Chapter 1

Conner and I met the summer I turned nineteen. We met at a youth group campfire. We were from different churches in different states, but our youth leaders had went to seminary together so they decided to get us all together for a night of fun and Jesus.

I still remember how handsome he looked across the campfire that night, curly blonde hair being tossled in the slight breeze, his blonde eyes sparkling in the campfire light. We kept catching each others eye that night, and I couldn't help the ball of excitement that swelled in my stomach as he came up to me and introduced himself after the devotional.

We fell for each other hard and fast, even though he lived in Illinois and I lived in Missouri we made it work. We would talk on the phone every day, and trade off driving to see each other on the weekends. He was easy to love, and I loved him very much.

We had been together for three months when he proposed, I said yes of course, and we married four months later just after his twenty-first birthday. The wedding wasn't huge, but it was big enough for us. All of our friends from our close friends and family came.

The first year of our marriage was great, and exciting. We lived in St. Louis, the mid-point between our parents' homes, in a cozy little three bedroom duplex and we both worked as nurses at a local hospital. We had date nights as often as we could and he would always bring flowers home to me after work.

We had our first baby Braydyn just after our first anniversary. He was our little adventurer always wanting to try new things. Next came Macon just fifeteen months later,he was our angel baby quiet and happy, he was perfectly content to just lay in his swing. The boys got along perfectly together, but with two young children at home I decided to quit my full time job as a nurse so I could focus on being a Mommy.

The next few years were hard on us, but we did ok. Conner started to attend church less and less until he dropped out completely just after Macon was born. I continued to serve God and go to church taking our boys to every service, and teaching them about the love of God.

The more time went on the harder things seemed to get. Conner began drinking six months after Braydyn's second birthday. I don't know why he started, but I can clearly remember the first time he came home drunk.

It was a cold December night, and Conner called me from work to say he was going out to eat with some of the other ICU nurses so he would be late getting home. I said ok and planned on putting the boys to bed by myself. I knew Braydyn would be most disappointed since he loved to have his Daddy tell him stories, but I also knew it would be good for Conner to have some fun with friends. So I put both boys to bed and went to watch Tv in Conner and my bedroom while I waited Conner to get home. I must have fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing I know I'm being woken up by the front door being slammed shut. I looked at the digital alarm clock next to the bed at saw that the time read 2:00 AM in glowing red letters. Conner soon staggered into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed not even bothering to change out of his clothes. "Conner, do you realize what time it is?" " Leave me alone, Cara, it's been a long day and the last thing I need is you nagging me!" His voice was thick and heavy as he said this and I might have wrote it off as sleepiness had it not been for the smell of cigarettes and alcohol coming off of him. The next morning when I tried to ask him about it he kept brushing me off and avoiding me. We used to be able to communicate so well, but now he would barely talk to me. The man I married was quickly disappearing.

He began to get more violent while I was pregnant with our third child, but never with me. He had always had a bit of a temper, but the alcohol just made it worse and it wasn't unsual for him to come home from the bar with a black eye. one night, just a week after I had our baby girl Reagan, he came home drunk while the kids were still awake, and when I yelled at him for it he hit me across the face. I should have left that night, but I still loved him and he was the father of my children. So I decided to give him one more chance and I told him so.

He didn't come home drunk again for the next two months and he didn't hit me either. In that time his mother, Ginny, came to visit, and she instantly noticed the extreme changes in her son. They terrified her, so the night before she left she took me aside and gave me five hundred dollars that she had gotten out of her account that day. She told me to keep it hidden and use it if I ever needed to get out.

Ginny turned out to be a God send, because just two short days after she left Conner came home drunk and angry again, and he beat me. He gave me two black eyes, and im pretty sure he broke some of my ribs.

That night the boys and I "camped out" in Reagan's room. While the kids slept I got on facebook to try and contact my old friend Cole Thomas from my former youth group. Our youth group had been very close knit, and Cole and I had been the closest out of the group. So now when I was at my lowest point beaten and broken with no where else to go, he was who I turned to. I sent him a quick message when I saw that he was online.

Cara (Reynolds) French: I need your help!

Cole Thomas: What's wrong? I'll help however I can.

Cara (Reynolds) French: I need to escape. It's not safe here.

Cole Thomas: Where? When?

Cara (Reynolds) French: My house, and as soon as humanly possible.

Cole Thomas: Tomorrow morning work? Or do you need sooner?

Cara (Reynolds) French: Tomorrow morning's perfect. Thank you so much, Cole.

Cole Thomas: No problem, you know I'm always here for you, Cara.

Cara (Reynolds) French: See you in the morning, Cole.

I knew I could count on Cole to help me without asking too many questions.

That night I packed up as many of the kids' clothes as I could. Then after Conner left for work I got together my most essential clothes. I had just finished packing when Cole pulled in, perfect timing as always. As soon as I answered the door Cole saw the bruises across my face, and was instantly livid.

"Where is he? I'll kill him. Where is he?"

"Cole calm down you're going to scare the kids."

Cole's face went soft as he saw the boys hiding behind me and Reagan in me arms. After that he asked no more questions, just picked up the boys and our few clothes, and walked out to his car. After he had them sat down I handed Reagan to him as I got the carseats out of my van. I could have used the van to leave, but I didn't want there to be any way for Conner to track me down, since I didn't know how he would respond to my leaving. Cole was the only person he wouldn't think of to call and ask about me.

When we got on the road Cole asked the one question I had been dreading.

"Where are you headed, Cara?"

"Honestly, I don't know." I replied.

He looked thoughtful for a moment then looked at me and said

"You can come stay with me. I've got that great big ranch all to myself, and there's an empty guest house just behind mine. You and the kids can stay in the guest house, I won't charge you rent, just fix up the house some, and maybe you could cook a home cooked meal every once in awhile, I miss your cooking."

I thought about his offer for a few moments, and while yes, there were other options, there were none better, none safer. So I agreed.