Medical Attention

by Rina76

Carter is in need of therapy and Kovac is happy to give it. It starts off hidden in a closet but will this little affair lead to something more? Or will Kovac's womanising ways ruin it for them?

Title: Medical Attention

Author: Rina76

Rating: M

Summary: A slash fic starring Dr. John Carter (Noah Wyle) and Dr. Luka Kovac (Goran Visnjic). Carter needs some therapy and Kovac is more than happy to give it.

Warnings: M/M adult situations, smex, drama, some fluff

Disclaimer: I do not own the TV show ER or any of the characters contained within it. I am not making any money from the writing of this story.

A/N: This is an old fic, previously posted but removed. Reposting now for the fans so they can enjoy it once again! (Not broken into chapters this time, sorry. There's 9 of them)

…

Chapter 1.

"Ah. Dr Carter," Romano said, passing him in the hallway. "I don't suppose you've seen Luka anywhere, have you?"

"Uh, not for a while, no," Carter replied, scratching his head.

"Well, if you find Dr Kovac, please remind him that this is a hospital, not a dating agency and he is still on duty, even on the slow days," Romano drawled sarcastically, his bald scalp reflecting the light. "Tell no-show boy that I've decided he can have the patient with the abnormally large testicular lesion. And I want those labs back on the wheezer in four. ASAP. If I don't see him in the next fifteen minutes, I'm gonna fire his slack ass."

"You got it," Carter said, stifling a grin. He felt a twinge of sympathy for Luka. Even though he only had one arm, Romano could be a ball-breaker at the best of times. God help you if you piss him off.

He strode along the corridor, on his way to the staff lounge to get a nice, strong cup of coffee. The E.R. was unusually quiet today, which he was not complaining about in the slightest. It was normally a chaotic mess with blood and puke flying everywhere and people screaming and shouting with security arresting the nut jobs and hauling them outside. It was nice to hear blessed silence, see empty seats and have clean, vomit-free clothing.

As he passed the supply closet, where they kept suture kits, bandages and saline solution among other things, the door opened. Luka's head appeared and glanced up and down the hallway, finding it empty.

"Dr Carter, could you come in here for a moment, please?" Luka asked in his Croatian accent, which all the women swooned over. "I seem to have a problem. I can't find what I'm looking for."

"Sure," Carter replied easily. "By the way, Romano wants to know where you've been. He's threatening to fire you. Again." He entered the cupboard and scanned the shelves. "So, what are you looking for?"

Kovac closed the door, the lock snicking shut with a tiny click. "I've already found it." He gazed at Carter with his long-lashed blue eyes, making it perfectly obvious what he was referring to.

Carter's brows rose. Was Kovac making a pass at him? My God, he was! He had no idea the good doctor swung that way. He shuffled his feet and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Um, Luka? I don't…I'm not…you know," he began. Luka came closer and his hand slipped under Carter's white coat. His heart pounding, Carter took a few steps backward and he bumped into the closed door. Kovac just followed him and leaned his weight against the other male, trapping him against the door and cutting off his escape route.

"You're not what, John?" Luka's voice was provocative and teasing. His dark hair fell boyishly over one eye. His hand slid lower, over Carter's belly and came to rest on his groin. Carter sucked in a breath at the intimate contact and pushed Kovac's hand aside.

"Luka…"

"C'mon, Dr Carter. You spend all day tending to patients but who tends to you, huh?" he demanded huskily. "Don't you need a little medical attention sometimes?"

Luka's long persistent fingers unbuckled Carter's belt and unzipped his fly and this time Carter didn't try to resist. He was hard already.

"Oh Christ, Abby…" Carter started to say but Kovac cut him off with a finger to his lips.

"Abby doesn't know what she wants, John. But I do. And I want you. Right now." He took Carter's erect dick in his hand and Carter groaned quietly.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he muttered, wanting to stop Luka but not wanting to at the same time. "Have you run out of female doctors and nurses to seduce, Kovac?"

"Let's just say, I want something a little more…exciting," Luka insinuated, tugging Carter's cock with his skilled, sensitive fingers. Fingers that saved lives every day. Fingers that knew exactly how to touch and stroke and make Carter weak at the knees.

"I'm not going to have sex with you, Luka," Carter breathed, even as his hips pressed into Kovac's tantalising hand. "I'm not like that."

"Oh no?" Luka asked, looking down at Carter's male organ in his grasp. "What do you call this then?" He squeezed his fingers tighter and stroked harder. Carter held in a whimper and grabbed Luka's arm.

"Not sex," he gritted out. "I don't know what it is but it's not sex."

By his medically trained definition, sex was where the penis entered another person's orifice, be it orally, vaginally or anally. This was not even close to any of those.

"Fine, it's not sex," Kovac uttered. "Call it a helping hand. Call it a stress relieving massage. Call it whatever you want. But you can't deny you need it. You need this, don't you, John? You need me."

He nibbled enticingly on Carter's throat and felt a low groan rumbling under his lips. Carter's eyelids fell shut and he tipped his head back onto the wooden door. He wasn't going to answer that. He just rocked his pelvis in time with Luka's strokes.

Being a doctor was one of the most stressful jobs in the world. Only another doctor could understand the rollercoaster of highs and lows he went through every day. The hardest part was having someone die on him. Just this morning he lost a patient despite his best efforts and he was still majorly bummed about it. However, Luka's soft, caressing hand and hungry sucking, kissing mouth was making all the shoulder-stiffening, back-cramping stress melt away as if it never existed.

Luka understood. Luka knew.

Oh yeah, as much as he didn't want to admit it out loud, Carter needed this. He needed to forget, even for a few minutes. He moaned softly, acutely aware of where he was and knowing at any minute one of the nurses could come in and bust them. Even Abby. The thought intensified his excitement and he had to bite back a cry of hot, spicy, forbidden lust.

"Don't, Kovac," he feebly protested. They would both lose their jobs if they were caught. "We shouldn't…"

Luka raised a hand, covering Carter's mouth like a bank robber keeping a hostage quiet. "Sshh," he whispered. "Just relax. It's okay. Let me take care of you."

He moved his other hand quicker and worked his lips up to Carter's jaw, biting gently, then going further north and poking his tongue into the younger doctor's ear. Carter shuddered, breathing fast through his nose, thrusting his hips into Luka's knowledgeable fingers. He was close, Luka could feel it. Could feel it by the way Carter was starting to tremble, the way his grip on Luka's arm was growing ever more forceful. The hand over Carter's lips jerked away in surprise as Luka felt the hot electric shock of John licking his palm.

"Luka…Oh God, Luka…"

Carter's deep groan of aching pleasure was a little too loud for Luka's liking. He pushed a couple of fingers into Carter's mouth, partly to keep him quiet, and partly to feel the slick wet heat inside. Luka wondered if that's what it would feel like if he actually got to have sexual intercourse with Carter. He hadn't made love to a man before but hey, there was a first time for everything. With his suave manner, honeyed voice, and dark, brooding looks, Luka was used to being able to have any woman he wanted. Quite frankly, it was so easy, it was boring.

Now this, on the other hand…

It was going to be quite a challenge to get sweet, conservative, baby-faced John Carter into his bed. He made an exclamation of astonishment as Carter began to suck on his fingers. Judging by how eager Carter appeared, he was halfway there already!

Fingers. They're only fingers. It's not like I'm sucking his dick, Carter said desperately to himself, not knowing why he was even doing it. All he knew was that it was an instinctive reaction to having something in his mouth while he was in the throes of desire.

It's not sex. It isn't. It's just therapy, a release of tension. It's not sex!

He began to make sounds deep in his throat as his orgasm crested and he clutched Luka's arm tightly, his knuckles turning white with the pressure. Luka was going to have finger marks imprinted on his forearm for days after this. But he didn't mind. All he wanted was to make Carter feel good. To make him come.

"Let go, John," Kovac purred right in the other man's ear, his breath causing a shiver to chase up and down Carter's spinal cord. "I want to feel you let go."

Out of Carter came small, gasping noises, muffled by Luka's silencing fingers. Carter bucked his hips and streams of warm wetness filled the second doctor's hand. Luka stayed like that for a minute, pressing him against the door, his lips on Carter's throat, his fingers in his mouth and his hand around the younger male's cock.

"Don't you feel much better now, Carter?" he murmured. John didn't, couldn't say anything. Luka waited until John's fast breathing slowed down and his body softened before he withdrew his fingers. Kovac wiped his hand with a paper towel. The older man was aroused to the point of pain but he didn't want to push his luck by asking John to do anything for him.

Not yet. He might screw up his big plan of seduction if he was too hasty. Besides, as soon as Carter was gone, he was gonna jerk off with some of that gel they use for ultrasounds on pregnant women. That stuff was incredible.

"Same time tomorrow, Dr Carter? I recommend you continue the treatment daily for maximum benefits." He turned to John, a half-smile on his sensual lips and a flirtatious gleam in his eye. By the end of the week, Carter would be saying, Abby who?

John just stared at Luka, too stunned by what had just taken place to answer. By what he had let Luka do. Eventually, his brain began to function again and he clumsily fumbled with his fly, straightened his clothes and made sure there was no semen on his white coat. He opened the closet door, pausing, his back to Luka, and cleared his throat.

"Romano wants those labs straight away, Kovac. Don't keep him waiting."

Then he left, shutting the door after him. Luka gazed at the ceiling and released a long shaky breath of amazement and relief. Whew. That went even better than he'd hoped. He'd half expected John to freak out or hit him or something. But he hadn't. He'd just let Luka jack him off, thrusting into his hand with urgent passion, even astoundingly sucking on his fingers like a baby on a pacifier. The young doctor was as good as his.

And Jesus, those sexy sounds he was making! They'd almost made him come in his shorts. He grinned rakishly. Now, where did they keep that gel?

Chapter 2. Therapy.

The next day Dr Kovac kept trying to catch Dr Carter's eye and Dr Carter kept trying to avoid him. It was a moderately busy morning and a very busy afternoon and by the end of his shift after dealing with multiple gunshot wounds, knife injuries, MVA's, a mass food poisoning epidemic and far too many domestic violence incidents John Carter was frazzled. He had, however, managed to bring back a little girl with severe appendicitis who had died three times on the operating table and an older man who had fallen off a ladder onto a metal rake whilst pruning hedges and punctured his lung. John had saved more lives than he had lost and in his books, that was a good day. There was one thing that bothered him. During his whole shift he was a little distracted by a certain dark-haired someone. No, not Abby.

Luka Kovac.

The guy kept staring at him with those sultry eyes and it was very disconcerting. Thinking of what he had let the Croatian doctor do to him in the supply closet the day before filled Carter with emotions that were weird and deeply disturbing, yet he couldn't help feeling turned on at the memory. But you are not attracted to men, John, he kept telling himself. You are a straight man. You are involved with Abby. Speaking of the brunette nurse he had formed a recent attachment to, Abby wasn't coming in for a few more hours and they wouldn't be able to meet up so he was planning on going home, having a long hot shower and going to bed.

On his way to the staff lounge to collect his bag, a familiar figure appeared in his line of vision and he slowed right down. Luka was standing in the hallway, just gazing at him. John eventually stopped, not wanting to talk to the other guy. But Luka didn't appear to want to talk. He just strolled up to Carter with cat-like strides, looked him straight in the eye and then walked past him. John knew he should keep on going, grab his stuff and get the hell out of there but as if Luka was a magnet, he had to turn around and look. He saw the tall older male halt at the door of the supply closet, give Carter another scorching look, a blatant invitation to join him, and then vanish inside. When his feet started to move of their own volition, towards the very place Dr Kovac was, John groaned.

I am straight, he frantically told himself. I am straight. Aren't I? His feet didn't think so and they kept leading him right up to the door. His hand agreed with his feet and turned the knob, even as his brain tried desperately to regain control of his wayward, disobedient body parts. Another body part that was stubbornly refusing to believe that he was not attracted to the masculine form was his dick. It was already beginning to fill with blood, eager to be petted and stroked by soft, skilled male hands. After a quick glance up and down the corridor to make sure nobody saw him, John entered the supply closet. Luka was leaning against a shelf, his arms crossed over his chest and a smile on his handsome face, as if he knew John would show up. And he had been right.

"Hello, Dr Carter," he purred suggestively. "Back for more medical attention? It's nice of you to keep our appointment."

Carter closed the door, wondering why he was even here and exactly what he was doing. What was he DOING? He didn't know what he was doing except that his traitorous body had forced him to follow Dr Kovac and made him open the door and go inside the cupboard. Now he was inside. Alone with Luka. And he didn't know what to do. Or say. So he said nothing.

"Ah, you have laryngitis, huh?" Kovac teased the baby-faced man in the white coat who was regarding him silently. "Well, that's okay. You don't have to say anything. I understand." His keen blue eyes swept over John's young, fit male form and widened when he noticed the younger doctor's semi-erection visible through the layers of his pants.

"You must really be in need of some physical therapy, hmm?" he said, arching his brow saucily. "You want me to take care of that for you?"

John didn't answer but he didn't try to cover his hardness up either. To Luka that was all the answer he needed. Kovac came forward and gently pushed Carter against the door, making sure it was closed properly. If anyone did try to open it, say one of the nurses, they would have ample time to rearrange their clothing and nobody would be the least bit suspicious. C'mon, Luka and John Carter? Nobody would even think that was a viable pairing. All the staff in that hospital knew that Kovac was a ladies man, though and through. But he secretly wasn't. There was one man he wanted and that man was right here, giving permission, albeit wordless permission, for Luka to do whatever he wanted to him. And Luka had lots of things he wanted to do to John. But one thing at a time. No point rushing.

As he had done the previous day, Kovac unbuckled John's belt and unzipped his pants. He kept his azure eyes locked with John's chocolate brown ones as his fingers wrapped around Dr Carter's cock, which was not half-hard anymore but rock-solid. John bravely met Luka's intent gaze. He was confused as fuck about why he was allowing Luka to do this AGAIN but he was not ashamed. He stared into the dominant male's blue eyes, that close that he could see flecks of green scattered through Kovac's irises like little emeralds. Pretty, really. In fact, Luka's eyes, with the vivid colouring and dark feathery lashes, were some of the prettiest eyes John had ever seen and so it was not difficult to stare into those deep cerulean pools.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you all day, John," Kovac told him huskily, beginning to caress the length of warm masculine flesh in his hand. "Have you been thinking about me?"

John just moaned softly. Luka took that as a yes and smiled. "I'm going to kiss you now, Dr Carter. Is that all right with you?" he asked, knowing that a hand job is one thing, but a kiss is an even more intimate act. Some would say too intimate. Would Carter let him do that? John gave a short nod and Kovac leaned in, pressing their lips together. At the contact, the two doctors closed their eyes and shivered a little. This was the first kiss either of them had received from a member of the same sex. It was almost the same as a kiss from a lady, if you didn't count the prickly feel of whiskers rasping on their chins. Both John and Luka's lips, while not full and lush like a woman's, were still soft and sensual. Kovac touched John's lower lip with the tip of his tongue, wondering if the young man would let him deepen the kiss. And he did. Carter yielded and opened his mouth and Kovac slid his tongue in, tasting the other male. John tasted like lemonade, sweet and tangy, which he had sipped just before heading to the lounge and getting sidetracked. To the older man's surprise, John began to kiss Luka back, twining their tongues together and pushing his pelvis forward, harder into Kovac's hand, which was still stroking Carter's dick. Kovac uttered a gruff groan at the proof of the younger guy's desire. John would not have kissed him like this yesterday. But now he was. Oh yes, Luka's plan was working. He was getting under John's skin, making him want this too. All those blistering glances and looks he had shot Carter today hadn't gone to waste. Not at all.

Wanting more, much more than a mere kiss, Kovac broke the connection of their mouths and brought his lips to John's ear. "I want to give you a blow job," he whispered. "I want to feel your cock in my mouth." He pulled back and met John's shocked gaze. The kid's brown eyes were round as quarters. He swallowed nervously and Luka could see his Adam's apple moving under the skin of his throat.

"Will you let me do that to you, Carter?" Luka asked quietly, letting John see how serious he was about it and how much he wanted to do it. "I promise I won't hurt you."

After a contemplative pause, Carter nodded. Kovac kissed John one more time on the mouth, gratefully and affectionately, and then dropped to his knees. John watched in nearly panicked excitement as Luka curved his fingers around the base of his penis to steady it and then licked a droplet of pre-come off the smooth head before sucking Carter's rod into his mouth. John gasped at the heat and wetness suddenly surrounding his rigid organ.

NOW it's sex, Carter told himself, looking down and seeing the erotic sight of his own shaft disappearing into Luka's hungry lips. Yesterday, while Luka was jacking him off, he had allowed it because it was non-penetrative and therefore couldn't be classified as sex. But at this very moment, his dick was in Kovac's mouth and to his medical knowledge, this constituted sexual activity. The thought that he was now officially participating in adulterous behaviour, regardless of his relationship with Abby, made him feel incredibly guilty yet at the same time incredibly aroused. He knew he ought to stop this, pull Luka's head back, zip up his pants and walk away, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Oh Jesus, it felt too good. He released a long low moan and his eyelids fell shut in bliss. After the hectic day he had today, he totally needed this.

As he experimented with different oral techniques, Luka felt John's fingers thread through his hair. Knowing that Carter was touching him, even in such a simple way, suffused him with joy and he sucked harder, moving his lips up and down the younger man's cock with a slowly growing rhythm. Giving blow jobs was not difficult at all, Kovac decreed, provided you weren't attempting to deep-throat, which he was not even going to TRY to do. At least not without practising on a banana or something first. Gagging and spluttering in the middle of giving oral sex would not leave a good impression on his young lover, well, his soon-to-be-much-hoped-for lover anyway, so he kept his motions relatively shallow and made up for the lack of depth with the strength of his suction. Kovac looked up as he was performing fellatio on the other MD. Judging by the way Carter was biting his lip and emitting almost hurt-sounding whimpers, Luka concluded he was doing just fine for a novice.

When Carter came, shuddering and tightening his abdominal muscles in climax, Kovac swallowed every drop of the salty fluid flowing into his mouth, his reward for a job well done. He did not find the taste repulsive in the slightest. He knew what to expect in advance because he had tried his own semen before. Hey, if he's going to have oral sex with a man, namely Carter, he may as well know what the stuff tastes like. And Carter's tastes nicer than his did. He licked his lips and planted a kiss on John's flat belly before rising to his feet. Dr Carter was leaning against the door, his eyes still shut and his cheeks flushed. He was breathing quickly, his lips parted a fraction.

"You look beautiful like this," Luka said sincerely, his words tinted with his seductive accent. He grazed Carter's soft cheek with the back of his hand and the second male opened his dark brown eyes and looked at him.

"So beautiful," he repeated softly. John did not reply, he just lowered his lashes shyly.

"You know what I did yesterday after you left?" Kovac asked mischievously, making the younger doctor glance quizzically at him. Carter shook his head. Luka went to a shelf and retrieved a plastic bottle which Carter recognised as ultrasound gel. Kovac grinned at him.

"I jerked off with this. Have you ever tried it?"

Again, Carter shakes his head, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Trust Kovac to think of using an ordinary substance in an extraordinary way.

"You should," Luka replied cheekily. "It's fantastic. Wanna watch me do it again?"

Not wanting to break his self-imposed vow of silence, Carter tilts his head inquisitively. Sure, his face says, an intrigued gleam in his chocolate eyes. I would like to watch you misuse hospital supplies. Go ahead, Luka. I'm watching.

Seeing John's interest, Luka grinned again, crinkles appearing at the corner of his eyes, his teeth shining white in his swarthy face. He leant on the wall next to Carter and handed the young doctor the bottle to hold while he unfastened his pants. Then once that was done, he took the gel out of Carter's hand, flipped open the cap and proceeded to squirt the clear substance onto his dick. He put the bottle on the shelf next to him, not its proper place but close enough, and then with his right hand he slicked the gel all over his shaft, even covering the knob of his penis until his sex organ was shiny and coated with the glistening goo. John watched, not hiding his fascination, as Kovac started to jack off with it. The older male looked like he was enjoying it very much, especially with an audience. And he was. He couldn't erase the sexy grin off his face. And the wet, gooey noises the gel was making between his hand and his cock sounded uncannily like the noises made during sex which only added to his amusement and excellent humour. His work-related worries long since dissipated, Carter found himself smiling too, liking the playful side of his fellow medical practitioner. He seemed like a big horny teenager at that moment. It was very endearing. At John's cute smile, Luka chuckled.

"It's quite fun, I tell ya," he said to Carter, his brown hair falling in his face and adding to his boyishness. "I can't believe you haven't tried it before."

Dr Carter shrugged as if to say, hey, you're the deviate around here. Not me.

Luka leant in conspiratorially and murmured, "You wanna feel?" Carter looked a little unsure but Kovac took his hand and lifted it up to crotch-height, saying, "C'mon. Feel it." At the other guy's enticement, Carter tentatively touched Luka's slick shaft, his fingertips skimming through the thick gel.

"You call that feeling?" Luka mocked and placed his hand over John's, firmly making him wrap his slender fingers all the way around his lubricated member. He guided Carter's wrist back and forth so his hand slid smoothly along the length of his cock and back again. John made a musing 'hmm' sound at the slipperiness of the ultrasound gel. It actually was a rather effective masturbatory tool. All glide, no friction. Luka may be onto something here.

"Yeah, just like that," Dr Kovac encouraged as Carter kept up the movement on his own. He gazed down as John manually stimulated him, and John watched his own actions closely too. It was like whacking himself off, Carter thought, yet wasn't. Luka's dick felt different to his own. But it was the same piece of equipment that he had and he knew how to operate it perfectly. As Carter wielded the older male's tool with a practised hand, Luka moaned throatily and said something impassioned in his native language. At the other male's questioning glance, he sheepishly explained, "I said, that feels amazing. Forgive me, I sometimes lapse into Croatian when I'm, you know, excited."

Pleased that he was making Luka excited, Carter smiled understandingly and resumed pleasuring the second doctor, moving his wrist quicker. With the help of the fabulously slippery gel, Luka's cock glided very easily through the circle that his fingers made. He didn't take his eyes away from what he was doing in case he missed the cum-shot. And he didn't want to miss that. He'd never seen another man ejaculate right in front of him, much less MADE one do it and he wanted to see it.

"Mmm. Faster," Kovac urged breathlessly and Carter obliged. After that awesome blow job, he wanted Luka to receive some 'medical attention' too. He jacked Luka hard and fast, the moist, squishy noise of the lube in his hand and Kovac's ragged panting the only sounds in the small closet. Eventually, Kovac's whole body stiffened and he let forth a torrent of guttural Croatian words as he reached his apex. White fluid shot out of the tip of his cock in five gushes and landed on the linoleum floor. Luka looked at the little puddles of his semen on the ground and laughingly said, "Oops. I guess I can't leave that for the cleaners."

John let go of Kovac's dick and wiped his hand on his white coat. It had to be washed anyway. Compared to blood, vomit and various other bodily fluids that have been splashed onto his formerly pristine jacket, what's a little gel gonna matter? It's not, that's what. Luka removed his own similarly begrimed coat, cleaned his hand on it and then mopped up his sperm from the floor with the item of clothing. The therapy session over, the two men set about adjusting their pants. Curious about the mysterious sentences that had passed Luka's lips, Carter finally spoke. He swallowed to clear his throat and asked, "What did you say just before, Kovac?"

"Your laryngitis has cleared up, I see," the other doctor commented dryly. Then he grinned and waved a dismissive hand. "Ah, it was nothing really. Mostly swearing."

John raised his brows. "You swear in Croatian but you won't swear in English?"

Luka shrugged. "I know more swear words in my own language. Plus, people don't know when I'm cursing at them. Comes in handy sometimes, y'know."

"I bet," Carter remarked. He stifled a yawn. God, he was tired after that. A draining orgasm on top of the long shift had completely worn him out. Luka noticed how drawn the younger man looked and frowned in concern.

"You need to go home and rest, John," he advised. "Doctor's orders."

"I probably would have been in bed by now if you hadn't led me astray, Luka," Carter drawled accusingly.

Kovac's response was to smile like the devil himself and say, "But isn't it fun being led astray? Hmm?"

John ran a weary hand through his short hair, not admitting anything. But Luka knew that Carter had had fun locked in the closet. Because Luka sure had. He cradled Carter's face, searching the boy's velvety brown eyes. John gazed tiredly back at him, wanting to go home and recuperate but he didn't resist when Kovac kissed him, softly and gently on the mouth. Luka brushed the younger male's lips with his own a final time and murmured, "Thank you for the uh, stress relief. I sure hope we can do this again. Can we do this again, Carter?"

Carter lifted a shoulder in a non-committal gesture. "No. I don't know. Maybe," he eventually muttered. "But Abby-"

"Doesn't know what a great catch she has," Kovac cut him off. "She doesn't appreciate you, John. She doesn't understand you. Not the way I do. And when you realise that, I will be right here waiting for you." He caressed Carter's cheekbones with his thumbs and then took his hands away.

"Okay?"

"Okay," Carter answered quietly. Before he went out the door and left Carter alone in the supply cupboard to ponder his words, Luka winked at him.

"By the way," he said. "I know EXACTLY how much of that gel is left. Don't use it all on me, hey?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," John replied to Kovac's retreating back. After the door closed behind the older man, John eyed the plastic squeeze bottle sitting innocently on the shelf. Just before he exited the closet, got his bag and caught the subway home, he shoved it into his pocket.

"Nosiree. Wouldn't dream of it."

Chapter three. Disease.

Against his every staunch intention of NOT doing it again, Dr John Carter somehow found himself in that damn supply closet once more. With Luka, of course. Who else but a handsome, blue-eyed Croatian Lothario could seduce him into this shameful, yet exciting, teenage act of closet sex? As soon as the door had closed, they kissed, hungrily and wetly, fingers in each other's brown hair, stroking stubble-rough cheeks and chiselled jaws, rapidly moving down to slip two blood-stained white coats off their shoulders. They both smelled like hospital-grade antiseptic after performing countless medical procedures throughout their respective shifts but hardly noticed the clinical odour, instead savouring the manly tang of aftershave and salty sweat that clung to each of them. This time John just didn't stand there passively or let Luka set the pace; this time HE kissed Luka, this time HE touched Luka, this time HE guided Luka's fingers to his groin. As Kovac swiftly unfastened Carter's pants, Carter slipped his soft, pale hands up the front of the older doctor's shirt to discover firm muscle and coarse hair, so unlike touching a woman. The boyish male uttered a swear word as Kovac's hand found its target. John's dick was solid as aged teak and weeping clear drops of slick liquid already. Kovac didn't need the ultrasound gel for lubrication on this occasion. Carter was making his own. He could feel it coating his fingers, slippery and sensuous.

"My, my, Dr Carter," Kovac remarked in a husky tone as John pulled him closer with a growl. "You're eager today."

"Yeah, well, I don't have much time," John explained impatiently. He was only on a ten minute break and still had two more hours to go before his shift was over.

"We gotta be quick, okay?"

"Quick is easy. I can do quick," Kovac replied with a devilish grin and started jacking John with fast flicks of his wrist while nibbling on his co-worker's slender throat.

"Uh, yeah. Like that," Carter grunted and rested the back of his head on the shelf behind him as Luka's expert hand moved back and forth upon his hardened cock. Kovac was good at this, at jerking it. He practised all the time. Most recently, thinking of John's supple, toned body underneath him. Of John moaning his name as Luka is embedded deep inside him. The thought of that is the hottest thing to ever cross Kovac's multi-lingual mind. He's definitely going to make that happen. Oh yeah. That's number one on his seven-part "to do" list. He's currently at number four. The list was as follows:

Seven – touch John. Check.

