in equality, hmph!" he huffed

"Well being the good and wise teacher that I am, I decided to offer assistance to you once more Tsunayoshi. Now tell, what on Earth is difficult to understand in Matter? In basic Research?" Tsuna does not respond for a while, then immediately scribbled on his white board '...' Nezu gets ticked off then immediately grabbed both of his shoulders "You imbecile! I spend my time with you and this is the response I get! I've had it with you and your mutism, I'll immediately report this to the headmaster and have you expelled." Tsuna does not react but instead drops the white board and gently cups Nezu's face. He silently looks at both of his eyes, then slowly brings their face closer. 'There are two types of people in this world...'Tsuna thought 'one who controls and one who is controlled' then he kisses Nezu's lips then looks at him with such heart break that no one can ever resist. 'but I am nothing '

He immediately picks up his whiteboard and scribbles "Sensei, I've had a hard time in Science because you are the one who teaches it. My heart aches whenever I see you, and my mind... I just can't get you out of my mind." He wrote 'Please...enlighten me with this feeling...' Nezu sensei was very gullible indeed and fell in his scheme. He immediately smacked his lips with Tsuna's and proceeded to savor his flavour. "Sawada Tsunayoshi, if you choose to stay here you WILL not speak of anything about this or what I will do to you but if you do tell anyone, I will expel you! If you want to stay, we will do this every day, do you understand?" Tsuna nods.

RATED M WARNING

Nezu removes Tsuna's shirt and proceed to leave a trails of hickeys on his neck. He gently places Tsuna on top of the laboratory table and proceeded to play with his nipples. He sucked and bit them causing Tsuna to squirm. Afterwards, he proceeded to kiss him then slowly, his right hand made its way on his boner and gave it a quick rub. Tsuna jolted all of a sudden, then quickly wrapped his arms around Nezu's neck. Nezu removed his belt and unbuttoned his pants, he looked at it hungrily.

His glasses were hazy and his expression was that of a crazed predator. "My, my, what a naughty child you are. Though if you want what's best you will have to endure after all, you started it." He teased. Nezu sucked the erection all the while with Tsuna clinging around his neck. Tsuna bit back his tongue to prevent moaning sound to come. Upon reaching his climax, Nezu wasted no time and immediately unbuckled his belt. His was big and erect, it was wet as if craving for an entrance. He slowly placed it in front of Tsuna's entrance then slowly began to penetrate him. He moved at a slow pace. Slowly then going faster every now and then. As if not satisfied, he also began to jerk Tsuna's erection and began to mock him "Well if anyone knew that you were this much of an 'attention seeker' I'm sure they'd be honoured to do this in my place." 'I am nothing' Tsuna countered in his mind 'You are nobody...'

'That is why I chose to be controlled and to be in control... because I am nothing...you are nothing...this connection is...nothing at all... I am tainted in both black and white, I perished and I revived...I am nothing' he repeated in his mind while suppressing his moans. Nezu reached his climax and came into Tsuna. After one final kiss he got up and placed Tsuna on a chair and immediately placed his clothes "If you want to stay, come here every day and be the good quiet little slut that you are." And just like that he left.

Tsuna began to gather his clothes with shaky legs and collapsed upon wearing his shirt. 'I am nothing but... there is something that...stirs up within me...disgust perhaps?...disgust it might be between myself and he.'

I suck at lemons, I failed to warn you guys that this is my first time to write lemons. Well the point is that Tsuna doesn't entirely feel willing for this. He's got a feeling of depression and anxiety remember? Nezu took advantage of his gullibility to enslave and to claim Tsuna as his new play toy. Anyway please leave a comment/review!