WHERE THE PUFFERFISH BLOWS

Sam is sent to the pet store!...justy a shorty, people. :P

DISCLAIMER: Right, right...standard disclaimer of disclaiming... I own nothing, please don't sue me, blarbi-blarbin-blarb etc etc...

SAM ROX MAH SOX! - ()

-------------- ( ------ rose -)

The night was silent. Pure. Perfect. It was a new moon...the stars were shining beautifully in the sky, and seemed all the more beautiful without having the competition of the moon. A gentle breeze flowed along the pavement of the parking lot and gently tickled the exposed parts of Sam's face. He watched silently as the last worker of the day locked the glass doors behind him before climbing into his Ford Focus and driving off, probably on his way home to his loving wife and kids...maybe a pet dog or cat...

" I couldv'e taken the shot..." Sam mumbled to himself.

"This is a special mission, Sam! There are to be no casualties, or we'll pull you out of there!"

Sam grimaced at Lambert's angry voice and turned down the volume control of his comminucator.

"Right..." Sure that the coast was clear, Sam crouched down low and scampered up to the side of the building. Switching his goggles to infrared, he quickly scanned for signs of life. "Coast is clear."

"Good, Sam." Grim's voice cut into the night's silence like a knife through soft butter. "According to our information, there should be a line for the security system a few feet down along that wall."

Switching to night vision, Sam followed the wall a couple of feet and spied the cord. "I see it. I'm going to cut it." He pulled out his trusty dagger and slid it in behind the wire. With a quick tug forwards, the wire was effectively severed. Grim's voice once again broke the silence.

"Good job, Sam. Of you go to the back, there's an electroonically locked door. You should be able to slice it, no problem."

Sam grunted in reply and snuck to the back of the building, keeping a wary eye open for surveilance cameras. He pulled out his nifty hacking device and hooked it up to the security circuit of the lock. A few soft bleps and boops, and he was in like flin. (BWAHAHA! Morrowind rox mah sox!...but not as much as Sam does) He gently opened the door and scanned the room. It seemed to be full of odd-looking crates and boxes. He took a breath and staggered back a few steps as a rather...unusual...smell hit him.

"Ugh! It smells like shit it here..." he lamented, sticking close to the open door.

"Just keep moving Sam." Lambert ordered. "You shouldn't have to be in there for very long..."

"The brains have to come up with some smell-blockers..." Sam grimaced as he wound his way thorugh all the boxes.

"We have," Grimm replied. "They're called clothespins."

"Ha ha, Grimm, very funny." Sam came upon another door, this time locked from his side. He used his optic cable to have a peek under the door. "What the hell..." there were tanks full of fish, illuminated with cold, blue light. "This must be one obsessed freak..." He slowly opened up the door and crept out, making sure it wasn't locked as he let it gently swing closed. He took a quick stroll around before hunkering down in a corner, quite confused. "Lambert, there's nothing but fish here..."

"You're in? Good work, Sam! I know the place is full of fish. That's the whole reason you're there. I need you to find a very special fish...it's a blue pufferfish."

Sam paused for a second, trying to figure out whether or not he had heard what he thought he had heard. "You want me to find...a blue pufferfish?"

"Affirmative."

Sighing, Sam got up and wandered around the tanks. He stopped suddenly, a wry smile on his face. "There you are." In front of him, a blue pufferfish swam around languidly, it's stupid, dopey eyes rolling around. Sam looked around and found a small kleenex box, except full of plastic baggies. He snatched one and reached in the tank, causing the pufferfish to dart in behind a large piece of bright orange coral placed in the tank. Just out of Sam's reach. He cursed and looked around him. "There's gotta be something here i can use..." He spotted a small fish net and grabbed it. "You're coming with me, fella." He threw the coral out of the tank and plunged the net into the water. The fish, now beginning to get distraught, darted around the tank at what seemed to be light speed. Sam grunted in frustration as he repeatedly missed the fish. "What the hell! I thought you were a pufferfish! Why the hell don't you puff up?" Right on cue, the fish stopped and puffed up almost instantly, sharp spikes protruding from its body, pointing in every direction. Sam withdrew his hand and stared at his nemesis. "Well shit..." He looked down at the bag, then to the fish, then to the bag again. "You're never going to fit in there now..." Shrugging, he reached in and gently grabbed the puffed-up fish. With the fish in hand, he dunked the bag into the water and filled it up about halfway. Smiling in congratulation to himself, he squeezed the fish until it de-puffed itself, and he slipped in into the water-filled baggie. He promptly tied the top of the baggie and went back into super-spy mode. He snuck out of the building successfully and proceeded to the extraction point.

BACK AT THIRD ECHELON HEADQUARTERS

Lambert strode up to Sam, a serious look on his face. "Did you manage to complete the mission, Fisher?"

Sam pulled the bag out from behind his back. "I got the pufferfish as ordered, sir."

A huge smile crossed Lambert's face as he took the fish from Sam. " Come with me, Sam" Lambert led Sam to his office and stood by the large fishtank situated behind his (excessively) comfortable-looking desk. He dumped the fish into his tank and watched it for a while. "There. Wasn't that worth it?"

Sam looked completely and utterly confused. "...What just happened? Why did i get that fish?"

Lambert raised his eyebrows. "It was the only one missing from my collection, Sam." He turned bak to his tank and gazed into it. "I'm making a small replica of a certain Mediterranian underwater ecosystem, and the only fish i was missing was that blue pufferfish."

Sam was speechless for the few seconds it took him to gather his wits about him. "I expect to get payed triple-time for that."

Lambert continued to gaze into his beautiful tank. "Actually, it was done off the record. We can only give you your regular salary, at the most."

Sam left with an unpleasant scowl on his face. "Next time, i find out what I'm after and why before i go out on a mission."

NOTES FROM THE AUTHOR: okay...i don't know where pufferfish come from, whether there are blue ones, or even if it's only one or two words, even. I'm just sick at home and thought, 'Hey, why don't i write something?' and PRESTO CHANGO EXPLAINO you get things like this (see above story). Besides, there need to be more Splinter Cell fanfics...even crappy ones like mine. Why couldn't Lambert just go and buy the fish himself? Why, he can't stand the smell of pet stores! Besides, why go do something yourself when you can just order someone like Sam to do it for you? Sure, it's a disgusting misuse of his authority, but who caresas long asit's funny?