Six - kiss John. Check.

Five - suck John. Done.

Four – get John to touch him. Already did it.

Three – put his fingers into John. Still pending.

Two - get John to suck him. Hopefully.

One – fuck John. His ultimate goal.

He was at four yesterday, and going by the way Carter's hand is rubbing at his crotch, hovering there again today. While he'd love to do number three, it appears they won't get around to that this afternoon because that's something you shouldn't do in a hurry. Maybe tomorrow. But four is good. Four is damn good. Especially to get there in two days. He's passed the halfway mark. Should be smooth sailing from here.

Wanting to get his friend off at the same time, the baby-faced American doctor popped the button on Luka's trousers, yanked the fly down and thrust his hand into Luka's hipster briefs. As his slim fingers encircled the foreigner's erection, Carter pushed him until Kovac was the one pressed against the shelf, on the other side of the cupboard. He began nipping and biting at Luka's neck, playfully but pinching a little, like a puppy with tiny sharp teeth. Luka was not complaining about the role reversal in the slightest. He loved it. Meek and mild John Carter turning into the aggressor? Hell, it was a fantasy come to life!

"Oh yes," Kovac breathed, feeling as if he was in heaven. "Oh, my ljepota."

Carter stopped biting long enough to question, "Huh? What's that mean?"

"It means 'beauty' in my language. Is it all right if I call you that?" Kovac seemed slightly worried, as if John might take offence to being called a beauty. But he was. He was a very beautiful young man.

"Yeah, yeah," John answered idly, not minding the romanticism at all. "It's cool." He grinned at Luka to prove it really was cool and absently wondered if he should give Kovac a nickname too. Eh, he'd think of one later. No time right now. Now was the time for getting both their rocks off.

"You are gorgeous when you smile, you know that?" Kovac told Carter truthfully, his pretty, green-flecked eyes gazing at the boy intently. "Just gorgeous."

"Shut up, Kovac. You're already in my pants. You don't need to sweet talk me," was John's dry reply. However, he was privately flattered by the accented compliment. Abby had never called him gorgeous. She had said he was cute but never gorgeous. To reward Luka for that, John kissed him. Luka's mouth was soft yet firm and he tasted like coffee and cream.

The two MDs hurriedly masturbated each other, breathing heavily and intermittently exchanging hot, tongue-filled kisses and low groans of enticement. The sinfulness of what they were doing to each other was too much for the older man to take. He had wanted John to orgasm before him but he got there first. Just as Kovac attained his climax and was gasping in ecstasy, the unlocked door opened and he looked over in fright, meeting a shocked pair of familiar eyes.

Abby.

She had timed her entrance perfectly for as soon as she stepped inside and glanced up, she witnessed ejaculatory fluid shooting out of Dr Kovac's exposed penis and through the air, headed right for her. As much as he wanted to, Kovac could not stop himself from coming and mixed with his reluctant physical pleasure was a shitload of mortification and sickening dread. Abby watched dumbfounded as the white stuff plopped on the floor, barely missing the toe of her non-slip rubber-soled shoe. Her horror was compounded further when she realised Kovac was not with a female nurse or doctor. He was with a man. And that man was John Carter.

Her boyfriend.

By that time, John was aware that someone else had entered the small cluttered space and he whipped his head around with a terrible sinking feeling flooding his gut. When he saw who it was, his chocolate brown eyes went just as wide as Abby's. Nobody said a thing. The silence was excruciating. Abby backed out and quickly shut the door, leaving the two doctors paralysed and stunned. If it had been any other nurse or staff member, they could have dealt with it and bribed him/her not to tell but… Crap. It was the one nurse they REALLY didn't want to find out and no amount of bribing would erase what she just saw.

They were royally screwed. And not in a good way.

Carter stared at the closed door for a few seconds, as if he couldn't believe what just occurred, and then he slowly turned back to face his partner. His hand was still on Luka's dick. Kovac gulped as he met John's traumatised gaze. The boy's face was as white as chalk. Kovac was freaked about being sprung too, no doubt about that, but poor Carter would be the one dealing with the fallout. Luka didn't have a girlfriend to yell and scream at him.

Carter did.

Realising he was still holding Kovac's manhood, John let go as if the thing was a venomous snake and took a few steps backwards, away from the other doctor.

"John?" Kovac began tentatively, thinking they should work out what to do next in order to save their asses, and their careers, but the second guy was clumsily fumbling with his pants and reaching for his coat, avoiding the other man's eyes. Even though he had been THIS close to coming himself, Carter had now lost all interest in sexual activity, his dick wilting like soggy lettuce the moment he spied Abby.

"I gotta go," he mumbled hastily. "Got a burst C-section scar to sew up."

"John, wait," Kovac tried again, fixing his own pants. Ignoring him, Carter fairly sprinted out the door, slamming it behind him.

For the first time ever, Luka swore in English.

"Fuck!" With a frustrated sweep of his arm, he knocked a pile of paper towels onto the floor. Then, being a considerate person, he stooped and picked them all up again, muttering, "Fuck it. Fucking motherfucker!"

Back at Carter's apartment three hours later, John took a deep breath, unlocked the door and walked in to find Abby pacing the floor and smoking. She had finished work shortly after the little supply closet episode. Actually, she had told Kerri Weaver, chief of staff, that she didn't feel too good and the older woman kindly let her go early. Since then, she had been fuming over her startling discovery and attempting to calm herself with smoke and alcohol. Carter noticed the empty bottles of beer on the table. Abby smoking was bad but Abby drinking was even worse. She must be extremely pissed. Not surprising, really. Catching your boyfriend jacking another dude off would do that to you. Before John could say anything, she glanced up with flashing eyes and demanded, "So, are you gay?"

John threw his bag onto the floor and hung his keys up on the rack out of habit.

"No, no no. Of course I'm not," he denied, unbuttoning his shirt collar to give him room to breathe. Despite being autumn cool outside, it felt stifling in his apartment. Or perhaps that was his imagination. He went to touch Abby's arm but she shied away from him, drawing deeply on her cigarette. She averted her gaze and blew a big puff of smoke towards the ceiling.

"Really," she said sarcastically. "Then why were standing there with your hand on Luka's…on his…his…" In remembrance of the cum flying across the closet and almost hitting her shoe, the word gets stuck in her throat. A wave of anger forces it out.

"On his COCK! Why the fuck were you doing that? Huh?"

Carter shook his head, eyes round with trepidation and confusion, unable to find a valid reason for what he did. Eventually, he stuttered, "I-I don't know."

"You don't know?" she repeated incredulously, stuffing the butt of her cigarette into the neck of the nearest bottle. "Well, I ain't a psychologist, honey, but to me that just screams gay!"

"But I'm attracted to women," he argued. "I am. I'm attracted to you!"

She threw him a filthy look and went to the cupboard, retrieved a suitcase from the top shelf, hurled it onto the bed and started rummaging through drawers. Some women might find it sexy that their man likes other men but Abby did not. She just found it deceitful. How DARE John not tell her? Why did she have to find out this way? It's not like it's a little secret, like having a foot fetish or anything. This was big. This changed everything.

"Yeah, and it appears that you are attracted to dick too," she snarled. "I'm messed up, my mother is messed up, my brother is messed up, and now my boyfriend is messed up. Jesus. I don't need this level of messed up-ness in my life right now."

Carter stood there helplessly as she gathered up all her clothes. "So, you're leaving me?"

"What does it look like?" the brunette woman retorted, her back to him. She was packing, haphazardly throwing her belongings into the suitcase.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," Carter apologised, and even to his ears the words sounded pathetic and lame.

Abby snorted. "We all do things we don't mean," she replied wryly. "But that doesn't make it okay."

Hating himself for having to ask this, John gritted out, "Are you going to tell Romano?"

If Romano knew about this indiscretion, he'd rip Carter's arm off so they matched.

Abby snorted again. "You really don't know me very well, do you?"

Getting a little angry himself, the doctor's voice rose. "Well, I try to know you, Abby, but you won't let me in! You always push me away. I try to help you but you refuse me. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you."

"Oh, don't try and turn this around on me," Abby spat, going into the bathroom and collecting her makeup. "You were the one with your fingers wrapped around Luka's wang. And thank you for that vision, by the way. Watching you making him ejaculate was something I did NOT want to see."

Carter visibly cringed. He could not think of a word to say in his defence. He DID do that. And worst of all, he enjoyed it.

All her stuff crammed into the suitcase, Abby snapped the locks shut and picked up the heavy bag. Regret swamped Carter. He didn't want Abby to go. At least not like this. Pissed off at him. One thing about himself that he was proud of was the fact that all his ex-girlfriends still spoke to him. That's 'cos he's such a nice guy. And if they were breaking up, which it surely looked like they were doing, he would like it to be on friendly terms.

"Abby, don't leave. We need to talk about this."

At Carter's pleading, she sighed. "Too late. I'm gone. There's nothing to talk about. You want something I clearly don't have." She gave him a pointed look. "And don't come crawling back to me after Luka tosses you aside when he's tired of you. You know he will. That's what he's like. If you want to get used, go right ahead."

Carter frowned. "Hey. That's not fair. Kovac is not like that."

So, Kovac has had a lot of different women lately, including hospital patients and interns, but he doesn't use them. He has short, intense flings with them but he does not offer them false promises or lies or take anything from them. He makes it perfectly clear that fun is all he's after. He pleasures them, just as much as he pleasures himself. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement. He doesn't USE anyone. And he won't use Carter. This is not just a casual affair. This is something different. Something…more. Carter doesn't know how he knows that, as Luka has not said anything to the contrary, but he just knows it.

"He wouldn't use me," he reiterated stubbornly, standing up for his fellow surgeon in his absence.

"Whatever," Abby uttered and dragged her case over to the entrance. "I hope you and Luka are very happy together." With that last parting shot, she left the apartment.

Funny thing was, when the door clicked shut, Carter didn't chase after her like a man in love would have done. Sure, he felt like a major bastard and an all-round asshole, but he also felt kinda relieved that she was gone. If he was truly honest with himself, this day had been coming for a long time. They had been having a lot of problems. But he still felt like shit. Getting dumped is not a barrel of laughs. It downright sucks.

"Goddamn it!" he swore, picking up one of the discarded beer bottles. He flung it at the wall with all his might and it smashed into hundreds of shards of glass. Then he sank onto the couch with his head in his heads. Luka was like a disease. An addiction. Carter needed him, he craved him, but Kovac was speedily destroying the very fabric of his existence. Besides distracting him at work and making him thoroughly bewildered about his sexuality, Kovac's advances have caused Abby, the girl he wanted to marry one day, to walk out on him and John doesn't know if she will tell anyone what she beheld, or if she already has. If she tells even one person in the E.R., it will spread all over the hospital in a matter of minutes. He's all too aware of how everyone gossips in that place. He doesn't even know if his job will still be there tomorrow. If he doesn't have his job, he has nothing. The E.R. is his LIFE.

"Goddamn it, Luka," he choked out. "Look what you've done."

Chapter four. Withdrawal Symptoms.

The next day Dr John Carter went to work, fully prepared to be issued with a dismissal notice. He was prepared to be fired for engaging in sexual conduct not only with a fellow doctor, but on hospital grounds. Not that he was the first one to do that. Luka had definitely had sex on hospital grounds. More than once. So had Dr Susan Lewis and her flight nurse husband, Chuck. Make that ex-husband. He could never figure those two out, whether they were together or not, but they seemed happy anyway. But they'd never been caught, at least not by their pissed-off girlfriend, right in the middle of the act. John fully expected Abby to tell as her way of getting revenge on him. He waited all day for the dismissal, or at best, a stern warning from either Kerri Weaver or Romano. He waited for sly, knowing looks or smiles from his co-workers who surely must have heard by now what he and Luka had done in the closet. He waited for someone to call him a fag or a homo. He waited all day on tenterhooks. But nothing happened. There was no dismissal; no warning, no looks or smiles or giggles, no name-calling. Nobody knew. Carter realised by the end of his shift that nobody but himself, Luka and Abby knew what had taken place. For whatever reason, Abby chose not to tell. John was so grateful to have kept his job, and his secret, he went to say thank you to his former girlfriend but she just gave him a withering look and turned her back on him. It was like a slap in the face to John.

He had spent a restless night on his own after Abby departed with her suitcase, tormented by thoughts of a handsome, velvety-voiced Croatian with soothing hands. In the morning after much tossing and turning, he knew what he was going to do. What he had to do to keep his job and his sanity. He ignored Luka all day, didn't say hello, didn't speak to him, didn't even make eye contact. Fortunately, in a busy hospital, they hardly even crossed each other's paths so it was not difficult to avoid confrontation. When Luka, desperately needing to talk to the younger medical practitioner, cornered him in the men's bathroom, John calmly took Luka's hand off his arm and said, "Don't ever touch me again, Kovac. Stay the fuck away from me or I will charge you with sexual assault. You understand?" And then he walked out, leaving Luka in a state of shock. Sweet John Carter did not swear and make threats like that. Not normally. But he did. And to the one person who never thought he'd be on the receiving end. Poor Luka didn't know what to do. It just about killed him. He couldn't handle it.

So he went to Africa.

It was hard for John to say those things to Kovac, and he didn't mean a word of it, but he had to do something drastic to stop Luka from trying to seduce him again. Because if Luka seduced him, Carter would give in and next time they might get caught by Dr Chen or Dr Corday, or a student nurse, or worst case scenario, Robert Romano. Oh, Romano would have a field day with that, Carter thought with wry despair. He could just imagine what the one-armed surgeon would say to him, how he would mock him in front of everyone and take great enjoyment in it. It would NOT be pleasant. Plus, John was not gay, (or so he kept telling himself). Whatever he and Luka did together, it was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. And will never happen again. When Kovac went to Africa, Carter missed him, of course he did, but he was also glad he was gone. Out of sight, out of mind. It would have been too painful for Dr Carter to see Kovac every day, and the wounded look in his eyes. He saw that wounded look right after he told Luka to stay the fuck away from him. It hurt John to see that but he had to say it. He had to beat his addiction. His disease. The disease called Luka Kovac. Now that Kovac was gone and no doubt having a wonderful time with the African women, John's addiction lessened and waned. He made it his mission to get over the Croatian doctor and get back to his regular, normal heterosexual life. Now that Abby had moved out and his apartment was quiet and lonely, John really wanted her back. Each day John attempted to win Abby over with his nice-guy charm and each day Abby thawed towards him a little more. When he finally asked her to come back, she agreed. Hey, she was just as screwed up as John and needed someone just as much as he did, even if that someone was not the RIGHT someone. But Carter tried to convince himself that it was Abby he wanted, and Abby he loved, and somehow managed to trick his mind and his body into believing it. He and Abby shared some amazing moments of passion after she moved back in but in hindsight, it was probably just the thrill of make-up sex, not true love. But John didn't know that at the time. He thought he was head over heels for the pretty brunette nurse and wanted her to have his babies and live in his mansion with him. One chilly night, on the helipad on top of the hospital roof, wind blowing his brown hair all over the place, John proposed. He took the plunge. He laid his heart on the line. And you know what Abby said?

Nothing.

He was so sure she would say yes straight away but she didn't. She didn't even say no. She didn't give him an answer at all. To John, that heartless lack of an answer hurt even more than the time he was stabbed in the lower back by an insane patient with a kitchen knife. If Abby didn't want to marry him, how could he have this perfect life he'd envisioned? He couldn't, that's what. All his white picket dreams shattered, John did something utterly out of character and unexpected.

He went to Africa too. Said it was because he wanted to help the underprivileged but it was partly because he wanted to get away from Abby, and partly because he missed Luka, not that he would ever admit that out loud. When he saw Kovac again, John felt like a piece of him that was missing had been put back again. Never mind that Kovac had fooled around with God knows how many females in his tent over the many nights he'd been in the Congo. Carter didn't care if Luka banged some chicks. That's nothing unusual. He was just happy to see the older man again. And he could tell Luka was happy to see him too. Luka was so happy to see his ljepota, his little beauty again, more than John would ever know. Even if he had to keep his distance and squash down the urge to kiss the boy until he couldn't breathe. No, he was just thrilled that John was there, that he was even talking to him. He generously forgave Carter for the ominous bathroom threat. Not that they spoke about that. Or what they had done in the supply cupboard. They both knew it was a taboo topic. They hung out, got drunk together, became good friends again but Luka never crossed that line and made any moves on his younger brown-eyed co-worker. Anyway, it didn't matter that they didn't hook up again. Kovac was satisfied with his never-ending queue of ladies while John had a few feminine prospects lined up. He began to see visions of that white picket life again.

Africa changed John, for the better, in many ways. Yes, it was stinking hot and there was always the danger of getting caught in the crossfire of the local conflict and children were dying of diseases that didn't even exist in America, but the courage of the people there was astounding. He found it extremely rewarding helping to save lives without the help of all the expensive equipment and medicines he was used to having on demand in the E.R. While the equipment and medicines would help a damn lot in Africa, Carter and the other doctors who volunteered there did the best with what limited supplies they had. Everything there was simple and uncluttered. The basic necessities. The simplicity of the life of the native people made John realise he had to simplify HIS life. Get rid of all the shit. It became clear to him that Abby was not the one for him. So, he sent her that letter. That Dear John letter. Which Abby threw out in disgust and unbeknownst to her, was found and circulated around the hospital. By the time she discovered that everyone had read it, she was well and truly pissed off. Not only that everyone knew Carter had dumped her in a fucking letter, but the fact that she knew the real reason why he was breaking up with her. In fact, the second John said he was going to Africa, Abby knew why, without a doubt.

Kovac. John wanted Kovac back. Well, he could fucking have him, Abby resolved determinedly. She was done with Dr John Carter. Done and done. I love you, I don't love you, I'm gay, I'm not gay, marry me, don't marry me. Christ. He's too messed up, even for the likes of her. When John left Kovac in the tropical Congo and came back to the E.R., he came back to a very icy Abby. She was that icy, he almost got frostbite from her. But he kinda expected that. He knows what she's like. The mood swings and selfishness. Abby could be very selfish at times and not see the other person's point of view. John saw a t-shirt once with the words, "It's all about ME," written on it. He could just picture Abby wearing that. He almost bought it and then decided not to for fear of having her kick him in the nuts. Yeah, Abby's frosty welcome was not something to keep in his "good memories" box.

Then there was the God-awful, soul-freezing, frightening moment when Carter thought Luka was dead. That he had been cold-bloodedly executed. Carter's heart nearly fell out onto the ground when he heard that. And so, back to Africa he went. There was no way in hell John was going to leave Luka's body on another continent to rot, unburied, all alone. He went back for Luka's body and to find out exactly what happened to his friend. Abby wasn't too delighted about him going back there but he hardly paid any attention to her. As far as John was concerned, Abby was out of the picture. What SHE wanted didn't matter anymore. All he cared about was bringing back Luka. Dead or alive. There lingered faint hope that maybe, just maybe the authorities had made a terrible mistake and maybe Luka wasn't really dead. Still, he had to brace himself for the possible sight of Luka's beheaded, decaying corpse lying in a ditch somewhere, or his body hanging from a tree with maggots squirming inside of his mouth, or curled up on the ground with the back of his skull blown out and his hands tied behind his back. There were many grisly, cruel ways that Luka could have been put to death. To retrieve Kovac's body and bring it back to the States, John had to brace himself for any of those possibilities. And try not to get himself killed in the process.

Imagine his utter, spellbinding joy when he found Luka. ALIVE! Carter nearly wept. But he stayed strong and got Luka the fuck out of that place. Like a knight in shining armour, Carter rescued him. And Luka was so full of unending gratitude and thankfulness and deep devotion that his American doctor friend came all this way back to find him, that he kissed John on the cheek. In front of everyone. It was the first time Kovac had shown affection to John in public and the first time John had let him do it. It did not worry Carter what people would think; he was just so overwhelmed to have found Luka still breathing. It was the most amazing day of his entire life.

Kovac came back to the good old US of A and after his recovery, he was back at work and trying to cut down on unnecessary tests and procedures, much to everyone else's confusion and disgruntlement. Seeing how much money was spent on such tests seemed like a huge waste to him, especially when they didn't have that kind of wealth to throw around in Africa. While attempting to change the way things were done around the place, he started to get interested in the new nurse Sam. Her bratty little finger-stealing son Alex was what drew them both together. When a freshly-shaven Dr John Carter rejoined the chaos of the E.R., he bought someone back from the Congo with him. Makemba, or Kem for short. She was a beautiful AIDS clinic worker who happened to be carrying John's child and her arrival stirred up the whole hospital. Somewhere in the middle of all this, Romano got crushed by a falling helicopter, Pratt paralysed a patient, Dr Chen's mom died, a suave new male doctor – even suaver than Kovac - was hitting on the widowed Elizabeth Corday, Kerri Weaver's girlfriend got pregnant and so did Dr Susan Lewis. It had been quite an eventful year.

Abby was cool towards Carter as usual but at least they were on speaking terms again. Hoping to realise his dream of settling down, John bought a townhouse for Kem and the baby. But she said she could not live in Carter's world and she went back to the Congo, leaving the poor man devastated. While a lovely person, Kem annoyed everyone with her incessant questions about the hospital and not everybody shed a tear to see her go, least of all Abby.

And that's where we're at.

On his next shift, Carter was upset. Luka could see this. He knew that Kem got on that plane and flew away despite John's romantic last-minute airport dash. Luka couldn't stand seeing John so sad. Again, another woman who could not see what a fantastic catch she had passed over. He wondered what the hell was wrong with these crazy women. How could they discard the wonderful, kind, good-looking Dr John Carter like some kind of fast food wrapper? That young man was like a gold nugget amongst all the dirt, and not just because he was obscenely rich. Luka didn't care one iota about that. He would be attracted to John even if he was working at Subway making sandwiches. But if John had proposed to Luka or bought him a house, well damn. Luka would have stuck that ring on his finger and said, "When can I move in?" He wanted to be with John, in spite of all the other ladies and his blossoming relationship with Sam. However, it appeared that John wanted to be with Kem. Kovac saw the way John's dark eyes were clouded with sadness even as he saved lives on the operating table and it nearly broke his Croatian heart.

During a rare break, Luka loitered around in the general vicinity of his former male lover and when the opportunity arose, he tried to take Carter's arm and direct him into the closet. Not so much for sex but just for a quiet moment to talk. Carter refused.

"No," he said sourly, yanking his arm back. "Leave me alone, Kovac. I'm not in the mood."

"I just want to talk, Carter," Kovac persuaded in a soft tone of voice, taking John's arm again. "I just want to see if you're okay. Just come in here and talk to me."

Not believing the older MD's intentions, Carter twisted out of Luka's grasp, fairly yelling, "No! We can NOT go there again. Got it?"

"John…" Luka called out but all he saw was John's stiff back as he strode purposefully away. A student nurse was staring at him and Luka snapped, "What are you looking at, magarac?" as he went past. He had just called the nurse a jackass in his own language. One couldn't have a goddamn minute of privacy in this overcrowded hospital and nobody minded their own goddamn business. Shortly, Luka finished his shift and, needing to make certain his lovelorn friend was not going to attempt suicide or get hooked on painkillers again, he hung around in the nearest diner for three hours, reading, till John came out. He stuffed his book in his bag and unobtrusively followed the younger man out in the street. They were both wearing coats in the brisk weather. Eight steps later, John sighed and stopped, rubbing at his tired eyes.

"I know you're there, Kovac. What do you want?"

"To talk," Kovac answered honestly from behind him. "That is all."

John sighed again and turned around. He looked mildly irritated as well as physically drained after his long shift. "Can't you tell when someone wants you to just go away?"

Kovac shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, gazing at the other male with his green-flecked eyes. "Yes, I can but that doesn't mean I'm going to. I think you need to talk, and I am here for you to talk to."

Even though he was wrong in this instance, the younger doctor thought he knew exactly what Kovac had in mind when he said "talk". And it involved a lot more than just mere words. If Luka was assuming that John was just going to slip into the closet with him and start up this…this shameful, sordid AFFAIR again, he was going to be disappointed. John was over that. Way over it. He was not going to do it anymore. Even though deep inside, he secretly wanted to. Especially now that Kem had left him. It hurt that she was gone. How he would love to let Luka's stroking hands and hungry mouth make all the pain go away. But it shouldn't happen. Luka = disease. Disease = addiction. Addiction = bad. With a sound of exasperation, John said, "Please, just leave me alone. We can't do that again."

"That" meaning sexual activities of the homoerotic kind. They were somehow standing next to Luka's car. It was 11.45 pm and the streets were empty, save for a stray cat and a homeless woman shuffling along with her shopping cart. She went past them muttering to herself, not paying any attention to the two handsome men conversing on the sidewalk.

"Why not?" Kovac questioned.

"Well, not only am I not interested in you anymore," Carter lied, "but remember how we got caught?"

Kovac remembered. Fuck yeah, how he remembered. Stupid fucking Abby had to open the door and catch them in the act. If she hadn't done that, John wouldn't have gotten scared and broke it off with Luka. He still held a grudge against the bitch for that.

"As far as I know," Carter continued, "Abby has not told anyone but next time we might not be so lucky. We could lose our jobs. I dunno about you, but I need my job, Kovac."

Kovac considered this, his eyes darting around at their surroundings. Eventually, he met John's gaze and said, "Okay, you're right. We can't do that again."

"Finally! You get it. Hallelujah." John spread his hands in a gesture of triumph and looked to the heavens.

"Yeah, I get it," Kovac answered. With relief, John faced his co-worker again, about to tell Luka to leave him alone for the third time when Luka resumed speaking.

"We can't do that. So, let's not do that, John. Let's do it at home then."

"Huh?"

While Carter was trying to understand Luka's logic, Luka opened the passenger door and jostled John into the car. John gave a surprised, "Hey!" But he let himself be bundled into the vehicle. It was probably better they discuss this inside the car, instead of out on the street where anyone could hear them. As Luka slid into the driver's side, Carter stared at him and said perplexedly, "Have you even been listening to me? What do you think you're doing now?"

Calmly inserting the key into the ignition, Luka stated, "I'm kidnapping you, Carter."

"You…what? No, you're not," Carter protested. He attempted to escape but Luka had engaged the child locks and John could not open the door. "Let me out!"

"Not a chance." Luka grinned evilly. "Besides, you know what I think?" He didn't wait for Carter to answer that. "I think you want to be kidnapped by me."

With a shocked look, John denied, "I do not!"

"C'mon, admit it. You still want me," Kovac said confidently. "Isn't that why you followed me all the way to Africa?"

"No! It…it wasn't. It wasn't that at all." Carter was beginning to look flustered.

"Little liar," Luka replied in a low tone, almost a purr. He swivelled in his seat and leaned close to the second man, placing one palm on Carter's slim thigh. Carter jerked at the contact but he couldn't go anywhere.

"Don't, Luka," he pleaded, weakly pushing at Kovac's hand, his heart pounding in both excitement and fear. Luka just leaned closer. His warm breath caressed the younger male's cheek as he whispered into Carter's ear.

"You still want me, don't you? Because I still want you, my ljepota."

Carter flushed at the older man's pet name for him and tried to stop the blood rushing to both his face and his groin. That exotic accent did naughty things to him. Kovac moved his hand along Carter's leg and breathed in the sorely-missed scent of him, like rich-boy cologne, sterilising solution and the sea breeze. He enticed huskily, "Tell me you still want me."

Even though he DID still want Kovac, God help him, Carter wasn't going to say it. Instead, he said in a trembling voice, "We can't do this anymore." He removed Luka's steadily creeping hand from his thigh. It felt like the other guy's palm print was burnt into his skin. When Kovac frowned at him quizzically, Carter reinforced in a stronger tone, "We CAN'T see each other again. It's insane. It nearly drove ME insane. I don't even know why I let you do those things to me all those months ago. I'm not into guys. I'm not!"

Contrary to his proclamation, Carter was half hard. Noticing this in the yellow streetlight filtering through the windows, Kovac replied patiently, "Whatever you say, John. I'm not judging you."

"No, Kovac, you don't get it," Carter ranted. "You're bad for me. Not only did you make Abby leave me but now Kem has left. She figured out that us two had a…a… THING and she left me."

Kovac blinked in astonishment. He did not know this. He thought Kem left because she wanted to save the world.

"Yeah," Carter said in a wounded, accusing voice. "I don't know how but she figured it out. She left because of you. She left and she took my baby with her. I don't know if I'll ever see her again. And I'll probably never see my child."

Suddenly, Carter buried his face in his hands and started crying. On top of having his pregnant girlfriend break up with him, he lost a little boy in mid-surgery today. He was only five years old. Motor vehicle accident. No seatbelt. Carter had done everything he possibly could to save him but to no avail. The boy died. Of course, it wasn't John's fault, but he still felt like he failed. He was very aware that the parents of this little boy had just lost their son and he felt the same. He felt like he lost his son when Kem left. He didn't know for sure if the baby was going to be a boy but he felt intuitively like it would be. Or maybe it was wishful thinking but whatever it was, his child had been snatched away from him like the little boy on the operating table. The only difference was, John's child hadn't been born yet. He felt a huge sense of loss. It wouldn't matter so much if he and Kem never got back together because he knew how women come and go but to lose your first and only child – potential heir to all your fortune and future carrier of the esteemed Carter name, was something you could never replace. He felt so weak and pathetic, bawling in front of Luka like he was, but he couldn't stop.

"Oh, crap," Kovac uttered guiltily. He should have known better than to push the guy when he's emotionally unstable. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." He wanted to hug Carter but didn't think it was a good idea so he kept his arms and hands to himself.

Carter dragged in a wavering breath and wiped his eyes with his knuckles, forcing himself to quit blubbering. It was embarrassing. He sniffed and said impatiently, "Forget it."

Having second thoughts about kidnapping the boy, Kovac pressed the button that released the child-proof locks on the doors. He wouldn't stop John if he wanted to leave. He had thought that he could make John feel better, as he had the last few times he gave Carter "medical attention", but maybe he was wrong. Maybe John did need to be left alone.

"You can go," he offered.

Carter didn't say anything, didn't look at Luka but he didn't get out either.

"Or…you can stay," Luka added slowly, eyeing Carter closely to see if he could discern the younger doctor's plan of action. When Carter still didn't make a move to exit the vehicle, Luka started the engine.

"If you want to go, get out now," Luka advised. "Or else I'm taking you home with me. Because seriously, by the looks of you, you don't need therapy. You need intensive care."

Carter was too exhausted to reply. He just sat there, staring out the window. Luka took that as a positive and put the car in first gear, swinging the vehicle out onto the road.

Chapter 5. Intensive Care.

As promised, the older male drove Carter back to his place. Carter did not object when Luka took his arm and led him inside. He didn't even object when Luka peeled off his clothes. He should have felt self conscious being stark naked in front of Kovac but he did not. The younger doctor felt numb. He could not find it in him to object to anything at that point. As Carter stood there like a puppet, Luka removed all of his clothes and then sucked in a breath at the vision before him. He knew the boy was beautiful but he had not known exactly how stunningly beautiful he was under his white coat and work pants. His body was long and lean, browned a little from being in the harsh African sun, and sprinkled with fine dark hair but only sparsely. Kovac was hairier than John. The smaller man's nipples were tiny and light pink, his belly flat and soft at the same time, his hipbones visible under his skin. The only things marring his body were the surgery scars on his lower back and abdomen from the horrific knife attack in which Carter nearly died. In spite of the pinky-white scar tissue, Kovac was captivated. For the first time, he believed that the male form was every bit as alluring as the female, maybe even more so.

"Predivan," he murmured, calling John "beautiful" in his native tongue. John did not ask what this word meant. He knew by the awed tone Luka said it in that it had to be a compliment. But with everything that had happened to him recently, he did not feel very beautiful. He just felt "bleh". Kovac sensed this and set about to change it. He wanted to make John feel, if not beautiful, at least sensual and carefree. He led John into the bathroom and put him in the tub, which he had filled with heated water and bubbles.

"In you go," Luka instructed and held Carter's hand as the younger male stepped into the tub and sank down into the water.

"Not too hot?" Luka asked in concern. John shook his head slightly. The warmth enveloping his chilled flesh seemed to be bringing him out of his emotionless apathy and awaking his senses again. But he was still not quite his old self yet. Kovac rolled his shirt sleeves up and knelt beside the bath. He took a sea sponge and soaked it, then began tenderly rubbing it over John's arms and upper body, squeezing it and sending streams of water running over his tan skin. Mists of steam rose up into the air of the bathroom. The lighting was dim. All that could be heard was the splashing of the water and John's contented breathing.

"You sure it's not too hot?" Luka asked again, noticing how Carter's skin was turning pink.

"Nmm." Carter murmured his dismissal. The temperature was perfect. He felt like he was floating in a balmy ocean. It was doing wonders for his lower back, which still ached sometimes after a long shift, like that night's one had been.

"This is nice?" Kovac queried as he kept bathing John, washing the back of his neck and his shoulders.

"Ymm."

John felt a bit like a little boy having Luka fuss over him like he was but he hadn't had anyone do this to him for so long and it felt strangely good. Like he was cared about, loved. Not that Luka had ever said he loved Carter. But the general warm and fuzzy feeling was there. He sighed in bliss and pulled his legs up, hugging his thighs and laying his head on his knees as he relaxed in the soothing bubbly water, his tension melting away under Kovac's ministrations. He closed his eyes and purposefully cleared his head of any negative thoughts and just let this happen. Carter, being a doctor, had to be in control most of the time and that tended to be very difficult to maintain. It was liberating, just relinquishing control and letting go. As soon as he got in the car, he had unconsciously handed over his control to Luka. And he was glad that Luka had taken over because he was tired of making decisions and trying to influence the world around him. Half the time, the world went against him anyway. This was nice, just letting things happen, instead of making them happen.

Luka cleared his throat. "Can I…can I get in with you?"

After a short silence, Carter murmured his assent and cracked his eyelids open to watch Luka disrobing. Luka's body was very attractive too, John thought to himself. It's funny. He'd never thought of a dude being attractive before until he met Luka. The guy was tall and muscular from using his home gym equipment. His skin was coloured an olive hue and there was black hair on his chest, snaking down onto his stomach and merging with his pubes. That same dark hair was on his forearms and calves. He was a very solid, masculine kind of man, unlike Carter, who possessed a lot of feminine qualities such as slimness and smoothness. When Luka was fully undressed, he slipped into the tub behind Carter and gently pulled the younger man against his chest. Carter had given up on pretending he didn't want Luka. Because he did. He wanted to be here, alone with him. Nude and intimate. He didn't realise that this was precisely what he needed until he was actually in the bath with Luka's strong arms around him. Kovac was a freaking mind reader. With a small moan, Carter let his head fall onto Kovac's broad shoulder and let his eyes drift shut, enjoying the feel of Luka's firm, furry chest and stomach against his back and the ripples of water washing over his flesh.

Luka sponged John for a little while longer and when he was sure the boy was totally relaxed, he let the sponge drop into the bath and slowly glided his fingers down Carter's supple belly and under the water. Carter did not make a move to halt him. He found Carter's cock and it was hard in anticipation of his touch. As Luka wrapped his hand around the shaft, John inhaled quickly, sounding like a hiss.

Pausing, Kovac asked, "Is this allowed?"

Nodding, John nestled closer into Kovac's body. Feeling John's submission to him filled Luka with both intense happiness and sexual energy. He lovingly stroked Carter's arousal with his fingers and angled his head so he could nibble on the second doctor's earlobe and neck.

"Ah, my sweetheart," he breathed between kisses and tender nips. "My udvarati. How I have missed you. All these days and nights without you. Did you miss me, John? Did you miss this?"

At Kovac's wrenching words, Carter's heart seemed to swell in his chest almost painfully. He could lie, to himself and to Kovac, but he didn't want to anymore. He gave in to his warring emotions and decided to tell the truth. Eyes still closed, he turned his head so his lips brushed Luka's stubble-prickly cheek.

"Yes," he whispered.

Luka groaned and moved his hand faster under the water, jacking Carter's dick while his own erection pressed into the brown-eyed male's back. He did not care if his needs were not met that evening. All Kovac wanted was to please his baby-faced lover. To make him forget all about Abby and Kem. To make him see that Luka was the only one for him, that Luka would always be here for him and never leave him.

While Kovac's hand worked its magic on his swollen cock beneath the suds, the other hand found Carter's wet nipples and swirled around them, turning them hard. Overpowering desire suddenly consumed Carter's whole being. Desire for this one man, the one man he had risked his own life to go back to Africa and save. And desire, great desire tended to cause hidden feelings and emotions to spill over and be known.

"Oh, Jesus yes, Luka," Carter moaned hoarsely, nearing his peak. He arched back against Luka's solid chest. "I missed you. Missed you so much…"

He urgently lifted a hand and slipped it about the back of Kovac's neck, making the older doctor turn his head so their mouths could meet. They kissed thirstily and deeply, drowning in the taste of each other, tongues entangled, whiskers rasping on chins. The kind of needy, intoxicating kissing that came from being apart for so long. Kovac continued pumping John's stiff organ in his hand, quicker and quicker, wanting the boy to come. His orgasm hitting him like a thunderbolt, Carter broke the kiss off, fingers digging into Luka's arm, shuddering and making cries of desperate release as he ejaculated what seemed like gallons of semen of into the bathwater. Kovac encouraged him with husky words of Croatian, words so impassioned that Carter could understand them as if they were English.

Climax attained, John allowed his tensed body to dissolve against Luka's. He was panting. Kovac wrapped his arms around John protectively and planted a kiss onto John's temple. The two men lay in the bath quietly as the younger one caught his breath back.

"Hey Luka, what about Sam?" John mused absently as the last swells of receding pleasure tumbled through his body. "I thought you two had a thing going on."

Filling the other male in on the status of his relationship with the new nurse, Luka replied, "Well, yeah. Sort of. We've slept together. Obviously. I mean, she's nice but I think she mainly wants a father figure for her son, Alex. I do like her but she's more of a fun distraction. The only one I REALLY want is you." The fact that his fingers were still circling Carter's limp dick was proof of that.

"Little ol' me?" John drawled, shooting Luka an inquiring look. "What's so great about me?"

Luka smiled fondly at him. "Everything."

"Like?"

Trailing a fingertip over Carter's cheekbone, Luka replied, "You're rich and I'm looking for a sugar daddy." Then he laughed spiritedly.

John gazed at him with those soulful chocolate eyes, eyes like a puppydog sometimes.

"No, really, Kovac. I want to know why you want me over everyone else. Everyone you could have. Why me?"

Squeezing his lover, Kovac said, "Because, Carter, you're the only one who makes my heart beat faster."

Sure the other man had ganked that from a movie somewhere, John was nevertheless touched by the romantic statement and muttered, "Silver-tongued bastard."

Kovac just grinned.

After washing Carter's hair for him, Kovac pulled the plug and made his young patient stand there to be dried off with a huge fluffy red towel and then Kovac gave himself a quick rub over. Once suitably dry, and with towels around their waists, Carter was led over to Kovac's bedroom and guided onto the king-size bed. Kovac lit some mood-setting candles. As the smaller male was nudged into turning onto his belly, he gave Luka a questioning glance. Surely the man was not going to fuck him just like that? First of all, he was not a woman, and second of all, he wasn't one of those sluts who opened their legs just because someone told them they were beautiful. And back to the first issue, he was DEFINITELY not a woman and getting fucked for the first time would most certainly be a painful experience.

"Ah, Luka…" he began fearfully as Luka ripped the towel off him.

"Stop looking so worried. I'm not going to sodomise you," Luka joked, rummaging in his bedside drawer, but in his head he added, Yet… The way John was lying there naked on his stomach, candlelight gleaming on his skin, his bare butt just begging to be taken, was a sight Kovac had only dreamed about. And he had dreamed about that on more than one night in the steamy wilderness of the Congo. Especially when Carter was sleeping in the tent next to him. However, he did not get to have wild Pygmy sex with the boy then and he was not going to now. But later. Oh yes, there would be much Pygmy sex later…

"Then what are you going to do?" John queried anxiously.

"Massage," Luka pronounced authoritatively, producing a bottle of frangipani scented oil. "It's good for the body, mind and spirit. Your intensive care session is not over yet."

"Massage," John repeated in relief. "Cool." Half smiling, he settled into the mattress, his head on his crossed arms, eager to be rubbed up the right way. Still clad in his own towel, Kovac knelt on the bed, opened the bottle and carefully drizzled the perfumed oil over Carter's nearly flawless back. The heady smell of tropical flowers filled the candlelit room and for a moment both men imagined themselves back in the jungle. Only without all the mosquitos and bombs and machine gun fire. Luka gently massaged the oil into Carter's shoulders and back, going down his spine and pressing his fingertips into the muscles, working them and kneading them as John moaned quietly, loving the attention. When he reached the scar tissue on Carter's lower back, Luka swept over it with a feather-light touch, not wanting to cause his lover any pain.

Ever the doctor, Kovac had to ask, "Is it hurting?"

John shook his head. "Not anymore. That bath was great. Made it all go away."

"Good," Kovac murmured, his palms sliding sensually over John's smooth skin. He couldn't help leaning down and kissing John's scar, as if he wanted to make it better. John appreciated the gesture and smiled to himself. The older male's hands crept lower, massaging the taut globes of John's buttocks. Carter was both freaked and aroused when those oiled fingers delved into his crack.

Sensing his partner go rigid, Kovac asked, "Is this okay?"

A little waveringly, Carter replied, "Yeah." He was a bit wary but not because he didn't trust Kovac. He trusted his friend not to take advantage of him. He was only freaked because nobody had ever touched him there before. But hey, there's a first time for everything, right? And it wasn't bad at all. Actually, it was pretty hot, even though it was a tad scary. Kind of like how a teenage girl must feel when she gets a surprise hand in her knickers while she's making out with her new boyfriend on the sofa. Freakiness aside, Carter wanted Kovac to continue.

"Yeah, it's okay."

With the permission, Kovac continued rubbing John's gorgeous rump and made sure he slipped his fingers down that crack a few more times, each time slower than the last. The tips of his fingers grazed over John's private opening but he refrained from trying to enter him yet. But that was his main aim for the night. To get inside of him. Kovac wanted to know what Carter felt like from the inside.

"Roll over," he instructed, and the other doctor obeyed. Luka noted with satisfaction that John was erect again. Whatever he was doing was working. He trickled some more of he sweet-smelling oil onto John's chest and belly and resumed the massaging. Kovac rubbed the oil into Carter's front with languorous circles of his palms, playfully flicking the kid's little pink nipples, and then glided around the younger male's stomach. John had his eyes closed in rapture, lost in those fabulously comforting and exciting hands. After the stomach, there was only one more place Luka's hands could go and that was straight down to Carter's cock, which seemed eager to be petted, going by the way it was leaking lubricating fluid like the way a dog will drool. Tipping more frangipani oil over John's dick, Kovac then coiled his fingers around the hard length and started stroking them up and down. John released a long, slow breath. Kovac leaned down to kiss Carter while jacking him and Carter returned the kiss, letting Kovac's tongue play with his. Getting hornier by the second, Carter opened his legs and Kovac straddled one of the boy's lean thighs to keep him from closing them. His own dick severely in need of stimulation, the bigger male removed his towel and began grinding his heated groin into John's thigh. As Kovac kissed and jacked his brown-eyed lover, he experimentally touched Carter's secret entrance with his other hand. Carter did not stop him. In fact, he made a moaning sound and opened his thighs wider.

To Luka, this was the invitation he had been waiting for. He very gently eased his oily fingers into the tight opening between John's legs. Cutting off the kiss, Carter gasped and arched his back, making Kovac pause in concern. But, judging by the flushed look on John's face, it was not a gasp of pain. It was a good gasp. He liked it. Kovac kissed his pretty lover again, reassuringly and lovingly, and pushed his fingers in further, capturing John's second gasp with his mouth. Kovac couldn't get over how hot and tight John was. He moved his hand back and forth, penetrating John deeper with each thrust of his wrist. With his tongue deep in John's mouth and his fingers deep in John's body, Kovac was thrilled like never before. He had slept with all kinds of women, from eighteen year old girls to middle aged ladies, from innocents to whores, from submissive to dominant, and tried all kinds of positions and props and kinks, even participating in threesomes with two other females, but he had never been this turned on before. Ever. He was not sure if it's because John was a guy, or because he's a virgin, or because he's younger, or because he's a workmate. Probably all four of those. And knowing that John was LIKING what he was doing too was even more thrilling. Carter was writhing on the bed and making small whimpering sounds in his throat. Kovac had to break off the kiss to be able to breathe, but he kept pleasuring his partner with both hands.

Tilting his head back on the pillow, Carter grasped Kovac's knee and breathed, "Fuck…"

Without warning, Kovac's balls contracted and his semen spurted out all over John's thigh in unstoppable streams. As he came, unable to do squat about it, Kovac groaned gruffly in his chest, spasms of pure bliss tightening his stomach muscles and coursing along his limbs. When his sudden, yet gratifying, orgasm was over, Luka halted, pulled back and looked down at the pool of whitish substance slowly dripping down the younger man's pale thigh. Dammit. He didn't mean to do that but hearing Carter say "fuck" in that raw, needy tone was way too much. Hearing nice-boy Carter swear at all was a very rare thing which was why it was so sexy. Kovac made an apologetic face to John and said "shit" in his native language.

"Govno. Sorry about that."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it," Carter replied, sounding out of breath. "Keep going, man. I'm close too."

"You are?" Kovac was astonished. The kid only came a few minutes ago.

John nodded. "Yeah. This doesn't happen very often. I can't normally have two climaxes in a row so for the love of God, don't stop now!"

Luka smiled. "Then I shall continue. We don't want 'close' to turn into 'far' now, do we?"

He knelt back and brought his focus on Carter's cock, working the oily male flesh in his talented grasp while resuming the in-out motion with the fingers of his other hand. John closed his eyes and turned his head to the side, concentrating on the feel of Kovac's unbelievably warm, slick hands. The young doctor's cheeks were darkened an enchanting shade of pink and he was chewing on his lower lip, clutching the bed covers in anticipation of his approaching sexual peak.

"Oh my God," he whimpered, as Luka's fingers worked their double magic on him, one set going up and down his slippery shaft, squeezing rhythmically, the other sliding exquisitely into his intimate opening and back out again, making him feel like he was glowing with pleasure, the glowing centred right between his thighs.

"Oh my God, Luka…" He gripped Kovac's knee, the pressure of his grip increasing as he climbed closer and closer to sweet release.

"That's it, John," the older man encouraged, moving both of his hands quicker and harder. "Come. I want to see you come for me."

With a loud cry, John's face scrunched up and he shivered, ejaculating over his own flat belly and Kovac's hand. The kneeling blue-eyed man could feel internal muscular pulses with each cascade of John's thick sperm. He was astounded by how forceful the pulses were. He couldn't wait to see what that felt like around his prick. But he was not going to find out tonight. That was number one on his "to do" list. He had just done number three. He still had two to go yet. Anyway, he had to take things slowly with his baby boy. Let him get used to being penetrated. He didn't want to rush things. He might scare his inexperienced lover off. Well, Luka was inexperienced too in the ways of man-love but in the grand scheme of things, he WAS older and had done more in his life than John had. No, he knew he had to take little steps with this one. Tonight, fingers were enough. They had time for more later. Especially now that Kem was out of the picture. Luka just couldn't find it in him to be sorry that he had caused her and John to split up. Now John was a free man again.

Now John was his.

He grabbed one of the towels he had dropped on the floor and wiped his hands and Carter's belly clean. Carter blinked at him, expressing his thanks with a grateful smile. He looked totally exhausted and half-asleep already. Kovac ushered the kid under the blankets and joined him, curling up to the younger guy and hugging him protectively. They didn't speak. They didn't need to. Besides, they could talk tomorrow. The two men soon fell asleep, their naked bodies entwined closely, like ivy, curving around each other.

Yes, they could talk tomorrow.

Chapter six. Relapse.

Dr John Carter and Dr Luka Kovac are supposed to be talking today. Talking about what happened last night. With the bath jerking and the oily massage. They are supposed to be talking about their feelings, what it means to both of them, where they are gonna go from here. Whether they are going to be an exclusive couple or just casual sex partners. Whether the women in their lives, or out of it, are going to be a problem. Whether they are going to go public with their affair or have it remain their secret. Whether they are even going to keep seeing each other or not. They really need to talk about that.

However, it's kinda hard to talk when your mouth is full of someone else's cock.

Carter wakes up before Luka and spends a good three quarters of an hour just looking at the dark haired Croatian sleeping on his back beside him. Kovac's half of the sheet has slipped down and his upper body, his stomach and his magnificent manhood are on display. Carter can't help looking at that last one. Especially because it is erect, as tends to happen to most men in the morning, whether they are dreaming about sex or not. It's a reflex thing, happens out of their control. It happens to Carter all the time. He's so used to waking up with a woody, it would worry him if he didn't. And he has a woody right now. But, unlike most other mornings, it's not going down. It's staying hard and that's because John is perving on Luka's nakedness, eating him up with his brown eyes while the older man is completely unaware. There's something very exciting about watching someone without their knowledge. It's a voyeuristic thing. Like you are peeping in their bedroom window at night. Difference here is, John is IN Luka's bed and it's morning. Damn, John muses to himself, following the line of Kovac's straight nose and sensually-shaped lips, the masculine curve of his whiskered jaw, down past his Adam's apple and collarbones, the flat nipples surrounded by sprinkles of black hair, the chiselled planes of his chest and stomach. Luka is incredibly handsome. How has he been able to resist him for so long? He must have been wearing those horse blinkers not to notice the rugged sexiness of the guy. Or maybe he has just been purposefully ignoring him. Well, he shall ignore no longer.

He stares at Kovac's long, thick cock, nestled amongst ebony curls, the tip pointing towards Luka's belly button. Kovac's balls are nestled in those curls too and as Carter watches, they tighten, as if the sleeping man is getting rather horny. He doesn't know what Luka is dreaming about, or even if he dreams at all, but John sure is getting horny. Even more so when he thinks back to last night and what he let Luka do to him. Holy Moses, that was intense; having Kovac's skilled fingers inside of him, pleasing him in a way he's never experienced before. He's been experiencing a lot of new pleasures this year and it all started when he first followed Luka into that supply closet. He could have just as easily not helped the older doctor "find what I'm looking for" (to quote Luka's lie). He could have just said, "Sorry, too busy," and walked past the door and none of this would have happened. When he thinks about it, he must have known, on some subconscious level, what Luka was up to. It's not normally a doctor's job to fetch supplies. That's what nurses are for. Yes, Luka did get him in the closet under false pretences but he's not mad about it. He's glad he did go in that door. He is also glad he let Luka administer "medical attention". Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And who's to say that Kovac has in any way changed the way Carter's life has turned out? Who's to say that Abby wouldn't have left him anyway? Or Kem? Women are fickle and unpredictable creatures and it's most likely that things would be exactly the same as they are now, Kovac or no Kovac. Abby most likely would have said no to his marriage proposal regardless of his affair with Luka. She probably would have said no because she's an insecure, bitchy head case who doesn't know what's good for her. And jungle-girl Kem probably would have left because she couldn't handle being a pampered rich doctor's wife. Carter would probably still be without a woman anyway. But who needs women? At least now he has someone else. Someone who actually wants to be with him. Someone who isn't going to dump him for some stupid reason like class or mental instability. Someone who is not going to get pregnant and run off with his baby. Someone who will be there for him, no matter what. Someone with whom he shares passion. Someone who understands him and his needs and the frantic, challenging world he lives in. Someone who is both a male and a doctor, like him. Could they BE any more perfectly matched?

Carter allows himself to fall deeper into his imagined future. Perhaps they could come clean with their relationship. People would accept it eventually. They wouldn't have any other choice but to accept. Abby would get over it and perhaps she'd realise what she's missed out on. Not that Carter would ever take her back now. He's given her too many chances already. And he won't lose his job. He can't get fired for his sexual preference. Perhaps, like Kerri Weaver and her girlfriend, he and Luka could live and work as a same-sex couple, maybe even move in together. Not right now, of course, but later. Perhaps they could buy a house and get a dog. A dog is no substitute for kids, though. Carter has always envisioned kids as part of his future. But hey, they both like kids and maybe, they could adopt a couple of them. It's allowed now. Who'd say no to two wealthy doctors wanting to adopt needy children? What better parents can you get than that? Carter knows Luka misses his dead children badly. He knows, just from the way he treats his young patients, that Kovac was a brilliant father, and still could be. They could go on expensive tropical holidays together, as long as it's not to Africa. Anywhere but there. Maybe a cruise ship or two. Some of those drinks with the little umbrellas in them. It's been a while since he's had a good vacation. It'd be even better if Luka came with him. John sighs happily. Maybe he can have the white picket fence life he wants, just with one tiny twist. No wife or wedding. Wait - there's nothing stopping them from getting married. That's allowed now too. Wow. A wedding. Would Kovac propose to him? You know, he just might. If Luka can call John his sweetheart, among other mushy sentiments, he can propose marriage. The guy's a walking romance novel. Carter is optimistic this morning, which makes a welcome change. He's optimistic about his future for once, instead of worrying about it. All thanks to this tall, dark man from Croatia with the velvet voice and alluring accent.

Lying there propped up on his elbow, staring dreamily at his partner, John impulsively wants to give Kovac something back for giving him this sense of peace, the first real calmness he has felt for a long time. He wants to give Kovac his thanks. And the first thing he thinks of involves his mouth and Luka's dick. Nothing says thank you like a blow job. He knows that Kovac wants one. Fuck, ALL men want blow jobs. They're awesome. Especially first thing in the morning. He slides down further on the bed so his face is at groin level, peeks back up at Kovac to make sure he's still in slumberland, takes a steadying breath and carefully eases his fingers under and around Luka's dick. Luka stirs a little but doesn't wake. John doesn't want him to wake yet. If he looked up and saw Luka's intent blue eyes focused on him, John couldn't do it. He couldn't put Luka's dick in his mouth if the guy was watching. He'd feel too self conscious. Plus he has no real idea of what he's doing. He's never done this before. So, he's going to do it while Luka is asleep and hopefully by the time he does open his eyes, Carter will have quickly learnt Blow Jobs 101 by hands-on experience and will have gotten over his shyness.

Before he chickens out, John lifts Luka's weighty cock up, swallows his nerves, and then engulfs the head of it, closing his lips around the bulbous reddish tip, closing his eyes at the same time. He closes his eyes when he's going down on a woman so why should this be any different? It wouldn't feel right doing it with his eyes open. It'd be like kissing with your eyes open; it wouldn't feel natural. John circles his tongue around the glans of Luka's penis. Hey, he's a doctor; he can use the word "penis" if he wants. He is entirely comfortable using the word. As he licks around Kovac's silky penis-head, it sort of feels like running his tongue around a big helmet-shaped Chupa Chup. With a big motherfucking veiny stick attached to it. He discovers the small slit on the very end and when he flicks his tongue over that, he scoops up a drop of pre-come. He rolls that around his mouth. It's slick and salty and doesn't taste like a woman's familiar secretions. It's unusual but not at all a turn off. In fact, knowing the liquid belongs to Luka is quite the turn on. He attempts to slide his lips down Kovac's shaft, gets only halfway before concluding that is far enough and slides back up again, leaving his saliva gleaming on the stiff flesh he is holding. He hears Kovac groan and move on the bed as if he's restless but Carter is too scared to open his eyes. He keeps them tightly shut and continues what he is doing, hoping Luka is not quite awake and that he has a few more minutes to perfect his technique before coming under the scrutiny of the older, more knowledgeable male.

Meanwhile, Luka is not awake. He is having a wonderful sex dream. The delectable Dr John Carter is slurping and slobbering on his pole like a street hustler. He moans softly. Man, what a fabulously realistic dream this is! He can feel everything, Carter's warm, moist mouth, the strokes of his smooth tongue, the gorgeous friction and suction as the younger male works his way up and down the hardened length of Luka's cock. With a small jolt, Luka realises this is not a fantasy; this is really happening, and snaps out of his dream, joining the world of the unsleeping. He cracks one eye open. Yep, that's Carter going to town on his swizzle stick all right. Guess he doesn't want to talk about last night, then. Surprised but very, very pleased, he opens the other eye. John is fully occupied with the task at hand, cheeks concave, eyes shut, head bobbing, and doesn't seem to realise the recipient of his experimental sucking is wide awake now.

"So," Luka begins, his voice raspy from sleep. "You wait till I'm asleep and then take advantage of me?"

John freezes. He slowly takes his mouth away from Luka's privates and gingerly lifts his eyelids, turning his head towards the unexpected voice. He licks his lips, feeling guilty for doing what he was doing to a person, who for all intents and purposes, was unconscious and did not consent to such an act. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. What if Luka is pissed at him?

"I…uh…I'm sorry," he stutters, blushing. Luka can see the guilt in Carter's brown eyes and chuckles.

"No, no. I LIKE being taken advantage of." He makes an encouraging motion. "By all means, please continue taking advantage of me."

Seeing Luka grinning at him soothes Carter's anxiety. He smiles abashedly and glances down at Luka's prick, which he is still holding. "I dunno if I'm as good as you," he says doubtfully. "But I'm trying."

Luka reaches out and ruffles Carter's pillow-hair, which is all sticking up in a cute way. "I've only done it once myself, remember? Besides, you're doing just fine," he reassures the younger man. "It's not a difficult piece of machinery to operate, as you well know. Pretty much anything you do to it feels good."

"That's true," Carter agrees. He bites his lip. "So, I'm doing okay for a rookie?"

"Yes, ljepota, you are," Luka again reassures his younger lover, squeezing his arm. "You are making me very happy."

As Carter, buoyed by Luka's uplifting words, sucks the surgeon's dick back into his wet willing mouth, Kovac groans, "Very, very happy…"

Kovac almost can't believe his own eyes. Here he wakes up to find his fellow medical practitioner sucking him off like some kind of far-out fantasy. Getting John to suck him was number two on his "to do" list and he really thought he'd have to work at that one. He thought he'd have a lot of coaxing to get innocent, naïve, recalcitrant John-boy to do it. He didn't think John would do it all on his own, without being asked or even given a hint or a suggestion. This is much more than Luka could have hoped for. And now that Carter was doing this, of his own free will, it only left one item on his list. The big one. Getting to fuck Carter. The kid has been racing though his list at a speed Luka had not anticipated. He had not expected this to happen so fast. He got to do number three last night, putting his fingers into John. Of course, it has been a while since number four, getting John to touch him. Since he achieved that, there was the whole sojourn in Africa and the thing with Kem which so annoyingly interrupted Kovac's plan of seduction. There has been a bit of a gap in the list proceeding. But Africa was only a minor break. Kovac knew sooner or later his beauty would come back to him. And he did. He came all the way to the Congo to save Kovac's life, didn't he? Must care about Kovac a lot. Maybe even love him a bit? But love is a big thing. Big. Huge. Kovac isn't even ready to go there yet. And he doesn't know for sure if John loves him. He hasn't said so. For now, caring and lust will do. Speaking of lust, John certainly is showing that; abandoning his reservations about man-love and diving head on into his first blow job with relish. He's also showing a lot of care because he is being very careful not to hurt Kovac with his dentist-whitened, porcelain capped teeth. He is taking a lot of care with what he is doing, just as he does on the operating table, and this reinforces Kovac's conviction that Carter is one of the most sensitive, compassionate, thoughtful individuals he's ever known. He adores Carter because of those qualities.

"My udvarati," Luka breathes, sinking his hand into Carter's mussed brown locks as the younger male's head moves in time with his sucking. He groans in bliss at the feeling of Carter's lips and tongue on his heated rod. Carter knows what that foreign word means. It means "sweetheart." As well as speaking fluent French, being the object of Luka's affection means that John is picking up a little Croatian too. Might come in handy one day. At being called sweetheart, John's heart swells. He likes these small endearments. They make him feel special. He endeavours to increase his pace and starts dipping his head faster and sucking stronger. He is rewarded with an exclamation of heightened arousal and another pet name.

"Oh! Oh, yes…Udvarati…That's so nice…" Luka shivers, thanking his lucky stars that he is the one on the receiving end of Carter's soft, eager mouth, not Abby or Kem. The thought of Carter with either of those ungrateful women causes a flash of angry jealousy to tear through him. In a mildly threatening tone he adds, "Don't you ever leave me again, you little bastard."

John answers with a short muffled noise that could have been a laugh, but he doesn't stop worshipping Luka with his mouth. His shyness has long since dissipated and now all he wants is to make his older lover climax. Giving a blow job is not as hard as he thought. Suck, swirl, slide. Repeat. Whatever part of Luka's dick he can't swallow, he grips with his hand and moves the skin back and forth, making sure all of the shaft is stimulated. He had wondered if he would be able to pull this off, no pun intended, but he's not worried about that now. Listening to Luka groaning and moaning is proof enough that he's doing an adequate job. He feels empowered that he is able to do this, that he is able to give Luka such ecstasy and on top of that, he is enjoying it almost as much. Funny how giving pleasure to someone also gives YOU pleasure. He loves the feel of Kovac's hard, throbbing organ in his mouth, the glossy, shiny head against his tongue, the tangy-sweet taste of his lubricating fluid, Luka's fingers entwined in his hair, the way Luka thrusts his hips upward as if he can't get enough. Most of all he loves the breathy, throaty sounds that Luka is making, the gasps, the moans, the hisses and sighs. He is that turned on at hearing Luka's audible rapture that his hard-on is swollen and aching and leaking with slippery pre-come. He almost feels as if he could come just doing this to Luka. Almost. Spontaneous orgasm is not something that usually happens to Carter. Least not when he's awake.

Exotic curse words issue from Luka's mouth in direct proportion to the amount of pleasure he is attaining. The closer he gets to release, the more frequent the words. Carter doesn't understand exactly what he's saying but swear words are pretty universal. Fuck, shit, damn, son of a bitch. It all means the same no matter what dialect they are spoken in. But one thing Luka will never do, in any language, is demean his lovers. Especially not Carter. He will never call John Carter any name that is disrespectful. He has never called any of his lovers "bitch", "slut" or "whore" and he is not about to start now. If someone is generous enough to put parts of his body in their mouth, he is appreciative and thankful, not inclined to degrade them. He may swear but it is not AT them. It's just swearing in general. It's just a way to express the inexpressible. Sex, in all its forms, feels so unbelievable that no words can do it justice. Kovac alternates swearing with his particular terms of endearment, his romantic nature breaking though with flowery names that he calls his chocolate-eyed boy. Names like "darling" and "honey" and "baby".

The passionate sentences passing through Luka's lips incite Carter even further and he begins to moan in his throat, the deep sound resonating around Kovac's cock, driving the older man further towards his pinnacle. John is now rapidly moving his lips along Kovac's shaft and back up again, his hand matching the tempo of his mouth. It is very wet inside John's mouth from a mixture of his own saliva and Luka's pre-come, which is soon about to turn into present come. His jaw is beginning to get sore but this doesn't hold him back. He sucks and jacks Luka as hard and fast as he can and suddenly feels Luka's hand clench tight in his hair.

"I'm going to come, Carter," Kovac grits out, giving his partner ample warning as he knows that the abruptness of ejaculation can be a bit of a shock to the oral sex giver who is unprepared. Prepared or not, Carter keeps sucking and fulfils his goal. The nude muscular doctor beneath him bucks his pelvis up as he sprays his seed onto John's receptive mouth, crying, in English, "Ah, ahh…John! Oh, heavenly fucking Father…"

Luka has faith and believes in God but obviously doesn't believe that taking the Lord's name in vain is a sin. It's not like he's dissing God at all. Rather, it's like thanking Him for creating such wonderful physical joy. As he is coming, he thrusts just a little too far into John's mouth and the younger male gets a sharp uncomfortable feeling at the back of his throat and hurriedly retracts. At the same time, he feels hot fluid spilling onto his tongue and flowing into his mouth with alarming quickness and quantity. Shit, what should he do? Swallow it? But there's so much of it! And it tastes kinda weird, faintly like salty metal coins with a hint of bleach. Not to mention gooey, like raw egg white. Spit? But that would seem rude. And where the hell do you spit it? Back on Luka's belly? Do a dash for the bathroom sink? What is the correct thing to do? Okay, he thought he was ready to cope with having a guy jizz in his mouth but the reality of it is not quite what he anticipated. It's totally not like honey. He didn't realise he'd have to make a spur of the moment decision right after the act. You don't have to do that when you give oral sex to women. That's because most women don't ejaculate. Carter has heard that some ladies can achieve a female ejaculation but he's never personally witnessed the phenomenon. Luka, having just released his load and swimming in a fantastic afterglow, has let his hand fall from Carter's hair to beside his own thigh and is lying there all sated and relaxed, eyes closed contentedly, a half smile upon his lips, and doesn't look like he cares much what John does with his semen so John decides to do the bathroom dash. Without appearing like he's in a hurry to get rid of what's in his mouth, Carter gets up and strolls butt naked to the bathroom, shutting the door after him. First thing he does is spit in the basin. He places his hands on the edge of the sink and gazes at himself in the mirror. Besides having a horrible case of bed hair, he is in dire need of a shave and a tooth brushing. He feels icky if he can't brush his teeth in the morning. Once, when he was in Africa, he had to evacuate camp due to a midnight attack from rebels and had to leave his toothbrush, and many other personal items, behind. It was awful. He tried scrubbing them with grass, like the natives do, but still felt like they were growing fungus every day. When he got back from the jungle, one of the major things he had to go do straight away was get a thorough clean and polish from his dentist. He could probably borrow Luka's toothbrush this morning but being a doctor, he knows it's not the most hygienic thing to do. His brain butts in with, And sucking someone's dick is? Carter peers at the thick white stuff slowly sliding down the black marble basin toward the drain hole and starts to feel a bit sick. Not because of the taste of cum -it's not that gross, or the hygiene issue, but because it hits him full force what he's just done.

He has given in to his addiction again.

Instead of feeling proud of what he's accomplished this morning and last night, of how far he has expanded his comfort zones and embraced his changing sexuality, he just feels nauseous. In the light of day he realises what a massive mistake he made getting into Luka's car. He feels weak and pathetic and starts to seethe with anger and self-loathing. He can see the shame and disappointment in his own eyes. He hates this feeling. It's the same feeling that many a junkie must feel when they waste their last twenty dollars on a hit. It is the same feeling he got when he was addicted to painkillers. He has lost his self control and given in to something that he knows is bad for him. It doesn't matter how good Luka can make him feel at the time; Luka IS bad for him in the long run. He is destructive. Just like a drug. Every time he indulges in the drug called Luka, something bad happens. Things start to go awry in his organised, planned, appointment booked life. If he keeps seeing Luka, he is never going to have the kind of life he desires. He is never going to have children running down the hallways of his palatial mansion, is never going to be able to take his beautiful wife to functions and balls or go yachting with the Joneses. He is not going to have a wife at all because every time he gets a girlfriend, she discovers his secret addiction and packs up and leaves. He can't see himself being open about his relationship with Kovac or taking him to the lavish functions given by his wealthy business associates and friends. God, what would his family think? If Gamma knew he was having an affair with a man, she'd probably turn in her grave. One thing Gamma wanted for her favourite grandson was for him to get married and give her lots of great grandchildren. That's never gonna happen while he's seeing Kovac. If his rich relatives and snooty, champagne-swilling acquaintances found out he was this far away from being a homosexual, it would ruin him. He'd be an outcast. Fuck, and what about the hospital? What about all his co-workers? Thank Christ Romano is not around. If he knew, boy oh boy, Carter would never hear the end of it. Admittedly, he does miss Romano's caustic, stinging humour at times but it's not so funny when YOU are on the receiving end. Abby knows about Luka and him, quite by unfortunate accident, but he's fairly sure she's going to keep her trap shut. She'd better, if she doesn't want trash her chances of becoming a doctor. If she blabs, Carter would personally see to it that she never passes her exams. He has connections. Back to the issue at hand, there ARE a few gay people working in the hospital already so it's not like it's a new, outrageous thing. For example, Kerri Weaver came out of the closet as being a lesbian but that didn't come as much of a surprise to everyone in the E.R. Absolutely nobody, not a soul, would expect that baby-faced, nice, polite, professional Dr John Carter was a cock sucker. How could he look anyone in the eye if they knew? And sucking the cock of Luka Kovac of all people? He knows nobody would get over the shock if they found out he'd fallen for the charms of lady-killer Luka. He'd be so embarrassed he'd have to move to another state and go work in a hospital where nobody knows him. If anyone but Abby knew about his addiction, his life would be fucked.

Yet, he doesn't blame Kovac entirely for his predicament. That'd be like blaming the painkillers for the disintegration of his life. The painkillers aren't the problem, just like Luka isn't the problem. It's John's weakness that is. Luka is who he is. A charmer. A seducer. A lover and a leaver. John knows the way he is. He has known that all along. Knowing Luka is there, whenever John wants him, like pills on a shelf – that's the problem. John can't help himself and wants, needs, to have him, regardless of the cost. One prime example of this is Kem. Because of Luka, Kem left while heavily pregnant and now he has lost his baby, his future wife and family life, something he has desperately wanted since he hit twenty two. That's not what he was thinking only minutes ago. Just mere minutes ago he was blaming Kem, not Luka, for leaving, and he was contemplating how great it would be being Luka's boyfriend, but he deliberately dismisses his former thoughts as being caused by the high that Luka gives him. Now, alone in the bathroom, that high has worn off, his prick has deflated, and all John Carter can think is how disgusted he is with himself. Why does he want Luka? He's only going to end up hurt. Everyone in his life that he cares about seems to leave him and he knows Luka will leave too, despite his declarations of…what? He hasn't declared anything, not love, that's for sure. He has declared that he wants Carter but that is all. Yeah, so Luka wants Carter right now but what about the future? It's not gonna last. John Carter is just being a fucking idiot who wants someone to fucking love him and the fucking person he has chosen is a fucking male slut. He's setting himself up for his own downfall. Why can't he stop seeing Luka? Why can't he just get rid of Luka forever? Go cold turkey. It'd help a lot if there were Luka-patches he could stick on his arm to control his cravings but alas, there are not so he must rely on his own self-discipline and willpower to beat this addiction. That's how he beat painkillers. Just stopped taking them and when he wanted them, gritted his teeth and said, "No!" Why can't he do that with Kovac? Why can't he be tough? Why does he keep failing?

"What the fuck are you doing, John?" he mutters to himself, still staring in the mirror. "You're so goddamn WEAK."

While Carter is waging war with himself, Kovac is still lying on his bed, still languishing in the lovely lethargy that a good blow job can provide and imagining all the wonderful ways he can return the favour to his sexy little rich kid. Not that Carter's wealth is a drawcard for the older male. Kovac isn't exactly poor himself. Have you seen his apartment? Even if Carter lost all his money and had to go bankrupt, Luka would still have the hots for him, big time. The attraction goes beyond what the guy owns or the figures on his bank statement. It even goes beyond looks and appearances. It's something more than that. Something that Luka can't explain and is perfectly content not to. He doesn't need explanations. He wants John and that's just the way it is, baby.

Inside the bathroom, berating himself for being such a useless, hopeless excuse of a man, Carter's fingers find the pinkish scar on his lower back and unintentionally trace the healed tissue over and over. Being stabbed with a kitchen knife by a loon was the catalyst for him becoming hooked on painkillers but he has no excuse for becoming hooked on Luka. Everything was going fine when he started indulging in that particular brand of narcotic. Since indulging, that's when everything started to go haywire. That can only mean one thing and that is what he has been telling himself all along: Luka = bad. He must quit and he must quit NOW.

His decision made, Carter turns on the faucet and washes Luka's spunk down the drain, then splashes water on his face. He decides he also better take a pee and is glad his erection has gone down 'cos it's damn hard to pee with one. He wets his fingers and tames his wild hair. As an afterthought, he rinses his mouth out with water but his mouth still doesn't feel clean. A search through Kovac's wall cabinet reveals Listerine and he gladly swishes a capful around his mouth and then expels it in the sink, the powerful mint green liquid disinfecting any Luka-germs still lurking at the back of his tongue. Feeling a bit more in control, and a lot fresher, Carter draws in a fortifying breath and curls his hand around the bathroom door knob. Then he realises he has no clothes on and will have to walk out there in front of Luka naked and the thought makes his new-found resolve wane somewhat. One tends to feel very vulnerable when undressed. How can he be firm and tell Kovac this has to end when Kovac will most likely be lying there ogling his slender, nude form and not paying any attention to anything he says? Fortunately, he spots his clothes, lying on the floor where Kovac had discarded them before putting John in the bath. Picking up his clothing with relief, John dresses himself. Even his shoes are there. Nakedness covered, hair neat, breath minty-fresh? Check, check and check.

John can now confront the enemy.

When he yanks open the door and comes face to face with a most unexpected naked, hairy man, where there should only be empty space, Carter is momentarily startled. "Shit!" he yelps, his heart tripping. "Don't do that to me, man! What are you doing standing in the doorway? Listening to me?"

Nonplussed, Kovac scratches his head, his brunette hair hanging over one side of his forehead. "Just wondering what was taking you so long." He scans his long-lashed eyes up and down Carter's body, noting the clothes. "Do you gotta go to work already? I thought you were on night shift."

"No, I'm not going to work," John answers impatiently. "I just have to-"

He is cut off by Kovac grabbing him, shoving him against the wall and nibbling on his neck. "What's the hurry then, hmm?" Kovac murmurs. "Come back to bed and let me undress you."

"No, Kovac," John protests, pushing at the bigger man's furry chest. "Stop it! I gotta-"

"Gotta do what?" Luka asks huskily, biting Carter's throat softly, his stubble prickling the delicate skin on John's neck. "You got somewhere more important to be?"

"Not exactly. I just have to…Luka!" Carter's eyes widen with alarm as Kovac's hand untucks his shirt and begins to work on his belt. He grabs Luka's wrist, feeling an odd sense of déjà vu. This is not the first occasion he has fought off Luka's advances. He gets a premonition it probably won't be the last, either.

"Don't be so uptight, John," Kovac coaxes, running his tongue along Carter's earlobe, making the young doctor's blood fizz with unwanted sexual heat. "Come back to bed so I can make love to you."

"I can't…" Carter argues, even as his groin responds to Luka's massaging hand, his limp dick turning into a semi. He wills that semi not to get any bigger. He tries pushing at Luka again but it's like pushing stone. The dude is solid. And very strong. He knows what he wants and he's not gonna stop till he gets it.

"Let me go, damn you!" John is getting frustrated. Here he was, all psyched up to dump Luka's addictive ass and now his resolve is steadily being tested by Luka's addictive groping and ear-licking. If tested much more, Carter might lose his resolve altogether. He may as well stick his arm out and wait for the needle. He doesn't want that kind of weakness as part of his personality anymore. He needs to kill the weakness.

"Kovac, if you don't let me go right now, I swear I'll…I'll…" For the life of him Carter can not think of a threat that would have any effect on Luka, who could surely kick his ass black and blue if so inclined. Let's face it; John Carter is a tennis player, not a boxer. His physique is lean and light. He'd be on his back in three seconds flat. And on his back, under Luka, is not where he wants to be right now. Not ever.

"All right. You've had your fun. You kidnapped me. You got your dick sucked. Game over. Now can you let me go?" he grinds out between clenched teeth.

Kovac, knowing from past experience how mixed-up John is and how he tends to go all hot and cold on him, is not letting his loverboy get away that easily. He is confident that he can get Carter back into his bed and turn him into his writhing sex slave. All he needs are the right words. Anyway, getting reluctant, wound-up Dr Carter to cave is what makes this so entertaining. He grins wolfishly and presses even closer against John so he can feel Luka's unrestrained hardness on his hip. Luka has recovered from the blow job and is ready for round two.

"I can't let you go, doctor. You're still in intensive care, remember?" With a jerk of his wrist, Kovac has John's belt on the floor. He could have bound John's hands with the strip of brown leather but even he would say that was taking the game too far. John is freaking out enough already. Kovac aims to change that freaking into begging. If he pushes all the right buttons then John will be begging for it. He unzips Carter's pants and then purrs right into his prisoner's ear.

"I am going to make love to you, John. I am going to make love to you and I'm going to make it so good, you will never leave my side again," he pledges, his voice tinged with his erotic accent. "I want you. You WILL be mine. I am going to have you. All of you. I want to be inside of you."

Carter despairs at his own body's instant awakening, blood rushing to his cock and cramming into every chamber and vessel, causing his semi to spring into a full on diamond-cutting tool. He can't get any harder than he is right now. Dammit! That honey-tongued son of a bitch! How does he know the right things to say? Tis a gift. Or in Carter's case, a curse. Don't listen, he tells himself. Don't listen to Prince fucking Charming. He probably says this to all his conquests.

"Shut up," he whispers, making a superhuman effort not to let Kovac's sweet-talking get to him. His body may be weak, but his mind doesn't have to be.

"Stop touching me, Kovac."

Kovac doesn't obey the command. He invades Carter's Calvin Klein underwear with his fingers, locates the kid's near-bursting dick and wraps his fingers around it with surgical precision. The ensuing tugging nearly causes Carter's knees to crumble under him. Forget how great it feels, he orders himself. You are not supposed to give in. Don't give in! Your world depends on it!

As if Kovac's earlier words weren't persuasive enough, the subsequent ones almost render Carter helpless.

"I want you underneath me, Carter," Kovac says, his breath hot on Carter's ear and his hand hot on Carter's prick. "I want your legs around me."

"Luka, for Chrissakes…Shut up!" John begs, battling his own overwhelming instincts, trying to resist the lure of the older male's animal magnetism. Once more, Luka is not participating in active listening.

"I want your nails scratching down my back," he demands, rubbing his own erect member on John's jutting hipbone. "I want you panting and sweating. But you know what I want most of all?"

"I don't want to know," Carter groans, but Kovac tells him anyway, his voice darkening to a growl.

"I want you moaning my name while I fuck you."

A lightning bolt of pure, uncut sexual need carves through John's midsection and he loses his breath, eyes rolling back in his head. He is dangerously close to coming just from Luka's captivating voice alone. He is one heartbeat away from pleading, "Oh, please, Luka. Do it. Take me. Fuck me right now. Please…"

But he doesn't. From somewhere far, far within him, he drags out a hidden reserve of mental strength and manages to override his body's base wants and desires. He says something, something almost inaudible and Kovac doesn't hear it at first. The blue eyed male halts and pulls back, squinting at Carter questioningly.

"What?"

"I said, do you care about me at all?" John repeats calmly.

Kovac frowns. "Of course I do, John. You know that."

John keeps his chin up and meets Luka's gaze unwaveringly. "If you really care about me, Kovac, you will let me walk away now."

The frown remaining on his brow, Kovac shakes his head a little. "I don't understand."

"You don't have to," John answers cryptically. "If you care about me in any way, shape or form, you will not stop me from leaving this room. And you will not pursue me anymore. You will let me go and you will find someone else to occupy your time with because from this moment on, it's not gonna be me." The determined look in John's chocolate eyes and the firm set to his jaw shows Kovac that he means it. He is looking his addiction square in the face and is not scared of it. He is taking back control of his life.

Kovac stares at John, clearly still not understanding but he backs away. "Uh…Go on then," he says with a small uncertain wave of his hand. "You're free to leave."

"Thank you," John replies quietly, bending down to retrieve his belt from the floor. At the same time Kovac moves and John steps back, giving him a suspicious look.

"Just getting my shorts. Don't shoot, officer," Kovac quips with a humourless smile, holding up both of his hands, the offending item clutched in one of them. He steps into the black silk to bring some sense of decency to the situation and watches as Carter fixes his pants up.

"Y'know, I have no idea what your deal is, Carter and I'm not going to pretend I do." There is exasperation in Kovac's tone but also respect. He places his hands on his hips. He would have put them in his pockets but his silk shorts don't have any.

"I don't know what's going on in that head of yours but it's because I care about you that I won't stop you from leaving nor will I ask you why you want to."

"Good," is John's short reply.

As promised, Kovac makes no move to hinder the younger MD's plan of action. Carter doesn't say any more. He doesn't even look at Kovac again; he just gathers his coat and bag and exits the apartment.

For a whole minute, Kovac stands there in dumbfounded amazement. He shakes his head again. What the bloody hell is wrong with Carter? Luka only wanted to make love to him, not kill him. Jesus. Though he is not fond of the Psyche Ward, he might recommend Carter go make a visit there. The kid definitely needs some kind of help. Whatever is wrong with him, Kovac can't diagnose it. And he's seen just about every ailment there is. He flops onto his bed with a heavy sigh and scrubs his stubbled face tiredly with his palm.

"Dear, dear John," he muses to the ceiling. "Why don't you just stop fighting it, you silly boy?"

Chapter seven. Remission.

Dr John Carter is a new man. He has resolve now. Resolve not to give in to his addiction. And he's succeeding. For two weeks now, he has not seen Luka outside of work. He has not gone into that closet with Luka. Not once. Hasn't even thought about it. Not seriously anyway. He can't help thinking about going in there but thinking and doing are two different things. It's just like thinking about going to the pills cupboard in the hospital and stealing some painkillers. He can think it, but he won't do it. And with time, he'll stop thinking about it. That's when he'll know that he has beaten his drug. He's very proud of the fact that he's reached the two week milestone without any relapses. Though he can't avoid Luka completely, working in the same hospital and all, he CAN keep their relationship on a strictly professional level. He only speaks to Luka if he has to, to ask about a patient or to give orders when he and Luka are frenetically trying to save someone's life in the operating room. They work together just fine. But work is all there is between them now. John is pleased to see that Luka has listened to what he requested and has stopped chasing after him. Luka still gives John longing looks with those long-lashed greenish eyes but that's as far as he goes. He has not asked John out on a date, or attempted to spirit him away in his car, or tried to lure him into the closet. He's being surprisingly co-operative about the whole thing. This makes John want to admire the guy, but at the same time, he doesn't want to admire the guy. He's not supposed to have any feelings whatsoever for the other MD. At this crucial point in his twelve step plan, John can't even really be friends with Kovac. Just like you can't be friends with painkillers. All he can be is neutral. Kovac is there, yes, but he's just another doctor in the E.R. That's all.

Of course, that's not the way Dr Luka Kovac sees it.

Luka is doing what John asked him to, wait – TOLD him to, but that doesn't mean he likes it or agrees with it. He's backing off because that's what John wanted him to do and he's doing it purely because he cares about John. If the boy needs time to figure out stuff, then Luka will give it to him. Besides, he's pretty sure John will come back to him eventually. He always does. Even if he needs a little coercing. However, Kovac is not doing any coercing. Not yet. He'll give John a couple more weeks to miss him, and then resume his great plan of seduction. He's not giving up on that plan. C'mon, he's this close to crossing number one off the list! It'd be crazy to give up now after coming so far. And after coming in John's mouth. He can't stop thinking about that. That was just awesome. If he can get John to suck his dick, Luka can get to fuck him. He's as sure of that as he is sure that blood is red. And once he's done it, once he's taken Carter's cherry, the kid will be his forever.

In the meantime though, Luka has to find a distraction. He's got to find something to take his mind off the chocolate-eyed doctor with his skin like warm satin and smooth, small hands like a woman's. He's got to find something to distract himself from reaching over and tousling short brown locks that slip through his fingers like silk. He's got to find something to distract himself from wanting to sample those wide, firm lips, lips that he secretly knows are softer than they look and are capable of parting sensuously in a moan or sliding along Luka's flesh, giving much pleasure. Oh yeah, he needs some major distracting. Was it not John who told him to, quote, "find someone else to occupy your time with,"? Well, if that's what the doctor ordered…

"Time of death – 12.05 pm," Luka announces with a glance at the clock, ceasing CPR and wiping the sweat from his brow with his sleeve. He'd been working on this obese guy for forty minutes, trying to get his ticker ticking again, but he knew it was a waste of time. The guy had killed himself with too many burgers and fries and strawberry shakes. He'd been told by doctors at this very hospital to eat healthily and take up exercise but obviously the guy hadn't been listening as he was just as fat as the last time Luka saw him. Luka could have cracked his chest open to directly shock his heart but he'd have to carve through layers of marble-like lard just to get to it and he didn't think it would be worth the effort. This was the guy's third heart attack in eight months.

"Some people just never learn," Sam mutters, unbagging the dead man. Luka switches off the electric paddles and watches as Sam cleans up, getting the corpse ready for when his wife has to come in and say goodbye. Luka hates losing patients but in cases like this, he doesn't let it worry him much because it's not his fault the dude died. His heart was a time bomb, waiting to explode. It was only a matter of when. The nurse with the long blonde ringlets covers the dead man's exposed chest with a sheet. She looks up, wondering why Luka is still here. He has other patients to visit, other lives to save. Luka did his part; she can take care of the rest. Before she can ask why Luka is stalling, he clears his throat and asks a question.

"Are you seeing anyone, Sam?"

Sam halts, gazing into Kovac's eyes guardedly. She had been dating Luka not long ago and it had been great, well, the sex had been great, but for some reason he hadn't called her lately. Probably just the tiring life of a doctor; no time for dating. In all truthfulness, she'd love to start seeing him again, and her son Alex would love it too, but she doesn't want Luka to know how eager she is so she keeps her face expressionless.

"No. Why?"

Kovac grins rakishly, knowing how hot she is for him. He strolls up to her, coils a ringlet around his finger and whispers in her ear. She turns pink and her jaw drops.

"Luka!" she exclaims. "We can't!"

"Oh, I assure you. We can," he says confidently. Then he feigns indifference, a trick that he knows will guarantee the woman's sudden interest. "But if you don't want to, that's okay. If you don't want to see me again…"

"I didn't say that," Sam quickly replies. She pretends to be busy wiping spittle off the deceased man's chin. She gazes back up at Luka, who is waiting for an answer, looking like she is thinking about it, when in reality, she has already made her mind up.

"Okay," she finally says. Grinning, Luka smacks her on the ass, making her gasp, and then exits the room, leaving Sam shocked for a moment. Then she continues her job, slowly smiling to herself.

John Carter is leaving the lunchroom when he sees Kovac headed his way. Kovac glances at John, a challenge in his intense blue irises. The younger male falters in his tracks, hastily thinking of a way to get out of having to confront the guy he's been able to evade so far, when Kovac makes a detour. He wasn't intending to talk to John at all. He opens a door and goes straight into the supply closet. John's brain is racing at the unexpected manoeuvre. Why would he go in there? What, does he expect John to go in there too? After all this time? After what John had told him? Carter had, in no uncertain terms, told Luka to leave him alone and stop pursuing him. The older medical practitioner hadn't been paying attention to his words at all, the bastard, Carter fumes. He'd been an idiot to think that Luka would stop behaving like a dog in heat. That was a direct attempt at persuasion. No mistaking. Kovac had looked right at John, as if demanding him to follow and then gone right in. Well, if Mr. Manwhore thinks John is just going to slip back in the closet when he's worked so hard to stay out of it, Kovac has got another thing coming. Carter clenches his jaw with barely held in fury. He is NOT Luka's little bitch. His mouth set in that determined, no-nonsense manner he has a habit of adopting, he flicks his eyes up and down the hallway, seeing no witnesses, and makes his way to the closet door. It's shut but he doesn't bother knocking. He knows that prick is in there waiting for him. Carter may be going into the closet, but not for the purposes that Luka is anticipating. He's not going to fall to his knees and give Kovac a blow job or a hand job. The only job that Croatian asshole is going to get is a fist to the jaw. Carter is not tolerating this shit. He grabs the brass knob and turns it, yanking the door open.

What assaults his sight is enough to cause all the colour to leech from Carter's tanned face. Luka is in there all right, but so is someone else. Sam. The nurse. She is sitting on a shelf, legs apart, skirt hitched up. And Luka is standing between her thighs. He has one hand inside her open blouse, fondling her breasts which are clearly visible to John's round, stunned eyes. Her nipples are hard and flushed to a dark rose hue, the surrounding skin white as Carter's coat. Luka's other hand is between Sam's splayed legs, fingers on her pussy. No, not just on it, IN it. He is finger-fucking her. Carter can see the slick moistness gleaming on Luka's index and middle digits as he penetrates her and withdraws. The blonde is clutching Luka and moaning, her face buried in Luka's shoulder, apparently not aware that Carter has entered the room. The older doctor's eyes slide to Carter, not surprised to see the kid. He smiles cruelly, fingers still moving in and out of Sam's wet slit. The tight bush of curls between her legs are dark, not blonde. Carter realises dumbly that she must dye her hair. As he manually screws the woman on the shelf in front of him, Kovac's thumb is circling Sam's clit and with his second hand, he is rolling and twisting her nipples expertly, as if he's had a lot of practice doing this. Which he has. Sam moans Luka's name and pushes closer into him. Kovac, not appearing guilty at all for his betrayal, winks at John and then turns his concentration back to the attractive nurse he is just about to make orgasm.

Snapping out of the coma of horror he had fallen into, John rapidly retreats, quietly closing the door on the two people he did not want to watch getting intimate. Sam didn't see him and he is thankful, because he knows how it feels to be caught committing sexual acts by a third party and he doesn't want her to feel that same terrible embarrassment and shame. It's not her fault; she's not a slut, she just got seduced by the resident playboy. She definitely isn't the first. But Luka saw John; indeed he seemed to be expecting him. Is that why he looked at Carter, to get him to follow, knowing full well what he'd see when he opened the door? Is this Kovac's way of getting even with John for breaking it off with him? The answer to that is a resounding yes, Carter concludes. He should have known Luka would do something like this. The guy is not used to being rejected. It seems he's gotten over it fast, though. Carter didn't need to see physical proof that Luka had moved on but he DID tell Kovac to find someone else, didn't he? And the guy has. Carter should be happy about it.

But he's not. It's not that Luka has found someone else. John knows the surgeon and Sam have been dating off and on and it doesn't really bother him. What bothers him is that Luka took her into the closet. THEIR closet. Luka and Carter's closet. Not Luka and Sam's closet. She shouldn't be there. It's not her place. It's wrong. When he sees his pale face in the mirror above the sink, Carter realises he has blindly walked into the men's room. For good reason. He calmly goes into an empty stall, locks the door, lifts up the toilet seat, kneels down on the tiles and pukes up the lunch he just ate.

Carter spends the rest of his day in a kind of daze. It feels like he's not all there. His body is, and his brain, but the real him, the essence of Carter, is just floating about the corridors of the hospital, letting the breeze take him where it will. He can hear himself talking to patients and ordering tests to be done but it's mechanical. He's just reading from a script. He knows so much about illnesses and medicine that he doesn't really have to think about what treatment to prescribe. It's an automatic match-up that happens in his cerebral cortex. Illness 265 equals treatment 265. All those years of drumming medical knowledge into his head means that it will always be there, stored away in a big filing cabinet in his skull. By the end of his shift, a few people - Neela, Dr Corday, that big guy in reception - had asked if he was okay but Carter murmured that he was fine and kept floating in his shell-shock. He is still floating as he meanders towards the station to catch the subway home.

Luka also notices that something is wrong with John and he has a feeling it has to do with himself. All right, he KNOWS it has to do with him. He is having regrets about letting John see him and Sam together but it seemed like a good idea at the time. He just wanted to show John that he could find someone else and that he was leaving John alone. It was probably unnecessary and vindictive to deliberately bait John into that closet only to slap him in the face with another woman but goddammit, the kid deserved it. How many times had Carter given himself over to Kovac, making him think that their relationship was actually going somewhere, and then promptly dropped him like a hot potato? Too many times. And so he wanted a little payback. He wasn't absolutely certain that John would follow him into the closet but his instincts told him that the boy would. His instincts were right. That little closeted porn show was mostly for vengeance purposes but Luka also wanted to see how Carter reacted to it. If the younger man carried on as normal and seemed unaffected after viewing him and Sam, then Luka would know that it was over. For sure this time. Yet, he knew all along that it would affect Carter, even as he winked at him. He knew it would hurt the guy. He just wanted to see evidence that he can still get to Carter, that he still holds power over the other doctor. He knew it wasn't over then and he is positive now that it isn't over. Not by a long shot. They still have unfinished business to deal with.

Rushing out of the hospital, Luka catches up to John on the sidewalk, calling, "Hey! Hey, wait."

Momentarily pausing, John stares at Luka as if wondering who he is. Carter's face is absent, his brown eyes slightly glazed, as if he is half-dreaming. His breath is frosting in the chilly night air.

"John, are you all right?" Kovac queries, experiencing a pang of remorse in his chest. The kid does not look all right. He hopes he has not mentally scarred the poor boy for life. Carter stares at him some more and then his eyes freeze over, cold as a glacier, and he turns away from the Croatian man, walking towards the subway as if nobody is even there. Luka races after him.

"John! Just talk to me, please," he begs, his voice heavily accented. He touches Carter's arm to get his attention. Stopping once more, Carter faces him and shrugs Luka's hand away in revulsion as if it's a big, hairy tarantula. That's the same hand that was in Sam's crotch. He probably still has her scent on his fingers.

"Don't call me John," he growls. "Only people I LIKE can call me that."

Taken aback by the viciousness in the younger doctor's tone, Luka blinks. "I…uh…I just wanted to see if you were okay."

Carter makes a derisive noise and crosses his arms. "Humph. Really. Anyone who didn't know better would say you actually seem concerned about me."

"But I am-"

"No!" Carter's shout cuts Kovac off. "You're not. You just want to gloat over the disgusting charade you made me watch, you sadistic son of a bitch. How could you do that to me?"

Stung by Carter's accusations, Luka bristles. "Hey, you were the one who told me to find someone else. Or don't you remember saying it?"

Carter's face is contorted with rage, his eyes flashing sparks. "You didn't have to fucking make me watch it! God, what kind of a man are you? I thought you had some decency in you but I guess I was deluding myself. You have no more decency than a whore. In fact, that's what you are. You're a fucking whore, Luka!"

And with that slur, normally passive John Carter pulls back his arm and punches Luka as hard as he can, the loud crack of his fist connecting with Luka's jaw like a dull gunshot. Knocked down with the force of the blow, Luka scrambles to a sitting position on the pavement, head spinning, and cradles his bruised jawbone. He peers up at Carter in astonishment, his hair hanging in his eyes. Carter shakes his sore hand.

"You can go fuck yourself, Kovac," he curses, his handsome boyish face more like a mask of wrath. "Actually, you can fuck anyone you want, I couldn't give a shit, but you will never, ever, get to fuck ME."

John spits on the ground near Luka's feet. "Ever," he snarls.

And with that, John stalks off, leaving an astonished Luka seeing shooting stars on the sidewalk.

On the subway ride home, slumped in a window seat, John thinks about what he saw that day. He's not angry anymore. He got that out of his system when he hit Luka. It felt wonderful when he did it but now his hand is throbbing and aching and he'll have to ice it when he gets back to his apartment. The anger is gone. Now he just feels tired. Exhausted. That is not unusual for him. He's exhausted most nights. He wearily wonders why Luka went back to Sam. She's nothing special. Just a single mom, trying to make ends meet. Perhaps Luka wants the whole family thing, seeing as his own children were killed in Croatia along with his wife. Getting together with Sam meant that he would have a ready-made family. Luka and Sam and Alex makes three. Never mind that Alex is a whiny little brat who needs some discipline smacked into him. Any kid is better than no kid, John supposes. Perhaps if Carter had a kid, Luka would have stuck around. But his kid is somewhere in Africa, still inside Kem's belly and seeing as Kem isn't in a hurry to come back, there doesn't seem to be much of a chance of John getting to be the father that he rightfully deserves to be. And everyone knows that men can't carry babies. If they could, John would have his own kid. A kid that nobody could take away from him. Preferably a son. A little John Carter. If, by some radical medical breakthrough, men could somehow get pregnant, using their own DNA, cloned eggs and artificial insemination, and Carter carried and delivered a baby, then he would technically be the mother. If Carter's own sperm was used to fertilize the egg, then he would also be the father. But what if technology was so advanced that two sets of same-sex DNA could be combined, such as in the case of gay couples? Then the child could have characteristics of both parents, whether they were both males or both females. Just like in hetero couples, the child would develop recognizable physical aspects and talents, a little from parent A and a little from parent B. What if Carter could have a baby with oh, say, for instance, someone like Luka? In that case, the child could have Luka's pretty blue-green eyes and Carter's slender yet athletic build. Luka's thick dark hair and Carter's aquiline nose. Luka's winning smile and Carter's soft skin. Yeah, the boy would be good-looking, that's for sure. He'd probably also inherit Luka's charming ways. He'd have to beat the girls off with a stick. If he liked girls, that is. Which wouldn't bother Carter either way. He'd love his kid to death no matter if he was gay or not. It would be a tad hypocritical of him to not accept his own son if he was gay when he himself has sucked dick. Only two weeks ago, in fact. Moving on from physiology and sexuality, what about the child's mental capacity? Man, with two doctors for fathers, that kid would be guaranteed to turn out a total brainiac. A Nobel Prize winner, even. Who liked coffee. And expensive cars. And possibly playing polo.

But here he is, getting carried away and day dreaming of something that's not likely to ever happen. At least, not anytime soon. By the time men can have babies, John will probably be 85 and shooting blanks. Either that or he'll be dead in his grave right next to Gamma. Dumbass, he chides himself, feeling like a moron for his fanciful thinking. Who says Luka would even want to have a kid with him anyway? Who says Luka even still LIKES him? Doesn't appear that way, not with one of Kovac's hands shoved into Sam's blouse, groping her ample tits, and the other shoved between her thighs. That image just won't leave his mind. Dumb-fucking-ass, he chastises himself again. Now that he has hit Luka, that doubles the likelihood of Luka not liking him anymore. And lest he forgets, John was the one who broke it off with Luka. He is the one who doesn't want to see Luka anymore. Right? A niggling voice in a corner of his brain tells him this is not entirely accurate or why else would he be having flights of fancy about bearing Luka's offspring, but John is purposefully not listening to that voice. That voice can shut the fuck up. If you listen to that voice, you get in trouble. He does NOT want to see Luka anymore, okay? John is glad he dumped the older doctor before Luka dumped him. He is glad he didn't actually let Luka take his virginity. That's one thing he still has even if he has lost nearly everything else including faith and trust in his fellow man. In spite of all the guy's candy-sweet words and declarations of affection and commitment, Luka is nothing but a goddamn player who wants to get his dick into as many holes as possible. Look, all the proof John needed of that was right there in the supply closet. He was one moment away from seeing one of Sam's holes get plugged. He is grateful he didn't stick around for that. It was bad enough watching Luka's fingers get wet, let alone his cock. As much as he is loath to admit it, Abby was right. Kovac was only using him. Sooner or later Luka would have fucked someone else. Once he conquered his latest challenge, that challenge being named Dr John Carter, he would have gotten bored and moved on. John just sped the process up a bit, forcing Luka to move on before Luka decided to move on all on his own. Judging by the way Kovac was handling that blonde nurse's undeniably female parts, the other male has already moved on and so should he. Yes. Moving on. Cure for all diseases and addictions. Moving on is good. Dr John Carter shall now move on. Starting this minute. So…

Wonder what Abby is doing tonight?

Chapter eight. Healing.

Abby isn't home when John tries to call her that night. Never mind. He'll ask her out when he sees her on his morning shift. He's not sure if she'll go out with him again but there's no harm in trying, right? She might accept his offer. She's taken him back before. And as far as he knows, she's not dating anyone. Maybe she'll accept a date out of pure loneliness, if nothing else. John is aware that he's only thinking about Abby because he's on the rebound, not because he really loves her. She may not be the perfect woman, far from it, but hey, at least she's just as messed up as him. They have a lot in common. They work in the same hospital. They've both battled addictions. And they've both dated Kovac. John finds that knowledge a little weird but also a little comforting. Abby knows what an ass Kovac can be. He broke it off with her, as she expected he would. She believes that Kovac can't handle a strong woman like her. Truth is, Kovac couldn't handle her unstable mental state. Not that he cited that as the reason he was dumping her. He gave some lame excuse about not having the time for a serious relationship, the "It's not you, it's me," speech. Yes, Abby knows from prior experience that Kovac doesn't hang around for long. She warned Carter about hooking up with the dude. Carter thinks that she can't be all that bad if she tried to stop him from making the same mistake she made. Still, John inevitably made the same mistake. He should have listened to her. Because she tried to warn him, she must have been concerned about him, even though she just seemed furious and spiteful at the time. If she cares, even a little bit, then John has a chance of getting her back.

Needless to say, John mostly wants to date Abby to piss Kovac off.

It's another frenzied day in the E.R. and John has to put his plans of a dinner invitation on hold until things quiet down. A busload of injured factory workers fills up the emergency room and surgery. There had been an explosion at a metal processing plant and there are various shrapnel wounds, burns and smoke inhalation cases to deal with, all at once. As they race back and forth between victims, treating the most serious cases first, Carter and Kovac cross paths, many times, and Carter finds himself snapping at Kovac, telling him to hurry up or get out of the way, demanding him to pass over a piece of equipment and giving harsh orders, generally being rude and impatient with the older doctor. Kovac soon loses his own patience and snaps back at Carter, swearing under his breath in Croatian. Most of the other doctors and nurses at County just think the two are short-fused due to the sudden influx of patients, which is not out of the ordinary – hell, they all get cranky when this happens, but one person senses that it's more than that. That person is Abby. She notices a lot of tension between Kovac and Carter and it's not work related. Trying to diffuse the situation, she helps them both out as much as she can and ignores their appalling moods, even when they take it out on her. Men are just bastards most of the time, in her opinion.

Later, much later, after all the critically injured have been stabilised and the not so critically injured have gone home, Dr John Carter sits in the lunchroom for a well-deserved break. He's drinking some hot coffee and worrying about a very petite Japanese teenager he just saw who's pregnant with twins, and if her small body can carry the foetuses to full term, when Abby enters the room. He looks up.

"Hi," she says. "Nice work back there."

Carter had saved a flat liner whose throat had been impaled with a large piece of metal. He first performed an emergency tracheotomy. The victim still wasn't breathing and wasn't responding to CPR or being zapped. Carter whipped out an electric saw, cut through the woman's ribs, pried her chest open and got her heart going by pumping it with his bare hands. Well, not bare; he had gloves on, but he still brought her back from the dead with his hands. Then he removed the chunk of metal from her neck, sewed her all up and now she's going be fine, even though she'll have scars on her throat and the centre of her chest. Scars are better than dying.

Thanks," he replies. "You were a great help too."

Abby shrugs and makes her coffee, not expecting thanks. She's just doing her job. Placing her paper cup on the table, she takes a seat opposite Carter. She sips her coffee and glances at him.

"So," she begins conversationally. "Did you two break up?"

Startled, John stiffens in his chair. "Christ, is it that obvious?"

Taking another sip, Abby answers, "Only to me because I have personal knowledge of your…ah…relationship. Don't worry. Nobody else would know."

John sighs and gazes into his drink. "Well, that's a relief, I guess."

The brunette woman questions, "It is over?"

John sighs again. "Yeah. It's over." He gives Abby a sharp look. "Happy now?"

Abby appears taken aback by Carter's almost angry tone. "No, Carter, I'm not happy," she argues. "I don't get happy when people I care about get hurt."

John stares at her. She cares? Good. That's good. Maybe he should ask her out right now. Before he can do that, Abby pats his hand.

"For what it's worth," she says understandingly, "I'm sorry."

John nods. "Sure."

Abby saying she's sorry has made Carter feel depressed. He doesn't want to feel depressed over Kovac. Breaking up with him is supposed to be a positive thing. Where are all the positive things he's supposed to be feeling? Ah well, you get that when you're giving up an addiction. It takes a while for all the negative shit to dissipate out of your system. But it will. In due course. He remains silent while they both finish their beverages. He decides he'll ask her later, at the end of his shift. If he asks now, he'll just seem desperate. Abby gets up and tosses her disposable cup in the trash. Just before she leaves the room, she shoots him a smug look and says, "By the way. Told ya this would happen."

Making a face of irritation, John shoves his chair back and tips the dregs of his coffee in the sink. "Yes," he sardonically mutters to himself. "Yes, you did." As he crumples up his cup and slams it in the bin, he adds, "Bitch."

Bitch or not, John still asks her out when he clocks off. After a moment of debating, Abby says okay. She isn't surprised that Carter has come crawling back to her like the mutt he is. She told him not to do this but he's done it. How pathetic. What makes it more pathetic is that she's taking him back. She doesn't know why she's agreeing to see him again after the way he cheated on her with Kovac but spending time with a sexually confused male is better than spending time with reruns of Full House and a soggy, tasteless TV dinner. She'd rather be screwing a real guy, even if he is half gay, than masturbating while thinking of John Stamos. An actual dick is way better than an imaginary one. And if Carter wants to take her out to dinner in a nice restaurant, the least she can do is let him bone her.

As they choose their dinner destination outside by the main entrance of the hospital while Abby has a smoke, the automatic doors open and Kovac strides out in his long winter coat. Sam is not with him. But that doesn't mean they won't be banging each other back at his apartment later. In a clear voice, making sure Kovac can hear him, John reaffirms, "I'll pick you up at eight, Abby. Okay?" Abby stubs her cigarette in the snow and replies, "Okay." She notices Kovac and catches him sneaking a look at John. She sees a flicker of something in Kovac's eyes, some emotion, but it is gone before she can identify it. She thinks he's probably annoyed because John's not pining over him like all of his other dumped conquests do. Except for Abby. She didn't pine over Kovac when he ditched her. She doesn't pine over anybody. She just hardens her heart a fraction more. Anyway, she doesn't care what Kovac thinks of her and John going out. The two men aren't together anymore so John can date whomever he desires. And that's her. Knowing that somebody wants her, even if it is befuddled John Carter, makes her feel less like a hideous spinster. She doesn't want to end up like her mother, old and alone and let's face it, crazy as the Mad Hatter. She may have received a portion of the crazy gene that runs in her family but she vows never to let it rule her life or ruin her chances of finding a man who'll put up with her. John has put up with her before. And he's rich. He'll do for now. She still has an hour of work of to go and then she'll head home to shower, put on her makeup and dress in something slutty.

At the restaurant, John and Abby eat their meals and make awkward small-talk. That's where food comes in handy. It gives your mouth something to do when you can't think of anything to say. Abby doesn't ask Carter what happened with him and Kovac. Carter doesn't bring the subject up either. He really doesn't want to discuss the whole closet issue. They can make bursts of idle chit-chat between chewing but John is finding it hard to look directly into Abby's eyes and it seems she feels the same way. She's fidgeting and appears ill-at-ease. She is wearing a little black dress that shows off her cleavage and her hair is tumbling over her shoulders in curling-iron spirals. She's got more makeup on than normal. She looks sexy but sex with her is the last thing on Carter's mind. He's just attempting to make it through dinner. Anyone looking at them would believe they were on a blind date; they seem that uncomfortable. But they've known each other for years. For one unbearable minute, tapping his fingers and peering around the restaurant while waiting for dessert to arrive, John wonders what the hell he is doing dating Abby again. It hasn't worked out the last couple of times so why should this time be any different? He can't exactly say he's having fun. Kovac's cruel smile fills John's head and with a surge of determination he recalls why he's here again. He's in recovery now. He's getting on with his life, getting over Kovac and that's why he's here with Abby. She's like his chemotherapy. Not pleasant to endure, but ultimately destroys the disease that has invaded Carter's body. With her assistance, John can beat this thing. He'll just have to grit his teeth and remember that she's helping him, no matter how awful it feels to be in her presence. He can handle her being around him at work but here, alone with her, in a romantic setting; it's like he's waiting for the nausea for kick in. Already, his gut is churning. They are both relieved when the bill comes and after Carter pays with his MasterCard, they reclaim their jackets and brave the chilly walk back to Carter's car.

When he asks Abby back to his place for a nightcap, John DOES feel sick. They both know there will be no drinking going on. Carter doesn't really feel like having sex with her; the thought is most disagreeable, but he knows he has to do it if he's going to move on. He's got to get accustomed to women again. He'll just have to close his eyes and think of Kate Winslet. Now, that's a real woman, John muses. Beautiful, elegant, talented, sensual, independent, financially well off, motherly and down to earth. She's a goddess. If she'd have him, he'd marry her in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, she's already married. But he can still fantasise about her and he will, if it means he can do it with Abby without his pecker going limp on him. It's not that Abby is physically unattractive; it's just that her personality, akin to a cold fish with bipolar disorder, tends to grate on his nerves. And he still hasn't forgiven her for turning down his marriage proposal. He'll never ask her that again, regardless of how much he wants a wife. Abby is not wife material. She doesn't even want children. Her idea of being maternal is watering her plants. Yet, she'll suffice for a sexual partner and as a convenient tool to make Kovac envious. He'll show that bastard that he too can score some pussy.

Once inside Carter's apartment, he finds himself actually making drinks for the two of them. Lord, he needs a few to be able to do this. If he's half drunk before they go to bed, it will be a damn sight easier for him.

"What would you like?" John asks her, indicating to his home bar and all the bottles of alcohol on the shelf.

"Screwdriver. Without the screw," she quips.

"Still on the wagon?" he asks with raised eyebrows. Abby nods and smiles wryly. The last drink she had was the same day she caught Kovac and Carter together. She needed it then but she's managed to stay sober since that night.

"You don't mind if I drink?" he queries courteously. She shakes her head.

"You don't mind if I smoke?" She reaches for her packet of cigarettes. That's one vice she can't quit.

"It's fine. One OJ coming up," John says and fixes Abby's non-alcoholic orange juice. For himself, he pours a gin and tonic and makes it potent. The sooner he gets some artificial courage, the sooner he can do this. All the pre-sex activities, like talking, are simply agonising. John gives Abby her drink and they both sit on his leather lounge. They look at each other. Carter is wearing a white shirt and black pants with a black leather belt. Abby smiles nervously at him and John smiles back but it comes out more like a grimace. He's wondering where they should do it. On the couch or in his bed? It will have to be in his bed because his condoms are in the bedside drawer. They can start on the couch, though. Should he make the first move and kiss her? God, he doesn't want to. Maybe they can have sex without kissing. Kissing just seems too personal. It's not like he's in love with her or anything. What if he goes straight for her neck? If he nibbles her neck and then heads for her breasts, she won't miss the kissing. Then he can peel her dress off and her bra and panties. What if she wants to suck him? Not likely; she's never really enjoyed it in the past. She's more of the lie-there-and-let-the-guy-do-all-the-work kind of lay. Should he go down on her? No, that's just as personal as kissing. Perhaps he can get her ready with his hand. Much like Kovac was doing to Sam, his brain has to remind him. Thank you brain, John says disparagingly to himself. I'm trying NOT to think of Kovac here. Would you mind shutting up now, please? His brain obeys. Right, so he'll get her lubed up with his hand and then carry her into the bedroom where he'll unclothe himself, roll on a rubber and then…what? Do her missionary style? That would be okay, as he's in the dominant position, but she might try chick tricks like gazing into his eyes or expecting him to kiss her while he's banging her. He won't be able to gaze into her eyes without his peter shrivelling up like an overcooked sausage. You only do that soulful stuff with the one you love. He thought he loved her once, but no more. If he gazes into her cinnamon coloured eyes, he'll only be wishing they were bright blue with green specks and he can't have that. Turning the light off would stop him from having to look at her but how can he stop her from kissing him? What if he begins in the missionary position then flips them over so that she's on top? Yeah, that's the direction he ought to take. If she's doing the Cowgirl she'll feel like she's the one in control and she'll be loving it so much, she won't bother leaning down to kiss him. And if she tries to, Carter will shove his fingers in her mouth so she can't. He might even be a little rough with her, spank her a bit, that kind of thing. She doesn't mind a bit of rough-housing. And when she comes, then so will Carter and before she tries to cuddle up to him, he'll get up to take the condom off and jump in the shower. Hopefully by then, she'll have gotten the hint and gone home. He certainly doesn't want her staying the night. She probably won't want to stay the night anyway, seeing as she believes she doesn't need anyone else to feel self-sufficient.

Alrighty. That's the game plan. He's got every move covered. He drains his drink, sets the glass down on the coffee table and takes a fortifying breath, preparing himself to go in for the kill. He just wants to get this over with.

As he turns towards Abby, the phone rings.

Saying a private prayer for the welcome interruption, John excuses himself and gets up to answer it, picking the receiver up from the cradle.

"John speaking."

Abby watches curiously as a frown mars Carter's unlined forehead.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he asks anxiously. Abby looks for an ashtray but Carter doesn't have any so she ducks into the kitchen to dispose of her cigarette butt in the trash. When she comes back into the living area, she notices that Carter has turned deathly white.

"When? How?" he is asking in alarm. There is a long period where he is listening to whoever is on the other end of the line, all the life dying out of his eyes. Then he slowly hangs up, staring into space.

Concerned, Abby goes up to him and touches his forearm. John doesn't even seem to know that she's there.

"What is it?" she probes. She's thinking that something has happened to one of his family members, a car crash or a catastrophic event similar to that. John doesn't look at Abby. In a monotone voice, he states, "Kem lost the baby. This morning."

"Oh my God, John, I'm so sorry," Abby gushes. She knew that Kem had been due to give birth any day now. She'd heard Carter talking about it with Dr Chen. He had sounded excited but at the same time very sad because he wouldn't be able to be there. Not that Kem had forbidden him to visit her and the baby, but that when he got the call that she was in labour and he'd arranged the earliest possible flight, it would be all be over by the time he landed in Africa. He had sounded despondent that he would miss the birth. But now there will be no birth. No live birth, anyway. For Kem will still have to deliver it. As a nurse and aspiring doctor, Abby knows that Kem will have to be induced into labour but the baby will be stillborn. She thinks it's truly horrible that women are forced to deliver a dead baby and that a C-section would be much less painful for the mother but that's the way it's done. The body has to complete the process. If the baby dies, it still has to be born the old fashioned way. Poor Carter. Seeing his baby, even if he couldn't be a family with Kem, was something he was really looking forward to. And now he'll never see it. What an absolute tragedy.

"Is there anything I can do?" Abby offers. John continues staring into space.

"Yes," he finally says, not matching her gaze. "You can go. I need to be alone right now."

"Are you sure?" Abby thinks that John should have some support during a deeply emotional crisis like this. "'Cos I can stay if you-"

"No. Just go. Please." John sounds flat and vacant. Abby, worried about him, wants to stay to console him but since he asked her leave, then she will do that. If he needs her, he knows where she lives.

"All right," Abby says, retrieving her coat and bag. "Call me if you need to talk, okay?"

There is no answer from Carter. Abby gives him one last worried glance and leaves. John stands there by the telephone for a long time, eyes unfocused, face blank.

As if he is sleepwalking, he lifts the receiver and dials a number.

"Hello?" a voice answers.

Carter doesn't say anything.

"Hello? Who's there?" The voice is getting wary.

Eventually, Carter speaks. "It's John," he says quietly.

"Carter?" Kovac exclaims, alarm bells ringing in his head. John sounds strange, not like himself at all. Something is very wrong.

"Are you okay?" he enquires, his brows drawing together in apprehension.

In that same eerily quiet and calm tone, Carter explains, "The baby died."

Kovac has no need to ask which baby. "Oh, John…" he says softly. Kovac's heart bleeds for the second doctor and he shuts his eyes in sadness and empathy. He knows what it's like to lose a child. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," John replies. He is quite collected for someone whose whole world has been turned upside down. "It was a boy, you know."

"Really? Oh…" Kovac doesn't know what else to say. For Christ's sake, Carter's son just died. No words can make the guy feel any better. "Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I'm fine," Carter says, even though he doesn't sound fine. "I won't be coming in to work tomorrow. Can you tell Weaver for me? I just don't feel like talking to anyone else right now."

"Sure, I'll tell her," Kovac promises. "Are you sure you don't want me to come over? You shouldn't be alone."

"I want to be alone," John repeats. "Just tell Weaver for me, okay Luka?"

Kovac nods. "Okay. And John?"

"What?"

"Don't do anything stupid."

John hangs up. Kovac listens to the dial tone for a few seconds and presses the END CALL button on his cordless phone, placing it back on his bedside table.

"What was that about?" Sam asks him, lolling in Kovac's bed with a sheet wrapped around her. Long blonde curls tickle her naked shoulders. Kovac rubs his face with his palm, appearing distracted and tense. He turns to her, sitting on the edge of the mattress, clad in only his boxer shorts.

"It was Carter. Kem lost the baby."

"Oh Jeez. That's awful," she sympathises. "The poor guy."

Pulling on his pants, Luka declares, "I'm going over there. With the condition he's in, I wouldn't trust him to be alone. For all I know, he's already taken a bunch of pills."

"Yeah, you should go. Watch over him," Sam agrees. She knows of Carter's previous painkiller problem. She also knows that Luka and Carter are very good friends so she sees nothing unusual about the Croatian rushing to his buddy's aid. After all, Carter rescued Luka from the inhospitable Congo so Luka owes him his life for that.

"I should get back to Alex anyway," she mutters, reaching for her own clothes. "He's probably already terrorised the babysitter half to death."

Kovac shrugs into a gunmetal grey pullover and then faces the blonde. He clears his throat and says, "Sam, I don't think we should see each other anymore."

Sam halts, her shirt buttons undone. "Why not?"

Running a hand through his thick dark hair, Kovac looks to the ceiling and then back at the nurse, exhaling an uneasy breath. "Because I'm in love with someone," he admits. "We aren't together at present but I think we should be. I've tried to move on but I can't. I'm sorry Sam, but that's the way it is."

"Oh," she says, hiding her disappointment and resuming getting dressed. "Well, okay then. That information could have been more useful to me, like yesterday."

"I know. Sorry," Kovac apologises, biting his lip. "I don't want to hurt you. But I can't be with anyone else when all I think of is them. That's why I'm going to see them tonight."

"Hey, who am I to stand in the way of true love and…What?" Sam halts once more, staring at Kovac with disbelief, his words only just registering in her mind. "Wait a minute. You're not talking about…about Carter are you?"

"I'm afraid I am," Kovac fills her in, meeting her incredulous stare, letting her see the truth in his face.

"Oh," she says again, digesting the information. "Ohh…" She makes a nod of acceptance. "Ya know, that kind of explains a lot. God, I should have seen this coming."

"I've been in love with him for ages. It's not like you've turned me gay or anything," Kovac attempts to joke.

Sam smiles, zipping up her skirt. "I get it. I know I'm not THAT ugly." She grabs her belongings and pushes Kovac towards the door.

"Get over there and make sure he doesn't kill himself," she orders. Kovac slips on his shoes and collects his car keys.

"I'll drop you off on the way," he suggests but Sam hands him his coat and gives him another push.

"I'll get a cab. Just go, dammit! Take care of him. Love him! Lord knows the man needs it."

"Thanks Sam." Kovac pecks her on the cheek. "You're the best."

As he speedily disappears around the corner, off to save John's life, Sam sighs. "You lucky bastard, Carter."

Kovac pretty much has to break John's door down, because the younger man won't come and open it, no matter how hard he bangs or yells. He runs into the bathroom and finds it unoccupied, thanking God John is not floating in a tub of his own blood, or slumped over the toilet covered in vomit, pills scattered around him. He can't find John anywhere, not in the kitchen, not in the bedroom, not even on the balcony. He checks to make sure John has not become a human pancake on the road below but there are no signs of suicide and no sign of Dr John Carter.

"John? Are you here? Son of a bitch!" He whirls around, wondering where the fuck John could have gone, when he hears a whimper coming from the living area. He discovers Carter curled up in a man-ball behind the leather lounge suite. Not dead. He crouches down and grasps Carter's shoulder.

"Here you are, ljepota," he breathes gratefully. "You had me so worried."

John's white shirt is rumpled and tear-stained but there are no marks of blood. Knowing Carter's fear of knives ever since he'd been stabbed in the back, it's unlikely he'd do himself in with anything even resembling a blade. If he was going to kill himself, he'd OD on drugs. It's fast, effective and painless.

"Have you taken anything?" Luka asks frantically. "Any pills?"

John just sniffles, face hidden.

"Tell me!" Kovac commands, shaking him. "Tell me what you took!"

In a small little-boy voice, John replies from behind his protective arms, "Nothing. Only gin."

Kovac raises his head and scans the room, seeing the empty bottle of gin lying sideways on the bench of the bar. Carter had abandoned the glass after the second drink and chugged it right out of the bottle, sans tonic or even ice.

"Gin? That's all?"

"That's all."

"You swear to me?"

"I swear. On Gamma's grave."

If John swears on his beloved Gamma's grave, he is telling the utmost truth. With overwhelming relief, Kovac relaxes and tries to coax John out of his foetal-like huddle.

"John, look at me. Please."

"Don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Just don't." John's words are slurred. He sounds drunk. And he is. While some people get violent and angry with they are drunk, others get happy and talkative. Some get stupid and clumsy. Drunk John Carter is presently regressing to boyhood. He is vulnerable and scared and just wants to hide from everyone.

"C'mon, honey. Look at me," Kovac urges, petting his arm. Hesitantly, John uncurls and lowers his hands, peering at Kovac with bloodshot eyes. He's definitely been crying. A lot.

And there are pink patches on his cheek, from where he's inadvertently rubbed his skin against the carpet.

"Why'd you call me 'honey'?" he questions. Kovac smiles gently and brushes a lock of hair out of Carter's face.

"Because you're sweet. And I love you."

"No, you don't," John says sulkily. "You love Sam."

"I do not love her," Luka says firmly. "I love you. And I told her that."

John gazes at Luka uncertainly. "You did?"

"I most definitely did," Luka reiterates. He tugs at John's arm. "C'mon, up you go." He helps Carter to sit up on the carpet and Carter tucks his legs under him, like a kid sitting on the floor of a kindergarten, ready to listen to a storybook. The younger male tilts his head and pouts.

"Do you really love me?"

"Yes. I do. With all my heart," Luka vows, grazing John's cheekbone with his knuckles.

John squints at him speculatively. "Oh yeah? Prove it."

Exasperatedly, Kovac replies, "I'm here, aren't I? When you called me I was so afraid you would do something to hurt yourself so I rushed over here as fast as I could. If anything happened to you…I don't know what I'd do. You're the only one I care about."

"Were you with Sam tonight?"

John's suspicious question causes Kovac to feel like a piece of shit. Here he was, in the arms of some woman he hardly even cares for, when he should have been here, comforting John, being here for him in his time of loss. He decides to come clean.

"Yes, I was with her." At John's scowl, Kovac hurriedly adds, "But I didn't sleep with her."

"Sure you didn't," Carter drawls scathingly.

Luka relents. "Okay, I was GOING to sleep with her. We went to the movies and had some dinner and when you called, we were in bed and we were just about to…you know. But then when I spoke to you, I realised that I didn't want to be with her. I was only with her because I couldn't be with you. I told her right then I didn't want to see her anymore and that I loved you. And I left. And that's the truth."

"Did you fuck her in the supply closet?" John wants to know.

"No. What you saw was pretty much it." Luka cringes in remembrance.

"So, these last two weeks, you haven't slept with her at all?"

"No. I haven't slept with anyone. Barring yesterday's unfortunate lapse of judgement, the last person I was sexually intimate with was you. "

"Why did you have to take her into OUR closet, Luka?" The damage caused by Luka's malicious deed is evident in Carter's visage. As well as irate, he seems close to tears again. "Why did you make me see that? Huh?"

Luka lowers his eyes, ashamed of what he did. "I guess I was punishing you, Carter. Punishing you for dumping me. It was a mean, cruel, nasty thing to do and I'm sorry. I regret it. If I could take it back, I would."

Still upset by the incident, John glowers at the second doctor, looking for all the world like a toddler whose best friend stole his candy.

"You deceived me. You betrayed me," he accuses Kovac in a wounded child-like voice.

"I know I did. But I will never, ever do anything like that to you again, John, I promise," Luka says impassionedly, his gaze fully connecting with John's, blue irises into brown. "I just want to be with you. If you let me, I will love you. I will take care of you. I will be there for you. Always. Is that what you want?"

John doesn't reply but his lip is trembling.

"Do you want to be with me too?" Luka takes John's hand. It is trembling also. "I know you feel something for me, Carter. Why did you call me tonight? Out of everyone else you could have called at the hospital, why did you call me? Why didn't you call Abby? Weren't you taking her on a date tonight? "

"I did take her out," Carter sullenly informs Luka, yanking his hand back. "And it was the worst date I've ever had. I was only doing it to make you jealous."

"Well, you succeeded there, kid," Luka says dryly. "I was going out of my mind thinking of you with her. She's not good for you, John. She'll only mess you up more."

"Tell me about it. I knew the whole time it was a very bad idea. Ya know, I was actually going to sleep with her too," John tells Luka in self-disgust. "But I was saved by the bell." He laughs humourlessly. Kem calling him with the bad news stopped him from having to screw Abby. Talk about fucking timing.

"I'm glad you didn't," Luka says with a measure of thankfulness. "But you haven't answered my question. Why did you call me?"

"I…I don't…" Carter finishes helplessly. He can't or won't answer that.

"Sometimes you astonish me with your unexpected affection and then the next thing I know, you go and tell me to get lost. One minute you need me, the next you don't. You confuse me very much, Carter," Luka confesses. "Every time we get close, you back off. Why do you keep running away from me? Why do you shut me out? All I want to do is love you. Why won't you let me love you?"

John hiccups. "I can't."

"Why not?"

The intoxicated doctor gazes at his knees. He miserably says, "Because you'll leave me."

"But I won't," Luka tries to reassure him. "I won't do that. I only left you because you kept telling me to, you idiot. If you stop pushing me away, I will be here forever."

"How can I believe that?" Carter says angrily. "Everyone I care about dies or leaves me. It's the pattern of my life. My brother, Abby, Gamma, Kem. They all left me in one way or the other. And now my son has left me."

Carter's voice cracks. "He's gone, Luka. My son is gone. My baby boy." He hiccups again, his face woefully etched with grief and despair, his chocolate eyes almost black with mourning.

Overcome with sorrow, Kovac takes Carter's slim figure in his arms and Carter doesn't try to resist. "I'm so sorry, udvurati. So very sorry…" he whispers, rubbing his lover's back. "It's all right, John. You can cry."

John shakes his head against Kovac's shoulder. "No," he says resolutely, his voice muffled in Kovac's coat. "I've cried enough. I'm tired of crying. I'm just…tired." He allows himself to sag weakly against Luka's bigger form. Carter smells like gin and expensive cologne.

"You wanna take care of me, Luka? Well, I'm letting you. I'm too fucked up to take care of myself," Carter groans drunkenly and wearily.

"Well, it's about bloody time," Luka announces in his foreign accent. He tells Carter to hang onto him and as the smaller man's arms go around his neck, Kovac lifts him and carries Carter to his bedroom, just like out of a romance novel. With his broad shoulders and rock-hard biceps, Kovac easily carries John's slender weight. He lays his bundle on the bed and as John sleepily watches, Kovac removes Carter's belt.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Carter slurs. "I said you could take care of me. Not take advantage of me. I'll sue your ass if you try anything while I'm mentally incapable of consenting to…um…stuff that I haven't consented to."

"Don't call your lawyer. I'm not taking any advantages. Just making you more comfortable," Kovac assures John, laying the belt on top of John's clothes cabinet. Kovac removes his own coat and hangs it over the back of a chair. He then takes off his shoes and joins John on the bed, lying next to his alcohol-affected amigo. Kovac cups John's face in his hands and kisses the younger male's mouth, tenderly and sweetly.

"Predivan," he murmurs against Carter's lips. Carter wrinkles his nose.

"I'm not beautiful," he quarrels. "Look at me. I don't need a mirror to know I'm drunk and dishevelled, I got carpet burns on my face, my eyes are like roadmaps and I reek of spirits."

"You're still beautiful to me," Luka decrees and kisses him one more time before hitting the touch lamp and making it switch off. In the darkness of the room, he slips his loving arms around Carter, who wriggles, gets comfortable and snuggles back into him. Despite grieving over his lost son, John sighs deeply and contentedly. This is comforting. He needs this. Having Luka embrace him like he's the most important person in the solar system. He is glad he told Abby to get out and he's glad Luka disobeyed his request and came over. He'd rather snuggle with Luka than Abby any day. If she was here, he may as well snuggle with a giant female praying mantis.

"At least you won't bite my head off," he mutters.

"I beg your pardon?" Luka asks, puzzled. John chuckles.

"Nothin'. I'm just wasted." Then in a fretful tone he queries, "You're not just gonna leave in the middle of the night, are you, Kovac?"

"Nope. Not even if Kerri Weaver calls me herself and tells me to get down to the E.R. I'd rather get fired than leave you." He squeezes John tight.

"Cool," John returns, satisfied.

"Sleep well, dear John," Luka wishes, planting a kiss into Carter's mussed hair. "I love you."

As he drifts off to drunken dreamland, Carter mumbles, "Love you too, Luka."

Now it is Luka's turn to cry. As John soundly sleeps, he cries for his partner's loss. He cries for the father Carter is not going to be. But most of all he cries with joy. For his brown-eyed boy loves him.

And all night long, Kovac holds him close to his heart.

Chapter nine. Cure.

In the morning, John wakes with a monster headache and a sick rolling of the gut. Not surprising really since he guzzled nearly a whole bottle of gin with no tonic to water it down. There's no way he can go to work and there's no way Kovac will let him go to work. He forces Carter to take an aspirin or two and stay in bed.

"Don't even think about getting up," Luka warns him in his best fatherly impression, buttoning his own shirt. "I may have to go to work but you have to stay here in bed and rest. You need it."

"I don't think I CAN get up," John groans, his skull feeling like it's splitting in half. He lolls there in his bed, sore head on the pillow, watching Luka get dressed with bleary eyes. Luka has taken a quick shower and used John's iron to press his sleep-crinkled clothes which he is currently in the process of putting back on. It feels kind of unusual for Luka to be putting his clothes back on when absolutely no sex whatsoever occurred the night before. Sleeping with someone, actually shut-eyes-and-snore kind of sleeping, without attempting to get the other party naked beforehand is a rarity for Kovac. Yet he does not feel disappointed in any way. It was the best non-sex he'd ever had. Just to be able to hold John through the night, protecting him, soothing him, taking away his pain – that was more amazing to him than a million mind-blowing orgasms.

Not that he doesn't want to have a million mind-blowing orgasms with Carter. He positively does and he will start the countdown right after work if John is feeling up to it. He's certainly not up to it this morning or else Luka would've started right then and there. John can't even lift his head off the pillow, let alone participate in an energetic bout of lovemaking.

Sluggishly rubbing at his eyes, John queries in the middle of a yawn, "Did you tell Weaver I'm not gonna come in today?"

"Already called," Luka tells John, adjusting his own cuffs. "Don't worry about anything. The E.R. can cope without you. You're not the only doctor in the entire hospital, you know."

"I know, I know," John mumbles. He just takes his job very seriously and hates having to take any days off, feeling like he's letting the rest of the staff down. But as Luka pointed out, he's not the only MD in the whole place. Kerri will juggle some shifts to cover for him. And if he didn't have some time off after the death of his son, there would be something very wrong with him. He's not that cold-hearted that he can just mosey back into work the next day as if nothing ever happened. Plus, he really doesn't want to deal with all the questions, condolences and sympathetic pats on the back that he's inevitably going to get when he returns, no matter how well-meaning they are. He couldn't handle that sort of fuss right now.

Kovac sits on the bed next to him and brushes John's mussed brown hair out of his still-reddened eyes. "John, I'm going to come back after work and see you. Is that okay?" he asks politely in his accent. "Because if you're just going to tell me to piss off again, now's the time to do it."

Carter looks marginally sheepish. After Kovac's heroic rescue effort the night before, John is eternally grateful for the older doctor's intervention. Irregardless of whatever has transpired between Kovac and himself in the recent past - the relentless seduction, the arguing, the mind games, the betrayal - John finally realises that Kovac DOES care for him. Nobody else came and broke the door down for him. Nobody else stayed the night to make sure he was okay. Nobody else promised they'd always be there for him. Despite his hopeless drunkenness, he remembers Luka saying that and it sounded one hundred percent genuine. It'd be downright rude if he told Kovac to get lost now.

"I don't want you to piss off anymore," Carter admits shyly. "No more pissing off, okay? I want you to come back and see me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last part," Kovac says cheekily, cupping his ear as if he's gone deaf. "What did you say again?"

"I said, I want you to come back and see me. Bastard," John grumbles, clumsily thumping Kovac with a pillow. Kovac laughs and leans down to press a fond kiss upon the crown of John's head.

"Hey, I may be a bastard but I'm the only bastard who loves you," he proclaims with another kiss.

Kovac says that last statement so effortlessly that for a horrible moment, Carter isn't sure if what Luka is saying is the real deal or meaningless sentiment to make him feel good. He vaguely remembers Kovac gushing something about love last night but old negative notions worm their way to the surface and he has to wonder if the guy was just talking shit to gain his trust in order to get closer to him. Maybe the guy hasn't changed at all. Maybe he's still the same randy, leg-humping dog John had always thought he was. Maybe Luka saying those words is just the prelude to sex. Maybe he's just saying what John wants to hear to get into his bed.

Sensing his suspicions, Luka stiffens. His next query is taut with anger. "You think I say that to everyone?"

When Carter doesn't answer, Luka sighs and rubs at his face while squeezing his eyes shut in the familiar gesture of angst that he adopts, not mad at the first man but at himself. He can't really blame John for his reservations after the appalling way Kovac has behaved towards him in recent months. But that is history and he must now make John believe in the future, make him believe that he has changed. Last night changed Luka. Thinking that John might have killed himself and the paralysing, white-knuckled fear he felt over the thought of finding his co-worker and occasional lover lifeless on the bathroom floor, Luka realised that John meant the world to him and he couldn't live without his brown-eyed boy. He now knows how John must have felt when John thought Luka had been executed in Africa. Thinking that Carter was dead had been the worst feeling Kovac had ever experienced. Jesus, he'd already lost one love of his life back in Croatia. He didn't want to lose another. When a man is faced with an authentic life and death situation, he tends to see things in a whole other light. He tends to see into the innermost chambers of his own heart and knows what parts of himself are bullshit lies and what parts are pure truth. In the illuminating light of truthfulness that surrounded Luka when he found his boyfriend curled up behind the couch, very much alive, he realised that he had been a complete fucking magarac to treat sweet, sensitive John Carter the callous way he did. It's not hard to see why John doubts anything he says. It's Luka's own damn fault for being such a jerk. Therefore, it is Luka's newfound mission to remedy that. He crouches down on the carpet to Carter's level, face to face, and looks him square in the eyes, unflinchingly and openly.

"John," he says gently, "I swear to God I have only ever said that to one other person in my life. Do you know who that is?"

From the tone of Luka's voice, the inflection of past pain and loss, and the same emotions mirrored in his green-flecked eyes, John knows immediately who Kovac means and his opinion of the man crouching before him swings back in his favour. Luka hardly ever talks about her, to anybody, so he must be deadly serious.

"Your…your wife?"

At John's hesitant guess, Kovac nods gravely. "Yes. I loved her very much. When she died, it felt like my soul was ripped right out of my body." He pauses. "But she is gone. And I have never loved another." He tenderly strokes Carter's brow.

"Until I met you. In retrospect, I know that I have been searching for happiness in the arms of all those other women. The way I was acting, the many women I dated - it had nothing to do with sex. I was looking for love. However, I was looking in the wrong place. I should have been looking at YOU. But I am now. I love you, John. Only you." Kovac's intense blue/green gaze burns into Carter's. "Do you believe me?"

The sincerity in Kovac's voice and eyes speaks volumes to Carter and he castigates himself for even doubting the second doctor's motives for declaring such a significant proclamation. Quietly, John answers, "I believe you. I'm sorry, Luka. I shouldn't have-"

Interrupting him, Kovac pronounces passionately, "It doesn't matter. What happened between us before this day doesn't matter. What we've said or done to each other doesn't matter. Who we've been with in the past doesn't matter. None of that matters. As long as you know that I love you and will honour you and defend you and care for you for the rest of my life – that is all that matters. I don't need anyone else. I have you. You are all I need."

Recalling that it was not only his wife Luka lost in the bombing, Carter asks tentatively, "What about… children? You know I can't give you any."

Giving John a sad smile, Kovac replies, "It is I who regrets not being able to give YOU children, Carter. I know how much you want them."

The two men gaze glumly at each other, thinking that childlessness is the only drawback to being with a member of the same gender. If you are paternally predisposed. Which they both are, earnestly so. They both have an unfulfilled yearning for little Johns and Lukas climbing all over them and calling them, "Daddy." They want boys. They want girls. They just want kids. A whole noisy, messy brood of them. They are cluckier than a lot of females and the idea of not having a family of their own is most disenchanting.

"But all is not lost," Luka speaks up confidently. "We could always adopt a few Romanian orphans. We're wealthy. We can afford it. And they need loving homes. We may have to buy a large house, though, and hire a nanny. Or we could find a surrogate mother to have our babies. We can even deliver them ourselves. In this day and age, there are plenty of ways we can have children…" He breaks off his excitable chatter and shakes his head with a short chuckle.

"It's far too early in the morning and you are in no shape to be discussing whether we should have kids. Plenty of time for that later. Get some rest, all right?" Luka smooches a tired, sick Carter fondly on the temple and stands up. "I'll see you tonight, my ljepota."

"Bye, doc," John farewells him weakly, his eyes already closing as Luka gathers his coat and leaves John's bedroom. By the time Luka starts his car, Carter is fast asleep.

Around five p.m., after drifting in and out of unconsciousness all day and having odd, disjointed dreams, Carter feels well enough to get up, shave and have a shower to wash the stink of gin off him. The aspirin and the healing power of sleep have worked and his headache and nausea have faded away. While he doesn't feel sick anymore, he's avidly thirsty and drinks some of the water spraying out of the shower rose, even though it's warm, cupping it in his hands and gulping it down until his throat feels not so parched. Though some may think drinking shower water is strange, he's sure he's not the only guy who's done it. Drying himself and throwing on some sweats, he goes into the kitchen and whips up a healthy banana, honey, malt and low-fat milk smoothie that makes him feel more awake and much less dying of thirst. He's not really up to eating yet. Maybe when Kovac comes back later they can get some takeout or something. He sits in his armchair, legs dangling over the side and sips his smoothie while thinking about who else but his dashing Croatian lover. Guess himself and Kovac are back on again. He knows now that he's never going to get back with Kem, if he even HAD a chance before the baby died. He supposes that he still held out a small flicker of hope that they would hook back up because Kem might have needed John's stability and security – i.e.; money - and additionally, a child needs two parents. Since there isn't going to be a child, there's no logical reason why he and Kem should be together again. He's sad over that but it is more sadness that he's not going to be a father any more, not that he and Kem won't be a couple.

There is a name John likes for the baby, since he knows it is a boy. Or was. Joshua. He wants to call his son Joshua Carter. He is thinking of dedicating a monument to him, like a new wing of the hospital or something. Kem would like that too. He doesn't blame her for Joshua's death. She didn't do anything wrong. She didn't smoke or drink or take drugs. She was the perfect expectant mother. As a surgeon, he knows that sometimes things just happen and there's nothing you can do about it. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. Perhaps he wasn't meant to be with Kem, or any other woman for that matter. Certainly not Abby. Boy, is he glad he didn't sleep with her. That would have been a major, major mistake. For him, women have been nothing but heartache. Every single one of them ended up ditching him for one dumb reason or another. He's too nice, too rich, not rich enough (in the case of one spoilt blonde heiress he briefly dated a couple of years ago), works too much or is too involved with charities. When he impulsively offers to make a commitment the chicks think he's too clingy and when he doesn't say he loves them after a couple of months they think he's not committed enough. Gah. He can't win. Women are just too complicated for him to work out. Men on the other hand… Men are pretty simple creatures.

All they want is a little freedom and a lot of sex. That's pretty much it. If they are in a relationship, they don't want the rest of their life to end, as can tend to happen when the other party is too demanding of their time. They just want to be able to watch football or play poker with the guys every week. They don't want that stuff to change just because they've fallen in love. That's not to say that men don't take love seriously. When a man falls in love, they fall hard. There are just no emotional strings and ties to get tangled up in. They just want to be with that person and they expect that the object of their love is faithful to them. A bit of God-like worship doesn't go astray either. Men like to feel macho and tough and they need to feel like their partner wants to sex them up twenty four seven. Men are fairly easygoing. Men don't constantly ask what the other is thinking or have to analyse every little thing in their life. Men don't care if the toilet seat is left up or that the dishes aren't done. Men don't hold grudges over something someone did two years ago. Men don't answer, "Nothing," when asked what is wrong. Men will generally say what is wrong. Men don't usually give the silent treatment or expect the other party to be a mind reader and know what's bugging someone. Men, on the whole, are pretty honest about their feelings.

And Carter hasn't exactly been true to his gender lately. He's been hiding his true feelings where Kovac is concerned and trying to convince himself that he doesn't feel what he actually does. He's been giving Kovac hot and cold signals, confusing him, just the way women have done to Carter in the past. He has been, well, a bit of a bitch, much as he hates to admit it. Because of the stupid way he's been acting, he has forced Kovac to play games too. But no more. Carter is not going to fuck around any more. Life is too short to live a lie. He has to admit the truth or he'll never be happy. And the truth is: he wants Luka. That's it. That's all there is to admit. Luka is not a disease, as he once thought. His disease is loneliness. And Luka is the CURE. Oh, how simple it all is when all the insignificant crud is stripped away. The cure has been there all along, right in front of his nose, and the supposedly intelligent Doctor John Carter couldn't see it. Until now. Kem's phone call was like a much-needed slap in the face. He has realised that no woman on the planet is ever going to make him happy. Only one man.

Luka Kovac.

He loves Luka. He always has. He's just been too worried about what other people think to accept it. But now he doesn't care what they think. He doesn't care what Abby thinks. He doesn't care what people at County think. He doesn't care what his family thinks, or his wealthy friends or bloody business associates. They can all go to hell. The only person whose opinion he values above all others is his own. If he accepts who he is then others will have no option but to accept as well. So, he's not straight. Whatever. It's not like men being in love is a totally new thing. It's more accepted these days than it has ever been. They even have TV shows about it, for goodness sakes! As for his dear departed Gamma, she wouldn't give two hoots about him falling for a guy. She'd just be overjoyed that he's finally found someone that he can be happy with. Gamma was a wise old bird. She would have given him her blessing, great grandchildren or no great grandchildren, he knows that now. His family might have trouble adjusting to the new non-hetero Carter but they'll adjust eventually. The only one who can make Carter happy is himself. If he gives himself permission to be happy, then he will be. And what makes him happy is an older doctor from Croatia with caring hands, an infectious grin and the prettiest blue eyes he's ever seen.

Carter makes a contract with himself. This day is a new page in the book of his life. The very first page, the blank one. All the pages after this day are blank too and what is henceforth written on them is entirely up to himself. He wants the book, his memoir, to be a work of non-fiction. From this moment on, he's telling the truth. He's going to be completely open about everything. When he goes back to work, he's not hiding who he is. It's not like he's not going to walk around with a big sign heralding, "I'm in love with Luka Kovac!" but if anyone asks, he's going to confirm it. What's the worst they can do? Point and giggle at him? Since he's one of the top doctors at County and has been there longer than practically everyone else, he has a high level of respect and that respect will hopefully stop anyone from giving him shit about his relationship with Kovac. They can say whatever the hell they like behind his back but if anyone says anything disparaging to his face, if they call him a faggot or a cocksucker, John will not hesitate to throw a punch or two. He'll show any homophobic pricks that he won't take that crap. He knows that you can't let anyone get away with it, not even once, or they'll keep doing it. He'll gladly smash someone's face in if they dare to mock him and his sexuality. And so will Kovac. Between the two of them, two proud lions stalking the hospital like they own it, nobody will have the guts to do any taunting. Yessir, if anyone asks if he and Kovac are dating, Carter's gonna retort, "Damn right, we are. Got a fucking problem with that?" He's actually looking forward to seeing their faces, the nurses and the interns and the office staff. He's looking forward to watching their jaws drop. That'll be fun.

Sitting in the armchair with his banana smoothie, John Carter smiles to himself and waits for Luka to finish work.

Unknown to him, everyone at the hospital is talking about Carter, wondering how he is and what exactly happened. Luka figures that Abby must have told someone about the baby dying and that person told someone else and so on and so forth until everybody there knows about it. The E.R. is practically buzzing with gossip. Fortunately, nobody asks Kovac about the situation because they don't know that he spent the night with John. They don't know about the two medical practitioners and their blossoming love. The only person who knows is Sam and she's astutely keeping her lips zipped about it. In actual fact, she doesn't want anyone to know that Kovac passed up sex with her hot blonde self to go comfort Carter. She doesn't want people knowing that Luka only dated her because he couldn't have John. And she recognises now that's precisely what was going on. It's not beneficial for a girl's esteem for people to know that she was second choice. Therefore, she's not going to tell anyone. She's decided she's sick of men and the habit they have of toying with women's emotions. Even though she used to do that to Luka, toy with him like a cat with a ball of wool, but she's intentionally forgetting those times because she's a woman and she can. Toying with men is a woman's right. Men just shouldn't do it back. She's thinking about swearing off men altogether and becoming a dyke. Men suck. Sam thinks God must have been a woman and She made men as a joke. Problem is, women keep falling for the jokes. If she was a lesbian, then she could borrow her girlfriend's clothes and they could do each other's hair and watch girly movies together. That'd be fun.

On the down side, she'd have to deal with someone else's PMS, bitchiness and mood swings but at least she'd know what she would be in for. She turns into Queen Bitch when she's about to get her period. Just ask Kovac. He knows aaall about that. Anyway, ice cream cures everything. And, on the bright side - no wet spot on the bed. No unwanted pregnancies. No toilet seat up. No razor burn, unless the girlfriend shaves her you-know-what. But there would always be guaranteed orgasms. Unlike most guys, women know where the clitoris is located. She reckons she could go down on a woman. Can't be any worse than sucking cock. And, as an added bonus, no worrying about spitting or swallowing. Yeah, Sam can see the definite advantages of switching teams. But who would be her girlfriend? Kerri Weaver, while an unapologetic dyke with pride, is not exactly hot plus dating her boss equals not a great idea. Hmm, what about Abby? Abby's pretty enough. Abby seems to share her hatred of men, especially men called 'Luka', and she's currently single. Wonder if she can convince Abby to become Alex's second mommy? Two mommies are better than one and a crappy daddy….

Whatever anyone else in the hospital is preoccupied about that day, Luka is just about floating on air because of the night before. Because of what John said. Three little words. John said he loved Luka. True, he was out of his mind with grief and tanked up on gin when he said it but the point it, he SAID it. And to Kovac, that totally counts. He's happy. Nothing can get him down now, not even Weaver's bitching or Morris's clumsy ineptitude or Barnett's too-casual approach to patients, not even Pratt's infuriating and unethical practise of hitting on anyone female who enters the building and trying to scam phone numbers off them, be they interns, psychologists or patients. Normally those things bug the shit out of Luka but not today. Today is a good day to be Doctor Luka Kovac. He has express permission to go visit John after work at his place and hopefully the kid is feeling better so they can go out to dinner or even just lounge in front of the TV with some greasy but oh-so-satisfying pizza, specifically the one with the cheese-stuffed crust. Man, that stuff is delicious. American food is great, provided you don't overdo it. He's seen first hand what happens to a human body when it indulges in excess American food. It can result in him with his bloody gloved fingers buried in someone's cracked-open chest, trying to scrape the thick yellow cholesterol out of their clogged-up heart like a plumber trying to clear crap out of a blocked drain. Not keen on having that done to him, Luka is usually a healthy eater but he does enjoy the odd pig-out every now and then. He decrees tonight will be one of those times. It will be kind of like a celebration. The start of something fabulous. It's a different chapter in his life. This chapter now involves John Carter. John is now his official lover. Screw it; he's not disguising the reality. He wants the whole world to know that he alone has managed to land the desirable Dr. Carter and if John is agreeable to it then Luka is going to brag his ass off about it. Who wouldn't? It's a fine thing to brag about. A lot of women he knows, and some he doesn't, will be sobbing into their pillows when they find out the two of them are now off the Top Ten Eligible Hospital Bachelors list. Luka's mother always said he was going to be a heartbreaker. Can't deny that. But one heart he will never, ever break will be John's. He wants to spend every spare second with the guy, proving to him that his love is real and true and never-ending. Yes, pizza and couch-snuggling with Carter is sounding really good and Kovac can't wait for his shift to be finished, hands already itching to touch the other man.

Almost as if they share some weird psychic bond, Kovac gets a page from Carter telling him to pick up some food on his way over. Susan asks him what he's smiling at and Kovac winks and tells her he has a date. Inquisitively, she wants to know with whom but he simply grins and says, "I'll tell you tomorrow." After his shift ceases, Luka orders a large super supreme stuffed-crust pizza and picks it up before he parks out the front of Carter's place and makes his way up to the door. He's holding the pizza box in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. After hearing the knock, Carter opens the door and lets Luka in. Prior to the other MD's arrival, Carter had contemplated swapping the sweats for something a little dressier but rationed that if Luka loves him, he'll love him no matter what he's wearing. His clothes most likely won't stay on for long anyway, knowing Kovac's insatiable sexual appetite.

"Hey, my little patient. Feeling better?" Kovac queries, bending to press a kiss to John's newly-shaven cheek. John nods, all the greenness gone from his face and the redness gone from his eyes.

"Much. Oh, pizza! You read my mind," he comments as Luka sets the box and the bottle down on the kitchen bench and removes his scarf and coat, revealing a pale blue shirt and black pants. It's very warm in John's place. So warm, one would think it was summer instead of winter. But if that's how Carter wants it, Kovac can't complain. It's Carter's pad, after all. As Luka rolls up his sleeves to make himself more comfortable in the central-heated temperature of the room, Carter opens the lid of the pizza box and steam comes wafting out along with the mouth-watering smell of pepperoni and onions. He starts picking off the olives and munching on them, realising he's much hungrier than he thought now that the food is right in front of him.

"How about some wine for starters?" Kovac suggests, already unwrapping the foil around the cork. He halts. "That is, if you can handle alcohol after last night's rather unhealthy binge."

"No, wine is good. I think I can handle wine. Let me get some glasses," John replies and retrieves two from the cupboard above the stove. Luka pops the cork and pours the chilled burgundy liquid into the glasses, then hands one to the younger doctor.

"Let's make a toast," Luka proposes, his cerulean orbs focused intently on his smaller lover.

"To what?" Carter asks. Luka smiles charmingly, crinkles appearing at the corner of his eyes.

"To us, silly." He holds up his drink. "A toast to us. To new beginnings."

Carter nods in agreement and clinks his glass together with Luka's. "I'll drink to that. To new beginnings."

They both take a gulp of the wine. Kovac doesn't bother being polite and drains his whole glass in one go. Carter can only manage a few sips before his stomach threatens to cramp up in protest at the potential booze-blast that it's going to get again. It still hasn't forgiven him for last night's drowning.

"Drink up, John-boy," Kovac urges, motioning to Carter's still-full glass. "Can't let a top quality drop like this go to waste."

Raising his eyebrows, John remarks, "Are you trying to get me drunk, Kovac?"

The Croatian chuckles heartily. "Seen that. Wasn't pretty."

"Hey, you said I WAS," John scolds him, smacking Luka on the arm. "Goddamn lying foreigner."

"Oh, you're right. You WERE pretty," Kovac relents, remembering the other young doctor's red-rimmed gaze turning up to him when Luka coaxed Carter out of his huddle behind the lounge. Working in the E.R. and having to tell sons and daughters and wives and husbands that their loved ones have passed away, Luka has witnessed many people crying but seeing it on John's face - the silvery streaks of tears on his cheeks, the sheer vulnerability and raw pain in those dark, depthless eyes - that really got to him. It broke his heart and yet filled it with immense, overflowing love at the same time.

"I've never seen you look so breathtaking," he murmurs reverently.

John's mouth twists in wry denunciation. "Yeah. Anger and self-pity – not ugly at all."

"But you had very valid reasons for feeling that way," Kovac swiftly amends. "I mean, you had every right…after…what happened…" He trails off. He can't bring himself to say, "After your baby son died the day following my tasteful surprise peep-show with Sam in the closet which I did purely to wound you like the thoughtless, spiteful prick that I was." He doesn't say that but he knows they are both thinking it and kicks himself for dredging up hurtful memories and possibly irreversibly ruining what was supposed to be a romantic night in.

"Forgive me, Carter," he says repentantly, setting down his glass. "Me and my big mouth. I didn't mean to remind you-"

But John shrugs and cuts off the rest of his apology. "Hey, last night was what it was, all right? I needed to let all that shit out and I did. So, from here on in I'm trying to be positive and putting all that behind me. The past is the past. I still got the rest of my life to live and I sure as heck ain't gonna spend it wallowing in my own misery. As Gamma used to say, we Carters weren't built that way. We just carry on, head held high, no matter what life throws at us."

With a surge of fierce pride and admiration, Kovac cups John's cheeks in his hands and gazes into his partner's eyes saying, "You have such courage, ljepota. Such strength and such determination to go on in the face of adversity. You never give up. That's one of the very things I love about you."

"And what about you?" John reminds him, talking about how Kovac lost not only his two children but his beloved wife back in Croatia when a bomb blast killed them all. The man standing before him could have easily gone down the path of self-destruction and ended up a penniless wino in a gutter but here he is, a successful doctor and surgeon living in America and saving lives every single day of the week. He has triumphed over inexpressible tragedy. Luka is the epitome of courage and determination.

"Your strength is one of the things I admire about you too," John tells him, placing his own wine glass down on the counter top and caressing Luka's bare forearms, feeling the warm olive-tinted skin and the black fuzz sprinkled over them. "Your strength kept you alive in Africa."

"No," Kovac denies, shaking his head. "YOU kept me alive, Carter. The thought of seeing you again was what kept me going. Whenever I felt the heat and thirst and fatigue taking me over, whenever I felt my spirit weakening, I thought of your shy smile and your chocolate-coloured eyes. I thought of your voice and your touch and how you make me feel when I'm with you. I thought of you and held on. It seemed like forever. And then you flew in and saved me, like an angel straight out of Heaven." His face is filled with awe and gratitude. "You saved my LIFE, John. You came right when I needed you the most."

"So did you," John divulges, meaning the evening before when Kovac forced the door open and spent the remainder of the night holding him in bed, comforting him, supporting him, sharing his strength with Carter when Carter had none. That simple act of compassion erased anything harmful that Luka had said or done. That simple act of compassion had proven to John that underneath it all, Kovac really cared. That simple act of compassion meant the world to John. And still does. The younger male's heart expands to bursting point.

"Thank you for being here for me, Luka. I really need you right now," Carter professes, voice and eyes suddenly suffused with desperation. "God, I need you so much!"

He roughly yanks Kovac towards him and crushes their lips together in a passionate, hungry kiss which the older doctor returns with gusto, still cradling John's face in his hands. Their mouths open and their tongues slide against the other's, hot, wet and demanding. Carter tastes like wine as Kovac does to Carter. Rich and fruity with a hint of blackberry, oak and cloves. They feel giddy, their heads swimming, but not from the fermented grape liquor both of them have swallowed. They haven't had enough of that to feel inebriated. The scant mouthfuls of burgundy fluid have warmed up their empty stomachs and made their breath sweet and intoxicating with alcohol but they are far from under the influence. They feel drunk but not on the wine. They are drunk on each other. The two medical practitioners kiss the way they should have done when they were reunited in the Congo, like men starved. Finally, they can be together and nothing is stopping them, no hospital, no jungle, no women, no doubts or concerns - not a thing on the earth can keep them apart now. Pizza forgotten about, Kovac clears a space on the polished wooden kitchen counter and heroically hoists John up onto it as if the American male weighs no more than a crisp autumn leaf, not disconnecting the electrified fusion of their lips. Devouring Luka's mouth as if he'll die without it, John wraps his legs around the other doctor's trim waist and pulls him closer, Luka's hardness meeting his through the barrier of their trousers. The bench top is the perfect height for sex. With Carter sitting on top of that bench, he is completely level with Kovac's hips, as if it had been built for them alone. If this was any other night, Kovac would have torn John's pants off and been inside him by now. John's cherry is ripe for the plucking. He could pluck John right this instant if he was so inclined. Luka knows from experience that when someone kisses him that desperately and needily, they want to be taken and ravaged, the harder the better. The elder man remembers all too clearly the lustful list of lewdness he prepared a couple of months ago. The number one thing on his list was: Fuck John. He was so eager and so impatient to reach that number one goal. But you know what? He doesn't care about that list anymore. He mentally scrunches up and burns that list. He doesn't want to fuck John. He wants to make love to him. Fucking is something the old, selfish Luka wanted to do. The new, improved Luka is more concerned about giving pleasure than taking it.

As they kiss avidly, sucking in quick breaths through their noses while their mouths are occupied, Kovac slips his hands under the back of John's sweater, discovering the boy's smooth skin. Under Luka's seeking palms, Carter feels feverish and right along his spine perspiration is staring to gather in rivulets. Kovac is feeling a little warm himself. The passion between them is simmering like a stew on a stove and he wouldn't be surprised if steam was emanating from their masculine bodies like it did off the pizza. As if to confirm his very thoughts, John severs the kiss and draws back to look at Luka, his cheeks ruddy with heightened desire. He is breathing fast, on the cusp of panting.

"Take it off," he urges Luka, lifting his arms so the second male can peel the piece of clothing from his sweaty torso like the skin from a banana. Carter blows an upward gust of air at his face, making the front strands of his brown hair ruffle. "Phew. Is it just me or is it hot in here?"

"It's you," Kovac insinuates with a wicked grin, dropping the superfluous sweater and scanning John's hairless, tanned upper body with allusive eyes. "You're one hot jalapeño."

Choosing not to correct Luka's charming and naïve use of the word 'jalapeño' instead of the usual Americanised 'tamale', John half-smiles. "You think I'm hot?"

Kovac presses his burning erection into John's groin, making the sitting one's eyes widen. "What does THIS tell you?"

"Huh. Nobody's ever called me hot before," Carter muses, pleased with the compliment. "Cute, perhaps, or handsome but never hot. I always thought I looked too young and boyish to be hot."

"Believe me, my beauty," Kovac declares, running his hands up Carter's slim sides and ribs, "young and boyish IS hot." He brushes his thumbs over John's little pink nipples and the recipient arches his back and gives a breathy exhalation of rapture at the resultant sparkles fizzing through his chest like soda bubbles. With an admiring gaze, John drinks up the sight of the muscular male between his legs, thinking how gorgeous the Croatian is with his tall, fit body, sexy stubble on his jaw and narrow yet unbelievably sensuous mouth. Out of that mouth comes the most erotic, exotic accent John has ever heard and the sound of it, like a deep-throated snow leopard purr, makes his pulse flutter. He adores the way Luka's dark hair falls roguishly over one side of his lined forehead, the way he stares seductively at John through those piercing oceanic eyes and black lashes – easily his most attractive feature. It was those eyes that first led Carter into the closet with him and it is those eyes that will make him want to go there again.

"Y'know, you're pretty hot too," Carter informs Kovac bashfully, the first time he's ever said anything like that to another man. Seeing dampness beginning to soak through the chest and underarms of Kovac's baby blue shirt, he adds, "In the literal sense as well. I think I have the central heating up way too high."

As Kovac mumbles his agreement, John starts unbuttoning the older man's shirt for him, spreading it open and exposing Kovac's furred chest and six pack belly. Kovac is wearing a black leather belt around the top of his trousers. With his smaller, softer hands, Carter slides the fine linen fabric of the shirt over Luka's wide shoulders and down his rippling arms, taking his time in spite of his overwhelming lust, letting the feel of Kovac's skin and muscles glide over his palms and into his memory. Kovac lets go of John just long enough to free himself from his own sleeves and impatiently discards the item, then resumes his hold on the other young surgeon, greatly enjoying the way Carter is looking at him like he's some kind of bronze statue in an art gallery. Innumerable women have looked at him that way, practically eating him up with their eyes, but it had never given Luka as much joy as it does now because that look is coming from John's velvety-brown orbs. All he's ever wanted is right there in Carter's eyes. A look says more than a thousand words and in that look Kovac can see a thousand emotions. Respect, adoration, trust, openness, need, want, love. With all that shining through in John's eyes, Kovac doesn't need to hear the words from the first doctor's mouth but he asks anyway.

"Tell me you love me."

Carter reaches up and touches Kovac's whisker-roughened cheek. He loves the feel of Luka's stubble prickling under his hand, on his face, on his body. John is smooth enough for the both of them. He thinks the dissimilarity of their bodies is what makes them so well-matched. He's smooth and Kovac is hairy but not in a gross gorilla-man kind of way. In a studly, manly kind of way, like one of those hunks on the historical romance novel covers. All Kovac needs is the frilled shirt and leather breeches, the boots and the sword and he could be a pirate or a highwayman, gallivanting and swashbuckling his way into the heart of his swooning paramour, which would obviously be Carter. Though they are both doctors and surgeons in the same hospital, have the same thing between their legs and the same intellect between their ears, Carter is like the opposite of Kovac in nearly every other way. While Kovac is solid and hard, he is slim and supple. Kovac's eyes are light and sharp while John's are dark and soft. Kovac hides his emotions well while Carter tends to spill his guts. Kovac has been married and has known the joys of being a father; Carter has not. Kovac had to work hard for his money; Carter was born into it. Kovac likes fast cars; Carter likes fast horses. Kovac is a fighter and Carter is a peace-maker. Kovac is aggressive and Carter is passive. Well, most of the time. When he wants to be, and specifically at work, John can be forceful and authoritative and take charge of any given situation. But not tonight. Tonight he is quite happy to let Kovac lead the way.

"Tell me, Carter." Luka's voice is but a mere murmur yet his eyes betray the urgency behind his request.

John caresses the other man's face and says huskily, "I love you, Luka."

Luka growls in satisfaction and snatches Carter's hand away from his cheekbone, bringing it to his lips, taking two of Carter's fingers into his mouth and sucking on them porn-star style, lashing his tongue around and between the digits while sending his lover a look of unadulterated hotness with those ebony-lashed eyes, letting John know exactly what he's thinking about doing next. John's dick jumps in anticipation of that mouth going down further south and sucking just like that. Luka's saliva glints on Carter's index and middle fingers as he slowly extracts them from his lips. As Carter's breathing quickens again, Luka moves his voracious mouth down John's palm and wrist, licking and nipping along the silky underneath of his forearm, into the crease of his inner elbow – feeling a pulse thrumming beneath his lips - and up the younger surgeon's bicep until he reaches a rounded shoulder. Luka bites into that shoulder and John jolts with the ferocity of it, clutching Luka's arm. Leaving behind tooth imprints in the flesh of John's shoulder, Kovac slides his greedy mouth along the boy's collarbones and attacks his neck while moulding his hand around Carter's cock through the material of his pants, rubbing and squeezing the straining bulge, his aim to drive Carter crazy. And accomplishing that magnificently. Tipping his head back to allow the dominant male access to his throat, Carter groans helplessly and threads his fingers into Kovac's glossy brown hair, getting lost in the heady, heart-thumping excitement and near mental black-out that accompanies such ardent physical affection. Genius-level IQ notwithstanding, Dr. John Carter cannot think or rationalise or analyse anything with what Kovac is doing to him. All the blood has left his brain and pooled in his crotch. What is happening is not medical attention; this is not therapy; this is not intensive care. This is not even sexual healing. This is primal animal mating at its finest. John sits there on the kitchen bench and permits Kovac to mate with him in any way he wants to. He didn't get to do this in a tent at the Congo but wild Pygmy sex might just be happening here in his kitchen tonight.

Feeling his brown-eyed beau nearly roasting in his embrace and under his kissing, biting mouth, Kovac decides to cool Carter down a little before he spontaneously combusts or faints from heat exhaustion. It's like a sauna in there, or a tropical jungle. Thank God it's not the latter. They've both had enough of jungles to last a lifetime. In the sweltering furnace that is John's vine-free apartment, Kovac is feeling much like a chicken egg in incubation but Carter is virtually getting cooked alive. Stick a fork in him; he's done. The kid's pulse is pounding, his cheeks are red and he is sweating like he's just done a triathlon and Kovac hasn't even BEGUN to make love to him yet. He doesn't want Carter passing out from anything other than pleasure.

"Thermostat," he commands. "Where is it?"

John points in the direction, moisture clumping his armpit hairs together, sweat already dripping down his temples and soaking his sideburns.

"Clothes. Off. Now," Kovac snaps and heads to the controls to adjust the temperature by a few negative degrees. An obedient Carter shucks off his sweatpants and briefs as well as his socks, tossing them on the terracotta tiled floor, glad to be rid of the thick, suffocating garments. When Luka returns into the kitchen, the first thing he sees is John's bare butt parked on the bench, the guy remaining in the same position Luka had left him in, his sleek back and the crack of his ass reflected in the varnished wood below it. Kovac grins to himself and sheds his own trousers, shoes and socks, leaving his boxer shorts on in case John gets too excited by the awe-inspiring sight of his nine-inch dick and erupts into a fatal nosebleed. He then rummages in the top shelf of Carter's refrigerator, finding what he wants and bringing it back to the naked boy on the bench. In his thirties, John can hardly be called a boy but to the older and more experienced Kovac he is but a youth in his prime.

"Cold?" Kovac questions, indicating to the shiny counter top under John's rump.

Grinning and swinging his legs over the edge of the bench like a little kid, John retorts, "Not cold enough."

"I'll fix that," Luka pledges and bangs the yellow plastic tray he's holding sharply onto the wooden bench, causing small squares of frozen water to clatter free next to John's thigh. Comprehending what Kovac intends to do, John shivers in advance, his nipples already pebbling in anticipation. The Croatian goes around to the other side of the centrally located kitchen counter and picks up a cube of ice. John can't help but jerk slightly at the coldness searing into his epidermis when Kovac touches the ice to his fevered flesh. With languorous slowness, Luka sweeps the glacial cube over John's shoulder blades and back in circles, steering well clear of the sensitive scar tissue of his healed knife wound, creating glistening tracks and drips on second male's skin as the ice speedily melts due to his steaming warmth.

"Oh, that's good," Carter utters, the freezing square of water sliding over his back working fantastically to lower his high body temperature to a non-lethal extent. In no time at all, the ice has dissolved into nothingness and Carter's back is wet all over but not just from perspiration. Luka bends down and gives John's skin a long lick, right up the middle of his spinal column, tasting salt and water. Carter shudders.

"Lie back," Kovac instructs with a gentle pull and John complies, leaning backwards, knees bent, calves and feet dangling over the front edge of the counter, arms loosely by his sides, head resting on the furthermost edge of the bench top. The coolness of the polished wood on the skin of his back is nowhere near as refreshing as the ice had been. The cubes Kovac had ejected out of the tray onto the bench are gradually melting and before they turn into tiny lukewarm puddles, he puts them to good use, popping one into his mouth. He leans down and slants his lips over Carter's in a Spider-man upside-down kiss, his hair falling onto John's face. Carter instinctively opens his mouth and Kovac awards the withheld ice to him. They pass the cube back and forth, an excuse to tangle icy tongues, the opposite angle of their faces giving a new and interesting dimension to the kiss. When that cube has disintegrated, the older doctor rubs more ice on Carter's face – his brow, his closed eyelids, his cheeks and chin – and down his neck, clear liquid puddling in the hollow between his collarbones. He skims another frozen square along both of Carter's arms. When he does the same on John's chest, the reclining male's areolae pucker up into points and goose bumps form on his tanned skin. John can't restrain a hiss as Luka circles the ice around his nipples, giving him a sudden case of near freezer-burn or frostbite. But the cold shock morphs into a wave of incredible arousal that laps over his whole body. Leaning over one of John's shoulders, Kovac takes a dusky nipple into his mouth, his tongue scorching Carter's chilled flesh, chin-whiskers tickling. Once more, Carter shudders, the mixed sensations zapping straight to the length of his prick, which is just about incandescent with building lust.

He mutters, "Nobody but you, Kovac, could cool me down and make me hot at the same time."

Kovac laughs. "Damn right, baby. Here, chew on this." He places another ice cube onto John's waiting tongue. As John is crunching on the ice, Luka is rubbing more over his udvurati's belly, trickles of water escaping down over the smaller surgeon's hips. Luka can see quite visibly that Carter's dick is doing some trickling of its own, lubricating fluid generously seeping out of the rosy tip. Kovac leaves one square of frosty goodness in Carter's navel to melt then pads around to the other side of the counter on his bare feet, facing his heat-affected amigo. To continue the cooling down process, Luka ices Carter's lean thighs, calves and feet, even between his toes, making the younger one twitch because he's ticklish right there. After that, the only spot that hasn't had the iced treatment is Carter's blistering dick, puce-coloured and swollen with boiling blood. With a deft hand, Kovac runs an ice cube down his partner's shaft and he swears he can almost hear the moisture sizzling and spitting like fat on a grill. John gasps loudly at the cold rush zooming along his cock and hitting him in the gut like an electric current. Luka sucks on the piece of ice and then envelops Carter's dick with his freezing mouth, the contrasting sensations sending John into a writhing frenzy. Armed with the last chunk of ice, Kovac guides it down over John's balls, the twin pouches immediately tightening and shrinking with the unwelcome chilliness as if they are trying to crawl back inside of him to flee into the safety of bodily warmth. John squirms and makes a whine of complaint, his reproductive organs too touchy to cope with the shocking blaze of coldness assaulting them.

Thankfully, Kovac guides the ice down lower, along Carter's cleft, and traces it around his private opening. In that very personal spot, it still feels about a hundred degrees below zero but John soon gets used to it and indeed comes to enjoy the ice touching him there. What he enjoys more than anything is the way Luka is using the frozen object to tantalise him, probing it into the tight ring of muscle just far enough to tease. With each probe, the ice melts a bit more as the further it goes inside John's body, the hotter it is. Kovac has to be careful not to let the remnant of the cube slip completely inside Carter, although if it did, it would be entirely harmless, melting away as if it was never there. It's just that this is the last bit of ice he's got and he wants to maximise its usage before it disappears. Keeping up that teasing movement with the glassy oval of ice grasped in his right hand, Luka curls the other hand around Carter's stiff dick, hunching over and resuming giving his supine captive an expert blow job, standing between Carter's parted thighs. With Kovac's gifted, red-hot mouth swirling up and down his shaft and the wet, slippery sliver the other man is darting into his entrance and back out again like a cold little tongue, driving him to the brink of madness with extremes of fire and ice, John is all but sobbing with pent-up sexual need.

"Luka… Stop," he begs, tugging on Kovac's hair to halt his frustrating foreplay and make him get down to business. "I want you. Inside me. Like this. On the bench."

Luka does not have to be invited twice. Bench sex is not a thing to say no to. Sex with Carter is not a thing to say no to. Hell, he'd even do Carter on a mound of rotting garbage; he wants the kid that much. He flicks the last of the ice into the sink and strips off his pre-come soaked boxers, his spectacular penis bouncing free, engorged to its full width and girth from pleasuring his baby-faced lover.

"Lube?" he prompts Carter, knowing they can't do it without any.

"Bottom bedroom drawer. Hurry," John compels him and Kovac sprints off as if he's attempting to beat a world record. He returns with a plastic bottle in his hand and a huge smirk on his face. He's brandishing ultrasound gel, the very stuff Kovac had used to jack off in the supply cupboard while John watched him.

"I KNEW you'd take it after I left, you bad boy," he jibes Carter, snapping open the cap. Propped up on his elbows, John grins, his blush hidden by his already-stained cheeks.

"Couldn't let you use it all, could I?"

"Judging by how much is gone, I'll bet you've had your share of fun with it," Luka drawls, squirting the clear emulsion into his hand and smothering it over his aching member. If he was with anyone else but Carter, Kovac would have used a condom. But since they are both medical professionals and very aware of practising strict health, safety and hygiene precautions, they are both free of any infectious diseases. He wouldn't even dare to offend Carter by asking if he is clean. Kovac knows he is. And Carter isn't enforcing the no latex-no sex rule. In view of the fact that they are both now in a monogamous relationship, protection isn't necessary. He is certain John won't sleep with anyone else but him and Luka damn sure doesn't want anybody else except the satyr lying there on the counter in front of him, all nude and horny and sweaty, eyes smouldering with desire, tongue flickering over his moist, parted lips, waiting there with his cock hard and his thighs spread open like a fantasy of Kovac's brought to vivid, technicolour life. The Dirty Doctor. Oh, if only Carter was wearing his stethoscope…

"Are you going to stare at me all night or are you going to fuck me, Kovac?"

Carter's blunt inquiry almost makes Kovac blow his load onto the tiled kitchen floor. The older man is insanely turned on whenever well-mannered John swears like that. Luckily, he manages to contain himself and his sperm.

"I'll take option number two, thanks John," he concludes, forgetting that only minutes ago he made a pact with himself that he was NOT going to fuck Carter, but make sweet, sweet love to him. However, because Carter was the one who brought up the 'F' word, what else can Luka do but comply? If the kid wants to be fucked then Kovac will bloody well fuck him!

"When I'm done with you, Carter, your voice will be hoarse from moaning my name so loud," Luka vows boldly, elevating John's left leg up so that his heel rests on the edge of the bench. John, who had raised himself with his elbows to observe Luka lubing up, lies back down again and prepares to have his virginity taken.

"I suppose you want me scratching at your back too," he predicts dryly, reminding Kovac of the night he almost succeeded in seducing Carter with his wanton words.

"You'd better," Luka says and he isn't joking. He wants John to give him some passion scars. He'll be disappointed if he doesn't get any. Well, if he does his job properly, he'll get them. All he has to do is make Carter come like he's never came before. He won't be happy until he achieves that goal. He takes his first two fingers, slick with ultrasound gel, and gently but insistently works them into his lover's inviting entranceway, the slippery substance making them relatively easy to insert. Carter is loosened somewhat from the probing of the ice but not enough to take all of Luka's thick length. He joins a third finger to the other two, moving them in and out, opening John up, stretching the elastic band of resistance he's going to have to push through. Carter whimpers, more than ready.

"Kovac, please…"

After a few more finger-thrusts, Kovac is satisfied that John will be able to accept him with only a minimal amount of pain, if any at all. He raises Carter's other leg so that both his heels are on the rim of the bench and his thighs are apart and then Luka pulls the virgin forward, lining Carter up with his pelvis. Guiding his lubricated cock down to the correct place, the only place he can go, Kovac slowly and carefully enters him. The head of his dick disappears into the inner sanctum of John's body first, followed by the shining shaft, an inch at a time. Overwhelmed with the scalding heat and pressure engulfing his veined length, Kovac swears softly in Croatian and controls the urge to shove in too fast. For John's sake, he takes it slow. Carter has his head turned to the side, eyes closed, breath held. If he feels any discomfort at the penetration, the only sign he shows is his brows drawing together a fraction, and then as Kovac pushes in up to the hilt and stops, his forehead smooths out.

"Are you all right?" Luka asks in consternation. "Did it hurt?"

Shaking his head slightly, Carter opens his eyes. "No. I'm fine."

"Good. You did good, sweetheart," Kovac praises John, patting his thigh. John gives him a smile of thanks for being so gentle when he could have easily jammed it in without any regard for his feelings. His trust in Luka is not misplaced. Kovac glances down at their intimate connection, bumping his hips into the first doctor experimentally.

At the burst of pleasure, John tilts his head back and sucks in air through his teeth. His chocolate eyes flutter closed and he waits for the next stroke. Watching raptly, the standing man withdraws up to the top end of his glistering dick, Carter's internal muscles gripping him tightly and holding his tip in, and slides luxuriously all the way back in again to the base, his balls butting into Carter's ass. Carter lets out a long sigh of arousal, his fingers clenching into fists and relaxing. His prick throbs on his belly and his pulse throbs inside of him where Kovac can feel it. When Luka repeats the same gliding motion, John lifts his hips and pushes into him, as if he wants it deeper. Kovac thrusts again, a little quicker and with a little extra depth, and Carter moans unintelligibly. The third thrust causes John to moan once more only this time, it's understandable and it's Luka's name.

"Feel nice?" Luka responds.

John breathes, "Oh, yes…Even better than I thought it would…"

Kovac smiles in appreciation. With the hand that has the ultrasound gel on it, Luka grasps Carter's erection and firmly strokes it. He hears a blasphemous curse flow over Carter's lips, voice choked and halting, sounding very different to his everyday conversational tone or the commanding bark he uses at work when giving orders. It sounds much like a sob or a plea for mercy. It sounds extremely hot. Luka would never get tired of that sound. He covers John's hard-on with the gel, using it to stimulate his partner while he's thrusting. The colourless goo is remarkably slippery and long-lasting and he won't have to reapply it two or three times unlike some other lubes he's tried. Luka reasons that he probably doesn't need to do this. John appears to be that close to climax that he could probably make him come by simply fucking him. But he's not an expert in man sex so to be on the safe side, if he does this, he knows it will work. He does not want to come before Carter does. To stop himself from getting bunted across the varnished wood surface he's lying on, John reaches back and clings to the edge of the bench with both hands, hanging on as Kovac screws him.

Driving his dick into his deliciously willing accomplice with increasing speed and energy, Kovac feels the sweat building up on his person again and notes that there is a sheen of it glimmering on Carter's lithe form too, beading on his forehead and chest. Carter is half gasping – half moaning, eyes shut tight, his flushed face the very picture of sexual abandonment. Perilously bordering on climax, Luka has to think about medical terminology in his head as he fucks Carter, bringing up pages of textbooks he's studied in the past, concentrating on the complicated words and diagrams to take his mind of the exceptionally sexy act he's participating in and to prevent his own cork from popping too early. He doesn't have to think about that stuff for long though, as Carter abruptly reaches up and grabs him, urgently pulling Kovac's upper body down on top of him, chest to chest, at the same time coiling his legs around Kovac's middle, drawing him in deep and holding him there, Luka's cock far inside him. Luka gets those passion scars he wanted for next John rakes his nails down the foreigner's back like an enraged feral cat while panting out his body-rocking orgasm next to Kovac's ear.

"God, yes, Luka…Uh…uh…uhh!" Carter is bucking and spasming on the bench underneath him so violently, Luka would almost think the guy is having a seizure if he didn't know otherwise. His hand still around John's dick, Kovac feels the organ pulsing as semen cascades out, hitting Kovac's belly in warm surges. While that is happening, Luka can feel strong internal contractions at regular intervals clenching his own cock and he can't hold back anymore, exploding into Carter, his seed gushing much like blood gushes out of a punctured jugular vein.

"Ah, ljepota, I love you…love you, love you," Kovac moans, lapsing into torrents of Croatian cursing and endearments, barely aware of what he's saying; his release is so intense.

The last of his spasms receding, Carter latches onto Luka's shoulder with his mouth and sucks hard, giving the older doctor a purple bruise and another scar of passion, albeit a temporary one. He is prudent enough to not give it right on Kovac's neck, where anyone at work can see it. That would be unprofessional, not to mention embarrassing. This way, it will be hidden under his white coat and only Luka and John will know it's there.

The two men need a few minutes to recover so they stay connected in the same position, Luka collapsed on top of Carter on the wooden counter top, their breath rapid, sweat mingling, hearts beating against the other's beneath their ribs. Eventually, Kovac peels his sticky body away from John and carefully withdraws his equally sticky penis. John doesn't feel unbearable searing pain as he could have, only a mild stretched soreness, as if he's pulled a minor muscle or ligament. Along with the soreness is a certain strange numbness but the weird sensation is to be expected. It was his first time and he considers himself lucky to have gotten through it virtually unscathed. On the other hand, luck didn't have much to do with it. Kovac's skilled preparation was what made the event so hassle-free. Thank God there was no hymen to break through or he'd be feeling a lot more uncomfortable than he is now. Kovac lends John a hand to sit up and John arches his spine, feeling a few vertebrae cracking back into place.

"Shit. How is your back?" Luka asks as both a doctor and an anxious partner, forehead creased, hoping that Carter being banged so roughly didn't cause his scar to ache. With the boy's ever-present lumbar problems, remnants of life-saving surgery, he should have known better than to fuck him on the unforgivably hard and non-supportive surface of the wooden bench. He should have taken John to the much softer bed or at the very least, to the couch. Jesus, how inconsiderate of him!

Putting Kovac's mind at ease, John confirms, "It's normal. Not even a twinge." The younger male's hair is plastered to his scalp with perspiration and his face is all sleepy and pretty and pink with satiated desire, his lips dark and bruised-looking.

"Predivan," Kovac purrs affectionately, kissing Carter's hand in a romantic gesture. "You have never looked so beautiful, my darling John."

John sniffs his own underarm and grimaces. "I don't smell beautiful. I totally need a shower after that workout."

"I think we BOTH need showers," Kovac declares, catching a whiff of his own salty male rankness. He hasn't sweated this much since his days under the relentless African sun. Speaking of the African sun…

"Carter, you're not going to leave me and go back to the Congo, are you?" he has to ask the other MD. At the guarded look in Kovac's eyes, John frowns.

"Why would I do that?"

Shrugging, Luka ventures, "I dunno. Kem." He says her name so casually but under that nonchalance John can sense Luka's fretfulness. He squeezes Luka's hand, the older male evading his gaze.

"Luka, I just let you make love to me. I let you take my virginity right here," he points out, motioning to the bench he's sitting on. "That should prove how committed I am to you."

Kovac tentatively peers up at John through his feathery lashes. "Then you don't want her back?"

"I don't want her back. It's over. It's been over for ages," Carter stresses. "It's you I love, Kovac." He draws the standing man to him and slips his arms around Kovac in a long hug, chin resting on Kovac's shoulder.

"I love you," he repeats softly. "And I swear, I will never leave the continent without you."

"If you do, I will just follow you," Kovac threatens, his arms tightening around his slender boyfriend possessively. "I will follow you to the ends of the earth if I have to, if it will bring you back to my side."

"You won't have to," Carters assures him. "Because I won't leave you. As long as you promise me the same."

"I already did, last night," Kovac reminds him. "It's still legitimate."

"Then we have an understanding?"

"We have an understanding." Kovac kisses John on the neck, the familiar prickle of his stubble sandpapering John's skin.

"Good. Great." John smiles into Kovac's shoulder, the one with the love bite on it. He hasn't given anyone a hickey since he was sixteen, believing it to be a juvenile flaunting of sexual activity and something best left back in the school yard. Though he has passed that phase and grown into adulthood, he doesn't regret the purple stain he left behind on Luka's flesh. He recalls why young lovers do this. It's a brand, a visible mark of ownership. It brands Kovac as his, as dumb as it sounds. But he'll never give Luka one on the neck. When he goes back to work at County and comes out of the closet, he'll have enough to cope with without people jeering at him for giving Luka a goddamn hickey. If either of them showed up at work with a love bite on their throat, it would be like advertising that they are fucking. Even though it's true, he believes that what one does in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom. Or kitchen. When the two of them separate, there is an obscene squishy, sucking noise between their torsos and they can't help laughing at the absurdity of it. There is cum on their bellies, coupled with the now tacky ultrasound gel where it rubbed off from Carter's dick, the gooey substances smeared onto the front of both of them like jelly onto a sandwich.

"Yeah, showering is the next item on the agenda," Kovac reinforces.

"And eating. But the pizza's cold now," Carter sighs with a cursory glance at the box, feeling his gut rumble with emptiness.

"That's what microwaves are for, right?" Kovac grins and helps his lover down off the kitchen bench, leading him into the bathroom for some wetness of the cleansing kind before they have their soon-to-be nuked dinner.

Having finished her shift, Abby knocks on the door of Carter's apartment, wanting to pay him a visit to see if he's okay. She knows that he wanted to be left alone last night but he might welcome the company now. It was strange not seeing him at the hospital that day. He's been there for so long that he's become part of the furniture and when he is absent it's really noticeable. She has a bunch of flowers for him, a bereavement arrangement of white lilies and roses, traditional funeral flowers, along with a small card. Hearing no answer, she knocks again.

"Carter? You home?"

When there is still no response, she decides that maybe he's gone to his parents' house in the country for some time out and takes a key from her pocket. Since John isn't there, he won't mind if she goes inside and leaves the flowers for him. She still has Carter's key from when they were together last , keeping it in case they picked up where they left off, which they might possibly be doing because they were on a date last night, weren't they? If they are dating again then she has the privilege of entering his apartment whenever she wants and vice versa. She lets herself in and heads for the kitchen cupboard next to the stove. She is filling a crystal vase with water when she realises there are clothes on the floor and an empty ice cube tray on the bench, along with wine and a pizza box. That's unusual. John is normally very neat and tidy. She spots two glasses on the counter. And a squeezy bottle of ultrasound gel? What is THAT doing here? She frowns, wondering what the hell is going on. If she took a wild guess, she'd say someone else had been here with John, and pretty recently too. Has Kem come back to the States to spend time with Carter? If that jungle woman is back to claim John for herself, Abby will definitely have something to say about it. Wasn't it Kem that ditched Carter in the first place and took off with his unborn baby? She can't just dump him and then fly back whenever it suits her, expecting John to run around after her highness like he had been doing when she was here last. She was the one who wanted to escape back to Africa. The only reason she'd be coming back at this point is to get sympathy from John now that the baby is dead. Sympathy and money, the money being to fund her AIDS clinic which she was always harping on about to everyone at County. Abby is sorry that their baby died but that doesn't give Kem the right to intrude upon John and Abby's rekindled relationship. As far as Abby is concerned, Kem is out of the picture. Or will be, after Abby is done with her.

With her shoe, the brunette nurse nudges the clothing on the tiled floor and gets even more suspicious when she discerns two lots of men's trousers and shirts. Hmm, perhaps it's not Kem who's spending time with John. She can only think of one other person who it would be. Marching into John's bedroom for more evidence, she steps into the room just in time to catch Carter exiting the bathroom wearing nothing. Nothing that is, except for Kovac who is wrapped around John like a hairy blanket with arms. Kovac is kissing John with enthusiasm, intent on making love to him again, this time on the soft comfort of the bed. Their damp hair is slicked back and they are stumbling towards the queen-sized mattress in the middle of the room, zealously groping and making out as if they are teenage boys instead of mature adults. They are so engrossed in each other they don't even notice Abby is in the room. Plus their eyes are closed. Abby's mouth falls open in astonishment at the unpredicted scene but she restrains any giveaway gasps, maintaining a stunned silence. This is the second time she has caught Luka and John together. She should be angry at John for deceiving her yet again, and a part of her is, but what's mostly filling her mind is the amazing thought that two guys together is actually kinda sexy. She didn't think that it would be, especially after the first time when she sprung them in the closet. She was too shocked to find it hot then. But now…now that she can see them completely unaware of her presence, their nude bodies glimmering with water droplets, dozens of contoured muscles, acres of tanned skin, glimpses of dark body hair, two flat, wet chests and stomachs pressed together, two sets of male lips interlocked, two pairs of strong arms and four lean thighs, two toned backs and two perfectly hard asses... There are no words to describe the work of art the embracing men form. Their physical differences complement and balance exquisitely in a mesmerising display of masculine beauty and the way they appear so hungry for each other…Christ. Their need would have touched Abby from a hundred yards away, the fire of their lust singing her like heat from an open fireplace.

This is NOT what she expected to encounter when she let herself in through John's front door. Well, she muses, her shock beginning to fade, at least John's not alone. She had been worried about him sitting up here by himself in his tastefully decorated apartment, drowning in his misery with nobody to keep him company. It is apparent that the only thing he's drowning in at the moment is Kovac. From the impatient yet tender caresses they are exchanging, it's obvious that the doctors care about each other, to the extent of being in love. That must be why they can't bear to be apart and why Carter followed Kovac all those miles across the ocean to Africa. She feels a twinge of wistfulness, wishing she could find a relationship like that, wishing she could experience such passionate desire and loyalty. She decides that she isn't going to hold a permanent grudge against John for going back to his male co-worker because to be honest, she's never loved John. She cared about him, and cares still, but it wasn't and isn't love and never will be. She may be messed up but she knows that much. That's why she wouldn't marry him. She certainly didn't love Kovac either. Seeing as she loves neither of them, how can she protest at their apparently long-running affair?

"So, Carter," she begins with barely-veiled sarcasm, "I assume you don't want to date me anymore."

Yelping in fright, Carter spins around and instinctively covers his genitalia, Kovac not bothering to hide his own nakedness. He's got nothing to be ashamed of.

"Oh, for Chrissakes. Put a towel on, Kovac," she chastises, rolling her eyes as if she wasn't just perving on their very nudity. "And get one for Carter while you're at it."

"Why? It's nothing you haven't seen before," Luka quips defiantly, his semi jutting between his legs proudly. At her thorny glare, he sighs and fetches towels for them both, muttering that it's Carter's apartment, not hers, and if they want to walk around cocks-out, they damn well should be able to without intrusive women complaining about it. To avoid further argument, he covers up.

Tucking in the white towel Kovac passes him, John finds his voice and demands, "How did you get in here, Abby?"

She holds up the key with an innocent smile.

"Give me that back," Carter orders in his domineering doctor's voice, holding out one hand expectantly. Abby flings the key at him.

"You guys, you're unbelievable! You are such liars and cheats!"

Face haughty and arrogant, Kovac doesn't look like he cares one whit what Abby thinks of him but John at least has the grace to appear a trifle guilty for his deception. He shouldn't have given Abby the impression that he wanted to date her when in actuality, he wanted to date Kovac and always has. He feels bad for using her like that.

"Abby, I'm sorry -" John starts but she makes a noise of disgust, severing his apology mid-sentence.

"Save it. You didn't look too sorry from where I was standing."

"C'mon, Abby. Don't be mad," Kovac says in a placating tone, trying to make peace once and for all with the twisted love triangle they have all been involved in. Beside John, one hand on his shoulder, Kovac extends the other to her, palm up, in a show of proffering.

"Why don't you join us?" he proposes invitingly, making John look up at him in surprise. "After all, you HAVE been with both of us before. Not at the same time, though, I grant you that. But we are not all strangers here. Why don't you come over and make it a party of three?"

Taken aback, Abby replies warily, "And why would I want to do that, Kovac?"

"So we can all kiss and make up," Kovac answers logically. "We don't want you to be mad at us. We want you to be happy for us. We are in love. Can't you see that?"

Grudgingly, Abby concedes, "Yeah, I see it. But what do you two lovebirds need ME for?"

"We want to have a baby," Luka discloses. "But we need your help with that. With the three of us, we could create life right here, tonight. Will you be the mother of our child, Abby?"

With a horrified expression, Abby exclaims, "No, no, oh God, NO! You have my blessing, okay? I'm happy for you. Just don't ever ask me that again! Eww!" She shudders in revulsion and quickly leaves the room, and the apartment.

John, gazing perplexedly at Luka, tosses the key onto his bedside drawer and questions, "Why did you ask her that? Do you really want Abby to have our kids?"

Luka laughs, blue eyes twinkling with devilment. "Of course not! I knew she wouldn't go for it. I just wanted to get rid of her. And it worked. Don't worry. For fear of getting coerced into impregnation, Nurse Neurotic won't be bothering either of us again."

A hint of a smile on his lips, John acknowledges, "You're much smarter than I give you credit for, Kovac."

"I know," Luka says flippantly, with a shrug. He grasps John's upper arm, thumb stroking the still-damp flesh, and nuzzles Carter's nose with the tip of his. "I chose to fall in love with YOU, didn't I?"

"You didn't have a choice in the matter," John rebounds, yanking Kovac's chest hair. "Any more than I did."

"Well, I may not have had a choice in that," Luka says, suggestively sliding his hands down John's back and onto his firmly rounded be-towelled ass, "but I choose to ravage you all night long and the next night after that, and the next..."

"Kovac?"

"Yes, Carter?"

"Shut up and do me."

Luka shuts up and does just that.

The following day during his lunch break at the hospital, Dr Luka Kovac is secretly fitting a lock to the inside of the supply closet door for future uninterrupted "therapy" sessions with Carter. And stocking up on bottles of ultrasound gel.

Just in case.

THE END